Dealing with Battle Fatigue in Life and How to Keep Moving Forward

[00:00:00] But we, you know, we were dealing with hard times and I just needed someone that would not only take my side, but really step back, take a look at the big picture and lead me the way that, let's say, Jesus would go. And she'd always make me think in a different way. And I'm so grateful for that.

[00:00:27] Uh, no.

[00:00:31] Ooh, that's better, right, babe?

[00:00:37] She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:00:40] He founded a $100 million clothing company.

[00:00:44] She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:00:47] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:00:50] Together we started a business.

[00:00:52] And had babies.

[00:00:53] Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:00:56] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:01:01] As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:05] And everything in between.

[00:01:06] There comes a time in every battle.

[00:01:09] When both sides consider themselves beaten.

[00:01:13] Then he who continues the attack wins.

[00:01:17] Quote by Ulysses S. Grant.

[00:01:19] God will never give you more than you can handle.

[00:01:23] If you have a big challenge, you have a big destiny.

[00:01:27] Welcome to another episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:01:31] My name is Dan Caldwell.

[00:01:33] And I'm here with my beautiful co-host again.

[00:01:36] And wife.

[00:01:39] Ildiko Ferenzi.

[00:01:40] Hi, guys.

[00:01:41] That's your cue.

[00:01:42] How are you?

[00:01:42] We missed you.

[00:01:43] And we got another great podcast for you guys this week.

[00:01:46] And it's something that's near and dear to our heart.

[00:01:48] Because we've dealt with it.

[00:01:50] We both dealt with it on, you know, in our lives.

[00:01:53] I think we've all dealt with it.

[00:01:54] I think everybody's dealt with it.

[00:01:56] You know, if you've ever tried to build anything or do anything or you have relationships that matter, you've dealt with this.

[00:02:03] And that is what we call battle fatigue in life.

[00:02:07] You know, dealing with daily battle fatigue when things are not quite where you want them to be.

[00:02:14] And things will come at you.

[00:02:16] And you're dealing with so much.

[00:02:18] And you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.

[00:02:22] And you're trying to get through it.

[00:02:24] You're just waiting for that sun to rise.

[00:02:27] And it just doesn't stop.

[00:02:29] It's not coming.

[00:02:30] It feels like you're stuck in it forever.

[00:02:33] Your business isn't moving.

[00:02:35] Your relationship isn't where you want it to be.

[00:02:39] You truly may be struggling right now so desperately with that relationship.

[00:02:46] You may even be contemplating divorce.

[00:02:51] You may be struggling with an illness right now.

[00:02:54] A lot of people are.

[00:02:56] And your mind tends to go in a dark direction.

[00:03:02] Don't listen to that voice.

[00:03:04] You can't.

[00:03:04] Because you can't give up.

[00:03:06] We know the one thing that we can say is that if you just keep pushing forward, you will figure it out.

[00:03:13] But before we jump into that.

[00:03:15] Before we get into that.

[00:03:16] Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:03:20] And if you are and you haven't already, hit that like and subscribe button.

[00:03:23] It just takes a second.

[00:03:25] It means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there to more listeners like you guys.

[00:03:30] And if you know anybody, it might help and you can send it to them.

[00:03:34] We really appreciate that too.

[00:03:36] We also love and appreciate your reviews.

[00:03:39] Even the babies look forward to them every day.

[00:03:41] If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us.

[00:03:46] We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business.

[00:03:51] And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero.

[00:03:54] That's worth a shout out.

[00:03:55] Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:04:00] And we just want to put it out there.

[00:04:01] We want to show everybody that this juggle is possible.

[00:04:05] And you are our family.

[00:04:08] And we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family.

[00:04:13] So don't forget, all the links are below in the show notes.

[00:04:18] And thank you again.

[00:04:20] And let's get back to the show.

[00:04:22] Remember when you feel like you can't go on.

[00:04:26] The relationship isn't going the way you want it to go.

[00:04:30] So the diagnosis is not what you wanted to hear.

[00:04:35] But it just feels like nothing is going to give you that positive break.

[00:04:42] If you have older kids, maybe they're going in a wrong direction.

[00:04:46] And you just feel like everything is going in that dark direction.

[00:04:52] Not the way you wanted it.

[00:04:54] And you just feel like you're struggling.

[00:04:55] Just remember, people, that if God allows it, he will use it for good.

[00:05:02] And God is working behind the scenes.

[00:05:05] And he will never give you more than you can handle.

[00:05:08] We all know that.

[00:05:09] And the truth is...

[00:05:11] But sometimes we need to be reminded.

[00:05:12] We have to be reminded.

[00:05:13] Because when you're in the middle of that storm,

[00:05:17] you just feel like you're never going to see that light again.

[00:05:20] That it's never going to let up.

[00:05:22] I've been there where you just like again, like this now.

[00:05:27] Oh my gosh.

[00:05:28] Like not that now.

[00:05:30] And you know, it's always something.

[00:05:32] It just keeps piling up and piling up.

[00:05:34] And you feel like you're never going to get a break.

[00:05:36] You feel like you're drowning.

[00:05:38] Yeah, you're drowning.

[00:05:39] I mean, I remember this feeling of it being like almost hard to breathe.

[00:05:45] Yeah.

[00:05:46] It physically can take over.

[00:05:48] Because you have so much stress that's coming up on top of you that it was almost hard to breathe.

[00:05:52] Right.

[00:05:53] I remember, I mean, that was, I don't know, 15 years ago, 20 years ago.

[00:05:57] And I can remember that feeling sitting right here, right now.

[00:06:02] Yeah.

[00:06:02] Yeah.

[00:06:03] I mean, I can relate to that, obviously, with the infant stages of the business.

[00:06:10] I remember my mom going through it, but not understanding what it was.

[00:06:16] Now being a mother and having a marriage, just keeping our marriage so sacred and protected

[00:06:23] because I know what she went through.

[00:06:26] And I could just imagine being a single mom with two kids, not knowing how you're going

[00:06:33] to support them, but also wanting to be this great example of not ever going on food stamps

[00:06:38] or welfare or having to beg my father for money.

