They Lied to You, You Were Meant to Dream and Build it Together; Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Part 10 of 10

[00:00:00] Listen, when families work together as a unit, divorce was rare. And when families work together today, divorce is rare. And when marriages have a shared mission, affairs aren't an option. You're too busy building, you're too busy focusing on each other. And when kids saw their parents building something meaningful together, something that they're included in, they don't feel neglected, they feel involved.

[00:00:33] Uh, no. Ooh, that's better, right babe? Yeah. She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:02] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. A true partner will take you close to your dreams because in your success, they see their dreams come true. A dream, your dream alone is only a dream. A dream, your dream together is reality. Quote by John Lennon.

[00:01:32] Hey guys, welcome to this episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast. I'm your host, Dan Caldwell, along with my beautiful wife. Ildiko Ferenzi. Is it recording? Yes, it is recording. I thought you were pulling my leg. Okay, great. I wasn't sure you were going to jump in there. We are so excited to be back here. Yes, we are finally here. We are here part 10 of our 10-part series on divorce-proofing your marriage.

[00:02:02] And because of that, we have something great for you. It's a free bonus for making it this far. We want to give you something absolutely free. It's our amazing marriage cheat sheet, which really is that. It's amazing. It is amazing because it's, I'll give you the title for it because it's too crazy. And this is absolutely free. We're going to give it to you. 32 stupid.

[00:02:30] Did you change the word on me? Yes. 32. You, bros. Silly. 32 silly, simple, but scientifically proven ways to make your marriage unbreakable. And, guys, we do this, you know, this is all part of the three things. I'd say if we have three pillars on this podcast, it's marriage first because if you don't have marriage, you don't have nothing.

[00:02:59] Marriage and family and business. And in that order. And it's important. And if all these three things are not working together, you're going to fall apart. You're going to fail. And you may end up in a divorce. Or you're going to have a failed business. And that doesn't help your relationship and your family. It all works together. It just all works together.

[00:03:23] So we want to give you this, this 32 silly, simple, but scientifically proven ways to make sure, make your marriage unbreakable. Because that really is important. So go to prettyandpunk.com backslash marriage cheat sheet. Again, prettyandpunk.com backslash marriage cheat sheet. And I'll also have that in the description. So if you can't remember that or you don't have a pen right now, maybe you're driving,

[00:03:53] just know it's in the description. And you can always go down there and click on the link. And we were going to have 365 points, but we had to shave it down to, I think we started at, yeah, 365. And then it went to 27. And then it went to 32. So just really good things to sit down together as a couple. Look at them. Talk about them. Stick them on your fridge. It is the S word.

[00:04:19] So, you know, it's just, it's just a really catchy title for you guys, but definitely just sit down, take a look at it, talk about it and just, I hope it strikes some great conversations. And I'll tell you the truth. Just like this, just like this 10 part series. If you do this 10 part series, if you're having trouble in your marriage right now or your

[00:04:42] relationship, if you do these, if, if you listen to these 10 episodes and you download this, um, this, uh, cheat sheet, I promise you it will fix whatever's going on in your life. I promise you it will. Because you're going to bring attention and you're going to put work into your marriage that you haven't been doing. Because you didn't know what to do. Or maybe you didn't know what to do.

[00:05:10] Maybe you didn't know what was going wrong. And this will help you figure it out. Maybe because you'll go, I wasn't doing this and I wasn't doing that. And if, and as you start to do those things, it just fixes everything. It just fixes it. And, um, not to say that everything's going to be perfect. Because things always come up. There's always different seasons. It's always something. It's a moving target, right? We're all moving together.

[00:05:36] And, um, and this, and that's what brings us to this part 10 of our 10 part series, which is we saved the best for last. But before we get into that. Really? We can't tell them the title yet. Not yet. Okay. Before we jump into that. Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast. And if you are, and you haven't already hit that liked and subscribe button, it just takes a second. It means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there to more listeners like you guys.

