Using Boundaries to Protect Your Marriage; Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Part 2 of 10

[00:00:00] This is the thing, is we put boundaries in place to protect the marriage. This is just the rules of marriage. Nothing comes before that. And I think maybe it was harder for you to express the things that maybe felt made you feel somewhat disrespected or maybe not loved. But I'm so glad that we've had these conversations because we don't have to keep anything inside.

[00:00:28] I'm telling you guys, when you keep things bottled up inside and it's painful in any way, not only is it eating away at your relationship, it's eating away at your health.

[00:00:46] Uh, no.

[00:00:49] Ooh, that's better, right babe?

[00:00:54] Yeah.

[00:00:56] She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:00:59] He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company.

[00:01:03] She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:01:06] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:01:10] Together we started a business.

[00:01:11] And had babies.

[00:01:12] Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:15] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:01:20] As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:24] And everything in between.

[00:01:25] If you're offended by my boundaries, you're probably one of the reasons I need them.

[00:01:31] Quote by Steve Maribor.

[00:01:34] Create a life that feels good on the inside.

[00:01:39] Not just one that looks good on the outside.

[00:01:44] Welcome to this week's Pretty and Punk Podcast.

[00:01:47] My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here with my beautiful co-host and wife.

[00:01:54] Ildiko Ferenzi.

[00:01:55] I just never know what you're going to say.

[00:01:58] Well, I was trying to change it up a little bit.

[00:02:00] I didn't know you were going to add some stuff.

[00:02:02] Make it nice.

[00:02:04] Make it nice, nice.

[00:02:05] Make it nice, nice.

[00:02:06] So we have another great podcast for you.

[00:02:08] And if you were with us last week and you remember, we are doing a series on divorce proofing your marriage as an entrepreneur.

[00:02:16] And well, you don't have to technically, you don't have to be an entrepreneur for this to work for you.

[00:02:21] But we know that entrepreneurs have a relationship and they're looking at that relationship through a unique lens.

[00:02:30] And it's a little bit different than other people sometimes because we have different challenges.

[00:02:35] So we want to speak to all those challenges.

[00:02:37] And obviously, we're looking through that lens because we're entrepreneurs and we're married and we have kids.

[00:02:43] And if you're in that same situation, it's specifically for you.

[00:02:47] But of course, having a great marriage works for everybody.

[00:02:52] If you haven't had kids yet, it still works for you.

[00:02:55] If you don't have a business yet, it still works for you.

[00:02:58] If you're an entrepreneur at heart, it still works for you.

[00:03:03] But technically, you've got to be in a relationship.

[00:03:05] That's the one thing.

[00:03:06] That's the one key thing that has to work for you.

[00:03:08] So if you were with us last week, we talked about prioritizing communication with your spouse.

[00:03:14] And this is part two, boundaries and how to strengthen your relationship through boundaries.

[00:03:21] Because these are things that are important to us and something I wasn't necessarily good at when we first got started.

[00:03:29] When we first got into a relationship, I didn't have no boundaries.

[00:03:32] I was all over the place.

[00:03:33] I was flying all over the world, flying Japan, China, Germany, Sweden.

[00:03:39] I was all over the place.

[00:03:40] But before we get into that.

[00:03:43] But before we jump into that.

[00:03:45] Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:03:49] And if you are and you haven't already, hit that like and subscribe button.

[00:03:52] It just takes a second.

[00:03:54] It means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there for more listeners like you guys.

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[00:04:03] We really appreciate that too.

[00:04:05] We also love and appreciate your reviews.

[00:04:08] Even the babies look forward to them every day.

[00:04:10] If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us.

[00:04:15] We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business.

[00:04:20] And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero.

[00:04:23] That's worth a shout out.

[00:04:24] Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:04:29] And we just want to put it out there.

[00:04:30] We want to show everybody that this juggle is possible.

[00:04:34] And you are our family.

[00:04:37] And we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family.

[00:04:42] So don't forget all the links are below in the show notes.

[00:04:48] And thank you again.

[00:04:49] And let's get back to the show.

[00:04:51] And perhaps that was one of the challenges that we faced because there were no boundaries.

[00:04:56] And we didn't really understand that this is something that you should set up in the beginning of a relationship.

[00:05:06] Not because it's rules or laws or sometimes people feel a little reluctant when it comes to boundaries.

[00:05:16] But the truth is it sets up safeguards around your relationship.

[00:05:21] And you'll never have to have the argument of, well, I didn't know that that didn't make you feel comfortable.

[00:05:30] Or I didn't know that I shouldn't have done that.

[00:05:33] Or I wasn't supposed to do that.

[00:05:35] Or it's these conversations that you have in the beginning.

[00:05:40] And perhaps you have boundaries.

[00:05:43] Or perhaps you don't have boundaries.

[00:05:45] But if you have boundaries, you can reset them if you've let them go.

[00:05:51] And I think that's important.

[00:05:53] And it's always important to revisit the boundaries and just see what's working and what needs to be set in place.

[00:06:01] But I truly feel like it actually gives you more freedom in your relationship.

[00:06:08] You're never going to have to worry about things secretly or have it just eat away at you inside.

[00:06:17] Because you've had these conversations and you know that there are certain things that are hard no.

[00:06:22] And there are certain things that you just don't do in that relationship.

[00:06:28] Yeah, they're not handcuffs, guys.

[00:06:31] No.

[00:06:32] I felt like when we were first having these conversations, it felt a little bit like handcuffs.

[00:06:39] And you got to break away from that frame of mind.

[00:06:43] Because if you truly love your spouse, and I do, I realized and it took her putting it in this language for me to really get it.

[00:06:57] And it was basically her telling me that it bothers me or it hurts me when you do this like this.

[00:07:08] Or it makes me feel uncomfortable when you do something like this.

[00:07:13] And when she put it that way, I never want to make her feel uncomfortable.

[00:07:18] I don't want her to feel bad or have something bother her.

[00:07:23] Because I know my heart's in the right place.

[00:07:26] And I want to represent to her that my heart's in the right place.

[00:07:30] So I'm willing, when I sat back and realized that I needed to change.

[00:07:37] I wasn't running around single, flying all over the country anymore.

[00:07:41] I was this guy who had a wife and a relationship.

[00:07:46] And I needed to respect that.

[00:07:49] I wanted to show her that I respected that.

[00:07:53] And so I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to make her feel comfortable.

[00:07:57] And that's what we all need to do.

[00:08:00] And that works both ways, too.

[00:08:01] And I think that's vice versa.

[00:08:02] Because you want to feel respected.

[00:08:04] Obviously, it's important for you to feel.

[00:08:11] And in marriage, and this is the thing, is we put boundaries in place to protect the marriage

[00:08:18] by defining acceptable interactions with others.

[00:08:22] And this includes family, friends, colleagues, business, your phone use.

[00:08:30] It goes right down the line.

[00:08:34] And I always want Dan and my children to know that they come first.

[00:08:40] But above all that, my husband has to come first.

