The Difference Between Who You Were Told To Be and Who God Created You To Be!

[00:00:00] I believe one of the most confusing experiences a person can have is reaching a season of life where everything looks fine from the outside, yet something feels unsettled. You may have checked all the boxes, done what was expected, made the responsible decisions, followed the path everyone applauded, and yet there's this quiet feeling that something

[00:00:29] doesn't fit. You're not ungrateful, you haven't failed, you haven't done anything wrong, but sometimes people can spend years becoming who they were expected to be without ever stopping to ask who they were actually created to be. And I think that's more common than many people realize because from the time we're

[00:00:59] young people begin telling us who we are, who we're supposed to become, what's realistic, what's acceptable, what's impressive, what's safe. And while some of those voices came from love, some also came from fear, scarcity. Some came from other people's limitations. Some came from expectations.

[00:01:28] They never stopped to question themselves. And some came from people who simply couldn't see what God had placed inside you. But those voices are not always the same as calling. They're not always the same as purpose. They're not always the same as purpose. They're not always the same as the identity God placed inside us.

[00:01:56] And sometimes the greatest act of courage isn't becoming someone new. It's becoming the person God created you to be before fear, before pressure, before expectations and approval got involved.

[00:02:17] So settle in with me for a moment. Get comfortable. Because I believe this conversation may help someone find their way back to themselves. Let's go. Ooh, that's better, right babe?

[00:02:45] She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between.

[00:03:15] Hello my friends and welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable, the Legacy Conversations bonus series. A special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parent Podcast, a community of strong families building unshakable legacies. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferensi. And over the past several episodes, we've talked about emotional environments, the voice inside our heads,

[00:03:45] the version of ourselves, our family's experience, the patterns we carry. And today, I wish to talk about something that sits underneath so much of it. Identity. Not the identity other people assign to us. Not the identity we built to survive. And certainly not the identity we created to gain approval.

[00:04:14] But the identity God intended from the beginning. Most people don't arrive in adulthood carrying only their own expectations. They carry expectations gathered over a lifetime. Family expectations, cultural expectations, social expectations, even unspoken expectations, right?

[00:04:42] And many of those messages are never said directly. But they're felt. A child notices what gets praised, what gets celebrated, what earns attention, what earns approval. And over time, they begin drawing conclusions. Maybe success means becoming a certain kind of person. Maybe love feels safer when I perform.

[00:05:12] Maybe disappointing people is dangerous. Maybe my value comes from what I produce. Maybe my role is to keep everyone happy. And eventually, those conclusions can bring feelings of identity. Even when they were never meant to define us.

[00:05:42] I remember someone in our community sharing a realization that really hit the people that were listening. They recognized they had spent years pursuing a path that no longer fit who they were becoming. And the hard part wasn't, it wasn't changing directions.

[00:06:06] The hard part was disappointing the people who had attached so much meaning to that path. Because sometimes the expectations placed on us become intertwined with someone else's hopes, someone else's dreams, someone else's sense of security. It could be financial. It could be, it could be,

[00:06:35] it could be just, just whatever makes them feel secure. And walking away can feel like letting people down. But there comes a moment in many people's lives when they have to ask, am I living from conviction or expectation? Because those, it's not, it's not the same thing. Conviction, it'll bring peace.

[00:07:08] And expectation, what does it bring? It brings pressure, conviction. It gives, it gives life, expectation. It, it asks us to become someone that we're not. And if we're not careful, we could spend years succeeding at a life that does not actually belong to us. That's dangerous territory.

[00:07:38] That's, that costs a lot. One of the saddest things I see is when people have become very successful at being who everyone else needed them to be. And yet internally, they feel disconnected. They feel exhausted, unfulfilled. And it, and it's not because they're, they're, they're not capable.

[00:08:08] I have to say, it's because they aren't aligned. Because there's a difference between, there's a huge difference between achievement, right? And the alignment, difference between the accomplishment and purpose, difference between approval and peace. And sometimes the weight becomes so heavy.

[00:08:35] People stop building the life they feel called toward because they're exhausted, trying to maintain the life everyone else expects. They stop pursuing the dream. They stop using the gifts God blessed them with. They even stop involving their family, their spouse, and their children, not because they don't care to,

[00:09:02] but because the pressure of the outside expectations has become louder than the quiet voice of conviction. And sometimes people, they quietly lose themselves trying to remain who others needed them to be. The ones that don't even matter. That sentence alone, it explains so much pain in these people.

