We Used to Feel Closer: How to Rebuild What Feels Lost?

[00:00:05] One of the most discouraging feelings a person can experience is looking at a relationship they deeply care about and realizing something feels different, distant. And it doesn't necessarily mean that it's broken, definitely fractured, but not yet broken.

[00:00:31] The laughter, connection, the trust isn't quite the same. And perhaps nobody did one specific catastrophic thing. Maybe life simply happened. Stress, disappointments, exhaustion, misunderstandings.

[00:01:01] A difficult season happened. And now everyone is standing in the same home wondering how they got so far apart. I believe one of the biggest misconceptions people have about strong families is believing strong families never go through difficult seasons.

[00:01:25] But that's not true. Every family experiences hardship. Every marriage you know experiences pressure. Every parent has or will have moments they wish they could do differently. And every relationship eventually encounters disappointment.

[00:01:55] The difference is not whether difficulty arrives. The difference is what happens next. Because some people allow hard seasons to become permanent distance. Correct? We see disconnected couples or we even see that couple that blows us away when they announce they are getting divorced.

[00:02:22] The hard season got to be forced. The hard season got to them. The enemy won. And then there's others who learn how to rebuild, how to reconnect, how to repair, how to trust again. And I believe that's one of the most important conversations we can have together. So settle in with me for a moment.

[00:02:50] Because if you've ever wondered whether relationships can become stronger again after a difficult season, this conversation is conversations for you. Let's go. That's better, right babe? She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:03:20] He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between.

[00:03:46] Hello, my friend, and welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable. The legacy conversations bonus series, a special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents podcast, a community of strong families building unshakable legacies. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenczi. And today I'd like to talk to you about something that brings hope to people.

[00:04:14] Because hard seasons happen. You better believe it. It could be, it could be conflict. Sometimes it's disappointment. Sometimes it's grief. It could be stress. We all get that. And sometimes it's simply the weight of life piling up all at once.

[00:04:41] And while every situation is different, one truth remains. Just because trust was strained doesn't mean, it doesn't mean that trust is gone forever. Or perhaps connection feels distant. It doesn't have to mean connection can't be rebuilt. Look at it in a different way.

[00:05:10] That it can be rebuilt. And we're going to have seasons that are difficult. But it doesn't mean that's what gets to define our future. One of the hardest truths people learn is that trust is rarely rebuilt through big, beautiful promises. Words are words. I tell my daughter and my son this all the time. Words are words. Okay?

[00:05:40] They can be beautiful. Promises can be beautiful. But what is it that matters? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Trust is rebuilt through consistency. Through showing up. Taking action. Through follow through. Through small moments repeated over time. That's what it simply is.

[00:06:06] Because when trust has been strained, people aren't usually looking for spoken words. They're looking for evidence. Evidence that things are changing. Evidence that they matter. That they're cared about. That they're important and that they come first.

[00:06:33] They're looking for evidence that the relationship is safe enough to lean into again. Our wives. Our wives in the community. They pull back. Not just in our community. All over the world. They pull back. Because the safety isn't there.

[00:07:00] Because when they come back, their heart open. The worst thing is having it shattered. So they're looking for that safety. The safety net. And that's true in marriage. That's true with your babies. Trust grows when people experience enough follow through to believe what they're seeing.

[00:07:30] Sometimes people imagine rebuilding trust requires one huge moment. Like one grand gesture. Or perhaps they think is just one perfect conversation that went really, really well. But listen, most of the time healing happens much differently. It's the text messages. It's consistent.

[00:07:58] It's in the check-ins repeatedly. The heartfelt apology that truly meant something. Not that, I'm sorry I feel that way. Or what is it? I'm sorry you feel that way. I guess it will never be good enough. I'm talking about a heartfelt apology. My gosh, I am so, so sorry that I did that.

[00:08:27] And it takes, gosh, you've got to lose the armor. Because it's hard. It's hard to have the courage to give a good apology. Apology? Because it's going to humble you. Darling, it's going to humble you. But that apology, if it's true, is going to change your marriage.

[00:08:57] But it's not just the apology. Because it could be. It could be a really great one. But is it true? And the follow through. Follow through that is critically important. The conversations, not just one conversation, but the conversations that finally happen.

[00:09:22] And it's safe that we can express exactly how our heart feels. Right? In a kind manner, not freaking out. But listen, I'm having that feeling. Remember that moment. That moment that truly hurt me. That moment that changed everything. Can we talk about that for a moment? I just, I need to feel security. I need to feel safe here.