[00:08:44] And I have to come first, too.

[00:08:49] This is just the rules of marriage.

[00:08:51] Nothing comes before that.

[00:08:53] And I think maybe it was harder for you to express the things that maybe made you feel somewhat

[00:09:01] disrespected or maybe not loved.

[00:09:04] But I'm so glad that we've had these conversations because we don't have to keep anything inside.

[00:09:11] I'm telling you guys, when you keep things bottled up inside, and it's painful in any way,

[00:09:18] not only is it eating away at your relationship, it's eating away at your health, your immunity.

[00:09:26] And it goes so much deeper.

[00:09:28] And there's so much research on this, how you can actually physically get sick and get

[00:09:35] different kinds of ailments.

[00:09:39] And we definitely don't want to do that.

[00:09:41] And I didn't really understand boundaries before.

[00:09:46] And I didn't really, you know, I didn't really understand why some things bothered me.

[00:09:51] I didn't have it in my previous relationships and relationship.

[00:09:56] And you didn't either.

[00:09:58] Yeah.

[00:09:58] You didn't have boundaries.

[00:09:59] Well, yeah.

[00:10:00] I felt like I needed, there were certain things that I needed to do.

[00:10:04] Like if I have a meeting in China and you're someplace else, I'm, I have to go.

[00:10:11] And I have to go deal with this meeting.

[00:10:14] What I didn't realize is, is the boundaries became, okay, if I'm going to, I think, well,

[00:10:24] one of the moments I remember that made you feel uncomfortable is I went to Sweden for UFC

[00:10:29] and I went to an after party.

[00:10:32] And I think that made you feel uncomfortable.

[00:10:35] By the way, this is when we were single or not, we weren't married because we don't do

[00:10:40] that stuff anymore.

[00:10:40] Now I've never, I wouldn't do that, of course.

[00:10:43] And I was still feeling out what, what, trying to understand what boundaries were at the time.

[00:10:50] And I didn't really have any is the truth.

[00:10:52] I thought, you know, I was flying all over the country and world and trying to do these

[00:10:57] things.

[00:10:57] And I have these meetings and things that I had to, and I just felt like I felt entitled

[00:11:01] to take care of these meetings.

[00:11:02] And what made me feel uncomfortable is because you went to Vegas or somewhere, I couldn't

[00:11:10] get ahold of you.

[00:11:11] And then your friends tell me that you're drugged and that you're with some old couple.

[00:11:17] And I was like, what the flip is going on?

[00:11:21] Really?

[00:11:22] I can't even be with this dude.

[00:11:24] I don't even know what's going on.

[00:11:25] So if you've had a bad taste in your mouth, you're like, what is going on?

[00:11:30] I don't know what happened exactly, but I just don't want to have to worry about it.

[00:11:35] That was horrible.

[00:11:38] I don't even want to explain it, but I...

[00:11:41] I don't think I'll ever understand until this day.

[00:11:45] No, it's like moments like that.

[00:11:47] Like I, you know, I was...

[00:11:49] Once your trust...

[00:11:50] I don't know how to explain this without sounding stupid.

[00:11:55] But basically...

[00:11:56] We don't say that when there's kids listening.

[00:11:58] I was at this get together pool party thing for the UFC and we're hanging out and there

[00:12:09] were some cookies on the table and I...

[00:12:12] They look oatmeal raisin.

[00:12:14] They look like one of my favorites.

[00:12:16] So I tried a couple...

[00:12:18] It could have been poison.

[00:12:19] They told me to have some cookies if I wanted cookies.

[00:12:22] Oh, my gosh.

[00:12:23] And so I had a full-on cookie and I guess...

[00:12:27] And I don't do any type of drugs.

[00:12:30] I've never done any drugs in my life.

[00:12:32] And the fact...

[00:12:34] As soon as I ate this cookie, I didn't know what was going on with me, but things started

[00:12:38] to get weird.

[00:12:39] And next thing I know, I was passed...

[00:12:41] Literally passed out and people couldn't wake me up.

[00:12:43] So these types of things would happen when he'd go out of town.

[00:12:46] So I was just really contemplating, is this really the man of my dreams?

[00:12:51] Is this the person that I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life?

[00:12:55] So I just...

[00:12:57] I think it's important for everybody to have boundaries, especially once they get married.

[00:13:03] And understandably...

[00:13:04] So that was like par for the course at that time.

[00:13:07] Like I was...

[00:13:07] You know, I'm flying over and doing the...

[00:13:10] You know, going to parties and going to after parties and it just wasn't okay.

[00:13:15] Especially not for a healthy marriage.

[00:13:17] Or relationship.

[00:13:18] And because I realized that it was causing strife in our relationship.

[00:13:23] And I didn't...

[00:13:24] I knew that I didn't want to make you feel like that.

[00:13:27] I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

[00:13:29] So what became the norm was, I'm not going to go to those things without you.

[00:13:36] And so I...

[00:13:38] Yeah, I think...

[00:13:39] The same for me.

[00:13:40] I may have to go to a meeting or...

[00:13:43] I may have to go to UFC for whatever reason if I was going to UFC at the time.

[00:13:47] But I wouldn't go to an after party unless you were with me.

[00:13:50] Because sometimes you would come to those shows.

[00:13:52] You would fly out there with me and go to those shows.

[00:13:54] Yeah.

[00:13:54] I mean, usually we were together.

[00:13:56] But then I was also...

[00:13:58] I had my acting and I had the modeling career going on.

[00:14:01] So I'd have to do a shoot.

[00:14:03] I'd have to go do a magazine.

[00:14:05] Or I was booked for a television show.

[00:14:08] Or something was going on in my life.

[00:14:11] So that would...

[00:14:12] That was the only thing that would separate us.

[00:14:14] But I'm actually very much an introvert.

[00:14:19] So I will go to an event.

[00:14:21] Say perhaps it's a red carpet or my filming.

[00:14:27] And then afterwards, everybody wants to go have drinks and stuff.

[00:14:31] I would just go home.

[00:14:33] And I would try to call him.

[00:14:36] And then I'm like, well, I can't get a hold of him.

[00:14:39] Yeah, see, so this is common sense, guys.

[00:14:40] This was hard.

[00:14:41] For most people.

[00:14:42] But for whatever reason, it didn't hit me.

[00:14:45] Yeah, for some reason, I wanted...

[00:14:47] I'm here in Sweden.

[00:14:51] And everybody's going to the after party.

[00:14:53] I'm going to the after party, too.

[00:14:54] See, for me, and it hurt my feelings.

[00:14:56] Because I'm like, I love this guy.

[00:14:58] And I could be going out with the whole crew of famous, like actual real famous people.

[00:15:05] And supposedly important people.

[00:15:08] But it doesn't impress me.

[00:15:09] I don't care.

[00:15:10] I just wanted to go home and just show that I'm a good girlfriend.

[00:15:15] A good girlfriend.

[00:15:16] I'm into him.

[00:15:17] And I would be like, where is this guy?

[00:15:21] And this is brutal.