[00:06:43] How do you even go?

[00:06:45] It just felt natural.

[00:06:47] Like, oh, my mom's so strong and she could figure this out.

[00:06:50] But now being a mother, I don't want that life.

[00:06:53] I don't want that life for myself.

[00:06:55] And I know even when I was being stubborn and my mom would give me advice, she said,

[00:07:01] that's just the devil.

[00:07:02] He wants you to think.

[00:07:05] Because sometimes I really can be stubborn.

[00:07:08] Like when we were going through things, I was like, forget it.

[00:07:11] I'm just, I'm done with it.

[00:07:12] And I know sometimes you may have had those thoughts too, but at least I had someone that

[00:07:18] wasn't just going to take my side and be like, yeah, you're right.

[00:07:22] He's a jerk.

[00:07:22] And of course, sometimes she did call you things.

[00:07:27] I know she was calling.

[00:07:28] In Hungarian.

[00:07:29] In Hungarian.

[00:07:30] I couldn't understand.

[00:07:31] But she was really.

[00:07:32] Idiota means something.

[00:07:33] I knew it meant something bad.

[00:07:36] But we, you know, we were dealing with hard times and I just needed someone that would

[00:07:41] not only take my side, but really step back, take a look at the big picture and lead me the

[00:07:48] way that, let's say Jesus would, would go.

[00:07:54] And she'd always make me think in a different way.

[00:07:56] And I'm so grateful for that.

[00:07:59] And even when I was going through, I feel like my illness, because I understood how to get myself

[00:08:08] out of the dark at that time.

[00:08:10] Plus I had the babies.

[00:08:11] But when I was dealing with the infertility issues and then finally getting pregnant and

[00:08:21] having that joy.

[00:08:23] But then it was like something was trying to steal that joy because my mom got diagnosed.

[00:08:29] And then we had to fight, fight, fight, fight.

[00:08:33] And she was very particular about her healing.

[00:08:36] And I had to figure out now, how can I help my mom fight this?

[00:08:42] And how can I honor her wishes?

[00:08:48] She didn't want to do chemo and everyone was telling her to do chemo and just trying to figure

[00:08:54] out what I could do alternatively to protect.

[00:09:00] It just felt so dark and I felt struggling with it.

[00:09:03] And I just wanted to be happy about my pregnancy because this, this is what I wanted to indulge

[00:09:09] myself in.

[00:09:10] But then at the same time, I think that that was the very thing that I needed to get through

[00:09:16] this darkness because I already lost my brother.

[00:09:19] My, my mom and dad's relationship ended in divorce.

[00:09:22] So that was really dark.

[00:09:24] All I had was my mom.

[00:09:25] So this was scary.

[00:09:27] And I didn't think I could ever go on if I were to lose her.

[00:09:31] So it just gave me that life to get through that darkness.

[00:09:37] And your diagnosis came right behind that.

[00:09:40] Right.

[00:09:41] That was a different thing.

[00:09:42] But I think because I understood at that point, it's just funny how God works.

[00:09:49] I understood at that point to, I can't explain it, Dan.

[00:09:57] God was behind the whole thing because I should have been, and there was times, don't get me

[00:10:03] wrong.

[00:10:04] I remember, and I found some, some clips.

[00:10:07] People are like, why would you record yourself doing this?

[00:10:10] To other people.

[00:10:11] I've never released it.

[00:10:13] But sometimes you just want to document the moment.

[00:10:16] And I remember driving by myself.

[00:10:19] I didn't want to bring my kids to the, you know, the chemo hospital or the C word hospital.

[00:10:25] I didn't want you coming because I didn't want you to see how bad it actually was.

[00:10:30] So I'd go to these appointments by myself.

[00:10:33] And I definitely, you know, people are struggling with their immunity.

[00:10:36] They're very sick there.

[00:10:38] So I would go by myself.

[00:10:40] And I know that this isn't a thing.

[00:10:41] Everybody wants their whole family around them.

[00:10:43] But I just had this different mindset of protecting my absolutely no way.

[00:10:49] Even when I went through the surgery, you were not in the hospital.

[00:10:51] I didn't want you in the hospital.

[00:10:52] I wanted you strong.

[00:10:54] I wanted the kids strong.

[00:10:55] But this is something I learned from my mom.

[00:10:57] I would not keep you in the hospital.

[00:11:00] And I just remember screaming and crying.

[00:11:04] And sometimes I'd record myself or I'd record myself in a really bad state.

[00:11:09] But then after, as soon as I got home to you and the babies, I felt such enormous gratitude

[00:11:16] and joy and, um, and peace.

[00:11:21] And I was so happy.

[00:11:23] Nobody knew what was going on behind the scenes.

[00:11:26] And then, of course, on the biggest day when I was supposed to fly out of the country and

[00:11:31] do alternative medicine.

[00:11:32] But the thing that changed my mind very quickly was when I had the talk with the doctor.

[00:11:38] Of course, I said, do you believe in God?

[00:11:41] He basically said, no, he didn't.

[00:11:43] I said, that's okay because God's going to be healing me through your hands.

[00:11:50] And I wasn't going to do the surgery.

[00:11:53] You weren't there.

[00:11:55] I was alone.

[00:11:57] Knowing that he just told me I'm, I may not make it.

[00:12:01] They were going to take out vital organs and, and do bypasses and all this crazy stuff.

[00:12:07] It was approximately going to be a four hour, five hour surgery.

[00:12:13] It ended up being almost nine.

[00:12:15] And I, I just, I can't, I should have been terrified.

[00:12:20] I should have been scared.

[00:12:22] I didn't want to do this.

[00:12:24] It's going to change my entire life.

[00:12:26] I understand like with the biohacking and all that stuff that I do, I understood what

[00:12:30] it could do to the microbiome, like just everything.

[00:12:34] It just wasn't going to be good.

[00:12:36] But I also understood that if I was going to go heal in another country, I wasn't going

[00:12:43] to be, I wasn't going to be with my babies.

