EP 161: This Simple Habit Can Change Your Family's Life: Disconnect to Reconnect
In this engaging episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast, hosts Dan Caldwell and iLdiKo Ferenczi dive into a topic that’s deceptively simple yet its importance has been lost: Reclaiming family dinners.
With the chaos of entrepreneurship, raising the leaders of tomorrow, and nurturing a strong marriage, Dan and iLdiKo share personal anecdotes and professional insights on how putting down digital devices and gathering around the dinner table can significantly strengthen our families.
This episode is not just about the act of eating together; but also the importance of setting boundaries, prioritizing connections over screens, and instilling values of togetherness and communication in our children. The discussion reveals startling statistics about how device use affects children’s feelings of importance and offers practical solutions for integrating family values into the digital era.
Dan and iLdiKo also touch on the broader implications of family meals, from fostering healthier eating habits to providing a platform for meaningful conversations and including children in the business side of life, teaching them valuable lessons from a young age.
Whether you’re struggling to juggle business calls with family time, or simply looking for inspiration and conversation, this episode hosts a load full of insights and actionable advice. Join Dan and iLdiKo as they remind us why, in a world saturated with digital distractions, the simple act of sharing a meal can be the most powerful connection of all.
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00:00:00
Put these devices aside,
00:00:03
they understand how important
the phone is to you,
00:00:06
so don't make them think that
it's more important than them.
00:00:15
No. Oh, that's better, right, babe?
00:00:20
Yeah.
00:00:22
Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.
00:00:27
He founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.
00:00:31
She took the world by storm
as a social media star.
00:00:34
He took the world by storm as
a famous serial entrepreneur.
00:00:37
Together we started a business.
00:00:39
And had babies.
00:00:40
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do.
00:00:42
Both. Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life
00:00:47
struggles.
00:00:48
As they share their life.
Hacks about success, love.
00:00:51
Kids, and everything in between.
00:00:53
You guys will know this one
family that eats together,
00:00:58
prays together, stays together.
00:01:02
Dinner is better than we eat together.
00:01:08
Welcome to the Pretty and Punk
podcast. I'm your host, Dan Caldwell.
00:01:12
I'm here with my.
00:01:14
And I'm ly beautiful wife. I don't
know, dunno how we keep cutting.
00:01:18
Each other off. You jump off a little
bit earlier there. Stop it. Okay,
00:01:22
so we got another great
podcast for you guys,
00:01:24
and it's something
reasonably simple, but so,
00:01:29
so important.
00:01:30
What we believe in after we were
just having a discussion about this,
00:01:33
it's so simple.
00:01:33
Am surprised that not everybody does.
00:01:36
It.
00:01:36
It's something that I believe could be
the most important thing you do with your
00:01:41
family. But before we jump into
that, I really do. Here we go.
00:01:45
Before we jump into that, you're
fired. You're fired. Hey guys,
00:01:49
we hope you're enjoying today's
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00:01:52
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00:02:01
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00:02:04
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00:02:08
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00:02:12
look forward to them every day.
00:02:14
If you share this episode on social
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00:02:19
We want to celebrate you because we
know it's not easy being a parent in
00:02:23
business and the way that
you juggle things makes you
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00:02:27
shout out. Together we have a community
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00:02:32
and we just want to put it out there.
00:02:34
We want to show everybody that
this juggle is possible and
00:02:39
you are our family and we're so
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00:02:44
a part of this family.
00:02:46
So don't forget all the links
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00:02:51
And thank you again, and
let's get back to the show.
00:02:54
With people so overwhelmed
and so overworked and
00:02:59
everybody's faces in their devices,
00:03:04
people are just not doing this.
00:03:06
And it's really so simple.
00:03:08
And if you're not doing
this and you start tonight,
00:03:12
you're going to notice that it's
life changing. Something so simple.
00:03:16
So we have to talk about
reclaiming family dinners.
00:03:21
It's something that's so simple, but
yet so many people are not doing it.
00:03:25
They're not having
dinner together anymore.
00:03:29
That's shocking. It's shocking.
When I looked at the statistics,
00:03:32
I was shocked because this is something
that's incredibly important to my
00:03:36
family, to our family,
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but I could see how the habit of,
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okay,
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well I'm going to keep my phone nearby
just in case if I get a business call
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or I have to respond to
this person or that person.
00:03:53
But really digging your heels in
and putting the boundaries up.
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And there's a lot of fun ways to do it.
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And especially when the
kids see you put these
00:04:05
devices aside,
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they understand how important
the phone is to you.
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So don't make them think that
it's more important than them.
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I'm not saying that you are,
but sometimes subconsciously,
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we always have this thing in our hand.
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I'm more aware because I'm worried
about EMFs and all that stuff.
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That's a whole different podcast.
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But when they see something that's
near and dear to your heart,
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you never want to have them think
that that's more important than their
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emotions. So it's really
nice to have some kind.
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You can buy a basket that you throw your
phone into at dinnertime or just have
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that little, what is it? Not habit,
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but that this thing
that you do every night,
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you put them aside and you make
sure that your family is the
00:04:54
most important thing. And we pray in the
morning, we pray at night, but we also,
00:04:58
our family likes to pray
over our family and our meals
00:05:03
every time that we eat.
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And the rules, the two
rules that we have are,
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we're going to say prayer and
we're going to put our phones
00:05:11
aside and nobody's going to be looking
at their phones or talking about their
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phones. So
00:05:17
those things that you don't
realize how simple they are.
