Stop Telling Her to Keep Going, Help Her Carry it!

[00:00:00] Take a moment to imagine this moment that could be perhaps a little too familiar. Imagine this mama, she prayed for this opportunity. The meeting was circled on her calendar. She kept thinking about it. Her notes were ready. She had changed her shirt maybe four times altogether.

[00:00:26] She had a couple of minutes. Her mother reheated the same cup of coffee three times and practiced what she wanted to say while packing lunches and making breakfast that morning. This meeting could change everything. It could become her first real client. Her first meaningful opportunity. The first door that didn't close before she reached it.

[00:00:55] And then, thirty minutes before it began, the message arrived. The babysitter, she couldn't come. She texted her best friend quickly and let her know what had happened.

[00:01:12] Upstairs, one child was crying. The baby needed to be held. There was toys beneath her feet, dishes in the sink and someone calling mom from the bathroom. She looked at the room. She looked at the clock, then at the laptop and then at the email she had started writing. I am so sorry, I need to reschedule.

[00:01:40] That nightmare. I know we've all been there. We've all been there. We've all had to reschedule something. Some really important things sometimes. Just imagine her finger. She looked at the door. She looked at the door. She looked at the door. Another mother stood there. Her pulled back. Children's snacks in one hand.

[00:02:10] Her own unfinished day waiting somewhere behind her. She walked inside. Reached for the baby and said, Go take the meeting. I've got this. That was all. No speech, no inspirational quote. No promise that everything would work out. Just another mother willing to make it possible for another woman to try.

[00:02:41] Sometimes supporting a mother is not applauding. Applauding. Applauding what she built. Sometimes it's helping carry what made it difficult for her to build in the first place. Get comfortable friends because we are about to have another great conversation.

[00:03:05] Grab your, grab, grabbed, grab your loved ones and a healthy snack if that's your thing. And if this is your time, take it. Enjoy it. Let's go. Ooh, that's better, right babe?

[00:03:33] She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between.

[00:04:02] Welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable. Brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast. And we're taking a few episodes for the moms. Because it hits so powerfully. Dads are listening. Moms are listening. And I feel like I'm glad that we could hit this spot. That it was something that you guys wanted to hear more of.

[00:04:30] So these conversations are about what can happen when women stop merely talking about community. And start becoming one. So I think we have a couple more. I can't remember. I gotta check. I gotta check with production and see. I think we have a couple more episodes on this. I am so grateful you're here. My name is Ildiko Ferenczi. And I am your host.

[00:04:59] Perhaps you're listening while working inside your home. Or maybe driving between appointments. Maybe you've been trying to build something meaningful in the margins of motherhood. And perhaps you have discovered that believing in the calling that God has for you is not always the hardest part.

[00:05:28] Sometimes the hardest part is finding enough uninterrupted time to do anything about it. I feel that that's relatable. For sure. For sure. Our days go so quickly. Don't they? And when you look at your child, that's like, that tells you the time. Like you can see the time going because they're growing.

[00:05:54] Well, today we're talking about the kind of support that it cannot always be seen online. The kind that doesn't come with a big applause and wow. The kind of support that enters a complicated day, rolls up its sleeves and asks, what would make this possible for you? She doesn't need more advice.

[00:06:23] We are very good at giving mothers advice. Everybody has some kind of advice for us, don't they? Wake up earlier. Create a schedule. Be more consistent. Use your time wisely. Sleep while the baby's sleeping. Post every day. Go after that thing. Do not give up. And perhaps some of that advice, it's useful. It can be.

[00:06:52] But sometimes a mother does not need to hear another person telling her to manage her time better. She needs someone to recognize that nearly every minute of her time already belongs to someone else. That mom bun. That's the messy mom bun. It's famous for a reason. We don't have time to do our hair for an hour.

[00:07:22] Listen, she may not be struggling because she lacks discipline. She's got discipline. Okay? She's got discipline. Especially those mamas. They got so much going on. Nursing. All the things. She's got discipline, hun. She may be struggling because she's been interrupted 14 times. Maybe 44, maybe 400 times.