[00:12:46] My babies weren't going to be there.

[00:12:48] And that terrified me.

[00:12:50] And somehow I just said, okay, let's just do this.

[00:12:53] I was already working on other things for months.

[00:12:58] I kept putting off this surgery for months and months and months.

[00:13:01] They already said you're nuts, but somehow things kept changing for better and better.

[00:13:10] I was supposed to do, you know, radiation, chemo, all this other stuff.

[00:13:14] And, and I just, I don't know.

[00:13:17] I just kept getting answers and prayers were getting answered.

[00:13:20] God was sending the right people into my life.

[00:13:24] Like it was just the craziest, craziest thing.

[00:13:27] Divine interventions.

[00:13:29] All these things were happening.

[00:13:31] And I'm telling you, when I decided in the last minute to do this surgery, nobody was there.

[00:13:38] You'd think that you'd have somewhat of a nervous breakdown, but I'm telling you that

[00:13:44] I felt so much peace and love and like this warm embrace.

[00:13:51] And I just knew either decision would be the right decision.

[00:13:58] I know either decision would have been the right decision, but I didn't want to be away from my babies and my family.

[00:14:08] Like I wanted to be with them.

[00:14:10] I didn't want to go alone and I was already doing everything I could in the country and things were getting a lot better.

[00:14:18] And the news was good anyway.

[00:14:20] I don't want to drag this on, but I'm just telling you that during your hardest times, you have to look at it in a different way.

[00:14:28] You have to switch that switch and just for me being close to God and believing that the healing was possible,

[00:14:41] that everything that the diagnosed, everything that everybody told me to not take it seriously.

[00:14:49] I know this sounds so crazy, but just even just even the short time that I was supposed to have on this earth, like just throw it out the window.

[00:15:01] It doesn't have to be concrete.

[00:15:04] There is miracles and just find the joy in all that stuff.

[00:15:10] I think this is getting a little off topic, but maybe I do believe a lot of people are really struggling right now with illness, potential divorce.

[00:15:23] Just don't take it so serious and look for other alternatives.

[00:15:28] Don't just depend on the people that tell you you have to do certain things.

[00:15:32] Be open.

[00:15:33] Ask for community or people, divine interventions.

[00:15:39] Start studying.

[00:15:40] Don't just trust what people say.

[00:15:42] Don't just take on different things that can really alter your life.

[00:15:48] Look for different answers.

[00:15:50] They're out there in your business, in your healing, in your relationship.

[00:15:56] It doesn't have to be so concrete.

[00:15:59] Does that make sense?

[00:16:01] Yeah, I mean, I think, well, I think the one thing that I heard in that when you were talking about it was that when you started like concentrating on your babies, you know, us when we were, because I was in there when we were talking to the doctor to make the decision.

[00:16:18] Right.

[00:16:18] And I told you, I said, just, well, I said, just go home because I'm not doing it.

[00:16:23] I told them, I said, go.

[00:16:25] My mom was there.

[00:16:27] They had a hotel.

[00:16:28] And I said, just go because I'm not going to do it.

[00:16:31] And then I called you later and said, I'm due.

[00:16:34] I am going to do it.

[00:16:35] And you guys are like, what?

[00:16:38] What?

[00:16:39] And I said, I'm already.

[00:16:41] Well, I was already grabbing the babies.

[00:16:42] But here's what I think, though, that when you refocus and it's like when this happens for anybody, whether it happens in your business or in your relationships or it's an illness.

[00:16:53] That when you refocus on why you're doing what you're doing, what you're why are you here?

[00:16:59] Why are you trying to create this business?

[00:17:02] Why are you trying to make your relationship work?

[00:17:05] When you when you think about the end of the game, what are you trying to actually do this for?

[00:17:14] That everything is gets clear and you start to regain that purpose again.

[00:17:19] You start to regain that energy again.

[00:17:21] Right.

[00:17:21] To weather that storm.

[00:17:23] Right.

[00:17:23] Because there's always going to be storms.

[00:17:25] And don't get me wrong.

[00:17:26] But sometimes it's just longer than others.

[00:17:27] It's hard when you're building the business, the techniques and the things that you're doing.

[00:17:31] It's very hard.

[00:17:33] And during my healing process, it wasn't just a miracle happened.

[00:17:37] I was working very, very, very hard, very strategically doing alternative things.

[00:17:44] And it wasn't easy.

[00:17:45] It's not for everybody.

[00:17:46] I could I had to cut things out of my life that are still cut out of my life, although

[00:17:53] it's a little bit more flexible now.

[00:17:55] But it was very, very strict and hard, hard.

[00:18:01] You know, I hate saying that.

[00:18:04] Can we just never say, you know, again?

[00:18:08] Yeah, I know.

[00:18:09] I don't know where that came from.

[00:18:09] When I was, you know, and I feel that because it's, I think that we're all going to work

[00:18:18] hard and we feel like that, you know, when the stress starts coming down on top of you

[00:18:23] and you're trying to keep, you're trying to keep moving forward and you're trying to

[00:18:27] stay focused on your goals.

[00:18:29] Yes.

[00:18:29] And what you're ultimately trying to create, it feels like, why is this all happening to

[00:18:37] me right now?

[00:18:38] Like, why is this all piling up on me right now?

[00:18:40] Can I just get a break?

[00:18:42] Can I have just one break where everything just works out?

[00:18:46] Yeah.

[00:18:47] And this isn't as serious, but when we were starting our business, you know, it wasn't

[00:18:51] too long after I had lost my job.

[00:18:53] But it is serious because it puts bread on the table.

[00:18:56] Anything to do with financial stress is serious.

[00:19:00] Well, yeah.

[00:19:00] I mean, it feels serious in the moment.

[00:19:02] You can lose your home.

[00:19:03] You don't have the ability to eat, to be warm.

[00:19:09] Things get shut off.

[00:19:10] I mean, that's what it felt like.

[00:19:11] We were starting the company.

[00:19:12] We weren't making any money.

[00:19:14] I had a second job, but you know, all the money was going towards building the business.

