Righting The Ship: Navigating Challenges in Entrepreneurship and in Your Relationships

[00:00:00] People get off course. There's things that happen in their lives, whether it's a health issue or too much on their plate or burnout or whatever it is that takes them out of their element for a second. And you may stop doing something that you committed to yourself that you were going to do. You told yourself you were going to do this and then now you're off course. It's okay to reroute that ship and get back on course and decide that, hey, I'm going to keep doing this again.

[00:00:28] What's not okay is, I've seen this over and over again, people go, oh, well, I stopped doing it so I'm just not going to do it anymore.

[00:01:14] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids and everything in between. It doesn't matter how slowly you go. As long as you don't stop. Quote by Confucius. Don't beat yourself up.

[00:01:43] Welcome to the Pretty and Punk Podcast. My name is Dan Caldwell. And I'm Ildiko Ferenzi. I'm here with my beautiful wife, Ildiko Ferenzi. Just a reminder in case you forgot. Yeah. And we have another great podcast for you guys. Just something that we were talking about. Again, coming up with different things that have affected our lives. Probably mine. So mine more than Ildiko's. We were having this conversation.

[00:02:11] And that's about riding your ship. Navigating those challenges that entrepreneurs in an entrepreneur's life, both as an entrepreneur in our businesses and at home. Because we often get off course and we have to find our way back on course so that we can do what we set out to do. And there's different things that will pull us off course. Different things, different people.

[00:02:40] There's a lot of different... Yeah, there's so many things that affect you as an entrepreneur and a parent that you have to figure out what that is in your life. Is it something that's toxic? And is it something that should be out of your life? Or is it just something that we're trying to find balance in our life, but there's no such thing as true balance? We'll just never find true balance as an entrepreneur and parent. I feel like I felt more balanced before becoming a parent and before marriage.

[00:03:11] Because you set the rules. Well, yeah. Your balance, you could have been 90%. I mean, I was 90% heavy on my business. You decide. Yeah, you decide. And now there's other variables. There's other people's feelings. There's other people's lives that depend on you being involved and being there. So not only is it your business that you have to put what they say,

[00:03:40] what they put 100%, put 100% into your business, put 100% into your relationship, put 100% into your kids and raising them and pouring into them. Well, it's a whole different journey now. Yeah, we don't have 300% of ourselves. That's the problem. That's the problem. And so you find yourself. And there's other things that can pull you out of it too. I could say sometimes burnout. You know, there's times when I've been burned out on dealing with something

[00:04:08] and really work on it and I just needed to kind of push it off for a second. Yeah. And come back to it. But I realized that, and that's part of riding the ship. Sometimes you're going a certain direction and that ship is never going to be perfectly on course all the time. No. And then, you know, you realize that you're getting off course because maybe you're doing a lot of traveling. I found this in my workouts when I was traveling a lot. You know, I was traveling all over the country and all over the world.

[00:04:39] And especially when we were traveling too, we were doing a lot of traveling in Europe. But we were single so we could wake up and, you know, get it in there. And if we missed four workouts, we'd do like a four times workout one day. We'll be at the gym. I mean, I can remember going to the gym with you. We were probably at the gym for like seven hours straight or something. I had a bad habit of punishing myself. If I would miss a workout, then I would do that much more cardio, that much more weights.

[00:05:07] And it was this thing that I would do. My self-discipline is ridiculous. So I would punish myself. And I remember actually this brings up the things that I was doing. Do you remember when I had Daniel? Daniel and... Well, I hope so. I was there. Well, I was very... Are you talking about like in the hospital? No, but I was very hard on myself. I knew that three weeks after, I knew... I was still doing the modeling.

[00:05:35] I was still doing the acting. And we had other businesses. But a lot of my looks depended on bouncing back into shape. And that was so scary for me because I remember before I had the baby, people were coming at me saying, you're going to lose your body. You're going to lose your career. And I was nervous. I'm not going to lie. Well, I don't think you... I mean, truly, you never really got out of shape.

[00:06:05] I mean, you had... No, I was actually in the tabloids because I had abs still. I was still shooting at six, seven months, which was ridiculous. And... But you're very disciplined though. I'm disciplined. You're very disciplined. But that was also years and years of working out, grinding at the gym. I think I got my first gym membership at 15 years old. So that's why I had these rock hard abs and this craziness going on. And it's built into you.