[00:06:05] And if you know anybody, it might help and you can send it to them. We really appreciate that too. We also love and appreciate your reviews. Even the babies look forward to them every day. If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us. We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business. And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero. That's worth a shout out. Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:06:35] And we just want to put it out there. We want to show everybody that this juggle is possible. And you are our family. And we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family. So don't forget, all the links are below in the show notes. And thank you again. And let's get back to the show. The secret we knew all along.

[00:07:00] Building shared dreams and goals protects your family from divorce. Listen, somewhere along the line, we were taught to chase success alone. I mean, that's what everybody's talking about. But history tells us a different story. When families built businesses together, they built legacies, not broken homes. So what's changed?

[00:07:27] Somewhere along the way, we lost the secret to strong marriages. When families built together, they dreamed together, they set goals together, they built legacies, not broken homes. So what changed? And most importantly, how do we get it back? How do we get back to that point? And I know you don't like the guy.

[00:07:53] I just said, but I just was reading something just a day ago about Bill Gates. And he said the biggest mistake of his life was his divorce to Melinda Gates. He said if there was one thing he could ever take back, and you know, I'm sure he had a long career business and this is in all things. If there was one thing that he could take back, he wish he could bring that back because they had built something together. Right.

[00:08:21] And even though he had already started Microsoft along the way, but the big growth of Microsoft and obviously their foundation together was during the time they were together. And they really did, you know, put a lot of good stuff together with their foundation. Although, you know, there's a whole nother thing. There's all kinds of other stuff, but I just, just reading it, you know, I was reading it for that purpose. You have a business guy. That statement alone. Right.

[00:08:50] I mean, not everybody agrees with what's going down and things that, but the statement alone. And I mean, this is what the final episode in our Divorce Proofing Your Marriage series is. We're revealing something that's been hiding in plain sight. The families that build together stayed together. And that is true because statistically, when we were doing our research and studying for

[00:09:16] the book that we're writing, we did learn that a lot of people, most people that are divorced when you ask them secretly or, or even, you know, in the, I mean, obviously they don't want to hurt the feelings of their, their new spouse, but if they could go back, would they go back and not get divorced?

[00:09:43] I mean, so much, especially in families that have had children, there's a lot of relationships out there and that they've broken up and then they got back together and their whole family got back together. And that's a happy story. But the truth is, if you had the tools and you could have fixed it then, there's absolutely no way they would have chosen divorce. Yeah.

[00:10:09] I know when we're, we are in our best place when we are building together. Yeah. When we are dreaming together. And this isn't just about building your business. This is about dreaming together. This is about. We're about to get to the tactical steps and we're going to, we're going to definitely touch on that and how to, how, how to remember to do that again. But listen, when families work together as a unit, divorce was rare.

[00:10:37] And when families work together today, divorce is rare. And when marriages have a shared mission, affairs aren't an option. It's you, you're too busy building. You're too busy focusing on each other. And when kids saw their parents building something meaningful together, something that they're included in, they don't feel neglected. They feel involved.

[00:11:02] And this is everything, especially today when there's these, the, you know, well, I mean, we see it all the time. These successful men, they're successful, successful in their business, but they've got no relationship with their children, no relationship with their wife. So are they really that successful when they're failing at home? It's heartbreaking to see. And at some point we were indoctrinated into believing that success has to be an individual

[00:11:31] pursuit. That's not what it was like years and years ago. Oh, for thousands of years. For thousands of years. The business and family should, should be separated. That's what they're saying now. That's going to, that, that the going after your dreams meant leaving your family behind. Sorry, I'm stuttering. It gets me going because when you have these shared dreams or their shared visions and you

[00:12:00] really set it down on the table, what is our God-given destiny? What are we meant to do? What is my strength? What is your strength? What is the children's strength? Don't just throw them in a, in a, you know, athletic game and, uh, baseball or football or whatever. What is their God-given dream or destiny? Sorry. I'm getting so passionate about this because when your children are young, everybody has a different talent, a different purpose.