[00:19:18] Right.

[00:19:18] And for the next seven years, you know, that's that battle fatigue because you're dealing with

[00:19:25] it for seven years.

[00:19:26] It's not like, oh yeah, next year it's going to get better or six months from now it gets

[00:19:30] better.

[00:19:30] It never got better for seven years.

[00:19:34] We had little wins, but you would like have this big win.

[00:19:39] Like we'd go to Vegas and, and we'd have this great show and we get all this exposure.

[00:19:44] We were like, we just, we were in this UFC.

[00:19:46] We just had three guys wearing our, our, our stuff, our tap out stuff.

[00:19:51] And now, you know, we're on the mat or we're, you know, something else is going to something

[00:19:56] else.

[00:19:57] Great happens.

[00:19:58] You know, we have this great party afterwards.

[00:20:00] It's like, everybody's talking about us.

[00:20:02] We're on the news.

[00:20:03] You know, all these great things are happening.

[00:20:05] And then you get home and you can't pay the rent.

[00:20:08] Right.

[00:20:08] And you're like, really, really?

[00:20:12] Like all these great things just happened to us.

[00:20:14] Like the last day and last three days.

[00:20:18] And now we get home and I can't even pay a $2,500 a month rent.

[00:20:23] And I don't have enough.

[00:20:24] I don't even have enough money to put gas in the car.

[00:20:27] It's like, does that really have to happen?

[00:20:30] And you just, the stress that comes down on you is, is, feels like it's crippling at the

[00:20:37] time.

[00:20:37] Yeah, that's right.

[00:20:38] And you're trying to get your way through it and you're trying to get your footing and

[00:20:42] it just feels like you're never going to get your footing.

[00:20:44] Yeah.

[00:20:45] And I do remember my mom going through it and that, but, and it's almost like you have to,

[00:20:51] I'm just going back to your story because I like, I mean, seven years is a long time.

[00:20:56] They usually say in the first two years, if it doesn't pan out, you can consider pivoting.

[00:21:03] That's something that my mom taught me, although I stuck with it, but we were fortunate enough

[00:21:09] in all aspects of life in two years, you kind of see where you're at.

[00:21:15] Are you getting better?

[00:21:18] Like, are you getting better or are things still really in that bottom infant stages for my acting

[00:21:27] career?

[00:21:28] After two years, my batting average was really high and things were really, really good.

[00:21:33] I was booking a lot with the architectural concrete company.

[00:21:36] Two years we were getting, we no longer were getting residential.

[00:21:41] We were getting executive homes, commercial, and all the great big contracts coming in.

[00:21:50] So that must've been really a struggle for you.

[00:21:55] I mean, you must've seen something aspire within the two years.

[00:22:00] See, and that's what people don't do.

[00:22:02] What was the clues?

[00:22:03] Was it seeing yourself on the mat and you understood, uh, or even locking yourself in

[00:22:08] a long-term kind of contract?

[00:22:11] I think that those things are promising.

[00:22:14] So you keep moving forward with that.

[00:22:16] Yeah, so we didn't, we didn't have that, but we had those little wins.

[00:22:19] And I think that's what so many people don't do is they don't stand back and take that,

[00:22:24] the little wins, you know, stay, stand back and look and go, how much further am I than

[00:22:31] when I first started?

[00:22:33] Right.

[00:22:33] Yes.

[00:22:33] That's important.

[00:22:34] Because it's so easy to get caught up in those moments and go, oh my gosh, you know,

[00:22:39] I can't pay the rent.

[00:22:40] I have no money.

[00:22:41] I have, you know, nothing in the checking account.

[00:22:44] How are we going to pay for this next week?

[00:22:45] There's no way we have money to, to go to this next show that we have to go to.

[00:22:50] We can't print more shirts.

[00:22:51] There was always something going on that I could look, if I want to look through my negative

[00:22:56] glasses.

[00:22:56] Yes.

[00:22:58] I would have a ton, you know, a ton of things to point at.

[00:23:00] Right.

[00:23:01] But if you stand back and you go, well, how much further am I?

[00:23:06] And for anybody who's listening, who's going through this or dealing with something like

[00:23:09] this, how much further am I than when I started?

[00:23:14] We were just having this talk with the podcast.

[00:23:17] You were like, we were like, oh, we want to be so much further.

[00:23:20] And, um, and, and, and I said, yeah, but look at where we are right now compared to

[00:23:25] where we were when we started.

[00:23:26] You started this from nothing.

[00:23:28] We had a converse like a year ago and we were kind of front.

[00:23:31] And then it was top, top five.

[00:23:34] And then there was just all the signs.

[00:23:37] And also it's a white space.

[00:23:39] There's really nobody out there that's talking entrepreneur parent.

[00:23:45] This is something that everybody's going through, but there was a white space.

[00:23:50] So it became very big, very quickishly.

[00:23:54] But it was, but it was easy to go at that time go.

[00:23:56] Yes.

[00:23:57] We had these big audacious goals.

[00:23:59] Right.

[00:23:59] And we weren't there yet.

[00:24:01] And it's easy to stand back and go, why aren't we there yet?

[00:24:04] Why aren't we doing this?

[00:24:06] Why aren't that?

[00:24:06] Why isn't this happening?

[00:24:08] You know, why aren't these things that we wanted to happen aren't happening yet at that

[00:24:11] time, but yet we're, but, but we're not standing back and going, look, we're on, we're in the

[00:24:17] top 10 on Apple podcast right now.

[00:24:20] Top five.

[00:24:20] Yeah.

[00:24:21] So, you know, how are you not standing back and going, this is great.

[00:24:26] You know, our, our, our Instagram was exploding.

[00:24:29] You know, how are we not appreciating those things that are happening?

[00:24:32] Because it's so easy to get that tunnel vision and go, why are all these things happening?

[00:24:40] Why, why isn't this happening for me?

[00:24:42] Yeah.

[00:24:42] Although we didn't have the real stress of that.

[00:24:45] You know, there wasn't a lot of stress, but I'm just saying it was easy to go.