[00:06:34] So I couldn't get rid of the abs. Like I wasn't trying to get abs. I was pregnant. Yes, I had a baby in there. But people thought I was doing abs while I was pregnant. But I just had the abs. So even the last... Your stomach was being pushed out because you were pregnant. Right. But you were always... You always ate right during your pregnancy. You never... I mean, you... I would... If I ever tried to give you something that was a little bit off, not even bad, bad. Just like off. Well, because I'm growing this baby inside me and I wanted...

[00:07:04] You were thinking so much about Danny. About him. So that really helped me. And Destiny. I was the same with Destiny, yes. But after I had the baby, I just didn't really know what to expect. And I remember the surgeon coming in because I have a very small frame and my... We can get into this another time. But my life was at risk. So I had to have a C-section. But when he came in, he's like, I've never seen anything like this. My stomach was flat already.

[00:07:32] And they came at me. I couldn't win. The tabloids were coming at me because I had this figure that I guess a mother isn't supposed to have. And then I was also getting in the flames because I didn't really want to shoot in a bikini three weeks after being... Well, yeah. Because your womb still expanded or whatever. Right.

[00:08:01] But I was so hard on myself and I was just... Well, let's say that you're not... You were great in that area. What areas are you not so superhuman in? I mean, there's got to... I'm saying I'm not superhuman in that. Well, you were. Absolutely, you were. You ate perfect during your pregnancy. What are the areas where you got off course for a second?

[00:08:26] I mean, even, you know, I mean, I know that there's been days where you didn't feel like going to the gym or you didn't feel like doing certain things. What about maybe, I would say, not taking good care of myself. And this is what I was trying to say is that everybody saw one thing, but maybe I was pushing too hard.

[00:08:53] And that's where my ship was actually sinking. I was... I was... I was having... No, no, no, no. That's it. No, I'm not letting you get off that easy. That's like saying... That's like going to an interview and saying, well, what's your worst trait? And then somebody says, well, because I worked too hard. What is the... I know you've done something. Why do you think that I got sick? I feel like that whole...

[00:09:20] With Daniel and with Destiny, that whole grind, grind, grind, grind, and then having a mom that was an immigrant and her working, I didn't see anything different. I didn't know that other moms actually slept at night. She went to her other job. She was working all the time.

[00:09:40] So if I wasn't grinding and working hard and kind of punishing myself when I didn't work hard enough because I actually felt lazy. Sorry. Oh, are you okay, mama? Okay. So, but yeah. Okay. No, I get that. I get that. But... But that's bad. So working too hard... That's bad. Yeah, but working too hard takes you out in other areas. Like I've noticed when I've...

[00:10:06] When I was working too hard, when I was flying to Japan and then having to do meetings and Skype and then this goes... I was... There was always something... You know, you only have so many hours in the day. So you're... So when you're putting all your time into your work, there's something that, especially now with kids, like something has to give. Right. So there's something that's that... Well, I've heard you come to me and go, you know, talk about working with Daniel with his speech. And, you know, we've been trying to work with him every single day about his speech.

[00:10:36] Right. And there's days that you might have missed work doing his speech with him. And you were frustrated about that. You were like, oh, I need to work on Daniel's speech tomorrow. Like I can't... It's been two days and I haven't... He hasn't recited his speech. So I need to get back on working. And not... And Daniel knows his speech. He could say it in his sleep. Yeah, he wouldn't have to do it for a month. But the point is I want that bone to be...

[00:11:04] I want him to understand self-discipline. I want him to understand commitment. So for me, in our family, I feel that it's important to do things every day. There is non-negotiable. The one non-negotiable that I know. And this wasn't before, but after I had kids, there was absolutely no way that I'm going to miss prayers in the morning and at night.

[00:11:31] And I want them to know that's a non-negotiable. Right. Because there are some times that I feel a little too... For example, last night, I'm feeling as... What do they call it? Overstimulated. I was tired. The kids... I put the kids to bed and I was going to go down and pray. And I remember this thought saying, Oh, but they fell asleep already. Just relax. Sit on your phone for a bit.

[00:11:58] And I remember overcoming that feeling going, Why did this thought just come into my head? There's something else that's wanting me to not pray. So push through it anyway and go pray over them and pray and do what you always do when they're awake. So... Well, that's your... I mean, you are obviously... You're super disciplined. But I think everybody should know, you know, part of that comes with years of practice.