[00:07:51] Her name has been called mama, mama. She may not need more motivation. I love to listen to motivation, but sometimes we don't need more motivation. Sometimes we just need two quiet hours. Just two uninterrupted, quiet hours.

[00:08:16] She may not need to be told to believe in herself because she really does. She may need someone to watch the children while she finishes the work that helps her remember why she started. There's a particular exhaustion that comes from trying to give your full attention to your children and full attention to a calling at the same time.

[00:08:45] Both matter. Both matter. To me, obviously, my family means more than anything. Hands down. But the truth is both require something from you. And mothers, they feel so guilty no matter which one she chooses in the moment.

[00:09:05] When she works, she wonders whether she should be with her children or how she could be with her children. For me, if I choose to build something, my children are there with me. But I know that's not possible for everyone. That's why we had to have this specific show. Because it's not possible for everybody.

[00:09:35] Not everybody's building the same thing. Okay? So those mothers are especially torn. And when she's with her children, part of her remembers everything waiting unfinished. This is why support matters. It doesn't ask her to become two people.

[00:10:02] It helps her carry one life. We use the word community so easily. We put it in captions. We talk about finding our people. We tell mothers that they need a village. But a village is more than a group of people who know what is happening in your life. A village participates.

[00:10:32] A village notices when one person has been carrying too much for too long. A village does not wait for a woman to collapse before deciding her load was too heavy. It may just look like a friend saying, bring the children here for an hour or two and finish what you need to finish.

[00:10:57] It might be someone dropping off dinner at a launch week without expecting to be invited inside. I do that a lot. Just, hey, I made something for you. I'm leaving it here. Not so much now, but in the past. In the past, I would do this all the time. I would cook European food from scratch. I know somebody's going through something.

[00:11:27] They just had a baby. I know my hands are more full these days, but I was thinking about it and I was like, I gotta try to do that more. But don't stress yourself out at the same time. But if you can, and you know someone's going through something, just drop it off outside. You don't even need to, don't even answer the door. I'll knock three times, you know the food's there and just grab it. I'll be gone.

[00:11:57] You don't have to worry about me. You don't even understand the load that that takes off of someone because they don't have to turn themselves on and be on and entertain because that's almost more exhausting, especially if they're going through something. Just leave that thing there. That makes their life easier. A couple of meals, right? That is huge.

[00:12:26] It is huge. Or it might be another mother who knows photography, helping another mother make better pictures for her product, right? Or helping her create content for the first time. I mean, content is so big right now. If you know how to do it and you can help someone, that's huge.

[00:12:53] It might be a woman who understands counting besides someone who has been avoiding the numbers because they frighten her. And it's okay to be frightened of numbers or not understand it. Perhaps it sounds like you don't have to learn every part of this alone. I know how to do that part, so let me show you.

[00:13:19] That's not rescuing someone and taking over. It's just being there for someone who needs it with resourcefulness. And it's just sharing with love. Let someone know you care about them. We don't all have the same gifts. I was just saying that we don't all have the same gifts, right? Some things scare us.

[00:13:49] And some things we're so excited about that someone else is scared of. We don't have the same gifts. We don't have the same time. We're at a different season in our life, in our marriage. We have different connections, experiences. We don't have the same gifts. We don't have the same gifts. Perhaps God did not give us those things only to build our own lives. Think about it.

[00:14:15] Perhaps some of what we carry was meant to become an answer for someone standing beside us. There's another kind of support that has very little to do with childcare or meals. It's a woman who's willing to make the call. She doesn't only tell her friend,

[00:14:44] you're so talented. You're doing a great job. Don't give up. She calls the person looking for that talent. She says, I know someone you should meet. There's a difference between encouragement encouragement and being an advocate for someone. Because encouragement tells the woman that she's capable. And we do. We need that.

[00:15:12] But advocacy helps place her name where capability can become opportunity, where she can just make her way to the next stage, where she, perhaps right now, she has no idea where she's going. But that connection, just that one connection, can change everything for her. It can open doors for her. She has the book she wants to write.