[00:24:47] Right.

[00:24:48] Not stand back and look at what the good things are happening.

[00:24:51] That's right.

[00:24:52] That's right.

[00:24:52] And even just thinking back on things in the past and even watching people around you,

[00:25:00] when I was going to make this point of my mom, when she was building the jewelry store.

[00:25:05] And I remember all the businesses.

[00:25:06] I remember the struggles and the wins, but there was just one moment that was so, that

[00:25:13] I can't forget because my mom was fighting tears.

[00:25:17] She's driving, she's fighting tears.

[00:25:19] We could see it, mom, what's wrong?

[00:25:21] And she was so disappointed in herself because she said, I could only, I only have enough

[00:25:30] money for milk and bread today.

[00:25:33] And she was about to cry.

[00:25:35] And my brother is such an incredible human being.

[00:25:39] He was just the best example for me.

[00:25:42] And he was an earth angel.

[00:25:44] He didn't do anything wrong, but I just will never forget that he just turned it into this.

[00:25:50] That's awesome.

[00:25:52] We have money for milk and bread, my favorite.

[00:25:55] And just the way that her face turned to happiness.

[00:26:00] And yeah, I did.

[00:26:01] I made enough for milk and bread.

[00:26:03] That is amazing.

[00:26:04] So it wasn't a big win.

[00:26:07] Most people wouldn't think it's a big win, but some people don't even have that.

[00:26:11] So he just had this mindset that was so, so ahead of his time.

[00:26:17] And even trying to understand how my mom went on with all the pressures that she was dealing

[00:26:24] with and then to lose a child and then have to go on for me and for herself.

[00:26:31] Because when my brother passed, this perfect kid that was even trying to, he was just so

[00:26:43] conscious of everything.

[00:26:45] Not only did, you know, we had our own business, but he didn't want to take money off the table.

[00:26:52] There was other people in the family that would come to my mom and ask for money all the time.

[00:26:56] And trust me, she's had her issues with that till the day that she, you know, it's just been

[00:27:03] ongoing.

[00:27:04] But he just had this different mindset where he even went to go work a hard labor job that

[00:27:11] she begged him not to do, but he didn't want to take.

[00:27:15] He wanted to give and be a blessing and to help us.

[00:27:19] And just that feeling of how did she even get herself out of bed after losing David?

[00:27:30] And I mean, that moment must, and I don't know how close, you know, eventually she, she

[00:27:35] closed down the jewelry store to go do real estate.

[00:27:38] But, you know, I mean, all that stuff must've been happening together.

[00:27:41] Well, on top of that, after David passed a few years after getting herself, you know, because

[00:27:49] she had to grieve a little, the business wasn't as booming.

[00:27:54] She had to get back her, I can't explain what it's like unless you've lost a child.

[00:28:01] And I know people have, have even come to me my life and I was just disgusted when I would

[00:28:07] try to encourage people, you know, my mom, she, she lost her, her child.

[00:28:13] And I was just trying to get negative people in my life to understand the things that she's

[00:28:20] come over and they're like, Oh, quit acting like woe is me.

[00:28:23] And I remember telling my mom and she was terrified.

[00:28:26] She said, they actually said that God protect them that nothing ever happens to them and

[00:28:32] their family that they ever have to go through that.

[00:28:34] Because there was some really mean people in our life, but she just had this, I can't even,

[00:28:47] I can't, I'll never be able to put it into words, but the way that she pulled through that

[00:28:53] finally got on her feet and then all of a sudden gets robbed at gunpoint.

[00:28:59] And then after that, having to have to come through that.

[00:29:03] And that affected me because I was there that day.

[00:29:06] So we've been through a lot, but then overcame it.

[00:29:11] And that's really what battle fatigue is.

[00:29:13] That's a lesson.

[00:29:14] It's dealing with one thing after another thing after another thing.

[00:29:19] And they're not small things.

[00:29:19] And it never lets up.

[00:29:21] It's not small things.

[00:29:22] And I think the only way to get through it at the end of the day, the only way to get

[00:29:27] through it is to ultimately see the positives in what's going on around you.

[00:29:33] And there are always going to be some positives.

[00:29:36] You know, it's not going to be, I think, I think in, if you're running a business and you're

[00:29:42] building a business, whether that's your mailing list has grown or you're reaching more

[00:29:48] people or your, your sales are going up, even if they're not going up at the pace that you

[00:29:53] want them to go up to, or, you know, whatever that might be in your relationships, you're

[00:30:00] maybe you're growing, you're doing little things that are helping you grow closer.

[00:30:03] Even if you're still having these issues, you know, you got to find what are these

[00:30:08] little wins that are, that are putting you in a better place than you were.

[00:30:13] Right.

[00:30:13] Because obviously when we were building our business over that seven years, if you look

[00:30:17] at the money, if you just looked at money, how much money we were making, we were growing

[00:30:23] a hundred percent a year, sometimes two to 300 percent a year.

[00:30:28] Yeah.

[00:30:28] So the money's getting better.

[00:30:30] Now it wasn't getting better in our pockets because we were spending more money, but something

[00:30:36] was good was coming out of that.

[00:30:38] Well, also I like to look at it like this and I mentioned already, if, if God didn't

[00:30:44] have a purpose for it, he wouldn't allow it in your life, but you're also creating the

[00:30:50] survival manual for other people.

[00:30:54] I feel like when you have these strong stories that you become a shining light for other people

[00:31:02] that are just trying to figure it out and you are able to relate to these people and have

[00:31:10] a compassion and just pull them out of the trenches.

[00:31:14] It is a blessing.

[00:31:16] So just remember when you're going through it, remember every tactic that pulled you out

[00:31:23] of it.

[00:31:23] Or even if you're watching your mom, for example, or your father or your siblings go through

[00:31:30] something, really take note of how they're digging themselves out of this and how they're

[00:31:36] getting through it.

[00:31:37] Because this is a valuable survival manual for people that are going through it and you

[00:31:43] have a compassion and you're able to connect.

[00:31:46] I feel like for me, this is such a blessing because I am so interested deep.