[00:12:30] Don't go by what everybody's doing. Oh, all the moms are putting their kids into ballet or all the moms are putting their, their sons into football. Just sure. You can do that, but don't forget the bigger picture because once you lock them into these activities, that's what your life becomes. And you may have just shut off their God-given destiny and they could be on that trail with you.

[00:12:59] What if it meant traveling? You can't travel anymore when you're in that, what is it called? Like travel, travel football or whatever it is, whatever it is. It's like, you just kind of. But you never know. That may be where their direction is, but you sometimes testing them. But it kind of takes the family apart. Like when I'm talking to other moms and dads, it kind of takes apart their God-given destiny too, because they have to fully commit in this thing that they thought that they needed to do

[00:13:29] because everyone's like, oh, this is what you're supposed to do as a mom. You're supposed to be a bleacher mom or whatever they're called, soccer mom. I mean, we love the idea and what we're doing and what we're practicing is building a business together, dreaming together. We, you know, getting together as a family and talking about where we might live. We're, you know, we're constantly lately in the past few years, we've been kind of trying

[00:13:54] different places and just see where, you know, vacationing in different parts of the country and trying to see where, where we might live one day. Yeah. And I think that, you know. Maybe Italy, maybe Switzerland. Maybe Italy. We're not sure. I've talked about, nobody wants to go to Japan with me. I'm like, maybe Japan. And I, you know, I heard this, this, um, there's this amazing author, John Eldridge, and he has this great part of his book. I had to write it down.

[00:14:24] He says, and this is so perfect. It's, it's, it's one of the most perfect statements in relationships. Um, when it comes to, and especially perfect for this podcast, he says, it's in the heart of every man and every woman to share some sort of quest together to fight a great battle together. And if we can't find a great battle, we seem to start one with each other as if to satisfy

[00:14:53] that urge. That was John Eldridge, uh, from his, I think it's from his book, wild at heart. Um, but he just, that's so perfectly said, if we can't get together and you know, that part of you, when you start dreaming and thinking about, you know, building something or doing something or even a hobby that you might have when you're, when you're thinking about that, you're, it puts you in such a great mood. Well, imagine doing that together with your family, with your wife, dreaming together and

[00:15:22] building these goals together and mapping this all out. What a great mood that puts you in. I mean, and if you're both on the same page, like it's kind of like, you know how you've seen, you've seen people, um, you've seen like people rowing boats together, right? Like, like if imagine two people in a boat race and one person has two people that are rowing and the other person has one person that's rowing, who do you think is going to win? Who do you think will win?

[00:15:51] The person with two boats, with two people rowing, right? Yeah. But here's the problem. When you have a spouse that's not on that same page with you, who do you think would win if one person's rowing and the other person's rowing the wrong direction? Yeah. And I mean, then you, you have that, even though they have two people rowing, if one person's rowing against the, that, those two people are going to lose against the one person rowing.

[00:16:19] And that's exactly the thing is when you go after your own dreams and you leave that family behind, what does that give us? That gives us record breaking divorce rates, broken families, affairs, and kids that are disconnected from their, their parents. And here's the truth. A house divided cannot stand. So your example is perfect. Even, even the house divided, it will fall.

[00:16:44] It will fall guaranteed a hundred percent every time. So this episode, it's not just about why this happened. It's about how to undo the damage and build a legacy that, that keeps your family strong. So I want to slide into some tactical steps that we can implement today. And as Dan was saying, this is going to strengthen your marriage and, and even your family legacy.

[00:17:13] Number one, start dreaming together again, because when you met or when we met, we used to dream big. We used to talk about the future. Remember when you used to talk about the future together, like really close your eyes and think about it and think about the conversations that you had in the very beginning before kids, before the bills, before the grind took over. Go back to that. I mean, one of the first things we ever did when we've, our, one of our first dates,

[00:17:42] I think was, was, uh, going to Tony Robbins, uh, in Los Angeles. And we went, um, we walked the fire. I don't know if they still do the fire. I don't think it was one of our first dates, but it's definitely like, these were the types of things that we would do. It was the first couple of years of art. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you, when you, when you do those things together and you spend that time together and it could be anything. Um.

