The Struggle Before Your Breakthrough: Navigating challenges on the brink of success

[00:00:00] Where you go, you know what, I don't think this is gonna work. Like it's just as much as I want it to work and it's a great idea. Right. I don't think it's gonna work.

[00:00:46] Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids, and everything in between. Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting. Roll by Napoleon Hill. Always is impossible until it's done.

[00:01:16] Welcome to the Pretty and Punk Podcast. My name is Dan Caldwell. And I'm Ildiko Ferenczi. And we're here for another great podcast. We're excited about, we're really excited about the subject because we just, we're, sometimes we try to come up with these subjects for our podcast. And we usually use the struggles that we've been through personally. Like, you know, what do we, what have we been hung up on before in our past? Or what problems have we come up against?

[00:01:44] And we figure like, if we're coming up against those problems, especially both of us. Yeah. That those are. Before we met. And during the time that we've been together. Yeah. I feel like everybody's gonna really feel, feel this one. Yeah, I think that people get something from this. So the name of this podcast is the struggle before your breakthrough. Navigating challenges on the brink of success.

[00:02:10] And I think we've both dealt with that. And I know there's people out there who are probably listening right now who've dealt with that. But before we jump into that, please be sure to subscribe to the Pretty and Punk Podcast if it's the first time that you're listening to our podcast. We're the entrepreneur, we're the podcast for entrepreneurs with kids or thinking about having kids. Business family. Business family. Empire. Empire. Empire. I think it's the podcast. Business family podcast.

[00:02:41] We changed it. We added this new piece in there. We're still trying to get it. Well, that's our channel. Yeah. So. Okay, we got it. We got it. So please subscribe. Share if you think this is somebody can get something from this. And please like the episode if you can. And I also wanted to thank you guys for all the latest comments or what is it? The reviews that you've been leaving. Daniel and Destiny are so excited every time you guys do it.

[00:03:10] But please leave your at link so that we can send you something very special. We say this every time. So we can find you. You guys are so sweet, but you're not leaving your at link so we can find you through Instagram. Yeah, we'd love to be able to share, but we don't know who to tag in the show when we. And I want to give you something very special from Dan and I and the kids. Yes. And the kids love hearing it. And it becomes the most exciting part of our dinner every night. So we appreciate you leaving those. Thank you so much.

[00:03:40] But let's jump right into it. Let's do it. Well, why don't you kind of explain what was the part that made us want to do this podcast in the first place? Well, we were having a conversation and we do this a lot. We do check-ins with each other and we just have conversations about how we've grown and how we've changed from the past to now.

[00:04:02] And even how we deal with things from before we met each other, the beginning of our relationship, because we've been together now for quite some time and now we have children. So we deal with things differently. But the one thing that I really, it just gave me goosebumps. And this is the thing and I feel like it's going to connect with you guys out there. The enemy always fights hardest when you're close to new levels of your destiny.

[00:04:31] And, you know, take that for what that means to you. But it's just... Well, I'll tell you what it means. It's exactly... And we've... This is... You know, we've come to understand that when you... And I don't... If you believe in God and we do and we believe that God affects everything that we do and we believe there's also another power, the enemy.

[00:04:56] And he is constantly trying to create strife in a relationship, in your business, because he knows when you are down, he expects that you're going to curse everything that is good in your life. You're going to drop it and give up. That failed on you. That he's going to tell you that it failed you. And it's going to cause you to give up. And when you're in that place, he knows that you're the weakest and the most vulnerable. Yeah.

[00:05:26] And we know... And I can go back to every part of my life that where I've had success and I can... And where I've persevered through a... Right before my big success, there has always been... Something that comes up. Something that came at me. Every time. Every time. Every time.

[00:05:49] For you and I both, in your past, in my past, and also growing up, watching my mom build these businesses, having the happy marriage, going through divorce, losing that business that was just... They made it. They were... They were... I want to say it. They were millionaires. They were good. And then all of a sudden, something stepped in. And it tore it apart. You know?

[00:06:18] And this is the conversation that Dan and I had. And I think that you could sit back and examine your life, even your parents' life, or your friends around you. And you're like, oh my gosh, they were this close. We were this close.

[00:06:32] And I think when we were growing Tap Out, our brand, I remember a moment when we had put every penny we had had into this company. And it was growing, and we felt like we were getting some traction finally. We have this traction, and we're sponsoring this show called The Ultimate Fighter.