[00:09:31] Many people, they're not struggling due to lack of ability. They're struggling because part of them knows they were created, for something different. Now this matters. This matters for parents too, because one of the greatest gifts we can do for our children, or we can give our children, is the freedom to discover who God created them to be.

[00:10:02] As a parent, one of the things I've tried to do is pay attention to what naturally lights my children up. Daniel loves, loves words. He loved words from a very young age. He loved memorizing quotes, listening to podcasts, speaking, sharing ideas, building, building as a family,

[00:10:30] and standing in front of a microphone, even in front of crowds of thousands of people. There was something about communication that came alive in him very early. Daniel and Destiny share some gifts, but they express them differently. Destiny loves speaking too. She loves connecting with people. She asks thoughtful questions.

[00:10:59] She tells wonderful stories, and has a natural ability to make people feel seen and included. And she's creative, nurturing, and she's protective of the people she loves. She's so protective. And she's remarkably gifted at bringing people together. She loves movement and dance,

[00:11:28] and has an eye for beauty and creativity. She enjoys learning about business, and she loves being included in the journey alongside the family. And I can go on and on, like all of us could. Because we know our children, if we pay attention,

[00:11:54] and if we're not looking to make them who we want them to be. But if we look at the gifts that they've been blessed with, Daniel and Destiny, same family, same values, different gifts, different strengths, different ways of impacting the world. And one of the greatest joys of parenting

[00:12:21] has been watching who God already made them to be, instead of trying to decide who I thought they should become. Because children aren't projects to mold into our image. They're gifts entrusted to us. And part of a responsibility is helping them discover who God created them to be. Not who we wish they were.

[00:12:51] Not who makes us look successful because we didn't accomplish anything, or whatever. Whatever it is. There's no excuse for it. And it's not who makes us feel comfortable, but who God uniquely designed them to become. And sometimes the pressure doesn't come from a spouse at all.

[00:13:17] Sometimes it comes from voices surrounding a marriage. Family members, friends. We mentioned cultural expectations. People who sincerely believe they know what success should look like. And while advice, yeah, it could be valuable. There are moments when a husband and wife have to become quiet enough to ask,

[00:13:48] what are we actually being called to build together? Because not every voice measuring success by income, status, appearance, or security is measuring by purpose. You can write that down. And sometimes one of the bravest things a couple can do

[00:14:16] is stop building a life around everyone else's expectations. Please, honey. Come on. And then what do we do? What do we do? Stop. Stop it. And start building a life around shared conviction. The strongest marriages I've witnessed aren't built by two people trying to shrink each other

[00:14:44] or follow what everybody else tells them to do. They're built by two people helping each other grow. Two people who recognize gifts in one another. Right? His gifts are different. My gifts are different. But together, it's unstoppable.

[00:15:15] Recognizing the gifts in one another. And a couple who make room for calling, who celebrate growth together instead of fearing it. Because healthy love, it doesn't demand that someone stays small so everyone else can stay comfortable. Mm-mm.

[00:15:40] Scripture reminds us in Ephesians 2, verse 10, for we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. I love that verse because it reminds us

[00:16:06] that identity isn't something we manufacture. It's something we discover. God already knew. He knew the gifts. He knew the purpose. He knew the calling. He knew the design. The question isn't whether God created you with purpose. The question is whether you've given yourself permission to walk through it.

[00:16:35] Before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup but in your cells? I challenge you to swap your morning coffee for Shilajit by Symbiotica. And here's what can happen. No crash, no jitters, just clean, sustained energy, plus mental clarity and trace minerals

[00:17:03] that our bodies actually need, that are actually starving for, to be honest. This isn't just a supplement. It's an ancient adaptogen sourced from the Himalayas that supports mycochondrial function, stamina, and overall vitality. Your coffee never did that. Okay, let's just be honest. Try it for a week and tell me your body doesn't thank you.

[00:17:30] Symbiotica's Shilajit is next level wellness. And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Shilajit today. And perhaps the aha moment today is this. You do not have to spend the rest of your life proving yourself to people who never had the authority to define you. You can honor people

[00:17:59] without surrendering your calling to them. You can love people without allowing their expectations to become your identity. And you can respect the people who helped shape your story while still becoming the person God is calling you to be. You do not have to carry identities that no longer fit.