[00:15:21] I'm out running around.

[00:15:21] This is brutal.

[00:15:22] But I mean, in all fairness, I did call you.

[00:15:25] I was always calling you and letting you know that I'm going home now.

[00:15:30] And we'd have a long conversation when I got home and everything.

[00:15:33] But still, I should have never gone in the first place.

[00:15:35] That was the point.

[00:15:36] And that's the thing.

[00:15:37] So it guardrails you so you don't get into trouble.

[00:15:41] If you're in a relationship and you're not married yet, and you have that boyfriend or

[00:15:47] girlfriend that's running to Vegas, oh, I'm going to Vegas with my girls.

[00:15:51] And you guys need to have that conversation.

[00:15:54] Because it's eventually going to come to a head.

[00:15:58] And it probably is bothering your spouse.

[00:16:00] And I just don't see having a healthy relationship if those are the things that are going on.

[00:16:07] No, I don't have any desire.

[00:16:10] I really don't have the friends that are asking to do girl-only trips.

[00:16:17] My friends always really, truly include my husband and my children.

[00:16:23] That is my world.

[00:16:24] That is my life.

[00:16:25] That is what I breathe for.

[00:16:27] And I feel like we're just on such different paths now.

[00:16:32] At that time, I don't think we were...

[00:16:35] I didn't know Jesus the way that...

[00:16:38] I've always been religious, but not to the point where I am now.

[00:16:44] And it was interesting.

[00:16:45] We were actually talking about this the other day, is that before something big happened in

[00:16:51] my life, I just had this...

[00:16:53] I wanted to get really close to my faith.

[00:16:57] And I remember you saying, what is with this Jesus thing?

[00:17:03] What is it?

[00:17:04] Not that he never came at me in a negative way.

[00:17:07] No, I love going to church.

[00:17:08] But he saw...

[00:17:08] But I was wondering why you all said I wanted to go to church every Sunday.

[00:17:11] Yeah, I didn't want to miss it.

[00:17:13] And it was weird because now that I talk to other people that are going through this transformation,

[00:17:21] and I really feel like the world is going through it right now.

[00:17:25] But I was going through it earlier.

[00:17:28] For a reason?

[00:17:29] For good reason?

[00:17:29] For good reason.

[00:17:30] Yep.

[00:17:31] The veil is being lifted and the light is much brighter than the darkness.

[00:17:38] Anyway, I felt so connected.

[00:17:41] I couldn't miss a beat.

[00:17:43] And then I was...

[00:17:47] I was so committed.

[00:17:49] And it was before something bad happened.

[00:17:53] Because maybe you would assume, oh yeah, well, she had some really bad news and she had to

[00:17:59] fight for her life.

[00:18:00] Usually everybody in that situation, they meet their maker.

[00:18:06] And they have conversations and you're in a bad place.

[00:18:10] And you usually build that amazing relationship with your faith.

[00:18:18] But this was before.

[00:18:19] And I always think about it.

[00:18:21] How cool is that, that it happened before I needed it?

[00:18:26] I didn't have to ask for anything yet.

[00:18:28] I was just watching somebody talking about this.

[00:18:30] Have a relationship with God.

[00:18:31] And then we're off subject here a little bit.

[00:18:33] But have a relationship with God in the good times.

[00:18:38] Yes.

[00:18:38] Yes.

[00:18:39] Because...

[00:18:39] That's what I'm trying to...

[00:18:41] Because in the bad times, you're going to need them.

[00:18:44] It was Andrew Tate talking about it.

[00:18:46] Oh, really?

[00:18:46] Speaking about it.

[00:18:47] Yeah.

[00:18:47] Oh, that's crazy.

[00:18:48] Somebody was interviewing him and he was saying that...

[00:18:51] It was Pierce Morgan.

[00:18:52] Pierce Morgan was interviewing him and he was saying...

[00:18:54] Now I'm remembering it.

[00:18:55] He was saying, you know, those exact words.

[00:18:59] Have a relationship with God in the good times so that he's there for you in the bad times.

[00:19:05] Right.

[00:19:06] And that I just...

[00:19:07] I love how it all went down because he was already there.

[00:19:12] And I just...

[00:19:14] I was still kind of in control.

[00:19:16] And I remember being on the operating table.

[00:19:19] And that's when I said...

[00:19:22] I kind of said this thing to myself, but to God, I can't do it anymore.

[00:19:28] Like I can't do it anymore at this point.

[00:19:34] I'm not in control anymore.

[00:19:36] And I just felt like, good.

[00:19:38] Now I can do my work.

[00:19:40] I can do my miracles.

[00:19:41] Anyway, off subject, we're doing boundaries.

[00:19:45] We're doing boundaries.

[00:19:46] We're doing boundaries.

[00:19:47] But I guess I'm just trying to say we're in a different place.

[00:19:51] And I love where we are in our life because we're creating things together.

[00:19:56] We're creating where we had two separate lives.

[00:20:00] We're building a life together now.

[00:20:02] Absolutely.

[00:20:03] Two lives become one.

[00:20:04] And that's...

[00:20:05] And that is...

[00:20:05] We've become one.

[00:20:06] It's necessary as a marriage to have that.

[00:20:10] To your guys' life.

[00:20:13] You're supposed to be each other's not only best friends.

[00:20:15] Not just best friends, but of course best friends.

[00:20:18] And those good times become...

[00:20:24] Well, you celebrate those great times with your spouse.

[00:20:28] That becomes the most fun.

[00:20:30] That becomes what you enjoy most.

[00:20:32] And those are the...

[00:20:33] Now, if I go to those...

[00:20:35] If I had to fly out of the country right now...

[00:20:38] I feel like I'd be miserable.

[00:20:40] I would probably literally only go if I could bring you.

[00:20:44] Yeah.

[00:20:44] Oh, no.

[00:20:44] I wouldn't.

[00:20:45] I wouldn't want to...

[00:20:47] I 100%.

[00:20:47] Because...

[00:20:47] I wouldn't want to go those places without...

[00:20:49] Yeah.

[00:20:50] I wouldn't enjoy my...

[00:20:51] I wouldn't have a good time.

[00:20:52] Yeah.

[00:20:52] Same.

[00:20:53] Same.

[00:20:53] It's like I want to go...

[00:20:54] It's like let's go explore the country a little bit.

[00:20:57] Let's do the kids.

[00:20:57] Let's do the keynote or whatever we need to do.

[00:21:00] Do the meeting.

[00:21:01] Do the consulting.

[00:21:02] And then let's look around.

[00:21:05] Let's learn the culture.

[00:21:06] Let's do the things together.

[00:21:08] Because honestly, the one thing that I can say for my upbringing, my mom would take us to...

[00:21:16] We would always have...

[00:21:17] Everything was a business trip.

[00:21:19] Even going to Europe to see the family, there was business involved.

[00:21:23] But she would always make it very educational.

[00:21:26] I don't remember what I learned in school.

[00:21:28] But I remember doing things for the first time at four, at three, at five.