[00:09:51] The promise or the promises that finally get kept is painful. It's painful when someone doesn't keep their promises. It truly is. The decision, the decision. And it begins with a decision to stay engaged when it would be easier to withdraw. Why? Because it shows that you care. It shows, we talk about this all the time.

[00:10:20] It shows we have a visual. Either you stay in the car. You're not going to get out of the car and traffic and walk away because what's going to happen? Your spouse is going to get rammed from the back on the freeway. So we don't get out of the car. We keep driving and we keep moving forward. We don't get out of the boat. We don't get out of the boat and leave our teammate behind. It's our holy covenant.

[00:10:49] Relationships are often strengthened the same way they're damaged. So what does that look like? It looks like one moment at a time. I hope that encourages people because it means rebuilding doesn't usually require being completely flawless. It requires consistency.

[00:11:14] The small acts of consistency matter more than people think. It's life changing. Legacy. It's legacy change. It'll change your legacy. If you don't give up, if you put the work in, if you keep making the deposits. One of the healthiest things children can witness is repair. It's great. Many people say I'm not flawed.

[00:11:43] My marriage isn't flawless or I'm not perfect. My parenting's not perfect. That's perfect. Because guess what our children learn? They learn repair. If you put the effort in, they get to hear, I'm sorry. They get to hear the heartfelt apology.

[00:12:03] They get to witness accountability and they better see people reconnect after conflict, not sweep it under the carpet. Why? Because that's how they're going to learn. If they don't learn that, they're going to bring it into their own marriage later on in life. And that's not fair because then the cycle continues. They get to experience humility.

[00:12:32] And it may not be easy for you, but it's worth it for them. Because repair teaches something incredibly powerful. You want to know what it learned? You know what your children are going to learn? That relationships, I'm getting goosebumps, but that relationships can recover. That they don't have to be abandoned. That they don't have to, that they don't have to die.

[00:13:02] That relationships don't have to be burned to the ground. Even if things get tough, they can recover. Mistakes, lessons in our family, they're called lessons, do not have to become permanent distance. Divorce doesn't have to be the answer. If you could learn this one thing.

[00:13:31] And that lesson that they learned that you give them the greatest gift of all becomes part of the way children eventually approach their relationships themselves. So don't you think that it's worth it to show them this? Don't you think that it's worth it to put the effort in?

[00:14:00] Our legacy deserves it. Yes, it does. Absolutely. And it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. Because children will copy what they see. And you can give them that gift to see that, that it's worth it. The challenge isn't always rebuilding trust.

[00:14:29] A challenge is rebuilding trust after disappointment. That's hard. Because disappointment changes people. It makes people cautious, guarded, makes them protective. And it's definitely not that they want distance. But it's because they don't want to experience the same hurt again.

[00:15:00] And often, what people need most, it isn't pressure to make everything perfect. Why can't you just get over this? Why can't you just get over this? It's been however long. Just get over it. It's the patience. It's the patience. Because trust grows at the speed of consistency.

[00:15:30] And I know, especially in this day and age, everything is right away. Snap your fingers and it's there. But it's not going to, it's not going to be at the speed of urgency. Although we want it right away. But it's the consistency.

[00:15:50] Then one of the greatest gifts we can offer someone who's been hurt is giving them enough consistency to believe what they're seeing. Not just one time, but repeatedly. Repeatedly. Because when someone has felt abandoned, walked out on, unimportant, they're going to watch.

[00:16:17] They're going to watch to see if you stay. They're going to watch to see if you protect them. They're going to watch. They're going to watch how much they matter to you. That's how they know what they are worth to you. Or when someone felt unheard. They're watching to see if you listen.

[00:16:47] They're watching to see if you put the phone down. As many times, and without even thinking about it, if something, if there's some kind of disagreement, well, I didn't hear you. I didn't realize that's what you said. So now they're really watching to see if you listen. When someone has felt unimportant, as we mentioned earlier,

[00:17:15] they're going to watch to see if you're going to make room for them. And rebuilding trust is going to cost you. It's going to cost you something. It's going to cost time. It's going to cost humility. It's going to cost follow through. It's going to, it's going to cost you connection when it's easier to withdraw.

[00:17:43] But, but that's what makes trust so valuable. Because over time, consistent love begins speaking louder than those old disappointments. Or the empty promises. And little by little safety begins returning. And that's when something beautiful begins happening.

[00:18:11] The relationship stops feeling like something, like something you're trying to save. And it starts feeling like something that, that you could finally enjoy again. That's worth it. And I'd like you to hear something.