[00:06:59] And it's airing on television, and millions of people are watching it on this night. Yeah. Could we hear... You know, we're getting... My website guy calls me in the middle of the fight. While we're at the fight, he goes, what is going on? What's going on right now? And I said, what are you talking about? I didn't understand what he was calling me about. And he goes, you're getting like 3,000 orders an hour right now. And the whole website is basically shut down.

[00:07:29] I'm only able to capture the credit cards because we can't process fast enough. At that time, you know, the systems weren't what they are today. And I couldn't believe it. I felt like, oh my gosh, we were on top of the world. We're like, this is so exciting. And then we get back to the office a few days later, and we're so excited about all these orders going through. We can't stop talking about it. We made it. We finally... This is our time.

[00:07:59] And the credit card company drops money in our account every day. And, you know, at that time, we're getting, you know, money. Money's coming through. We're doing fairly well at that time. It was about five years into the business, six years into the business. And we're doing okay, but this is our... This is... We're exploding now. And on the next day, no money dropped. And we're like, what? We don't... Like, why isn't any money in the account? Right. And so we were kind of...

[00:08:29] You know, as the money came in, we would use that money to print more shirts. And so we needed that money. We were self-capitalized. We had no investors. We had nobody giving us money. We were using the money that we made to print the goods so that we could send out the shirts. And so I called the credit card company. I said, excuse me, I didn't get a drop last night or this morning. And they said, oh, well, we've closed down your credit card account. And I said, what do you mean? I didn't understand.

[00:08:58] We just did this, you know, we had all these orders come through last night. We should have, you know, thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars coming through soon. And they're like, you weren't approved for that. And I said, I don't understand. You're canceling because I had too much success? And they said, yes, that's kind of exactly it. You weren't qualified to do that much business. Wow.

[00:09:24] Because they were afraid that people might be tricking the system, trying to put through a lot of orders so that they can take the money from the credit card so that they can run with it. And, you know, they get this big lump sum that they could run with it, close their company down. And we had never done that much business before. Wow. And I just couldn't understand it. And we, I mean, I couldn't for a week. I was trying to figure out a way out of it. And there was, no matter what I said to these people,

[00:09:54] they weren't going to drop that money. Dang. And I just thought, we can't print these shirts to send the shirts to the people. It was almost like a good problem. Yeah. But it wasn't because now we were going to start to get reviews and people were going to be like, these guys are a scam. They're not sending out shirts. And I just bought a shirt three weeks ago and I still haven't got it yet. We hadn't even started printing the shirts yet that we needed to send them because we didn't have any inventory system on the backside of the shopping cart at that time.

[00:10:22] And that's what I feel like happens in so many cases. I've read so many books where that's happened to people. They're on top of the world. Yeah. Everything is great for them. They're playing, you know, the sport that they always wanted to play. And then all of a sudden something happens, you know, that crushes their dream. Right. And they feel like they're never going to be able to do what their purpose, what they were meant to do in life. Right.

[00:10:52] Because they didn't find a way to get over and past it. So, yeah, I mean, it happens in marriage. It happens in business. Something will happen to your child. Something will happen to your spouse. And there's all these obstacles that come in the way. And I'm beginning to really truly believe it's not an accident. So, yeah.

[00:11:26] I mean, I'm beginning to think about it. I'm beginning to think about it. I'm beginning to think about it.

[00:12:19] Everything. He's got the mindset. He's ready to go. He's got the energy. He sells all his belongings. He buys the right equipment. And he also gets... And he finds a location that he thinks, hey, we're going to find gold here. Like, this is a great place. Uh-huh. And so he starts digging. And his instincts were confirmed. Well, he gets... He's digging and he's digging and he's digging. And weeks go by. And he finally strikes gold. Uh-huh.

[00:12:48] And he's so excited. He's found more gold than he's ever found. People are hearing about his riches. And he starts pulling all the gold from there. But then it just stops. Right. And he thinks, well, I'm going to reinvest this gold, this money that I've made. And keep digging. Because I know this is a great place. I'm in the right place. Right. And so he reinvests that gold. But then months go by. And months. And months. And months. And he doesn't find anything. And like, how is that not like businesses?

[00:13:17] He's running out of money. He's running out of drive. Everybody's calling him crazy. And, you know, finally he decides to call it quits. Yeah. He just says, I'm out of here. And he decides to sell all of his equipment for less than it's worth. And this guy, this junk man, picks it up and buys everything at pennies on the dollar. Buys his claim. The claim that he actually has. Buys his claim. And this guy says, you know what? I'm going to try my luck at this.

