Ep 147 Pretty and Punk Podcast
In this enlightening episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast, hosts Dan Caldwell and Ildiko Ferenczi talk about the profound impact of self-talk on success and overcoming challenges. They explore the concept that our success or failure hinges on the narratives we tell ourselves. Ildiko emphasizes the role of mindset and the internal script we constantly replay in our heads. Dan shares insights on gaining confidence through small victories and the importance of not comparing your beginning to someone else’s peak.
The two discuss the inspiration drawn from the stories of successful figures like Walt Disney, highlighting how understanding their failures makes them relatable and provides a blueprint for overcoming personal hurdles. They emphasize the importance of positive self-talk, drawing on personal experiences and the influence of parental guidance and spiritual faith.
Ildiko shares touching anecdotes about her mother’s positivity, demonstrating the power of perspective and gratitude in shaping one’s outlook. Dan underscores this with his own transformative experiences, advocating for the importance of framing situations positively.
The episode is a blend of personal stories, practical advice, and motivational insights, encouraging listeners to engage in positive self-talk, draw inspiration from successful figures, and see challenges as opportunities for growth. It’s a must-listen for anyone looking to harness the power of their mindset to overcome obstacles and achieve the ultimate success.
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00:00:01
Handshaking, little bit of self-doubt,
but then you feed yourself the fire.
00:00:05
You have everything within you to succeed,
00:00:09
and those are the documentaries that
you watch, the quotes that we admire,
00:00:14
that we relate to. Just
connect with who you truly are.
00:00:18
You will win. You will win if you
tell yourself the right story.
00:00:31
No. Oh,
That's better, right, babe?
00:00:36
Yeah.
00:00:38
Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.
00:00:43
He founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.
00:00:46
She took the world by storm
as a social media star.
00:00:50
He took the world by storm as
a famous serial entrepreneur.
00:00:53
Together we started a.
00:00:54
Business and had babies.
00:00:56
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do.
00:00:58
Both. Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life
00:01:03
struggles.
00:01:04
As they share their life,
hacks about success, love.
00:01:07
Kids, and everything in between.
00:01:10
I told everyone I was the
greatest even before I
00:01:14
knew I was Muhammad Ali.
00:01:17
Watch what you tell
yourself to just believe it.
00:01:24
Welcome to this episode of
the Pretty and Punk podcast.
00:01:26
My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here
with my beautiful wife, IKO you.
00:01:33
I should have let you say that I heard
you coming in trying to say it's okay.
00:01:37
We have another great
podcast for you guys today,
00:01:40
and it's something that's really near and
dear to our heart because we feel it's
00:01:43
really important and a lot of
people, the reason why I feel like
00:01:49
they fail is because for this reason,
00:01:53
for exactly this reason that you will
00:01:56
succeed or fail based
on the stories you tell
00:02:01
yourself. But before we
jump into that, hey guys,
00:02:05
we hope you're enjoying today's
episode of the Pretty Punk Podcast.
00:02:08
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00:02:12
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00:02:17
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00:02:20
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00:02:24
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00:02:27
look forward to them every day.
00:02:29
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00:02:33
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00:02:34
We want to celebrate you because we
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00:02:38
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00:02:43
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00:02:47
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00:02:49
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00:02:54
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00:02:59
you, a part of this family.
00:03:01
So don't forget all the
links are below in the show
00:03:06
notes, and thank you again,
and let's get back to the show.
00:03:10
You will succeed or fail based on the
00:03:15
stories you tell yourself.
00:03:17
I like that. Now,
00:03:19
the first thing that jumps
out at me is mindset.
00:03:22
Mindset has a huge part of
the script that's in your
00:03:27
head, the story that
you're telling yourself,
00:03:30
the words that you say to
yourself inside your head.
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Yeah, I think so many people,
they struggle with that,
00:03:36
especially at the beginning because
I think when you get further
00:03:41
along and you start to have
some wins under your belt.