[00:18:07] You get to really see who, who you are and who I am. And it opens up those parts of you that are growing, that want to grow. Mm-hmm. And, and you can feel, I mean, and then we ended up going to Tony Robbins Business Mastery too in Florida, um, a few years later. Yeah. And that's where we met Jim Quick out there, right? Yeah. That's where Jim Quick was. Yeah.

[00:18:32] But I mean, that's where you really get together and you, you, you're at that event and you're, you're dreaming together and, and, and exchanging ideas. And it just feels, it's almost like, I can't even explain it, but it's just a great way to discover each other and to grow together. And that's ultimately what you will do when you start doing these things together. Yeah.

[00:18:57] So have those conversations and we would always talk, we would talk for hours and hours and hours. And I think it goes into late night over dinners. We would always go for great fancy dinners and then we would travel. We would travel the world to, to places that we've never been and wanted to go together for the first time. There's a lot of things that we wanted to do together that we've never done.

[00:19:22] And I feel that it's the same way now with the children, but, um, now we're dreaming with them. So this is something, an action step that you should take together. Set a time this week to sit down with your spouse, no distractions, just dreaming, talking about your God-given destiny, the things that you want to do. Where do you want to be in five years? What kind of life do you want to build together?

[00:19:48] And this has to, you have to kind of revisit this conversation every few months. I would say every six months, every three months, and definitely do the big discussion every year. Have the one together with your spouse and then bring the children into it. Let them feel, um, let them feel included. My mom was so good at this. My mother was so wonderful at this. We would dream. We would drive through the fanciest neighborhoods.

[00:20:18] We would talk about the houses that we were going to build, um, the businesses that we wanted to build together because we had many different businesses together and we would just dream. We, when we went to Disneyland, she would talk about what, what, what kind of store would, would you open up here? These are the questions that my mother would ask me. And I was telling Dan the other day that she was just so on it, on it. She was with all the trends.

[00:20:46] She would open the, the trendiest, um, like on trend things. She was before, before the trend, the before when it came to real estate or, or businesses. Anyway, it excites me. It excites me. And these are the conversations that our family has. And then number two, create a shared mission statement for your family. Businesses have a mission statement, right? Why don't families?

[00:21:15] When your family has a clear mission, everything you do becomes purposeful, right? Action steps. So this is what you do. Write in one sentence mission statement that defines your family's values, goals, and purpose. For example, we are a family that builds together, loves unconditionally, unconditionally, and

[00:21:43] supports each other's dreams, God-given destinies. That's one thing that's so important to Dan and I is we search for those signals from our children. Um, the search for the signals in, in each other. We found this podcast during the hardest time of our lives when most people probably would have given up.

[00:22:08] We decided to, to really extend ourselves to an audience that was also going through stuff behind the curtain. We decided to share some really intimate and, and, um, vulnerable things that we were going through. And listen, guys, you may be going through a hard thing right now. It doesn't mean you have to share everything.

[00:22:35] You could just say, you know, I'm going through a hard thing right now. I'm not totally, fully ready to share, but if you're going through it too, I understand, I get it, I feel it, and I'm here for you. I understand what it's like to go through hard things. You don't have to pull back the curtain all the way if you're not ready, but if you are, go for it. Because people can relate.

[00:23:02] Not everybody is having the perfect situation in life, especially right now. And, and that was just something that it's a blessing because now we've created this family business through the podcast. So it's amazing how God works and it's amazing how sometimes your hardest tragedies or obstacles can become your biggest blessings.