[00:18:40] I'd say strong families understand something many people miss. It's maintained continually. It's not a one-time thing. It's continuous. Through small daily choices. The way we choose to speak. The way we listen. The way we follow through. The way we show up.

[00:19:08] The way we prioritize one another. And over time, those choices become the culture we built. That we chose to build. They become the atmosphere in our home. They become safety. And eventually, they become trust. That's repair. That's work. That's pouring in.

[00:19:34] That's pouring into your holy covenant, into your, into the four corners of your home. Before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup, but in your cells? I challenge you to swap your morning coffee for Shilajit by Symbiotica. And here's what can happen. No crash. No jitters. No jitters.

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[00:20:32] Try it for a week and tell me your body doesn't thank you. Symbiotica's Shilajit is next level wellness. And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Shilajit today. Oh, and I think this conversation becomes even more meaningful through a biblical lens. Because one of the themes we see throughout scripture is restoration.

[00:21:03] We serve a God who specializes in rebuilding things. And I love what we read in the book of Joel chapter 2 verse 25. I will restore to you the years that the locust have eaten.

[00:21:33] Just sit with that for a moment. I will restore. Not replace. Restore. Because I believe there are seasons in life where people look around and they wonder, did we lose something we'll never get back? It's tempting to think that.

[00:22:00] The connection, the closeness, the trust, the joy, the friendship, the peace. And yet scripture reminds us that our God is a God of restoration. A God who could rebuild what feels broken, shatters, shattered.

[00:22:29] He can strengthen what feels weak. And bring new life into places that have experienced hardship. And that doesn't mean healing always happens overnight. Remember what I said? This is such an instant. Everything happens instantly. Many times we're praying for something that doesn't happen.

[00:22:58] Sometimes for years. I prayed for my babies. It didn't happen overnight. I wish it did. But that wasn't God's timing. Right? Many of us are praying for a better marriage, a stronger marriage. There's a lot of people out there praying for that behind closed doors. Marriages that look perfect.

[00:23:27] Just remember the healing doesn't always happen overnight. And it doesn't always mean that every situation looks exactly the way that it did before. It may not look like it did before, but it does mean we never have to surrender to hopelessness.

[00:23:52] Because with God, restoration is always possible. And sometimes the very place that felt most wounded today become the places where we witness God's faithfulness most clearly tomorrow.

[00:24:16] And perhaps the most hopeful part of this conversation is this. A difficult season does not automatically become a permanent season. Because sometimes people start believing this is just how we are now. The marriage is distant. Our home feels disconnected. Nothing is what it used to be.

[00:24:44] Trust feels different. And little by little people begin accepting a chapter as if it were the entire story. But it isn't. Because relationships are living things. And living things can heal. They can recover. They can reconnect. They can become strong again. Even stronger.

[00:25:12] And sometimes rebuilding begins with one person deciding, I'm going to move toward connection again. Which is one conversation. Starts with one apology. One act of humility. One moment of honesty.

[00:25:39] Decision to stop keeping score. And a decision to become curious. Curious instead of defensive. And many of us, there's a lot. There's so many people that get defensive. You think things are, they're getting accused or they're coming at me again. Turn that into curiosity.

[00:26:08] And see what happens. And over time, those small moments become bridges. The same way distance was built gradually, connection will be rebuilt gradually too. And I believe that's important for people to hear. Because many families are just looking, they're looking for hope.

[00:26:37] They're looking for a reason to believe that what feels strained today doesn't have to feel strained forever. And many times, the rebuilding begins long before anyone else can see it. Remember that. So you can't give up. You can't give up. You have to keep going until it's noticed.

[00:27:04] It begins in the small decisions people make every single day. The decision to stay engaged. The decision to keep showing up. It's a decision to keep loving. It's a decision to keep trying. Even when progress feels slow. Because, well, we know this.

[00:27:33] Trust rarely is rebuilt in that extraordinary moment. It's rebuilt through the ordinary moments that are handled consistently. And over time, those little moments become safety again. Those moments become connection again. And those moments, they become the trust that you had before.

[00:28:02] It may even be stronger. Probably will be. Take a moment to grab your journal and something to write with. Let's take a moment to slow down and reflect. And ask ourselves these questions. Is there a part of my relationship in my life that needs rebuilding right now?

[00:28:30] The whole thing, part of it. Have I been waiting for a big breakthrough while overlooking small opportunities for repair? That's a beautiful question. Don't judge anything. Just write it down. Come on now.

[00:28:57] What is one simple step I can take toward connection this week? We talked about a few. Where might I need to offer patience instead of pressure? And we talked about that moment when, just why aren't we getting over it? I don't want to bring up the past.