00:03:44
And confidence.
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You gain that confidence because you
feel like, Hey, I've done this before.
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I can do this again.
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But it's really hard at the beginning
when you don't have those winds under your
00:03:55
belt yet and you're trying to figure
things out and you're comparing yourself
00:04:00
to people that have been doing this.
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You're comparing your day
one to people's day 1000,
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and you're expecting to
be as good as they are.
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But you just need to
believe in the positive
00:04:15
parts of that story that you're
telling yourself because if you
00:04:20
believe in your abilities right
now, just believe in your abilities,
00:04:24
believe that you're capable,
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and just start there and
the wheels will start slowly
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turning.
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I think if you find examples, you
know what I always love to do?
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I love to go back and I think
you know this about Me Too, baby,
00:04:39
that you love how I watch
all these documentaries,
00:04:43
these old documentaries or movies
about people, and anybody can do this,
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but I know it gave me so much power
that I would watch a documentary or a
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movie, a biopic on somebody who was great,
00:04:56
Walt Disney or whoever it might
be, and when you watch it,
00:05:01
you can see they all started like this
and you gain this confidence because
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you see all the failures that they
had early on in their life and they
00:05:10
were able to do it.
00:05:12
And it always gave me this
confidence and a script of
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self-talk like, if he can do
this, I know I can do this.
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I'm as good as that. This person
couldn't even do this. Well, you.
00:05:26
See.
00:05:26
That.
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You see your story, you see
your story in their story,
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and I think that's the
blessing of it. For myself.
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I do love that as well. But for myself,
00:05:36
I always remember this and I think
that I got this from my mom is
00:05:41
searching for different
quotes that related to me,
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and then I'd love that there would
be a Theodore Roosevelt or someone
00:05:48
very successful behind a very
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vulnerable and
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not weak,
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but just something human that
I could grab onto and say,
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this quote is from this person,
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Coco Chanel or whoever it may be,
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and I relate to this quote and I
would start sticking them on my wall,
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and I didn't know you did that too.
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But I think I always,
if you look at people,
00:06:20
the best way to make them human is to
watch and look at their failures, right?
00:06:24
Know their whole
Story, see that it makes them human.
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When you see their failures, you see
that. I remember one that hit me really,
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and I just go back to
Walt Disney real quick,
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but that he was fired from
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his first job for lacking creativity.
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This is a guy who we know
that is his biggest attribute,
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but yet one of his first jobs he ever had,
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he was fired for lacking creativity.
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So it just makes me realize that you
can be that person that is not so
00:06:59
good at the beginning, and if you
create that, I love self-talk.
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I don't know if you do it a lot, but I
do it all the time. I do it all the time,
00:07:06
all the time. And I have to
tell myself sometimes when I'm,
00:07:10
especially if I'm trying
something new that you've done
00:07:15
this, I might be talking about something
specific. You've created this company,
00:07:19
you've been able to do this, you
became a police officer. All these,
00:07:24
I have to remind myself of
those accomplishments that
I had and then use that
00:07:28
self-talk to say, Hey, look, whatever
this is that you don't know how to do,
00:07:32
now you can learn how to do it.
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And I mean,
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a lot of that support also comes from
the Bible and the way that your parents
00:07:39
raised you. And if you didn't get
that and you're not connected to that,
00:07:44
that's something you can start
telling yourself and that's very
00:07:48
healing.
00:07:49
The words that you say to yourself
that's going to give you that
00:07:54
power boost that you need.
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Sometimes I remember even going in for
00:08:02
meetings for the concrete company,
and I'd have this quote in my hand,
00:08:07
and we would be walking in and I'd look
down and my hands shaking a little,
00:08:12
and I'd have to reassess the
situation because I know that that's
00:08:16
fear. We're not created
to feel fear in the Bible,
00:08:22
not what God wants for us.
00:08:23
He wants us to tap our courage and all
the things that we were blessed with.