[00:23:27] Number three, stop separating work and family. Integrate them instead. Okay. The modern world tells you to balance work and family, but the strongest families integrate them. Your kids should see you building. Your spouse should feel included. Have you asked your wife?

[00:23:51] I mean, some people just assume that, uh, my wife is not interested in that stuff. Your wife has some of the strongest instinct, especially after children. They're like, they're like radars. This person, I have a bad feeling about them. I don't think that we should be talking to, I just don't feel good about this person.

[00:24:14] I hear this conversation from so many wives and they always end up being right. Men and women bring two different skill sets to the party. That's right. Most of the time we fit together like puzzle pieces. Yeah. Now we're, we have a lot of things that, that we're the same at, but you know, it's like in a lot of ways, there's still a lot of things that we're, that we're, that we have strengths

[00:24:41] that others are, you know, that it might be my weakness and her strength and that I might have strengths that are her weakness. And so we bring that to the party when we start a business together or you're doing whatever together and it could be a side hustle guys. It also might not even be a business. We realize that a lot of people, you know, may have already had a business. They brought a business to the relationship, um, uh, but you can still incorporate into that.

[00:25:10] Even if you're already going, it's something you can start today. Or if you have a, let's say you have a nine to five job and you have, you're actually working for somebody, but it's fulfilling because you're building something with them. You're doing something with them. There's ways to include your family in a way that, um, you're still bringing things home. You still have things that are weighing on your mind that you don't have to keep them to yourselves. You can include your family in these conversations. You can talk to your kids about what you're doing, what you're building, what's exciting

[00:25:39] you about what you do. Yes. Because when they understand what excites you, then, you know, they, they get interested and then they start to learn about what you're doing. Maybe it's important for them to learn. That's a really good, uh, that's a really good point because yes, not everybody is building a business right now or they're planning on it. They want, they have an idea of what they want to do in the future, but include your spouse

[00:26:06] in the conversations, in the decisions, in the things that are going on in your nine to five. If that's what you have right now, maybe just dreaming about it together. I mean, thinking about starting a business, if you guys are dreaming about that together and having those conversations, it may be a year, it may be two years, three years before you actually start the business. Absolutely. Maybe it's not the right time for you at that moment. Or you're trying to make some money.

[00:26:33] Put a little money aside, but you guys can keep having those conversations because those, and we do that all the time. It's going to bring you together. We talk about businesses. We may never start. Yeah. We have those conversations because they're exciting. Plus, because we have this community when we talk about these conversations and sometimes we come up, it's, it's so funny how God works because sometimes you'll come up with an idea and someone will have a problem and they'll come to you and you already know the whole

[00:27:02] game plan of how to set up the business, how to market it, how to do all these things. And it's so crazy because we were just having a conversation about this the other day. We're going to gift you this idea. Just, it's exciting to be able to help other people. And when you have these conversations in front of your children, they feel included. Don't just hush them away and push them out of the room. And you'd be so surprised.

[00:27:30] I was involved as, as a baby in my mom's businesses. I grew up in the businesses and there was several different businesses. I got to have a taste of what I liked, what I didn't like. I was in the, I was telling Dan the other day, the flipping of the houses. It was cool. It was fun, but it was also really disgusting. And I don't really wish it upon anyone else.

[00:27:57] It, it really was kind of gross, but we did make good money, but we would find it just, yeah, it definitely, it's not glamorous and you know what you like, what you don't like. Even, even some of the antiques, some of them, it was really bad shape and we had to clean it up and make it gorgeous.

[00:28:20] And it became gorgeous and you were proud of it after, but it's not always easy. But that's a good thing for your kids to know that not everything is easy. Not all businesses is easy. Sometimes you lose money. Sometimes you, and I don't like to, we never say fail in our, in our family because there's something about the word fail. Like it's a bad thing.

[00:28:47] And, and even in school, there's only one right answer. I feel like when you include your kids in business and in life and in these conversations, there's more than one right answer. Stop it. You know, in school, they're indoctrinated to think that there's all the, Oh, it's so scary to be wrong. No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're just learning. It's just an experience. Now, you know, and now you have the manual to help someone else. Yeah.