[00:15:40] She just doesn't know how. But she's got such a powerful story in her. She just doesn't know how. Imagine being the connector to the ghostwriter or to the, whatever it is. Whatever it is. Maybe she has the speech in her, but she doesn't know how to construct a talk. Many of us don't.

[00:16:08] But imagine being able to connect her with the person that can put her on the stages that need her. Some women have spent years doing excellent work without access to rooms where decisions are made. She doesn't have those connections. They may not need another, I don't know, course, mentor.

[00:16:36] But what they do need is the introduction. The circle around them. They may need someone with credibility to say, I trust her. She's ready. Give her the meeting. Supporting mothers means sharing more than just compliments and encouraging words. Sometimes it means sharing access.

[00:17:05] And husbands, this part is for you. Your wife may be strong enough to carry everything, a great deal. That doesn't mean she has or was created to carry everything alone. Everything to do with motherhood. We have to think of it as teamwork. It should be thought of that way. If she's building something,

[00:17:35] don't make her prove that the work is important before it deserves space inside the family. Ask what she needs. I mean, for me, I love to build together with my family. So this podcast is for the mom. She has something on her heart. God has a calling, especially for her, just for her.

[00:18:04] And, and gentlemen, you could be the one to, to ignite that, to light the flame, to help her, to help her get and carry through her God-given calling. Perhaps she needs you to handle bedtime, sometimes a few evenings in a row, without behaving as though you're, you're doing a favor. Right?

[00:18:34] Or you could just take it over completely. Perhaps she needs 30 minutes to explain the vision without, without every sentence being met by a reason that it might fail. Perhaps she needs you to take her calling as seriously as you hope she'll take yours. You don't have to understand every part of the, the vision or the calling immediately.

[00:19:04] But don't become another obstacle she has to overcome to reach it. Your belief reaches her differently because, because it comes from you. You know, a husband can give his wife something that the world cannot.

[00:19:23] He can help create a home where she, she doesn't have to choose between being, between, you know, loving everyone and, and serving. Because we're so good at that we are. It's natural. It's natural. It's natural to us. But there's something about just being fully alive.

[00:19:51] And if we have a calling either to build together with our family or to, to walk that walk that, that, that God has us, perhaps on our own. You know, I think that, I think that, I think in marriage there's lifting each other. I think that that is so important. Not I think, I know, that is the most important.

[00:20:21] Supporting each other. And marriage can be a place where two people protect each other's capacity to, to answer what God is asking of them. That's not one person chasing a dream while the other is forgotten.

[00:20:47] That is a family learning how to build together. And that, and as I said, that may look different for different families. Some of them are actually the entire family building together. Right? So powerful, so powerful. The book of Exodus chapter 17 verse 12 gives us a powerful picture of what support looks like.

[00:21:16] Moses had been holding up his hands during Israel's battle. But eventually his hands became tired. Aaron and her did not criticize his weakness. They didn't stand below him shouting, keep going. They brought him a stone so he could sit. Then they stood on either side of him and held up his hands.

[00:21:42] They could not complete Moses' assignment for him. But they could help him remain in position when his own strength was, it was no longer enough. That is what real support does. It doesn't take over someone else's calling. It helps hold her steady while she carries it. Galatians chapter 6 verse 2 says,

[00:22:13] Carry each other's burdens. And in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Sometimes the burden is grief. Sometimes it's fear. And sometimes it is the enormous responsibility of carrying a vision while raising a family. We may not be called to build her dream for her.

[00:22:40] But we can make sure she doesn't have to carry every part alone. Grab your journals and a pen or something to write with. A colorful crayon, pencil crayon, marker. How many times do you guys honestly do that? I do that all the time. I hope I'm not the only one. So grab something to write with and write these questions.

[00:23:09] Do the people I love only receive my encouragement? Or do they also experience my support? Think about the mother who's been telling you what she hopes to build. What is making the dream difficult for her right now? Does she need advice?

[00:23:37] Or does she need time? Write that down. Does she need another compliment? Or does she need connection? Has she been afraid? You will know. You will know who you're thinking of. Has she been afraid to ask for help because she doesn't want to become a burden?