00:08:28
So I would take my personal
00:08:32
inventory and sometimes it even took a
call with my mom. My mom's one of the
00:08:36
most confident people that I know,
00:08:38
but I know that she's come through
so much and whatever it is,
00:08:43
take that deep breath. I mean, you
try it too. If you're going in,
00:08:46
say you're pitching your business or
you're taking a call with that client,
00:08:51
that's worth whatever it is worth.
It doesn't matter what it's worth,
00:08:55
but you just need to take that
deep breath in and confirm
00:09:00
who you are, what you are created to do,
00:09:03
and you will nail it. I kept,
00:09:08
I'm not going to lie, I did have
those moments of self-doubt.
00:09:12
I'd look down, I'd have a script in
my hand. My hand would start to shake.
00:09:16
That's me having a little bit of
self-doubt or in the concrete company
00:09:22
handshaking, little bit of self-doubt,
but then you feed yourself the fire.
00:09:27
You have everything within you to succeed,
00:09:30
and those are the documentaries that
you watch, the quotes that we admire,
00:09:35
that we relate to, just
connect with who you truly are.
00:09:39
You will win. You will win if
you tell yourself the right.
00:09:43
Story.
00:09:43
I think if you find that story
that you can relate to personally,
00:09:48
I always remember listening
to Lose Yourself by Eminem.
00:09:54
There was that just when
I would listen to that,
00:09:57
not only because he had a
movie that went along with it,
00:10:00
but when I would listen to that, I
would be like, you got one chance.
00:10:03
I would remember that.
00:10:05
I just remember saying that line to
myself over and over again when I would be
00:10:10
in situations and I would
tell myself that, look,
00:10:13
you can do this,
00:10:16
and I know that everybody comes up
against this. I don't care who you are.
00:10:21
I was just listening to somebody
yesterday, somebody big,
00:10:23
I can't remember who it was now, but
it was somebody big, big podcast.
00:10:27
I think I was listening to a podcast
and he was talking about how even he,
00:10:31
somebody that I kind of look up to, even
he comes up against these challenges.
00:10:35
I.
00:10:35
Love that.
00:10:36
And so anybody can have these
challenges. I think the best thing.
00:10:40
You can do is be prepared.
We all have it. No,
00:10:42
if someone says they're 100% all the time,
00:10:45
these thoughts will slip
in and it's simply not
00:10:50
true. We're all human.
The thoughts do come in.
00:10:53
We're not supposed to have the
thoughts of fear. It's the fear.
00:10:56
It's the fear that causes the
failure, and it's that story of fear,
00:11:01
and that's what you need to erase.
00:11:03
When I had to do my TED Talk,
00:11:07
I wanted to sound like
somebody who had it all
00:11:12
going on and who knew what they were
doing because I'd watched a bunch of Ted
00:11:16
Talks and it was always these confident
people who got up there and you admire
00:11:22
for creating something or building
something or having all the answers to
00:11:25
something. And I started to
go through it and I was like,
00:11:30
I'm not always that person.
00:11:32
And I didn't feel like that that
type of talk would relate to
00:11:36
people. And so my talk is based on
00:11:42
insecurities that we all have
insecurities, but it's really this, it's,
00:11:47
it's the idea that if
you're telling yourself,
00:11:50
if you've created a story within yourself
that you are not going to be able to
00:11:55
do something, I can't do this.
I'm not as good as that person,
00:11:59
and you harp on those feelings and those
conversations to yourself all the time,
00:12:04
you won't be able to do it.
00:12:05
But what I realized is that
if you can create the positive
00:12:10
conversations within yourself,
00:12:12
that there's something in you that makes
you rise up to that challenge and it
00:12:16
doesn't hurt.
00:12:17
I think that everybody
before going into a situation
00:12:22
like a big meeting or a speech
or whatever that might be,
00:12:28
if you can get down on
your knees and pray.
00:12:31
Yeah, that's.