[00:29:17] I just wanted to throw out this. There's just a, there, I, you know, we always pull up some research. I was trying to find some good, good research on it, but I just found this, uh, this study from, uh, Dr. John Gottman, who I don't know, but he. Yes, we do. We read his books. Well, I do. Oh, you know who he is? Yes, of course. Okay. Well, I'm glad you know who he is. We're listening to another one of his books. My goodness. Oh, well, maybe I didn't know. Oh, is that his book? The one we're listening to right now? Sorry, I didn't know.

[00:29:47] My husband's brunette. No. I swear. What are you talking about? I didn't know the author, okay? So I was just, I was listening to the book. I didn't know who the author was. Oh, my God. I was just listening to him yesterday. So, okay. I'm crying. I can't even bring that. So anyways, he said in his research, if it's the same Dr. John Gottman, he emphasizes. Hey, I'm. You're fine. I got my own books, okay? I'm listening to.

[00:30:16] Pimpin' ain't easy or something. What did you just say? Are you serious? You just say that. I don't know. We're a family show, okay? I mean not. I mean not in the same marriage. Who was I talking to yesterday while we're listening to the audio book? Okay. I was saying. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. So I'm listening to Jocko's book and you're listening to Dr. John Gottman. Oh, Jocko has a book for kids. We'll talk about that in another one. I know he does.

[00:30:43] Well, he just says, so Dr. John Gottman, he says that when couples are setting goals together in their relationship, it can lead to a profound sense of shared meaning and enhance emotional intimacy. And reducing conflicts, which is stuff we already knew anyway and stuff we were talking about and that's why it's important. Okay, Mama. Hold on. I need a technical break for a second here.

[00:31:11] Someone's got really dry lips, so I'm going to go help her and then I will come back after I'm done with the baby. Just one second. This is life. Okay, we're back. I had to put some stuff on my baby girl's lips because they're so dry. It's so cold everywhere right now. Anyway, back to the show number four. We want to talk about setting financial and business goals as a family.

[00:31:40] I think if you include everyone, I mean, not that I think, but we know that money fights are one of the top causes of divorce, right? Right. So what if you saw money as a tool to build your family's legacy together? And if you included everyone? And because you got to let your children know that money is just a tool, right? It's a tool. It's a tool.

[00:32:08] It's not nothing to be scared of either. They got to understand what money is used for. And that money can help you as a family. It can help you help other people. It can help you in case of, you know, we've had medical situations. And if you don't have money, it's very... You won't get... It's really hard to get through some of those things. I mean, the truth is, it's the unfortunate thing is that you just won't get the treatment

[00:32:36] that you could if you don't have money to help you. Yeah. And we want our kids to know that that's important. They're going to have kids one day. They need to have the means to be able to take care of them. That's right. We were talking about this with Dan, or I was talking to Daniel the other day. And I was telling him because if he could, he would speak for free every day of his life. He loves it that much.

[00:33:03] He loves doing the things that kids his age love to do. But he came to me, he said, Mommy, when I start speaking and I do these things, I just feel like I could do it all the time for free. And we were talking about getting paid for your God-given purpose. It's not a bad thing because... And then we were talking about it and he said, you're right, because it gives you the freedom

[00:33:28] to give yourself an amazing life and to give your family freedom to have an amazing life. And when good people make good money in the world, they have that freedom, but they're able to do good in the world. So you're able to give back. You're able to take care of your family and you're able to fulfill the things that you

[00:33:58] need to fulfill. So it was just a really great conversation. I think that's one thing you need to do. You need to sit down and create a family financial plan. And talk about these things with your kids, with your wife, set business and investment goals together. Not just you and your spouse, but include your kids in this and make sure your kids understand wealth building. What does wealth building look like? They don't learn that in school.