[00:24:04] Now ask yourself, what can I genuinely carry with her? Not forever. Not everything. Just one thing that can make things lighter for her. And also, put yourself in that person's shoes. Not put yourself in that person's shoes, but be the person.

[00:24:32] So think of what you need and perhaps you're afraid to ask. Write down those same answers like it's for you, like you're advocating for yourself. And then tell someone you trust. Because many times we have callings on our heart, but we keep them to ourselves.

[00:24:56] Listen, the last thing you want to do is find yourself at the end of your beautiful journey that God has blessed you with. And you realize, you know, there's a couple things that God called me to. And I was too afraid to ask. So I didn't do them. You don't want to be in that spot.

[00:25:26] So write down the things that you really need or the things that you feel. You feel you have a calling on your life, a purpose. Write that down. Don't ignore that. That's the most important thing. I was talking to my friend the other day and he was telling me, you got to put the mask on yourself first. And you forgot that.

[00:25:57] It hit. It hit. Okay. So I want to talk about this week's legacy move. This week, ask one mother a better question. Don't only ask, how's the business going? Ask, what would you need? What are... Actually, let's rephrase. Let's rephrase this. What would help you most right now?

[00:26:27] Then carefully listen to her answer because she may not need money. I mean, she may. She may need money and you can help her figure that out too. Because sometimes we just need a creative way to do that. But she may not need that. But she may need an hour.

[00:26:49] She may need a meal, a healthy homemade meal or an introduction. Sometimes we have, we have all these introductions and we forget that the people around us, they don't know the same people that we do. They don't have those heavy connections. So they may just need an introduction. That's easy for us, but it may not be for them. Right?

[00:27:18] But it's life changing. Just being connected to someone that, that can open doors that they may not be able to. Or a skill that you already possess, that you already have. A person who will sit beside her while, while she does something that she's never done before. And she's too nervous.

[00:27:42] But if you sit there because you've done it and you're confident in what you do, that's a big deal. And she's like, let her know. Let her know that it's nothing. To her, it's a huge deal. But to you, it's truly, truly, it's a pleasure.

[00:28:10] And instead of saying, let me know if you need anything, we can always try this. I could take the children on Thursday afternoon. And that would give you time to finish for your launch or whatever, whatever that they're doing. Or I know someone who should, who should hear about this. May I introduce you? Sounds easy.

[00:28:38] I've, I have, how about this? How about this? I have experience with that. Would it help if we looked at it together? It could be life changing for her. That is how support becomes more than, than just a thought or some beautiful intention. And it'll honestly, that'll be relief to someone out there.

[00:29:05] A mother can be extraordinarily capable and still need help. Think about that. I need help in many places. Not ashamed to, to say it. There's a lot of things I, I can learn that we all can learn. She could be, she could be grateful for her children. Biggest blessing in life. Oh gosh.

[00:29:34] The biggest. But she still may need a moment to, to sit and think. Just a moment. And she can love her family so deeply. And still feel called to create something beyond the walls of her home. Some women are called to build outside of their home. And some women are called to build with their family.

[00:30:04] Everybody has a different calling. None, none of it can be judged. She can carry the vision and, and she can still become tired beneath its weight. And it feels overwhelming sometimes. And listen, we don't, we don't, how do I say this best?

[00:30:27] We don't honor, uh, mothers by admiring how much they can endure without support. I'm so guilty of doing that. Gosh, I was so guilty, especially after the baby. I just, um, there was articles too about, oh gosh, it just, it's so cringe about you could do it all.

[00:30:56] And, um, almost trying to be this person that was unaffected by, not unaffected, but I don't want to say unaffected, but, but unfazed by motherhood and bouncing back into, there was so much pressure, so much pressure. It was, it was an era.

[00:31:21] There was this, this time when it wasn't, not that it wasn't cool, but just people weren't right now. I feel like motherhood is so supported, which is so beautiful, but it was, yeah, you're a whole life. It's all going to be over. If you have a baby, it's all going to be over. Everything's done. You'll never be in shape.

[00:31:46] And just this, this thing to, to prove to, yeah, I'll be in shape. I, I was in shape so fast because of the pressure around me and to try to get back to doing the things that I was doing before. But this time, obviously my baby and I were inseparable. I was nursing. So there's no way. So there's no way I was doing the red carpets.