[00:12:29] Right. Discipline. Right. You don't just... You just don't... You aren't born disciplined. Right. It's a learned trait. Listen... And you have to decide. It's a decision that you make. There was a time when I would think my business, the architectural concrete company or working out, I think... And it's shameful to say this, but that was more of a commitment to me than prayer.

[00:12:57] Because I could think so many times I was exhausted and I went to bed and I didn't pray. You know? So riding the ship is about, I think, what that means is... And I've always... I've kept... You know, I heard somebody say it one time and it just stayed with me because I always felt like, you know what? People get off course. Yes. There's things that happen in their lives, whether it's a health issue or too much on their plate or burnout or whatever it is that takes them out of their element for a second.

[00:13:27] And you may stop doing something that you committed to yourself that you were going to do. You told yourself you were going to do this and then now you're off course. It's okay to reroute that ship and get back on course and decide that, hey, I'm going to keep doing this again. What's not okay is I've seen this over and over again. People go, oh, well, I stopped doing it. So I'm just not going to do it anymore. They let it go.

[00:13:55] It's like, ah, I'm just going to go a different direction now. I'm not going to do that and I'm okay and I'm not holding myself accountable. I'm not going to say... I'm not going to put myself back on course. I'm just going to veer off course and stay off course, which isn't okay. It's dangerous. It's dangerous because I could see that happening, right? I mean, remember when I had the big surgery, I couldn't lift my babies for nine months or go to the gym and say something big happens in your life.

[00:14:25] You almost have to take... Well, you do have to take inventory, a life inventory and figure out how you're going to do things differently because things change. We're in a different place now. Remember, we were talking about being single and we had all that freedom. Things are so different now, but it doesn't mean, hey, I'm never going to do a workout again just because I stopped for nine months. And here's the thing to all those people that are addicted to the gym.

[00:14:53] You will not go out of... You will not be out of shape. I was so scared that some bad things were going to happen to my body if I stopped working out for nine months and I couldn't move. They chopped up my whole core. But listen, my workouts are 100% different from what I used to do. And I can sit here. My nurse told me, you're never going to be in a magazine.

[00:15:23] You're never going to be in... You're never going to have abs again. You're never going to have this, that, and the other. And she even said that I probably won't be in the gym again. Well, I have the gym at home. So things are very different and I don't work out the same way.

[00:15:40] But I'm still committed to my health and I'm listening to my body more because I understand when you push so hard, this hustle, hustle, hustle thing that was going on in the day, I feel a lot of that had to do with me getting sick. And a lot of the people that I see around me getting sick. And I was so eager to get back into something, but I knew I had to slow down. So everything is different.

[00:16:10] And also, if it's pulling me away from my husband, my children, and my healing, it's a non-negotiable. Those things come off like gangrene. It's gone. It's done. Yeah, and you're really good at that balance. I'm probably not so much.

[00:16:33] I tend to, when I started in on my work, and I feel like this needs to get done, sometimes I can feel myself, you know, either when you come home and you let me know it or I know it. I just feel it in myself that, like, I'll come home and come home a little bit. I'll come home late. I'll be disconnected. I find myself looking at my phone too much. And I have to write that shit.

[00:17:01] I have to check myself, either because you told me to check myself, or I'm checking myself personally, because I try to do that inventory daily. Well, I worry about your health. And I feel like men do this. My mom was an adorable woman. She had to be the man and the woman. So, and I had my brother. So I was a lot around a lot of male influence. And she was a smart woman. She wanted to know how to win.

[00:17:31] And, well, back in that day, it was men winning. The mayor, attorneys, all her friends were men. So she had that same addiction to, and not just being successful, but to put bread on our table. We had a huge mortgage. She wanted to keep us in the rich side of town. So she had to hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. Women's bodies aren't used to that. But this is something that men do all the time. They don't really talk about it.

[00:17:59] So I understand what you're going through, and I see it. And, you know, sometimes you take it out on us, as I do, you know, on the family. And when I catch myself being overstimulated or start to raise my voice, I pull back. I'm pretty good at this. I've trained myself. I mean, you have to. You have to catch yourself. And I explain to the kids what's going on with me emotionally. But anyway.