[00:31:53] I would never say to someone, oh, quit telling me or stop.

[00:31:56] I don't care.

[00:31:57] I don't think anybody's trying to get support or attention or I think they're trying to connect

[00:32:06] with other people that are going through this thing to lift them out of the dirt, to save

[00:32:12] them from drowning.

[00:32:13] I feel like once you've gone through something or been so close and in that danger, there is

[00:32:21] just this thing in your heart that makes you want to help other people.

[00:32:29] And I feel like this really helps with this.

[00:32:31] You can relate to other people's problems.

[00:32:33] And I feel it in our podcast.

[00:32:35] I know that our producers are really focusing on, on just you and I, because we have a lot

[00:32:40] going on or had a lot, have a lot.

[00:32:44] We have a lot of experience that we've gone through in our life.

[00:32:48] So we wouldn't even ever have to do another interview, but I do love it.

[00:32:52] I do love it because I love to have the conversations with people that they don't often get to have.

[00:32:59] I get to hear their secrets.

[00:33:01] I get to hear their struggles.

[00:33:03] I get to pull back the court.

[00:33:05] Well, you and I, you not, I, I hate saying I, but we together,

[00:33:10] we get to pull back the curtain and share with our audience the things that other people are going through.

[00:33:18] There is nothing more powerful.

[00:33:20] If you're a young person right now, go take someone older out for, I don't really drink coffee.

[00:33:28] You do tea, lunch, whatever it is.

[00:33:31] I like coffee.

[00:33:31] If somebody has gone through, they're not really, anyway, if somebody has gone through something in life,

[00:33:41] let them talk about it to you.

[00:33:44] You're going to learn the greatest lessons.

[00:33:46] How can you be a blessing to other people also?

[00:33:48] Like, you know, how can you just being a listener sometimes?

[00:33:51] Yes, yes.

[00:33:52] When people are dealing with this much stress, sometimes.

[00:33:55] That's true.

[00:33:55] Just going to somebody who you know is going through a lot right now and say, you know, what, what, you know,

[00:34:01] can I help you with anything or tell me what you're going through?

[00:34:05] Just listen.

[00:34:06] Just be in here.

[00:34:07] Because sometimes they just need to get it off their chest, you know, all the things that they're dealing with.

[00:34:11] Because they might not be able to tell anybody.

[00:34:14] I mean, when, I know I didn't feel like telling anybody because I didn't want to be that sob story guy.

[00:34:20] I'm like that.

[00:34:21] Like, I can't pay my rent right now and I'm trying to figure out how to pay my rent.

[00:34:26] And I don't want to tell anybody that because you're feeling like a loser.

[00:34:31] Well, I feel this.

[00:34:34] When I'm going through something hard and I see it in you, when we're going through something hard or have gone through something hard.

[00:34:42] And I was just explaining this to a good friend of mine the other day and my girlfriend already knows it.

[00:34:48] But why didn't you call me in those times?

[00:34:54] I said, I don't like to talk about it until after I've already gone through it.

[00:35:02] Right.

[00:35:02] But while I'm going through it, I don't want to talk about it because I'm waiting for it to get better.

[00:35:08] Yeah.

[00:35:08] You want to tell the good story.

[00:35:10] Yes, I don't.

[00:35:11] The ending hasn't happened yet.

[00:35:13] Yes.

[00:35:13] And that's, I mean, and then that's exactly, that's exactly the thing.

[00:35:18] I don't want to talk about it.

[00:35:20] I go radio silent until things are good.

[00:35:25] But that's a lesson too is that you can't always wait that sometimes it's a long time.

[00:35:33] Yeah, I remember.

[00:35:33] And it's been, it was a long time.

[00:35:35] I remember there was a study on resilience.

[00:35:38] I don't remember all the specifics, but I was trying to like figure out an explanation of why I'll never give up.

[00:35:48] You know, why I always just feel like no matter what happens, I'm not going to give up.

[00:35:53] I don't care what happens.

[00:35:54] Right.

[00:35:55] And I just remember the study saying that people who believe that they're going to learn a lesson from their hard times, whatever they're going through, they feel like there's a lesson in it.

[00:36:07] Yes.

[00:36:07] That are twice as likely to get through it without, you know, unscathed or whatever.

[00:36:12] And it's, and I felt like that was me.

[00:36:15] Like I'll, I will never give up and I will always look for the lesson in what I'm going through.

[00:36:21] Like right now I'm meant to learn how hard this is so that when things get a little bit easier,

[00:36:28] because after those seven years, so for seven years we struggled and we were building the business and we were putting all of our money back into inventory because we hadn't taken on any money.

[00:36:39] So we're all self-capitalized.

[00:36:41] But then all of a sudden one day I literally went from making, I think I was making, I want to say I was paying myself at that time.

[00:36:48] This is seven years in.

[00:36:50] I was paying myself $2,000, $2,500 a month.

[00:36:54] And I went from paying myself $2,500 a month, which I had to pay my rent out of and pay this out of and pay that, you know, all my food, everything was coming out of that $2,500.

[00:37:03] I went from making $2,500 a month to the very next day I had a million dollars in my bank account and I was making $25,000 a month.

[00:37:14] So that was like all the weight came off my shoulders.

[00:37:19] You know, finally it were up at that, you know, you're in these valleys for so long you think you're never going to get out.

[00:37:25] And that's when all the calls start coming in too.

[00:37:28] Hey buddy, how's it going?

[00:37:31] Yeah.

[00:37:32] You know, one of the greatest quotes I think of all time is this quote by Ulysses S. Grant, where he said,

[00:37:42] there comes a time in every battle when both sides consider themselves beaten.

[00:37:50] Then the person that continues the attack will win that war, win that fight.

[00:37:57] And I love that because it's, it's, there is hardly a truer statement that when you get to that point where you and your enemy or whoever that might be,

[00:38:07] that your competition or, you know, whatever that is, the person, the, your own self,

[00:38:14] if you were just willing to go beyond that, beyond what you think you can, beyond what you feel like is possible and push through and just keep going,

[00:38:27] that you will get there.