00:12:32
Powerful. It will give you some,
00:12:36
sometimes my prayers,
00:12:37
I would say before I had
a closer relationship with
00:12:42
God, sometimes my prayers
weren't the same prayers.
00:12:47
They weren't the prayers
that I might do today,
00:12:50
but my prayer might've
been me driving down.
00:12:54
I can remember driving to LA in my
beat up $1 van going to pick up
00:12:59
clothing, and I couldn't pay my rent,
00:13:03
and I didn't have money to
put food on the table, and
00:13:09
I had tears streaming down my face,
00:13:12
and we were really in bad shape.
00:13:15
I remember I hit the window and I cracked
the window. I didn't mean to do it.
00:13:20
Now it's even worse because now I know
I have to fix this window and it's got
00:13:25
this split crack inside the window.
So I'd hit the window with my fist,
00:13:28
and I didn't realize I'd hit it so
hard that I had cracked it. Now I have
00:13:32
another problem on my hands,
00:13:33
and I was just tears coming down my
face and I'm asking, I'm just saying,
00:13:37
please, please help me find
a way to fix this thing.
00:13:42
Please help me be better business person,
00:13:46
have better conversations,
00:13:48
meet the right person that I need to
meet to do what we need to do in our
00:13:53
company. And so my prayers
were a little bit different,
00:13:56
but I still feel like they were
prayers and I know they were answered.
00:14:01
So I think that that
self-talk is so critical,
00:14:05
and it's especially important that you
plan it and you find those moments that
00:14:09
will give you energy and give you
strength in the moments that you need it.
00:14:13
Most. Yeah. Is it a visual?
00:14:17
Is it just words? Whatever
connects with you? Actually,
00:14:22
your story reminds me of a story.
00:14:24
It just brought it up when we were
driving home from the jewelry store with
00:14:29
my mom and my brother.
And my mom, as I said,
00:14:33
she's one of the most positive
people ever. And I barely,
00:14:37
I saw her cry maybe three times.
00:14:39
And this one time and
practice this self-talk
00:14:44
out loud in front of your kids
all the time. The prayers.
00:14:47
The prayers that you were talking
about, my mom prays all the time,
00:14:50
but I remember this one time, we're
driving home and we're all in the car,
00:14:55
and my mom's energy was low. The
Hungarian music wasn't lasting.
00:14:59
I could tell that thoughts were going
through her head and out loud. She said,
00:15:04
I only made enough money
for milk and bread today.
00:15:09
And my brother, I look at my
brother because I don't know,
00:15:14
I could see that this
isn't a positive thing.
00:15:16
And my brother gives her
a big pat on the back,
00:15:19
smiles and kisses her on the
cheek and says, that's perfect.
00:15:23
We have money for bread and milk.
00:15:27
And it's just this self-talk of how
she would always self-talk herself.
00:15:32
He took over that conversation
of positivity and fed it back to
00:15:37
her, and she literally started changing.
00:15:42
Her face of worry and frustration
morphed into happiness,
00:15:46
and it was happy again.
00:15:48
And you were only like
five at the time or.
00:15:50
Something. I don't know.
I was really young.
00:15:52
Maybe I don't even know if I was in
kindergarten, but I was so young,
00:15:56
and it's like these little
cues, little eyes are watching,
00:16:00
and I always try to remember that.
00:16:02
And it's not just going into a
meeting. We tell our children,
00:16:07
they're beautiful, they're
perfect, they're smart.
00:16:09
But I was listening to Susan, I
was listening to Susan's book,
00:16:14
the Good Life I think it's called, and
she was talking about how she will,
00:16:18
she admires her mother, and I
admire my mother for the same thing.
00:16:22
I found myself in her story how
her mother never ever said a
00:16:26
negative thing about herself or her body,
00:16:31
and she was always very proud of
it. And I remember my mom too.
00:16:35
She was a curvy woman. I don't
know if Suzanne's mother was,
00:16:39
but I found myself in her story,
00:16:41
and my mom never said a
negative thing about her. I've
00:16:46
heard other people say things,
and it would get me riled up.