[00:32:12] I was doing the shoots, but my baby was there with me at the big, um, the red carpets. Uh, we, we had him there. He was there. He just wasn't seen because at that way, if I could do it again, screw it. Forget about it. I'll just be holding them.

[00:32:35] And it was very different with my daughter, but it was just this crazy, uh, this crazy pressure and even just hiding the pregnancy. Nobody knew I was pregnant. I was on a red carpet, uh, just a couple of weeks before I gave birth. I had to wear this dress that hid the baby.

[00:33:05] And when I was hugging people on the red carpet, I was leaning in so that my belly didn't bump them. So I was wearing this, this sequin baby doll dress, beautiful red dress. And oh my gosh, these super duper high heels and nobody could tell. I mean, one football player, I can't remember his name. He felt it. He goes, Oh, you're pregnant. And I said, yeah, she didn't tell anyone.

[00:33:35] My husband's like, when I got the job, he's like, are you going to tell anyone you're pregnant? I was like, no, no, not telling anyone. I don't want to lose the job. So anyway, it was this crazy, it was a time when, and it wasn't that long ago, but I was just like, no, my baby's coming everywhere with me and things really changed. Shook, shook stuff up.

[00:34:04] Um, where were we? Where were we? Where were we? Yes. So, um, mothers, we don't honor mothers by just admiring how much they can endure without support. Gosh. Yeah. Many mothers are, are guilty of that handling everything, everything themselves.

[00:34:25] We can honor them by refusing to let them endure so much, right? Don't let that become the price that they, they pay for having a calling, just carrying it all by themselves and fearing to, to ask for a favor saying, listen, I'm a mom now. And this is what's going on.

[00:34:55] You could take us all or, or scram. I'm not, I'm not your, I'm not your person. But, um, before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup, but in your cells? I challenge you to swap your morning coffee for Shilajit by Symbiotica. And here's what can happen.

[00:35:24] No crash, no jitters, just clean, sustained energy, plus mental clarity and trace minerals that our bodies actually need that are actually starving for, to be honest. This isn't just a supplement. It's an ancient adaptogen sourced from the Himalayas that supports mycochondrial function, stamina, and overall vitality.

[00:35:53] Your coffee never did that. Okay. Let's just be honest. Try it for a week and tell me your body doesn't thank you. Symbiotica's Shilajit is next level wellness. And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Shilajit today. You know, and you don't have to save the woman beside you.

[00:36:18] She may simply just need someone to stand close enough to notice when her arms are getting tired. Do you remember those moments? I mean, I was just at church this Sunday. My baby, she was tired. My little one, she was tired. So she was sleeping on my thigh and then she's sleeping in my arms.

[00:36:45] And then we're standing and I'm holding her and she's sleeping and I'm holding her and I'm sitting. And oh my goodness. And she slept the whole time and she wanted me. My arms were tired. But, you know, just the thing. Notice the woman beside you when her arms are getting tired. Be the woman who brings the stone.

[00:37:13] Be the friend who holds up an arm. Be the husband who makes some room for the calling, who believes in her, who builds with her. Or vice versa, builds together with her husband. Be the person who turns encouragement into something that she can actually feel. That becomes real.

[00:37:40] Because years from now, she may not remember every encouraging word. But she'll remember who came through for her. Who left something by the door so she didn't have to cook the week after giving birth. Didn't even, don't even open the door. Hey, it's so and so. Just a text.

[00:38:08] I made a week's worth of food for you. I'm going to leave it by the door at 7pm. Don't open the door. I'll be gone. I'll be gone before you notice. I love you. Enjoy it. It's delicious. It'll help you. Or the person that you trust. The baby that says, go take the meeting. I got this. Okay. Let's come together in prayer.

[00:38:37] I love this part. When two or more come together, that's what we say. Heavenly Father, thank you for every mother carrying a family. Heavenly Father, what a beautiful blessing and a beautiful responsibility. And thank you for the calling that you have on, on mother's lives.