[00:38:29] You will get to where you're trying to get.

[00:38:32] You will fix that relationship.

[00:38:33] You will, if you're putting in the work, you will get to build that business that you've been trying to build.

[00:38:41] It will become successful.

[00:38:43] It will start to become profitable.

[00:38:46] And it all of a sudden, all those, all that weight will be lifted.

[00:38:51] And in some ways, it'll feel like it never happened.

[00:38:55] You know, you almost forget what it felt like to be in that bad position because it's all fixed now.

[00:39:02] Right.

[00:39:02] And you're past it.

[00:39:03] But try not to because it, I mean, don't hold the negative and painful things.

[00:39:08] No, you're written a lesson for a reason.

[00:39:09] You're going through that for a reason.

[00:39:10] But you try not to forget because that just gives you so much gratitude.

[00:39:14] Oh, you can't.

[00:39:16] You have to remember.

[00:39:17] Right.

[00:39:18] And the Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 6, 9,

[00:39:22] Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest.

[00:39:31] If we do not give up and know that every effort you're making, whether in business, family, personal growth, healing, that it has a purpose.

[00:39:43] Trust that God is at work even when results aren't immediate.

[00:39:48] Your faithfulness, even though, even through hardship will lead to a breakthrough in time.

[00:39:56] And I have to add that.

[00:39:58] Because our time is not God's time, right?

[00:40:01] Right.

[00:40:01] I mean, he has a different...

[00:40:03] And everybody's journey is different too.

[00:40:06] So never...

[00:40:07] I remember when I was really young, there was this moment when I would envy people because they had easier lives.

[00:40:17] They still had their dads.

[00:40:18] They were...

[00:40:19] Everything was easy.

[00:40:20] Their mom was a stay-at-home mom.

[00:40:22] They were...

[00:40:23] We lived in a very wealthy neighborhood because my mom worked very hard.

[00:40:28] But I did notice that people around us didn't have to work as hard.

[00:40:34] There was two people in the family.

[00:40:36] But she wanted to set an example.

[00:40:39] And here's the thing.

[00:40:41] Little eyes were watching her.

[00:40:42] And I now recognize this.

[00:40:44] I can't give up.

[00:40:45] I have to definitely keep that self-control with the food that I eat, the healing that I do.

[00:40:53] Because I need them to know if they ever run into some kind of danger, that they can do it too.

[00:40:59] There's things that they could do with self-control and commitment.

[00:41:03] And whether it's building it, whatever we're doing, they are a part of it.

[00:41:08] And they see it all.

[00:41:10] And that's what I did when I was a kid.

[00:41:14] And I understand now what my mom was doing and why she did so much harder.

[00:41:19] She took advantage of her situation but used it for good for an example for David and I.

[00:41:25] Yeah.

[00:41:26] I mean, what a blessing that you were able to see that from your mom.

[00:41:32] Because we've said this in the podcast before.

[00:41:34] You truly learn as parents, you know, just note to self, as parents, your kids learn from watching what you do.

[00:41:43] They become what you are.

[00:41:44] Not what you tell them to do.

[00:41:46] Yes, all habits.

[00:41:47] So you can go tell them to work hard.

[00:41:49] But if you're not working hard, if you're sitting at home on the couch watching Netflix, they're not going to learn a lot from you.

[00:41:54] She wasn't gossiping.

[00:41:55] She didn't have a whole bunch of, you know, like people that sit and chit chat and drink and that.

[00:42:04] There was none of that.

[00:42:05] It was all very strategic.

[00:42:08] She had great friends that loved us.

[00:42:11] And only those people were allowed, the people to be around her, the family friends that wanted the best for all of us and included us and challenged her and were honest with her.

[00:42:24] And those are the people I like to have in my life.

[00:42:27] And I know you too.

[00:42:29] Absolutely.

[00:42:30] And you got to surround yourself with that, with those type of people.

[00:42:33] We're here for you guys.

[00:42:34] We're your community.

[00:42:36] Absolutely.

[00:42:36] And when things get hard, if you don't have people like that around you or you don't have, you know, you aren't investing in yourself, you know, educating yourself, surrounding yourself with positive stuff and positive influences,

[00:42:51] whether that be books or podcasts or people.

[00:42:56] And a spouse.

[00:42:56] And you need all of it.

[00:42:57] A spouse that can carry you while you're going through the thing.

[00:43:01] Even when you're frustrated all day, someone that could not only carry you through your business and the hard times, but even when you're dealing with the kids,

[00:43:12] someone that could just put their hand on your shoulder when they see you start to struggle and just like that hand on your shoulder means, okay, go.

[00:43:21] I got this because you've been overstimulated all day and I just don't want you to see you go to this place where you don't want to go.

[00:43:30] I got you.

[00:43:31] I got you.

[00:43:32] And I think as entrepreneur parents, we need that spouse that we could lean on or also carry our mate while they're dealing with stuff.

[00:43:42] Yeah, sometimes we need that more than others because we're dealing with so much.

[00:43:44] We're building businesses, trying to raise amazing kids.

[00:43:48] We're not just checking in with our kids.

[00:43:49] It's not just like, oh, yeah, you know, we'll let the teachers do all the work.

[00:43:53] Our kids, you know, we put a lot of personal stress on ourselves because we want our kids to be a certain level.

[00:44:01] We want our kids to have a certain type of education.

[00:44:04] And so we push ourselves and every I think just about I'm sure you do, too.

[00:44:09] I feel it every day like I'm not living up to everything I want to live up to.

[00:44:13] But that's a good parent is when you understand what I feel people that feel that they can do better or sometimes even have this crazy thought that they're not good enough.

[00:44:24] It's because they're trying and they're they're they're worried.

[00:44:28] They're genuinely concerned about the future of their children and of their family.

[00:44:36] Absolutely.

[00:44:37] That's a good parent.

[00:44:38] So if you're dealing with those thoughts, it's it's only the ones that are.

[00:44:43] That are really trying hard to have those feelings.