[00:13:47] And this guy comes in and he hires an expert. And he brings this expert in to come look over the dig that he has. And look over what the possibilities. Because this guy did find gold. He tells this expert. And the expert says, he looks over what's going on in the dig. And he goes, you know what? This guy just hit part of the vein. He went right through it. Oh, gosh.

[00:14:14] But he didn't realize that the vein runs up and down. And if he would have just dug three feet more. Just maybe two hours worth of work. Just one more day. It would have changed his life. He would have hit the biggest gold strike in that area. And this guy ended up finding it and becomes super rich. And of course... Changed his life. Yeah.

[00:14:43] The other guy was probably very disappointed, Darby. Oh, I couldn't even imagine. But it just speaks... It's a story that speaks to the idea that perseverance and your risk tolerance has to be understood before you get into a business. That's right. Because if you don't understand how much...

[00:15:03] I mean, I think about how I would approach a business today is different than I would approach a business when I was 20. Oh, absolutely. I mean, in my tap out days when we first started the company, I would have lived out of my car. Right. I would have lived on the street to make this work. The risk is different. I believed in it and I would do anything to make it work. Same.

[00:15:28] I remember when I was building my company, my partner and I, we were okay with eating noodles every day and healthy food. What is it going to last? Hopefully just a few months. Because one day... You have to sacrifice and you have to sacrifice in a different way. And you just have to keep going. And the fight, the fight is... You can be more risky. Right? Don't you think? I mean, I think you... It's more dangerous.

[00:15:58] At that time. Yeah. Right. So if you understand your risk tolerance, it's not the same risk tolerance that I have today. You know, we have to keep a roof over our heads. We have kids. We have children that, you know, we are not willing to... You know, there's a time to call it... I would say you have to go reassess yourself. Right. But the one thing I'd say you'd have to make a point about is that Darby, not Darby, the junk guy who bought his claim, brought in an expert.

[00:16:29] So I think it's about like... Surrounding yourself. I mean, you think about there's businesses out there who think they're on the right path. They feel it like... Right. I'm doing it right. Right. I know this is the right thing. But maybe you have to... If you haven't found success and it's been years... Yeah. ...maybe you don't have... You haven't brought in the right person... A hundred percent. ...to tell you what you need to be doing. Right. ...a coach or whatever that is.

[00:16:57] Now we have so much access to people. You can go out there, contact someone that has the same business as you that is doing well, and you say, listen, I'll pay you to follow you around for two weeks. You can do that. You can shadow someone. There are so many options. Before you quit... Or apprentice. Didn't you say your partner apprenticed with somebody so that they could learn how to do the trade? Yeah, we did. I was there.

[00:17:27] Yeah, I wanted to learn. Because the most important thing, I think, when you start any kind of business, and this was architectural concrete. It was concrete. We were doing concrete. I had to learn how to do it. I had to understand how the nature of the beast worked. I had to understand how long we had until it dried up.

[00:17:51] I had to understand what kind of talent we needed to hire to be able to do an executive home or a civil job or a government job. Because we sure as heck didn't want to be doing just residential for the rest of our life. Yeah, you were doing the aquarium and the airports. You want to get a $100,000 contract, not a $10,000 job. Yeah, you want to do million-dollar contracts. That's right. And you want to be booked for the next 10 years.

[00:18:18] But anyway, as I'm saying, you have to find the best. And I was in a great place because the people that were in this business were dying out, meaning they're ready to retire. They're ready to be with their husbands and wife. All the young people, they wanted to be rap stars and fame, fame. So we were kind of in the right time at the right place, kind of like the Sopranos. Nobody wants to do garbage. Let me ask you this. What?

[00:18:48] Let me turn the corner a little bit on this because some people will say, and I'm sure people have come up against this, even we have come up against this in certain aspects of our life and other businesses. Where you go, you know what? I don't think this is going to work. Like it's just as much as I want it to work and it's a great idea. Right. I don't think it's going to work.

[00:19:14] Well, for me and my experience and the people that I'm friends with, the people that we're friends with that are very successful, I think ultimately they try everything that they can. And then there comes a day when they just know and nobody knows like you know.

[00:19:35] Like you have to be so connected to every single effort and to God. Pray about it. You'll get the answer. Answer. Sometimes it's your gut, right? Right. I think there's things you learn along the way that you might not have known when you started. Oh, yes.