[00:21:35] And I will never forget it.

[00:21:37] I will never forget going to castles and different churches and different things all over the world.

[00:21:47] Learning the culture.

[00:21:49] Even the places that I never wanted to see again, it made me feel this true gratitude for the sacrifices that she made to come to Canada.

[00:22:00] To give us opportunity.

[00:22:02] To give us such wonderful lives.

[00:22:05] So I don't want to do it.

[00:22:08] I mean, for anybody who doesn't know Ildiko is Hungarian, I ordered her from a website.

[00:22:12] Oh my gosh.

[00:22:14] Because people actually believe you when you tell me.

[00:22:17] Oh my God, that's ridiculous.

[00:22:18] She's actually Canadian.

[00:22:19] I mean, she's Hungarian, but she's Canadian.

[00:22:21] She's born in Canada.

[00:22:22] Yes, I was born in Canada.

[00:22:23] And I didn't order her from a website.

[00:22:25] Well, I don't know why you always...

[00:22:27] I don't even...

[00:22:27] It doesn't even make sense to me.

[00:22:29] Okay.

[00:22:29] Where were we?

[00:22:30] Before we...

[00:22:30] We're so far off track now.

[00:22:34] Identifying key areas of boundaries.

[00:22:37] Well, we're going to have to sit down together.

[00:22:39] And we're going to have to go...

[00:22:41] See, Dan and I have already done this.

[00:22:43] But if you don't have boundaries, you need to sit down.

[00:22:47] You need to go over the things that you want to put into place.

[00:22:53] Some couples will have more boundaries than others.

[00:22:56] Some people will have less and build some more over the years or release.

[00:23:01] Or you just have these concrete boundaries that safeguard your relationship.

[00:23:08] That protect your relationship.

[00:23:11] That actually, as I said, give you more freedom.

[00:23:14] So this will go for extended family, friendship, work colleagues, and social media or whatever it is.

[00:23:22] Like business.

[00:23:23] Yeah, so it's having that conversation with your spouse if there...

[00:23:28] Maybe you're feeling uncomfortable about your spouse having meetings with people of the opposite gender.

[00:23:40] Yeah, that's true.

[00:23:41] Or at work.

[00:23:41] You know, other people at work that you're...

[00:23:44] Maybe want to have that conversation about.

[00:23:47] It's like, I see that you're spending a lot of time with this person.

[00:23:50] You know, it's making me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

[00:23:52] Yeah, we don't have relationships with the opposite gender.

[00:23:56] We're not going to complain about each other to other people, family, anybody.

[00:24:04] Really, if we need to work on something, we'll go see a professional.

[00:24:09] But first of all, if we have a problem with each other, we're going to talk about it and lay it out in a safe...

[00:24:14] And I think when we first met too, we both had a lot of relationships with the opposite gender.

[00:24:20] I mean, I had a lot of girl friends that were just friends of mine and you, you know, that I just hung out with because we were just at these places.

[00:24:29] And you had a lot of guy friends because you were in a...

[00:24:32] You owned a concrete company and you were in a male-dominated business.

[00:24:36] That's right.

[00:24:36] And so a lot of your acquaintances and business friends were all men.

[00:24:43] And I got to say that I always felt comfortable.

[00:24:47] That never really bothered me too much.

[00:24:50] Maybe my relationships bothered you more than...

[00:24:53] I know why, though.

[00:24:53] ...those bothered me.

[00:24:54] I know why, though.

[00:24:55] Because I felt like the little sister, they were always very protective of me.

[00:25:01] But the one thing I noticed was that my friends would always include Dan.

[00:25:08] Perhaps we're going for dinner.

[00:25:10] They wouldn't just ask me for dinner.

[00:25:12] We would all go for dinner.

[00:25:14] They would always include him.

[00:25:16] Yeah, but not just that.

[00:25:17] I think what truly made me feel comfortable is the way you would bring me into the conversation.

[00:25:25] So when I met them for the first time, you were always really...

[00:25:31] You always talked me up when I would...

[00:25:35] Oh, yeah, of course.

[00:25:35] ...to them.

[00:25:36] You always said great things behind my back to them.

[00:25:40] Yes.

[00:25:40] You were always...

[00:25:40] When I actually spoke with them, they would always...

[00:25:44] They knew everything about you.

[00:25:46] They...

[00:25:46] Oh, Ildico said...

[00:25:48] Told me so many great things about you and told me what you're doing.

[00:25:51] And just...

[00:25:52] It just made me feel good that I knew you were talking to them like that.

[00:25:56] And then you would always include me in those conversations.

[00:25:59] Always include me in those meetings.

[00:26:01] So when I went to go see your world, I always felt included in that space.

[00:26:07] And I hope you felt a little bit vice versa.

[00:26:10] I probably wasn't as good at it as you were.

[00:26:13] But I always brought you everywhere that I went.

[00:26:15] The one thing that I did notice, and this felt like a red flag, is that whenever your friends

[00:26:21] would talk to you, they would never ask about me or invite me.

[00:26:26] So I kind of...

[00:26:27] And this is the thing.

[00:26:29] Once you're married, you don't do that.

[00:26:31] But this is, you know, in that life.

[00:26:34] And I feel like for me, that single life...

[00:26:36] Well, I like to think sometimes they did.

[00:26:38] But of course, I was always like the point person.

[00:26:40] I didn't notice it.

[00:26:41] I think as...

[00:26:42] I think we have good instincts as women.

[00:26:44] I don't know why they did.

[00:26:45] But you pointed out something very interesting.

[00:26:46] But you always...

[00:26:47] Nevertheless, you were coming with me everywhere.

[00:26:49] Yeah.

[00:26:50] A hundred percent.

[00:26:52] But the one thing that you did point out, and you said, perhaps those gentlemen don't...

[00:27:00] You know, maybe you don't think of anything out of the ordinary with them, but a guy always

[00:27:08] will.

[00:27:08] So I never forgot that.

[00:27:11] And it just kind of...

[00:27:12] Oh, yeah.

[00:27:13] So what I told her was...

[00:27:14] Once we got married, it's...

[00:27:15] My conversation was, I know you have guy friends, but trust me, I'm a guy.

[00:27:20] No guy is looking at you, the way you look, and going, you are my best friend, and we are

[00:27:28] just good friends.

[00:27:29] Like, guys are always angling in some way.

[00:27:32] If you're a single dude, and they're like looking at somebody like yourself, who's on the

[00:27:37] front, you know, the covers of FHM and all these different magazines, you're...

[00:27:42] They're not looking at you and going...

[00:27:45] I mean, they have to be friends with you because you guys are in the same business together.

[00:27:48] You guys are doing business together.

[00:27:50] But trust me, there could be...

[00:27:54] If there was an opportunity, they would take advantage of it.

[00:27:58] And perhaps that...

[00:28:00] If they're single.

[00:28:01] And I trust your judgment.

[00:28:03] And for me, as a married woman, I don't need...

[00:28:08] That's not even important to me.