[00:39:07] You see the work no one applauds. And we're grateful that you're there for us. You see the ideas written during quiet hours. Thank you for giving us those ideas. You see the opportunities that these mothers have postponed. And the callings that she's protected while caring for everyone around her.

[00:39:36] Thank you for those callings. Give these mothers strength, wisdom, and courage. But also give her help. Surround her with people who do more than tell her to keep going. Send her people who will stand beside her. Share what they know. Protect her time and help carry what has become too heavy.

[00:40:04] Teach us to become those people. Show us where our time, knowledge, relationships, and resources could become an answer to someone else's prayer. Bless the husbands and fathers listening today. Help them recognize the gifts you placed inside their wives. Help them to build together. Teach them to build with love. Listen with patience.

[00:40:31] And make room for the calling. May our children grow up watching families and communities that do not merely celebrate success. May they watch us help and make success possible. May we say this in Jesus' name. Amen.

[00:41:01] If a mother came to your mind during this episode, do not send her another vague message saying, let me know if you need anything. Sometimes she'll never ask. She'll never ask. She'll never ask. Not all moms, because some moms they will ask. But ask her what would make your week lighter. Then be prepared to listen.

[00:41:28] And if this episode spoke to you, follow the Entrepreneur Parents podcast and send it to someone who came to your mind and who has helped hold up your arms or you think that this episode can help hold up their arms. Tell her exactly what her support meant to you.

[00:41:52] And don't forget, if you have a moment, please leave five golden stars as Dan Caldwell and Destiny say, and a kind review. It helps more families discover these conversations and help us continue building a community rooted in faith, family, purpose, and legacy.

[00:42:16] And if you have children, make sure you're listening to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy show where we are planting seeds of faith, character, courage, leadership, entrepreneurship, and financial literacy in young leaders of tomorrow. Our hosts, Daniel and Destiny show up twice a week.

[00:42:37] And they are just, they're so excited to just to show up and to pour into your families. So God bless those little ones. God bless your family. God bless those little ones. God bless them.

[00:43:06] And you can leave them a special gift there and a message and they'll be so happy to get back to you. Leave your social media handle, just as much information because they really love to meet you guys when you guys help out. I know we have a lot of anonymous friends out there and we're grateful for that too, but we do love to get to know you guys.

[00:43:31] And many of you guys have been asking, can you buy me a coffee? Yes, please. Yes. I appreciate it so much. It really, really means the world. It makes me smile and I'm so grateful for it. And please introduce yourself and do tell me what you're building or reach out to me on social media. All the links are below. I want to learn your name.

[00:43:59] I want to hear your story and I want to understand how I could cheer you on because mothers need mothers, dreamers, dreamers need people willing to carry the dream. They do, don't they? And none of us were created to do this alone. That whole self-made thing is a lie. It's exhausting.

[00:44:29] It's a lie. And if you know anything about success, reaching the top of the mountain, it's not done alone. Okay. First and foremost, it's always glory to God. Someone got you there and that someone is God. And when you pray to him, he brings the right people into your lives. And don't, don't be shy.

[00:44:59] Ask him to weed out who doesn't belong in your life because sometimes you need to do that too. This is only the beginning of mom supporting moms. And I'm so grateful that we've been able to have this conversation. I'm grateful that it's resonated with everyone out there. Not just our mothers, but our fathers.

[00:45:25] I've been getting a lot of messages because of course our husbands love their wives and, and they're just, they want to start building together with their wives or they want to know how to support their wives more. They want to hear exactly what we're thinking as women. So men are chiming in. They're listening. They're chiming in. And they just want to be better supporters, better husbands, better fathers.

[00:45:55] And this is, it's, it's a gorgeous thing. Gorgeous thing. It's all getting to my mind. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Until next time, protect what matters. Keep building your family with legacy. See and remember the people in front of you are part of the dream. God bless you. Glory to God always. We love you. And I want to talk to you again. Have the best week.

[00:46:21] Thank you beautiful friends for listening to this important message from Mama. There is someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family.

[00:46:46] It's called the Arsenal K-Show. We know you're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story.

[00:47:15] Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only. And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight.

[00:47:43] And are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals. Regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business.