[00:20:02] And so you come across things in your path that you go, well, maybe this isn't what I thought it was going to be. Or maybe this isn't going to be as easy to sell as I thought it was going to be. Right. There's things you come across and it's caused you to change your mind. That's right. Or maybe along the way the world has changed. The world has changed. Your purpose has changed. Your destiny has changed.

[00:20:29] I truly do believe that the mission that God had for me in my 20s or even as a child or as a young adult, I feel like the mission and the tasks, they change. It's not the same always.

[00:20:50] Once you've completed something or even fell off track, fell off track and it needs to fall apart and you need to change your... I'm snapping. I don't know why, but I'm excited for this conversation. But it's time for something to turn around the corner and lead you to your new journey. Yeah. I mean, I could see that and it's so hard to decide when you come up.

[00:21:19] I mean, wouldn't you agree that like when you're coming up against these things, is it like, is this the enemy trying to stop me from getting past this point? I always treat it like that first. It's always got to be like this something is trying to stop me. Right. Because I'm going, I'm about to bring greatness to the world and I'm going to help people and change people's lives. And I'm going to create something. I'm going to change my family's life. Right.

[00:21:50] And, and I'm, this is about to happen. And I know, I mean, like, I think I was so convicted with top out. I, nobody could tell me different. Right. I mean, and not, and not that people tried, I think, right, we kind of just always were reassured that we were on the right path along the way. Right. So when things came up in front of us, they would, they, I mean, they would take a toll on us, but we're like, we're not quitting.

[00:22:20] Yeah. You are not going to stop us. That's right. And I think also having gone through some of those battles over and over and over again. Right. You learn from those and you get better. And stronger. You know, I'm in a valley right now, but there is a peak that, that's coming. Exactly. I am climbing up this mountain and I'm coming and watch out.

[00:22:47] I feel a lot of that is how you're raised too. Like that, just the whole mountain imagery, like my mom always said the right things to me as a child. And I think we say that to our children as well. We say the right things and we try to give them the imagery and to build their mindset so that it's, it's open. They're willing to grow or when they're frustrated and they want to do something, we really push them to do it themselves. So they're proud of themselves.

[00:23:17] And just what you were saying, it just connected with me. And I remember my mom telling me to not give up and just go for it. And she was always supportive of all my dreams, no matter what they were. But I do remember a huge part for her. And you got to imagine, you know, my dad wasn't in the picture anymore. She wasn't, you know, collecting any money anywhere, but she was so proud.

[00:23:46] She would never go on welfare or food stamps. Not saying that it's wrong. It's just for her, it wasn't right for her. And she, I remember her mom saying, just go, just go. They'll give you free food. They'll give you free money. You'll be taken care of and you can relax. And she said, if my kids see me do that, they're not going to be the people who I want them to be.

[00:24:12] And she chose to spend her nights cleaning offices and doing, just working her butt off to show us what was possible. So I just, I always remember her praying. I remember the self-talk that she poured into us. And that's so poignant. And you know what? You had, you had a great support system and that's important too. You mentioned that, but she, I don't know what she had. It doesn't have to be big.

[00:24:42] She had God. She told me every time I have God, I have God. And if I'm never, if I'm not here, you have God too. She taught me how to pray. And I remember that there was a time, you know, you fall in and out of your life path. But I'm so glad that sometimes the enemy tries to pull you out, but he, God is so strong that he will have your back even when you're not talking to him. That's how much he loves us. Absolutely.

[00:25:12] If you stay in touch, if you connect and you're, you know, I often think about early in, in, I go back to the tap out days again, but I, you know, I wasn't maybe in that place, but I was always close. I was always praying in my own way. Yeah. I wasn't, I don't think I was the same, you know, I'm definitely, I definitely wasn't the person I am today. I know. But I prayed in my own way. Yeah.

[00:25:41] And you know, like, I promise God, if you give me this, I will be good to people. I will help people. Please. You know, that's kind of, I guess, the short version. But we're his children. We're his children. He loves them. I learned to get better. And he knows that. He knows that you're going to be better at some point, you know. And he doesn't give you what you're not ready for.

[00:26:04] Cause he's like, I mean, I could just imagine as a father, I mean, you can't give everything away when you know, you know what? He's not quite ready for all of it. For sure. I mean, I, I was definitely not ready for all of it. Um, I, but I think that, I mean, you learn from those, those issues. When you go through that, you learn from that. Right. So you become better. You become stronger.