[00:28:10] I don't need to do that life anymore.

[00:28:12] I don't need to have gentlemen.

[00:28:14] As I said, my husband is my number one.

[00:28:17] And he's the person I want to spend time with, my kids.

[00:28:21] And that's what I want to surround myself with.

[00:28:25] So I'm glad that we have those boundaries.

[00:28:29] And I mean, even...

[00:28:31] And that took some time over years, too, to really put them together in the way that we

[00:28:34] have now.

[00:28:35] And surrounding yourself with faith-based couples.

[00:28:40] Anybody that makes you feel uncomfortable that your wife might look at your phone and see

[00:28:50] your messages and, oh, so-and-so might be reading my messages.

[00:28:54] It's like, yeah, I actually...

[00:28:56] Dan has all my passwords.

[00:28:59] And I should have all of his passwords.

[00:29:02] And if we ever feel like picking up the phone and reading messages, that's what married people

[00:29:07] are supposed to do.

[00:29:08] Yeah.

[00:29:09] That's definitely a boundary that...

[00:29:11] If they should always...

[00:29:11] Yeah.

[00:29:12] That should be open for both of you.

[00:29:15] Never feel bad.

[00:29:16] Yeah.

[00:29:16] Never let anybody make you feel bad for perhaps reading a message.

[00:29:22] Yeah.

[00:29:23] And 100%.

[00:29:24] You'll see...

[00:29:25] Yeah.

[00:29:25] Emails, messages.

[00:29:26] Our phones sit on our counters.

[00:29:27] Yeah.

[00:29:28] Anybody can pick each other's phones up.

[00:29:30] I mean, we're never...

[00:29:30] If you have a problem like that in your relationship, if anybody's guilt-shaming you, if your partner

[00:29:38] is guilt-shaming you, you guys need to have a conversation.

[00:29:41] Or friends or family.

[00:29:42] Anybody.

[00:29:43] And you should have friends.

[00:29:43] If you have friends, you should have friends that call you out.

[00:29:46] Hold you accountable.

[00:29:47] I love that.

[00:29:48] When you take a double take on a girl, some dude better...

[00:29:52] Your best friend better look at you and go, buddy, keep your eyes straight.

[00:29:56] Well, hopefully that doesn't happen.

[00:29:58] Yeah.

[00:29:59] It never happens.

[00:30:00] Okay?

[00:30:01] I've never do that.

[00:30:03] No.

[00:30:04] It's guys would...

[00:30:05] Listen, you want to surround yourself with people who make you better.

[00:30:10] Yeah.

[00:30:10] Who make you a better person.

[00:30:11] Who you are better because you know you're hanging out with them.

[00:30:18] And if you have somebody who's trying to drag you down or trying to put you into conversations

[00:30:24] that are not good for your marriage, you need to get away from those type of people.

[00:30:31] And those are boundaries.

[00:30:32] Those are the boundaries that you need to put up as a God-fearing person who wants to have

[00:30:41] a great relationship and a great marriage.

[00:30:43] And at the end of the day, I've always told Ildico, I said, there's nothing in the world

[00:30:50] and you have to keep this...

[00:30:51] I don't know.

[00:30:53] First of all, I tell her, there's nothing in the world that's going to cause us to get

[00:30:55] a divorce.

[00:30:56] So we're not getting a divorce.

[00:30:58] So if you're going to get rid of me, you're going to have to find a better way than that.

[00:31:02] Like you're going to have to use a weapon or something because I'm not leaving.

[00:31:08] And so if that's your mindset, you want to make sure that there isn't anything in your

[00:31:15] relationship that will cause you to be in those situations because it's really hard

[00:31:22] to put together back a relationship.

[00:31:24] After trust is broken.

[00:31:25] Yeah, after this trust has been broken.

[00:31:27] Because there's a lot of people dealing with that right now.

[00:31:30] I don't want to say a lot of people, but I mean, I feel like it's kind of common right

[00:31:34] now where they didn't have guardrails on their relationship.

[00:31:38] Maybe they went to Vegas and something happened.

[00:31:42] And I'm so sorry, but like when something, when you get betrayed, it's like a death, a part

[00:31:52] of the relationship that you will forever.

[00:31:55] Maybe it will never, ever be the same.

[00:31:59] Be the same.

[00:32:00] You're always going to have to be that much more open, that much more transparent.

[00:32:05] But you know what?

[00:32:06] That person messed up.

[00:32:08] So they're going to have to work that much harder.

[00:32:11] And wouldn't it have been great if you had some boundaries in place where, you know, we don't

[00:32:19] drink alcohol as is, but just little things like we don't.

[00:32:23] You just never got put in that position.

[00:32:24] No.

[00:32:25] Thank God.

[00:32:25] I don't want to be in that position.

[00:32:27] No, it's terrible.

[00:32:28] Because listen, I have no doubt in my head that no matter what, I don't care what position

[00:32:34] I'm put in, nothing would ever happen.

[00:32:37] Yeah.

[00:32:37] But guys, you know, imagine having a bad fight or an argument and then you're in this position

[00:32:45] and somebody's saying all the right things.

[00:32:47] Dude, that's the devil.

[00:32:49] Yeah.

[00:32:49] That's the devil coming after your relationship because the devil hates marriage.

[00:32:53] It's so funny because, and that's the one thing my mom, I remember she'd always be like,

[00:32:59] never travel anywhere without each other.

[00:33:02] Don't go and don't come here.

[00:33:04] Don't come visit me.

[00:33:05] You guys come together, together.

[00:33:07] And I'm like, well, I'm fine.

[00:33:09] I'll never, I won't do it.

[00:33:10] I don't care.

[00:33:11] But obviously, you know why?

[00:33:14] Because something happened in her marriage.

[00:33:16] So she has the guardrails on for me.

[00:33:19] And that is the best advice that she can give me.

[00:33:23] Anybody else that's been in that situation or that's had someone, you know, betray their

[00:33:29] trust.

[00:33:30] I think that that's exactly the advice that they would give you too is don't ever put yourself

[00:33:35] in situation.

[00:33:37] Have these boundaries.

[00:33:39] Now, the number two is we need to agree on non-negotiables.

[00:33:44] And this is like a hard no.

[00:33:46] Boundaries work best when both parties are aligned.

[00:33:50] Are you trying to say something?

[00:33:51] Well, I just wanted to say before we get too far beyond that, because in the same realm,

[00:33:55] and I think it needs to be talked about, is that we, you know, this generation has a

[00:34:00] new complexity and that's social media.

[00:34:03] And you really need to watch.

[00:34:06] You should have some boundaries set around.

[00:34:08] Just have the conversation.

[00:34:10] The conversation's easy.

[00:34:12] It's if you're uncomfortable about your spouse following certain people like their exes or

[00:34:20] people that they know or, you know, maybe just dates in the past relationships or even

[00:34:29] people that you're just kind of don't want them.

[00:34:31] I mean, it's kind of disrespectful.

[00:34:33] Yeah.