[00:44:48] Yeah.

[00:44:49] So just just a few things, guys.

[00:44:51] I mean, battle fatigue is a real thing.

[00:44:53] Yes.

[00:44:54] There's a lot of people go through it.

[00:44:56] If you're doing anything important, if you're raising children or, you know, trying to build this great marriage or building a company at some point in your life, you're going to have some level of battle fatigue.

[00:45:10] It might be a short version of that.

[00:45:12] It might it might be seven year version of that.

[00:45:14] It might be a 10, 20 year version of that.

[00:45:16] Just don't give up.

[00:45:18] And are we going to go through some points is just revisit your why?

[00:45:22] Why are you doing this in the first place?

[00:45:26] You know, talk about your wins.

[00:45:28] Think about your wins and the things that have got you here.

[00:45:31] Stand back and go, look, look at all the accomplishments that I've had that I'm a lot better off than where I was before.

[00:45:37] So know that you're growing in whatever that is, that you're doing better.

[00:45:42] Mm hmm.

[00:45:42] And also to remember to if you're going through something and you really need to seek some some support, some, you know, reach out to somebody.

[00:45:54] That's OK, too.

[00:45:55] Don't don't be afraid to need to talk to somebody.

[00:45:59] Yes.

[00:45:59] Because I think we've and I was I always felt like and I like building businesses with partners.

[00:46:05] I know there are certain people out there who are not you don't like to have partners.

[00:46:09] I've always liked to have partners because I felt like when I was down, he was up or she was up.

[00:46:16] And when when they were down, I was up and we could support each other.

[00:46:21] Right.

[00:46:21] And I feel like that's now what we have in marriage.

[00:46:25] Exactly.

[00:46:25] That's the partnership.

[00:46:27] The perfect partnership is that you have that in marriage.

[00:46:30] We're not always me and me and you.

[00:46:33] Or I mean, I think we can attest that we're we're not always up.

[00:46:37] And sometimes you're down.

[00:46:39] And I'm telling you the great things that, you know, we're going to happen.

[00:46:44] You just need a reminder where we're going at times.

[00:46:47] I mean, I think we're pretty good at handling that.

[00:46:50] But sometimes we understand because we don't want to really talk.

[00:46:56] I feel like you and I were not really complainers and we don't want to talk about it.

[00:46:59] But you could feel you feel it in your heart that your spouse is going through something.

[00:47:06] And you just it's almost like God speaks through you and you say the right things at the right time.

[00:47:11] So be that partner.

[00:47:13] Also implement micro rests or rests throughout the day.

[00:47:18] This could be prayer.

[00:47:21] Just just some time outs for mindful reflections.

[00:47:25] Just in those moments of overwhelm, just to pause even for 30 seconds.

[00:47:30] Do your breathing exercises and those things will help.

[00:47:35] It doesn't feel like a huge fix.

[00:47:38] But those little things, when you implement them in your day, it truly does help.

[00:47:43] And delegate if you delegate some things out with purpose and let go of trying to do everything.

[00:47:55] As I said, for myself, I have someone sometimes I like to do the shopping, but I have someone help with shopping.

[00:48:02] And there's other little things that we do in our lives.

[00:48:07] And also creating non-negotiable family check-ins.

[00:48:14] And this is either with just you, not to neglect those talks and those conversations and those weekly check-ins.

[00:48:23] And also including the kids in those so they understand what you're going through.

[00:48:28] Don't hide it.

[00:48:29] If you're going through a tough time, share it so that they can grow and learn from it too.

[00:48:35] We'll explain it.

[00:48:36] Don't put it in a way where it's traumatic or toxic.

[00:48:39] Yeah, I don't think it's got it.

[00:48:39] Yeah, you don't want to.

[00:48:40] Not toxic.

[00:48:41] I want to be clear about that.

[00:48:42] We don't want to make it toxic.

[00:48:43] No, no, no, no.

[00:48:44] You can clearly explain how you can be dealing with hard times and get through it.

[00:48:48] Because they're going to see you going through stuff.

[00:48:49] And you want them to understand it in a way where it's a positive lesson.

[00:48:56] It's a positive experience.

[00:48:59] Even though you're going through hard times, there's ways to share in a way that becomes a building block for them in the future.

[00:49:12] Yeah, it becomes educational.

[00:49:12] My mom was so good at that.

[00:49:14] Yes.

[00:49:14] Yeah.

[00:49:15] Thank you guys for tuning in this week to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:49:18] We hope you guys got something from that.

[00:49:20] I know that you might be going through something.

[00:49:24] And I hope you can take some of these to heart.

[00:49:27] And just know that you're not alone.

[00:49:29] You're not the first person to go through this.

[00:49:30] If you're feeling the weight on your shoulders, like I said, 20 years later, I can still remember what it felt like to almost not be able to breathe.

[00:49:39] Yeah.

[00:49:40] Because I was going through so much stress.

[00:49:42] And I feel like if you're feeling that right now, just know that you're going to be okay.

[00:49:47] Keep pushing forward.

[00:49:48] Reach out for help if you need it.

[00:49:50] And remember that you're further than you were.

[00:49:54] You're creating wins in your life and that you're going to get through this.

[00:49:57] And God won't give you anything you can't handle.

[00:50:01] Absolutely.

[00:50:02] Thank you guys for tuning in.

[00:50:03] And we will catch you guys next week.

[00:50:05] God bless you.

[00:50:06] We love you.

[00:50:07] Thank you for being a part of this community.

[00:50:09] We appreciate you.

[00:50:11] We appreciate you.

[00:50:11] And we're so excited for the great things that are coming into your life.

[00:50:15] Thank you so much for listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:50:19] We hope you subscribe and like.

[00:50:22] God bless.

[00:50:23] Love you.

[00:50:23] Thank you for listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:50:27] Don't forget to rate and review.

[00:50:31] And subscribe.

[00:50:32] And have a blessed week.

[00:50:35] We'll see you next time.

[00:50:37] Bring your kids.

[00:50:38] And always listen to Jesus.

[00:50:41] See you next week.