[00:29:24] Where might I need to offer patience instead of pressure? And I know it's hard in this day and age. Everything is instant. We don't even have to wait for a commercial. Many people don't even know what a commercial is. We just skip it. Skip it. That's an interesting time we live in. And the last one.

[00:29:49] What kind of culture am I helping create inside my family through my daily actions? My daily actions. Listen, friends. Don't judge any of it. Just write it. Write it down. You can compare it with your spouse. It's a great conversation. Now let's get together, prayer partners in prayer.

[00:30:19] Heavenly Father, thank you for being a God of restoration. Help us not lose hope during difficult seasons. Give us wisdom when trust feels fragile. Give us humility when we need to apologize. Especially in front of our children.

[00:30:46] Give us courage when we need to take the first steps towards repair. It's hard. It's hard. God, give us the courage. Help us to be more like you. Help us build homes filled with grace, honesty, patience, and connection.

[00:31:13] Teach us how to show up consistently for the people we love. And remind us that the difficult seasons do not have to define the future of our families. Let them know that they are worth it. That we are going to work at it. To show them it matters.

[00:31:43] Help us become people who rebuild. People who restore. People who bring healing. Where there has been hurt. In Jesus name. Amen. Friends, if you're walking through a difficult season right now. Don't confuse the chapter with the entire story. If it feels distant today.

[00:32:11] If it feels distant today. Just know it can become close again. If it feels strained right now. Just know it can be strong. It could be strong again. Stronger. We've all witnessed those couples that, yes, have given up. But there's those couples.

[00:32:37] Those resilient, beautiful couples that have put in the work and they have a stronger relationship than they've ever had. Okay. And remember what, what feels fragile today. Can become trustworthy again. Don't worry about it. If you put in the work. If you put in the work.

[00:33:02] Don't underestimate what God can do with people who refuse to quit on one another. Don't ever underestimate it. Keep showing up. Keep planting seeds and keep choosing connection. Because relationships are, they're built the same way that they're broken down in the first place.

[00:33:32] Strong relationships are rebuilt. They're rebuilt in that very same way. One moment at a time. A hard season may change a relationship, but it doesn't have to be the end of its story.

[00:33:59] If this episode encouraged you today, share it with someone who may need this reminder. And if these conversations have been helping you grow. And guys, I read all the links are below. When you send me a message, I read every single one of them. So if they've been helping you grow. And I'm so grateful to see all these beautiful messages. If they help you grow, heal, strengthen your family.

[00:34:28] Or navigate difficult seasons with greater wisdom. Please leave a kind review and five golden stars as Daniel and Destiny say. It helps more families discover these conversations and, and become a part of this beautiful community. And don't forget to listen together as a family to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show with Daniel and Destiny.

[00:34:55] It's where Daniel and Destiny are getting together with other like-minded children. Where they inspire each other. The next generation of strong faith-filled leaders through screen-free conversations. We all know that's important, right? That is so important right now. When we talk about, not we, they talk about courage and family, leadership, business and character. And of course, legacy.

[00:35:26] And if you want to help support the show, you can do that at buymeacoffee.com backslash entrepreneur kids. Yes, that's it. I think that's it. I believe that's it. Go down to the show. Every single link that we talk about is down in the show notes. And I hope you guys really love it. But yes, you can leave any gift, any amount to support the show.

[00:35:54] And they appreciate, they appreciate it so much. What is going on? I'm tripping over my words. It is early in the morning. Maybe I needed matcha latte. Listen, friends. May you never mistake a difficult season for the end of the story. Please don't. Please don't do that. May you have the wisdom to rebuild what matters.

[00:36:21] The courage to take the first step toward repair. It's hard, but you could do it. You could do it. And may you have the patience to keep showing up when progress feels slow.

[00:36:37] And may your home become a place where grace is practiced, where trust is rebuilt, where connection is protected, and where the people inside it grow stronger together through every season of life. God bless you all. Glory to God always. We love you.

[00:37:01] And we're so proud of you for showing up, for doing the work, for choosing growth, for choosing healing, and for continuing to build an unshakable legacy for the people you love the most. This is Becoming Unshakeable by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast. I'm Ildiko, and we will see you soon.

[00:37:25] Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama. Share with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family.

[00:37:52] It's called the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. We know you'll love to build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you, we, and parents. If no one told you yet, let us be the first. You're doing a remarkable job.

[00:38:18] And remember, you are the hero of your story. Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only, and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

[00:38:42] The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight, and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. Thank you. To me, you may be面ves all the time nowhere that I question you would use.