[00:34:34] I see it and I'm kind of like, I don't want to think bad about people.

[00:34:37] But sometimes I see guys that I respect and I, I know personally, and then I'm flipping

[00:34:48] through social media and I see that they like this certain person's page who, you know,

[00:34:53] is not like, um, you know, might not be the person that, you know, is probably, you know,

[00:35:00] I know this person's married and he's liking this girl in a swimsuit.

[00:35:06] Because that's embarrassing.

[00:35:08] It's embarrassing to his wife, I think.

[00:35:10] That would be embarrassing to his wife.

[00:35:11] And it would feel like he's after this.

[00:35:14] Yeah.

[00:35:15] I would say maybe don't, just don't, just don't put yourself in this situation.

[00:35:20] And then the girl, some girls are so weird.

[00:35:22] Like, oh my gosh, why do I get Jeremy's married?

[00:35:23] Well, I mean, sometimes it's not, they're regular people.

[00:35:26] It's not like they're a girl.

[00:35:27] I don't follow anybody that's like, I'm not following any OnlyFans girls or something,

[00:35:32] but it's, it's, no, but, but, but it's, you know, when they have it, sometimes it's just

[00:35:38] a regular person, but they happen to have a swimsuit on or maybe they're, uh, uh, um,

[00:35:44] a movie star or something.

[00:35:46] And I mean, it's, you don't want to be, you just choose not to like the photo.

[00:35:53] You might be following the person cause they're a good person or what are you have worked with

[00:35:59] them or for whatever reason you're following them.

[00:36:03] And that might be the, the problem is that you're following them in the first place.

[00:36:07] But like we have like our, our social media page, our, our pretty and punk page, we follow

[00:36:12] a ton of families, a ton of different people.

[00:36:16] I think, yeah.

[00:36:17] And that's the thing is your algorithm will give you away.

[00:36:19] My algorithm, I think it's all other families in yours too.

[00:36:23] Christian, but a bunch of Christian families, but you know, just be aware that that might,

[00:36:29] you don't want to disrespect your partner.

[00:36:31] And on top of that, if there's somebody who you were thinking about following, sometimes

[00:36:35] it's like, like for me, in my case, there's a lot of female fighters, you know, and there's

[00:36:40] female fighters that, um, I've followed in the past cause they were sponsored, you know,

[00:36:44] they're sponsored fighters of mine.

[00:36:45] I, I sponsor them and so they were, but I don't ever want to disrespect my wife.

[00:36:52] And if the conversation, it became uncomfortable, like, Hey, you know, I don't feel, I've absolutely

[00:36:56] without even a thought, a second thought unfollow that person, not because I want to be mean

[00:37:02] to that person, but if it made my wife uncomfortable, I'm willing to do that.

[00:37:08] Yeah.

[00:37:08] A lot of people that we, right.

[00:37:10] And a lot of people that we're friends with that, they absolutely, their, their boundaries

[00:37:16] are so strict.

[00:37:17] There's no following anyone of the opposite gender or liking any of that stuff.

[00:37:22] And they're happy.

[00:37:24] It's not that they have trust issues, but just those boundaries are in place.

[00:37:28] They don't even work with.

[00:37:29] But sometimes that's hard.

[00:37:30] Like you might follow like a Gary V and I don't, I'm not saying.

[00:37:34] Those people, the other people that have the pot, they absolutely, it doesn't even matter.

[00:37:39] They are so.

[00:37:40] I get it.

[00:37:40] But we're a little more, I think in some, in that way, I just want you to be comfortable.

[00:37:46] Right.

[00:37:47] If there was somebody that was following like, you know, some supermodel chick or something.

[00:37:51] Well, I don't think you are.

[00:37:52] I'm not.

[00:37:52] That would be weird.

[00:37:53] But if I was, I would, and you said, Hey, I'm a little uncomfortable that you're following

[00:37:59] this person.

[00:37:59] I feel like.

[00:38:00] I would absolutely unfollow him.

[00:38:00] I don't think we have anything like that because that would be weird.

[00:38:03] But I feel like we're very conscious that we only follow people in our niche at this

[00:38:09] point.

[00:38:09] Right.

[00:38:09] Exactly.

[00:38:10] And are they married?

[00:38:11] Yes, they're married.

[00:38:13] Do they love God?

[00:38:15] Yes.

[00:38:15] I mean, that, that's the thing.

[00:38:17] It's just trying to, there's a North Star for everybody.

[00:38:20] And if you have that North Star of trying to do what's right.

[00:38:24] Well, I think you just do it.

[00:38:25] I think you just do it.

[00:38:27] Yeah.

[00:38:27] You do everything that you can to be on the right side of history here.

[00:38:32] And that way, if you do make a mistake, you can have that conversation.

[00:38:35] You know, it's like, I, I can fix this.

[00:38:38] What do you want me to do?

[00:38:39] What will make you feel comfortable?

[00:38:41] Because sometimes those situations are going to come up and that's, what's always about

[00:38:45] riding your ship.

[00:38:46] It's how can I fix those things?

[00:38:49] Revisiting the situation and going, how can I make you feel comfortable in this?

[00:38:53] Because I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable at all in that situation.

[00:38:57] Yes.

[00:38:58] So those discussions and agreeing on non-negotiable boundaries that protect your relationship.

[00:39:03] I think that is so important.

[00:39:05] And I think we don't have that, but also with, there's a lot of people that have, um, what

[00:39:13] is it?

[00:39:14] I think right now it's like the in-laws and stuff like our in-laws, they're all very respectable.

[00:39:19] As I said, my mom always protects our relationship.

[00:39:22] I don't think, you know, your parents are ever disrespectful to our relationship.

[00:39:28] I think they let us make our own traditions and they don't barge in.

[00:39:32] Well, I think we're lucky enough to have a really good family.

[00:39:34] Yeah.

[00:39:34] They're very supportive.

[00:39:35] And I think they're always helping us.

[00:39:38] I see, I see on social media, I see family talking about their family.

[00:39:41] Well, it's very, very viral right now where, um, there's controlling in-laws, like trying

[00:39:46] to control the holidays.

[00:39:47] And it's like, no, we don't have that.

[00:39:51] Thank God in our relation, in our family where if we wanted to go celebrate Christmas

[00:39:57] in Disneyland or whatever, like that's something that you, it's in the Bible.

[00:40:04] You know, you're now.

[00:40:05] Well, the worst is our family would be sad.

[00:40:06] That's about it.

[00:40:07] You know, it's like, oh, they're sad because they want to see you.

[00:40:09] Sure.

[00:40:10] Absolutely.

[00:40:11] But we can always meet up after the holidays or it's, it's really about creating, I think

[00:40:17] a good family is supportive of you building your own family, having a strong relationship

[00:40:24] and creating your own, um, traditions and, and doing those things.

[00:40:30] I just see it so viral right now and, and lucky we don't need to deal with that.

[00:40:35] But sometimes I feel like everybody has someone toxic in their family or at work or, or, uh,

[00:40:44] just surrounding friendships.