[00:26:34] Right. Now, I, what would you say to somebody who comes up against, uh, a wall like that? Something that is, that should take them down, that they believe that this is the life ruiner, you know, that, that, that they're, they run out of money. They're, they feel like they're done, but, but they feel like they have a great idea.

[00:27:00] Like they feel like they're on the brink of something, but there's no hope. Those negative thoughts are a lie. I believe that it's a lie. And if you can just get the negative thoughts out either by, as I said before, working out, praying, talking to people that you truly can trust and lean into.

[00:27:25] I mean, most of the people that we're talking to are married couples. And I feel that that's the person you're meant to lean into. Not your best friend, not anybody else. You lean into your spouse because that is who was given to you. They are, if you listen to every good speech, they thank their wives, they thank their husbands. Because those are the people that are given the blessing to lead you in the right direction.

[00:27:54] And you truly get the negative things out of your head so you can think clearly. Is this the way that you're supposed to leave your legacy? Is this the, is this what you truly believe is your destiny? Is this the thing that is going to, I'm getting goosebumps.

[00:28:18] I don't even know if I can explain this well enough, but you need to sit back, get the distractions out of the way and just really examine. Because it's a fine line, whether it's not your life purpose or it is your life purpose, right? Right.

[00:28:35] And as I said, this may change many times through your life or you could be on the total wrong side of the tracks and he's calling you back to your destiny. And it's time to go back to what you were. I would say that you always at first push through. A hundred percent. Push through. Right.

[00:29:00] Because you just don't know what's on the other side, especially if your gut says so. If that's what you, if your gut's telling you that you've done everything right. You're in the right place. You're in the place where you're supposed to be. You prayed about it. You feel it in your gut. Your people are telling you that are close to you, this is going to be huge. This is going to, this is right. You're doing great. Or they may tell you that it's not going to be great.

[00:29:29] And this is going to be your testimony. But sometimes you still know. You know. You know. There's the spirits inside you telling you you're in the right place at the right time. And if you know that, you need to push through. But the great thing is, is consult those experts. Find those people who can tell you. And, and again, take that with a grain of salt, you know, because you're, you're the person who's connected.

[00:29:56] You're the person who knows your destiny more than anybody else. That's right. And, you know, I've had experts, I had experts come in and tell me that I was full of BS and that I was going the wrong way. And they never, I had somebody literally said, an attorney who literally said, you, we, I have no idea. You, I do not think you will make it. And I don't think you have a path to any type of success.

[00:30:25] Because it was a crazy thing. That was the same thing. Me, in the world of concrete, construction. But then at the end there, they wanted to do a reality show. The Queen of Concrete. This is a great idea. It's never been seen before. Queen of Concrete. That's what we'll call it. But they start out telling you, women don't get in concrete. Like, you're not going to make it in there. You'll never make it in a man's world. Well, a woman can't do concrete.

[00:30:55] That's how they start. And they end, like you said, let's do a reality show. Let's give her all the contracts. She's, you know, she's attention to detail. She's the best at this. You know, that's how things change. And you realize it when, when all of a sudden, when you've, when you've experienced success, you realize that when you get there, that that's how everybody becomes, oh yeah, I knew you were going to make it all along. I knew you were going to be huge.

[00:31:23] I knew you, this was going to be great. But in that time when you need it the most, sometimes the only people you can rely on is you and God and the people close to you, closest to you, your family, your wife. The people that are living in division. And you just have to rely on those instincts and that, that, that your, your guidance yourself, who's going to guide you in the right direction. That's right.

[00:31:53] So we thank you guys for listening. We hope you got something from this podcast today. These are experiences that we actually, we hope that our words and things that are experiences that we've gone through can help you guys and your experiences and what you're going through. And be open to having these discussions with your kids because your mindset, they say the first three years is the most important three, four years. But then after that, just letting them see how you deal with stuff.

[00:32:21] I'll never forget the way that my mom, she's just, thank you God for that woman in my life. Like I will never forget the way she handled things. Well, she showed you through her experiences. And that's what I hope that we can do for our children. And I invite you guys to do the same. They're never, they're never too young to see how you deal with these things. And they'll remember you.

[00:32:48] You might not expect them to remember these things being three and four and five, but I remember, I remember this. They'll be telling your story someday. Yeah. So they're remember your legacy. They're part of your legacy. Yeah. Oh gosh. Okay. We thank you guys for tuning in and we'll catch you next time. Yes. God bless. Have a great day. I hope you had fun listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast. Don't forget to subscribe.

[00:33:20] If you're listening, I hope that changed your life. God bless. See you next time.