[00:18:27] You don't have to keep pursuing paths that are rooted only in approval. You can choose alignment. You can choose honesty. You can choose courage. And sometimes the next level of healing isn't becoming someone new. It's returning to who God created you to be all along. Yes! And for many people,

[00:18:57] that realization, excuse me, feels less like striving. Feels less like striving. And it feels more like finally exhaling. It's a great feeling to finally make that move, to let go, shake everything off. Grab your journals and something to write with. Take a moment to slow down and reflect here.

[00:19:27] What expectations have influenced my identity most throughout my life? That's from childhood to now. And share this with your spouse after. There are parts of myself I've hidden in order to gain approval or avoid disappointment.

[00:19:56] Ay yi yi. These are, this may be tough. It may be relief. It may be joy. Don't judge it. Just write it down. Where do I feel aligned with who God created me to be? Where do I feel disconnected from that identity?

[00:20:28] What would change if I stopped living primarily for expectation and started living from conviction? Have I confused security with calling in any area of my life? Are there places where I've been pursuing approval,

[00:20:58] status, or validation while quietly ignoring what I feel called to build? What gifts, dreams, or parts of myself have I set aside because they didn't fit outside expectations? We always like to share this with our spouses. It just, it gives us so many answers

[00:21:28] and it gives us so many answers for ourselves to sit in these, these thoughts. Okay, prayer partners, let's come together in prayer. This is a good time. Heavenly Father, thank you for creating each of us with purpose, intention, design. Help us separate our identity from fear,

[00:21:58] approval, pressure, and expectation. Give us wisdom to recognize the places where we've lost ourselves. Give us courage to return to who you created us to be. Yes. Help us raise children who feel free to discover their own gifts and callings. And help us, help us, help us to pour

[00:22:27] into that. Help us to pour into our children so they can reach their God-given destiny. Help us build marriages that encourage growth, purpose, truth, and help us live from conviction rather than fear. In Jesus' name, amen. The world

[00:22:57] will offer many identities, many labels, expectations. Some will look impressive. Some may look safe. And some will earn applause. But none of them will know you better than the one who created you. And peace often comes after we stop asking,

[00:23:27] who do they want me to be? And when we start asking, who did God create me to be? because sometimes the most life-changing journey is not becoming someone different. It's becoming more fully yourself. You were never created to spend your life becoming who others expected you to be.

[00:23:59] You were created to become who God designed. And if this awakened something in you, share it with someone who may need this conversation today. And if these conversations have been helping you grow, heal, and build a stronger family, please leave a kind review and five golden stars as Destiny and Daniel say. It helps more families discover this

[00:24:29] community and these conversations. And don't forget to listen together as a family to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show with Daniel and Destiny where they are having conversations with the next generation of strong faith-filled leaders through screen-free conversations. And do we ever need screen-free? Gosh, people in the community are talking about just the pull that

[00:24:58] screens have on these children. This is a different era. We didn't grow up like this. So it's tough. And just know, these are screen-free. You could play it in the background. The whole family can listen to these conversations about courage, identity, leadership, family, business, and building a legacy that lasts. Because listen, strong families, they don't happen

[00:25:28] by accident. they are built intentionally, one conversation at a time. May you have the courage to release every identity that was never yours to carry. May you have the wisdom to recognize the difference between expectation and calling. And may you have the confidence to walk the path God

[00:25:57] uniquely designed for your family. And may your home become a place where the people you love feel free to discover who God created them to be together with you as a family. Secured in love, deeply valued, and encouraged to grow into fullness of your purpose.

[00:26:27] God bless you. Glory to God always. We love you and we are proud of you for continuing to do this work. I know sometimes it's hard, but you guys are doing amazing. I read each and every one of your messages. And congratulations. I mean, you need to be proud of yourselves for continuing to heal, continuing to grow, and continuing to build an

[00:26:56] unshakable legacy. And remember, you do not have to become who everyone else on the outside says you should be. you simply have to become more fully who God created you to be with your beautiful family. This is Becoming Unshakable by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast. Again, we love you. God bless you.

[00:27:26] Glory to God always. Thank you beautiful friends for listening to this important message from Mama. Share with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called

[00:27:55] The Entrepreneur Kid's Legacy. God bless you. If no one told you yet, good job. And remember, you are the hero of your story.

[00:28:24] Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only, and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth.

[00:28:54] Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business.