[00:40:46] And I feel like we're really good at shaving off those people, but there was a time when

[00:40:51] there was some toxicity.

[00:40:53] And I feel the one thing that's really open or important.

[00:40:58] I think you're telling me we're running out of time.

[00:41:01] We can't be because we have so much more to go with toxicity.

[00:41:05] Um, you need to forgive those people first and foremost, you need to forgive those people

[00:41:12] because forgiveness gives you an instant release, but the healing and the trust takes time.

[00:41:20] When somebody saying something negative about my husband, those people aren't going to be

[00:41:27] welcome anywhere near me or vice versa.

[00:41:31] If they're saying negative things about me or my children, not, you know, whatever it is

[00:41:37] not being important or I just, I will not, I cannot unsee that.

[00:41:43] And I cannot unfeel that it hurts my, my energy.

[00:41:47] I am so sensitive.

[00:41:49] I can't unsee and unfeel those things.

[00:41:51] Those people are no longer welcome in my life.

[00:41:54] I will never have a con.

[00:41:55] I don't need to have a con.

[00:41:57] I don't need those kinds of people in my life.

[00:41:59] First of all, drama creators or anybody negative, they're not welcome in my life.

[00:42:05] And my mom would go to bat for me.

[00:42:09] She was so protective of me.

[00:42:11] Literally somebody said something about me.

[00:42:13] She wouldn't tell me what it was exactly, but they were not allowed in her home.

[00:42:18] They were not allowed in her life.

[00:42:21] Um, and I would tell her, I'd be, I'd tell her mom, it's okay.

[00:42:26] I, I don't care.

[00:42:28] Cause that person, it, it doesn't matter to me, but she would be so if, if they said anything

[00:42:35] about you, me, she wouldn't be having a conversation.

[00:42:38] No, that's great that you have somebody.

[00:42:39] It's nice to have somebody fighting for you when you're not looking.

[00:42:44] I'd say it was okay.

[00:42:45] Surround yourself with those types of people.

[00:42:46] It was okay, but, but it made me feel really good and so loved and so cared about to, until

[00:42:52] her deathbed, all her friends knew.

[00:42:56] And that was her boundary.

[00:42:57] She wanted everyone to know these people are not welcome.

[00:43:00] If ever I lose my mind or my voice, they're not allowed in my home.

[00:43:05] They're not allowed in my hospital.

[00:43:06] I don't want anything to do with them.

[00:43:08] And I'm like that too.

[00:43:11] I forgive, but the healing takes time.

[00:43:14] And above all, what is the theme really for this podcast above all else?

[00:43:20] Guard your what heart Proverbs 4 23.

[00:43:26] So that's, that was always for, and I had to hear it from an S expert that you need to

[00:43:33] forgive because it's the instant release.

[00:43:36] It's the right thing to do.

[00:43:38] You can love them from far, but you really don't have to.

[00:43:41] I'm going to remind you about that next time you get mad at me.

[00:43:43] But you don't need to tolerate them.

[00:43:45] I'm not talking to you.

[00:43:46] I got to tolerate and we got to work it out.

[00:43:48] But these people that are toxic, I don't need to tolerate them.

[00:43:51] And I don't need to ever, ever go.

[00:43:53] No, you can just skip them out of your life.

[00:43:54] You don't have to talk to them.

[00:43:55] You don't have to be around them.

[00:43:56] We're so good at that.

[00:43:57] So you are good at protecting me.

[00:43:58] I'm good at protecting you.

[00:44:00] And that I feel is, that's important.

[00:44:03] That's important.

[00:44:04] You need to make sure that your spouse knows that.

[00:44:07] So people out there that are dealing with, and this is hard, this is hard because if that

[00:44:13] toxic person happens to be your parent, it's, it's hard, but you know who comes first.

[00:44:20] Your husband's going to come first or your wife.

[00:44:23] So that's going to be a hard one, but it's something you guys are going to have to work

[00:44:28] out if you're going through that.

[00:44:30] Guys, remember boundaries build trust.

[00:44:34] Trust is so important.

[00:44:36] And if you break that trust, it's really hard to get it back.

[00:44:41] So, so remember that when you're building these boundaries, remember you're going to have,

[00:44:46] there's trust is on the line and that you being forthcoming and you being trustworthy when

[00:44:54] people aren't looking is so important because there will come a time when you, when, what

[00:45:05] you're, you don't, when you don't think anybody's looking, somebody is actually looking.

[00:45:09] And, uh, it, that's, it's the best.

[00:45:11] Trust always comes out.

[00:45:12] It will.

[00:45:12] What is it?

[00:45:13] Seven minutes, seven hours, seven days, seven weeks, seven months.

[00:45:17] And you need to be on the right side of that.

[00:45:18] Yeah.

[00:45:19] So, so be sure, remember that trust is important, especially in a relationship, especially in

[00:45:25] a marriage and, and consider it sacred and treat it that way.

[00:45:30] Um, did you want to just, I really want to go over these last two points that we made over,

[00:45:37] we made some notes.

[00:45:39] So just protecting your time together.

[00:45:41] This is very important.

[00:45:43] Make sure that no other relationship is prioritized.

[00:45:48] Your husband wants to feel number one, wife, number one.

[00:45:52] Um, but this is going to, because a lot of us are entrepreneurs and you don't, you want

[00:45:59] to set your work hour limits because is the female entrepreneurs.

[00:46:04] It's very tempting to, as a, as a, as a home, you know, working from home, it's very tempting

[00:46:13] to pick up that phone all day long and just keep going.

[00:46:17] Yeah.

[00:46:17] I mean, even we got to get better at this sometimes we can get really bad at this sometimes.

[00:46:21] We do.

[00:46:22] So work hour limits.

[00:46:24] It is so, so important agreeing on a cutoff, like a hard cutoff.

[00:46:28] Mm-hmm.

[00:46:28] And then also just leave, leave your phones outside of your bedroom.

[00:46:32] We turn our wifi off in the house.

[00:46:35] That's the best way to figure it out.

[00:46:36] We just unplug the wifi.

[00:46:38] It's the healthiest thing to do.

[00:46:39] You really don't want to have it on.

[00:46:41] And not only is it good because you don't want to be charged with your wifi throughout

[00:46:43] your house all day long.

[00:46:44] And I know you're going to get it, you know, on some level anyways, cause your neighbors

[00:46:48] got it and everybody's got it, but you don't need another one.

[00:46:51] So it's, it's like a double fix for us.

[00:46:53] We all unplug the wifi at a certain time.

[00:46:56] And then not only can we not use our phones, but, and nobody can call us to use our phones,

[00:47:02] but also we're also, you know, for our health reasons, we, we don't like to have the wifi

[00:47:08] on the house all the time.

[00:47:09] Yeah.

[00:47:10] And it helps us sleep better.

[00:47:11] It helps us sleep better.

[00:47:12] And it just sets that one-on-one time.