[00:34:27] And also, you know, our kids know what would happen if something were to happen to us. And that was one thing you guys have to wrap this stuff up. And I know it's always uncomfortable, but there was one thing that we were dealing with. My mom had everything set up, but she didn't, she didn't totally finish everything. There was certain people in the will that she did not want in the will, but it was just

[00:34:56] so sudden. Like you guys just really, you guys need to have all the conversations, all her friends, her ex. That's not, this is what she wanted, but some things were not wrapped up and there was just, you know, it's just, it's an uncomfortable talk, but you have to do it. You have to do the good talks and the uncomfortable talks.

[00:35:22] So yeah, if there's, yeah, it just, it needs to be done. Number five, make your home a place of growth, not just a place of rest. I feel like we have this, this, um, wanting to, to create our homes to be this comfortable space, but most, that's what most families are using their home for a place to unwind, right? Be comfortable.

[00:35:49] But what if we also turned our place into a place to dream, a place to build and create? And that's what the last action step is here. Dedicate a space in your home for family to be brainstorming for business ideas or creating projects. Yes. Let your kids see you working. When I was growing up, we always had a, we had a family day and we always got together and

[00:36:19] did stuff together as a family. But this is the, this is an important thing. If you're going to bring your family together, it's important to do other things together, play games together, do other things as a family. That's great. But one of the things we should be doing together is sit down and dreaming together, building, uh, um, who was, uh, who's listening to you yesterday? I can't remember. Um, oh, Patrick, bet David was mentioning that he had, that he, he sat his whole family down

[00:36:46] to cut out and he bought all these magazines so that everybody could cut out and make their dream boards. Yeah. Dream boards are interesting. We actually don't have a dream board, but we definitely have the conversations. I grew up having a family meeting is what my mother called it a family meeting. Every single week we would go over things that were working, things that weren't working. Um, plus we had this family business together. So there was a lot of conversation about that.

[00:37:15] And of course the dreaming that we want, where were we going to go for, we never missed a vacation. Are we going to Europe? Where are we going for vacation? We would include all these conversations. So that was wonderful. But now we're going to go to, um, when I'm, I got to pull this up because it's a biblical reference and I really want to share it with you guys because it is so powerful.

[00:37:46] Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12. No, 9 through 12. I want to read the whole thing. So listen up with me. Close your eyes. Listen. Two are better than one. If you're driving, please keep your eyes open. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

[00:38:16] But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. So I just, I really, for me, this is very, very powerful.

[00:38:44] I get goosebumps when I read this. Um, it talks about the strength in partnership, a husband and wife working together, and it's always going to be stronger than one person struggling alone and the support in tough times. That's what we're for. I needed Dan when I was going through my thing and above all, I needed God. And that just really helped me connect with my father in heaven.

[00:39:12] But I know that Dan has a place in me where I can help lift him when he's going through struggles. So especially moments in hardship. I love the part where it talks about if one person falls down, they can help each other up. I love that. Because that's, that's the whole point of marriage, right? That's what we're all supposed to be doing for each other. Yeah. And it kind of reminds me, you know, it's like we have this thought, like when you hear

[00:39:38] the Stallone, um, Daniel does the Stallone speech, uh, or the Stallone, uh, monologue from, from one of the Rockies. And he talks about when you get, when you get knocked down, you get back up and I love that. And, and that's great. But it's starting a business or life is hard and you can get knocked down good. And sometimes, and I mean, it's always great when you got somebody supporting you, you

[00:40:05] got somebody in the background, you got your family supporting you, helping you back up and put you back in the fight and, and supporting you through that because it's not an easy thing to do. And having, I've seen people go through this by themselves. I was just talking to somebody yesterday who was going through it by themselves. They're recently separated and having a really hard time and dealing with going through it by themselves.