00:16:51
Sometimes we as women have water gain,
00:16:54
and sometimes there's cellulite or
whatever I've heard other people say,
00:16:58
but my mom never vocalized
those words out loud.
00:17:02
And Suzanne was saying her mother
never did it. And in the mirror,
00:17:06
when she looks at herself, she will
never vocalize anything negative,
00:17:10
always positive. So you need
to feed your children. Yes,
00:17:15
give them the fruit of life,
00:17:17
but also plant the fruit of life
into yourself. Don't be, oh,
00:17:22
I haven't gone to the gym
and I'm this and I'm that.
00:17:25
No plant words of power into yourself,
even if you're not feeling it.
00:17:30
Plant those words of power into.
00:17:32
Yourself. And I like perspective.
00:17:33
I like how you mentioned how
somebody might look at, oh,
00:17:36
I can only afford bread and milk. And
somebody else might look at, look,
00:17:41
we got bread and milk. This is awesome.
00:17:43
And the perspective that can
make any situation positive.
00:17:47
And see, that's one of the miracles.
It's a miracle. It's kind of a miracle,
00:17:52
miracle, miracle. But one of the memories
that I like to think on when say,
00:17:57
something's not going that great,
00:17:58
that's something I like to tap
into that beautiful memory of
00:18:03
gratitude. Let's just call it gratitude.
00:18:06
And that's a story of
gratitude that helps me
00:18:10
prepare myself for success,
groom myself for success,
00:18:15
whatever you want to call it. But
listen, guys, there takes work.
00:18:19
You have to put work into all of.
00:18:20
It. Listen, guys,
00:18:21
you will succeed or fail
based on the stories
00:18:26
you tell yourself. Prepare,
have those stories in your head.
00:18:31
Tell yourself that you're good enough,
you're great enough. After all,
00:18:35
you were telling me the story
when we were talking about this.
00:18:37
I can't believe you
didn't even bring it up.
00:18:40
The conception story you've already won.
00:18:43
You were one in 100 million,
you made it. You're here,
00:18:48
so you're already a winner.
So don't discount that.
00:18:52
Yes, your abilities are next to none.
00:18:56
Just think of that fight.
00:18:57
You had a fight and you won
out of all the competition.
00:19:02
So have faith in yourself and
believe in your dreams and have
00:19:05
perseverance. Perseverance
is so, so, so important.
00:19:10
And never, ever beat
yourself up for failures.
00:19:13
Those are blessing.
Those are your lessons.
00:19:17
Learn your lessons.
00:19:18
And maybe it's a temporary setback,
00:19:21
but that is an opportunity
to learn and to grow.
00:19:25
And those challenges they
may have come to anyone
00:19:29
else, and now they make you better. And
you have that story to share with other.
00:19:34
People. They came your
family, you for a reason.
00:19:36
You get those challenges for a
reason, and they made you better.
00:19:40
And if you had a failure or
a hiccup or whatever it was,
00:19:44
it's making you better.
00:19:45
So talk about the things to yourself
that make you better. Use that self-talk.
00:19:49
Find those films, those documentaries,
00:19:51
those things that are going to
give you strength when it's hard,
00:19:54
and give yourself that positive
self-talk. You deserve.
00:19:57
It. And trust, trust,
00:19:58
trust that God will not give
you anything that you can't
00:20:03
handle. It may seem so hard,
but you're going to get over it.
00:20:08
Thank you guys for listening to this
episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast,
00:20:12
and we really appreciate
you guys sharing this.
00:20:16
If you think it can help someone
that you know and we will catch you
00:20:21
guys next.
00:20:22
Week. Next week. See you
next week. God bless.
00:20:25
Thank you for listening to
the Pretium from Podcast.
00:20:29
See you next week. God bless.
Thank you for listening.
00:20:34
I hope that changed your life. God.
00:20:39
See you.
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