[00:47:16] And we were talking about this because we fit in our one-on-one time when we can, but

[00:47:21] there's that golden time that everybody has.

[00:47:24] What is it?

[00:47:25] After the kids go to sleep, it's hard for us because my kids, they are still young.

[00:47:31] They need me to put them to sleep.

[00:47:33] They feel this.

[00:47:35] We sleep together.

[00:47:36] So it's all of us.

[00:47:38] But daddy needs some one-on-one time.

[00:47:39] But we do need some one-on-one time.

[00:47:41] So we have to do that hard time where we have the eight to nine or eight to 10, put the

[00:47:49] kids to bed, come back, spend some really good time together, have the conversations.

[00:47:53] Because we're best friends and we want to spend time together.

[00:47:55] Right.

[00:47:56] That's so important.

[00:47:56] And we love doing it with our kids around us.

[00:47:58] We do.

[00:47:59] Absolutely.

[00:48:00] And the truth is, the truth is guys, we don't go on a lot of dates by ourselves.

[00:48:07] No.

[00:48:07] And this is controversial.

[00:48:08] I'd love to have a podcast about this.

[00:48:11] Of course we'll do it.

[00:48:11] Because it's controversial.

[00:48:13] Some people, they, it's, it's a, it's, what is it?

[00:48:18] It's like a hard no.

[00:48:19] No, the kids don't come on holidays with us.

[00:48:21] But then there's a lot of our couples that, and I saw there's even people doing some posts

[00:48:27] about it where their family goes together because it is such a short time.

[00:48:31] So you really, it's something to think about because our lives are so precious.

[00:48:38] And, um, oh my gosh, we have so much more to talk about, but our, anyway, our lives are

[00:48:44] so precious.

[00:48:45] So some people that have had, I think maybe loss in the family, they look at these trips

[00:48:51] in a different way.

[00:48:52] Don't you think?

[00:48:53] Well, yeah.

[00:48:53] I think so.

[00:48:54] I think it's just important to us.

[00:48:56] We have our kids with us all the time.

[00:48:58] We're not big fans of babysitters.

[00:49:01] And so we like having our kids with us anyways.

[00:49:03] We love our kids more than anything in the world, but we do think it's important to prioritize

[00:49:08] ourselves and we do find ways to spend time together.

[00:49:11] And we, you know, the kids to bed early and we hang out together and we have our time together.

[00:49:19] Yeah, I think that consistency is important.

[00:49:21] And then the other thing I wanted to talk about is drawing strength from faith and values.

[00:49:29] And this, this is something important for us.

[00:49:33] And we do this all the time.

[00:49:34] We pray together.

[00:49:35] And, um, it's an area where you can feel very vulnerable, but you're asking for wisdom

[00:49:42] and strength to uphold your boundaries and to strengthen each other and always pray for

[00:49:50] strength for not for just yourself, but for your spouse.

[00:49:53] They may be dealing with stuff.

[00:49:55] I mean, there's, there's all kinds of addictions.

[00:49:57] There's addictions, you know, popcorn addictions and all that kind of stuff that people are going

[00:50:03] through and that's inviting a third party into your marriage.

[00:50:07] So you have to be really careful with that type of thing.

[00:50:11] So you definitely want to pray over your values and, and your beliefs and, and the strength

[00:50:19] of your partner.

[00:50:20] I think, I think prayer is so important.

[00:50:22] It is such an intimate thing, but it, it, it will do so much for your marriage, so much

[00:50:30] for your family.

[00:50:31] So that is something that, that comes in.

[00:50:34] Keep God first place in your marriage, guys.

[00:50:36] If you want to know any better way to divorce proof your marriage, there is no better way

[00:50:40] than having God in your first in your family.

[00:50:42] Yeah.

[00:50:42] And boundaries are not walls, but safeguards to ensure respect and understanding and all

[00:50:49] the things that go along with a safe marriage.

[00:50:52] And one of the things I want to mention before we go is that the, that we, when you have that

[00:50:57] hard conversation, cause you got to have that conversation with your spouse.

[00:51:01] It's like, and to talk about boundaries, to have this conversation, if you don't have them

[00:51:05] already, if you haven't had that conversation and try, try, try not to point the finger at

[00:51:11] your spouse and say, you're doing this and you're doing that and you're doing this and

[00:51:15] you're doing that, that will not go well.

[00:51:18] Try to have that conversation about you.

[00:51:22] I am feeling, um, uncomfortable or I'm feeling hurt or sad or, um, whatever that might be.

[00:51:32] Whatever you're feeling, be very transparent because here's the thing.

[00:51:36] If you come the wrong way, it could feel like an attack, but the truth is he loves me.

[00:51:42] I love him.

[00:51:44] If he comes to me and tells me that something is genuinely hurting him, there'd be something

[00:51:50] loony toony cuckoos about me.

[00:51:53] If I wouldn't put a hard, no, absolutely not.

[00:51:57] I'm not going to do this because I care for you and I love you.

[00:52:00] So the one thing that's really important to bring up the question, what situations make

[00:52:07] you feel disrespected?

[00:52:09] Cause I feel like a lot of the guys, they need risk.

[00:52:12] They need respect.

[00:52:13] And as women we do too, but what situations make you feel disrespected or uncomfortable?

[00:52:19] I think those are the two opening questions and it'll just flow from there.

[00:52:24] Yep.

[00:52:25] Have that conversation guys with your spouse.

[00:52:27] It'll make, it'll divorce proof your marriage and, uh, have you, have you and have a better

[00:52:33] relationship?

[00:52:34] So we thank you guys for listening to this episode of the pretty and punk podcast.

[00:52:39] We hope to see you guys next week for part three of divorce proofing your marriage.

[00:52:45] And if you haven't listened to last week's podcast, be sure to listen to that one.

[00:52:48] Uh, it's an important one too.

[00:52:51] And we will catch you guys next week.

[00:52:54] Should I tell them the secret?

[00:52:56] That's a secret.

[00:52:58] Sorry, second time doing this.

[00:53:00] Oh yeah, we had to do this podcast over cause we didn't record it the first time.

[00:53:04] We got through the whole podcast, realized we didn't record it.

[00:53:06] It's so funny because I'm like, did we say that?

[00:53:08] Did we not say that?

[00:53:09] Because it's hard to remember.

[00:53:11] Anyway, here's the proof.

[00:53:13] Nobody's perfect.

[00:53:15] We love you.

[00:53:15] Have a great week.

[00:53:17] God bless you.

[00:53:18] See you guys next week.

[00:53:21] Thank you for listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:53:25] Boundaries are about building trust, love, and relationship.

[00:53:31] It's a good thing.

[00:53:32] God bless.

[00:53:34] Make sure to like and subscribe.

[00:53:36] Thank you for listening to the Pretty and Punk Entrepreneur Parent Podcast.

[00:53:41] Have a blessed week.

[00:53:43] Put your safe cards in place.

[00:53:46] We love you.

[00:53:47] Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and have a great life.

[00:53:52] Bye.

[00:53:54] Don't forget to bring your...