[00:18:28] I love that, though. That's true, though. You go back and you'll explain to them, I'm sorry I yelled. What I was trying to do is mommy was dealing with this. And you explain to them exactly why. I don't want them to think they're responsible. This happened. Right. And I love that. And I do that now, too, because I saw it because of you doing it. And which I, you know, I think that is something that all people should do is let their kids understand what's going on a little bit about what's going on within them.

[00:18:58] If something, if they get a little bit sideways. But we're all going through. I think we're all get off course at some time or another because we're trying to, you know, have the perfect health. You know, you can see when people get off. You can see these guys. But don't you think it happens? And maybe I'm wrong. But don't you think it happens to men more? Oh, for sure. And it can lead to very dangerous places. I mean, because. There's kids listening, so we don't want to get there. But. Well, they have. I mean, think about.

[00:19:28] Pressures. Those businessmen that you see that have this huge gut and they're working. You know, they're there. They haven't been to the gym in who knows how long. But they might have been in great shape at one time. Right. And but now they're. But their business is killing it. You know, it's because they're not. Because they're so focused on their business and they've lost track of their health. Or the person who gets a divorce after their, you know, company is blowing up because they're they're not they're neglecting their family.

[00:19:58] Right. And and I think we can all, you know, sometimes it's just trying to pull back and not let it get that far. Right. Well, I'm not worried about your health in that way. Like you're very fit. And sometimes when you get off track, you commit. It doesn't matter if you're just at home. Like you went away for a month and you came back a little heavy. But right now, like I could see it's like, did you lose 20 pounds? Like you're back at it. Your commitment is good.

[00:20:24] I mean, I worry about your stress health because you're you're getting pulled in a lot of directions. And as a businessman and businesswoman, but especially as a businessman, I feel like maybe saying yes to too many things is pulling you off course. I feel women are having easier time saying no, no, my time is important. My time with my kids. Don't try to steal. Well, me especially.

[00:20:54] I feel like for me, it's like, don't don't take the time away from my husband, my kids and my health. I'm very strict on that now. But maybe because you haven't. That's good. No, I think I mean, no, I mean, I say no to 10 times more than I say yes to. But I still find myself going, you know what? I know you're going to be there for the kids. I know you're going to be there taking up the slack.

[00:21:19] And that's what's so great about a marriage is that we don't even realize where we help each other sometimes. And that's, you know, your spouse taking up that slack for you. Yeah. When you're down, they're up. When, you know, they're down, you're up and you're you're helping that person tug in that one is angry. One is calm. Get back on track. Yeah. That's the truth. Isn't that the truth, though? You know, it's like we take up slack for each other.

[00:21:47] And but I think what I really liked about just talking about this subject is that I want everyone to know that it's OK to get off course. Absolutely. We're all off course sometimes. And that's how you learn some of the best lessons is you may find yourself in a place you don't want to be in. So then what do you do? You make a major commitment and you make a major change. Do an inventory on your life. That's right.

[00:22:14] And go, look, what do I need to change my life to get this ship back on course? Right. Who do I need to get out of my life? What do I need to get out of my life? Is it something to do with food? Is it the people you surround yourself with? This is the inventory. This is a serious inventory. This is life changing, not only for you, but your family. Yes. And if you resonate with anything here, you should definitely try to look into doing an

[00:22:43] inventory on your life. If you're off track, get that ship back on course and and it's OK. No, it's OK. We all get off course, but it's important to get back on course. Yeah. Write it down. Right. Right. You're going to. I know we're running out of time, but just write it all down. Put it into categories. Write your goals down. See where it aligns. It's quite simple, really. But I feel like this is something.

[00:23:12] Don't neglect it because it's going to change your life. Thank you guys for tuning in to this episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast. If you haven't subscribed already, be sure to hit that subscribe button. Be sure to share this episode with somebody if you think it might help them. And we appreciate all your comments and reviews. We read those to our kids every single night for dinner and they love hearing all those comments and reviews. Thank you guys for doing that.

[00:23:41] And we love staying connected with you guys. All our links are below on the show notes. You will find them there. And we had such a great time this week and can't wait to meet you guys again next week. Next week. We'll see you on the podcast. Thank you guys for tuning in and we'll catch you next week. God bless. Thank you for listening. I hope that changed your life. God bless. See you next time.