[00:40:32] And he's, it's hard, it's hard. And it's, and it's not easy. And you're looking for that. You're hoping for that support that you used to have. That's not there anymore. And it's, you know, it's, I don't wish it on nobody. And it's why we promote. There's a way to fix this. And I don't know, you know, not every relationship is fixable, but I think that, um, that you

[00:41:00] can always work towards not being there in the first place. Well, yes. And, and remember whatever you're going through, I mean, God has forgiven us. Look at all the grace that we've been giving and given. And that's the other thing I really wanted to touch on that, on that cord of three. We know who that is. God as the third strand, the cord of three strands.

[00:41:27] Listen, your husband, your wife, and God. And this is emphasizing that a marriage centered on faith is resilient. I love that word too, resilient. Because with the three, nothing can fail. So you have to make God the center of your marriage. So don't forget that.

[00:41:51] And then also therapists confirm, you know, we're just wrapping this up, that couples with a shared purpose experience deeper emotional connection, less temptation for affairs, a strong sense of partnership, more financial stability, and long-term happiness. And I just want to leave you with my end thoughts that the modern push for hyper independence has

[00:42:20] made people believe that they need to find themselves alone. But the strongest families find success together. And that is where I end today. Do you have any final thoughts? I just, I see, if you look, you see all the great entrepreneurs out there and they, I see them swaying. They're changing their tune. All these guys who used to do it all by themselves and they were out running around, you know, building their business self-made.

[00:42:46] I mean, shoot, I have self-made tattoo on myself and I, I realized that's one of my biggest, I mean, not that I always pushed myself, but I still go back and say, Hey, I didn't do it alone. I didn't do it alone. I always had help. Somebody was there. God was there. My friends were there. My family was there. I, I never did anything alone. I, I had to keep going. I had to make that decision that I wasn't going to give up, but. You had a lot of people against you too.

[00:43:14] I think that that was at that time when people were trying to talk you out of it. I feel like you had to do like from the stories that you tell me, there was a lot of negative things coming at you and you had to just, I think that's probably why, or I feel from the conversations, that's why you had to tattoo that on you. Plus you had to have that bad boy image.

[00:43:40] But I feel like now we, you and I, nothing can come between us. Nothing. So many things. It's so funny because you look at situations. When I look back at things that have come to try to take us apart or harm our marriage or just even innocently trying to separate us, it's not going to work. It's just not. We're so strong together. We're better together.

[00:44:10] I feel like you and I have this type of energy when we walk into a room, you say the right things, but I also say the right things and we are, have this ability to lift people, to help people. And it's our God given gift that we're able to just have this amazingness together. And I see it in the other families and couples that we work with.

[00:44:37] And I just love it because some people want to, they truly want to separate the husband and the wife when together, I see them stronger together too. And their kids running around and doing the things that kids do. And they're not, they're not freaking out and shaking because though their kids are being kids know that it's just a strong, beautiful family doing their God given destiny.

[00:45:04] So anyway, guys, just remember that this is, this has been so much fun doing this, this series. And if you haven't heard the whole series, go back and find those parts that you might've missed. So it's a 10 part series in how to divorce proof your marriage. And like I said, don't forget, we were, this is absolutely free for you guys. Go to prettyandpunk.com backslash marriage cheat sheet and, and get your free, uh, free download there.

[00:45:34] And it's something very special we want you guys to have. I promise you, if you put it into effect, you will not get a divorce. You will have a better marriage because of it. And if you listen to this 10 part series, pray every night or every morning, if you can every morning, but every, just start praying together. If you're not praying together, start praying together. We love you. God bless you. I hope you love this series and we look forward to seeing you next week. Thank you guys. See you next week.

[00:46:01] Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast about divorce proofing your marriage and sharing a dream together. We hope for you to join us next week and always make sure to never get divorced. God bless. Love you. Thank you for listening to the Pretty and Punk Podcast this week. We are the first proof in your marriage.

[00:46:31] I hope you enjoyed the series and I can't wait to see you next week. Thank you for listening. God bless. Every dad, stop yelling at your wife. You're going to prison. See you next week. Bye.