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There was a survey of over 6
kids where they asked these kids how
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they felt when their parents were on
their phone of 32% of 'em felt unimportant
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when their parents were using their
phones. And that's something that is,
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and I would've thought it
would've even been higher.
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And it probably is in some ways.
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It's just that when we're on our phones
and it's hard because if you're a
00:05:40
business owner, you know, probably conduct
most of your business on your phone.
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You're emails, you're looking at
your website, whatever you're doing,
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you're probably doing all of it
on your phone nowadays. I mean,
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a lot of people still use their laptops.
We don't ever use our laptop hardly.
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Most our stuff is on our phone.
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So it's hard when your kids come up to
you and they see that you're in your
00:06:03
phone all the time. And we always try
to explain to our kids we're working,
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we explain to them, as
soon as we say that,
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we've made it a habit to explain
exactly what we're doing.
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We show them in our business what we
are doing so they understand what it
00:06:18
is. So not only do they get
an understanding of business,
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but they also understand why
it's important that we're
doing what we're doing.
00:06:25
And we also in our family,
we include our children.
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I'll never forget this
moment that my mom actually,
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I remember her breaking down.
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I was in the store and I
wasn't quite old enough.
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I started handling customers
when I was eight years old.
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And I know that that sounds really
young, but we're very capable.
00:06:45
I was taught how to weigh the jewelry,
00:06:48
calculate the cost and
handle the customers.
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But I was much younger.
00:06:54
And she told me she'll never forget
the day she was talking to a customer.
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And she'd always say, just one
minute, I'm with the customer.
00:07:01
Just one minute I'm with the
customer. And I was so frustrated,
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I was young,
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I grabbed her face and I turned it towards
00:07:11
me.
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So she would look me in the eyes
for more than I'm with the customer.
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And she broke down and it was
hard for her because she had to do
00:07:22
this. This is what was
putting bread on the table.
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And sadly she was a single mom.
00:07:29
And I say sadly because
if I could just have her
00:07:34
relive her life, if I
could just rewind time,
00:07:36
I wish that my dad was there and they
were doing the team thing together.
00:07:41
That's how it was supposed to
be. But sadly it fell apart.
00:07:44
And that's not going to
happen in our family.
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I will do everything to prevent it.
00:07:48
And I have a husband that
will do the same thing.
00:07:50
We're going to be here for our
kids, going to fight for it.
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But the thing that I will never forget
00:07:57
how it made her feel, and I
could just imagine the struggle.
00:08:01
I know sometimes I want to say
I'm almost done this email,
00:08:05
but I will put down the
phone. And this isn't dinner,
00:08:08
but I'm just saying I know that you
guys are all struggling with this thing.
00:08:13
So I know that that hits, we all struggle
with it. A parenting heartstring.
00:08:16
This isn't easy, it's not an easy thing.
00:08:19
But the one thing you can make is that
if you set these boundaries that we're
00:08:23
going to have dinner
together, it's easy to,
00:08:27
once you've made that commitment to
just build around that commitment.
00:08:31
I'm so sorry, I told this long story,
00:08:33
but the whole point was after that moment,
00:08:36
my mom included me more
because her solution to that,
00:08:41
she was always trying to find a solution.
00:08:43
She included me more in the
business even at that young age.
00:08:47
And that made me feel loved. And
I found you and I in our family,
00:08:52
that's one of the reasons because I've
told you this story and several other
00:08:56
stories,
00:08:57
but we include our kids because
we have to do business and things.
00:09:01
So we've included our children and
that makes them feel more loved.
00:09:06
But at dinnertime, all of it goes to the.
00:09:08
Side, all of it.
00:09:09
It helps them feel important when you do
this because when you put it all aside,
00:09:13
it lets them know how important
these family dinners are to you.
00:09:18
And you know what?
00:09:19
I think it just goes back
to when I was growing up,
00:09:24
we didn't have cell phones, so
we always had family dinners.
00:09:28
And I always remember those moments,
00:09:30
those conversations that we had as a
family and just sitting down together
00:09:35
and enjoying a family dinner
together. And I know even though now
00:09:41
more so we eat out a lot,
00:09:45
we do eat at home too. And you
make great family home dinners.
00:09:48
I think we eat more in than out for.
00:09:51
Sure. Now we do. But there was a time
period where we were eating out a lot.
00:09:55
Well, you and I, you and I. But now
that we're on this healthier lifestyle,
00:09:59
and the one thing that's really
great about having family meals
00:10:03
together, since the babies are very young,
00:10:08
they acquire to your taste buds.
00:10:11
We never order off a child's
menu. They eat adult dishes,
00:10:15
we share our meals with them.
00:10:18
And this is important to me because
when I do go out, I don't want to be,
00:10:23
we've never been to a McDonald's or
anything like that because of for
00:10:27
health reasons. We understand what's in,
and that's a whole different podcast.
00:10:32
We have doctors on it,
00:10:33
but there's a lot of things that shouldn't
be going into your bodies and into
00:10:37
your kids' bodies. And
when I was pregnant,
00:10:41
I ate very differently
00:10:45
and I have trained my children to enjoy
00:10:50
eating different food,
eating healthy foods.
00:10:54
And so when I eat out, I want
everybody to enjoy that dinner.
00:10:58
I want to go to a nice fancy place
that serves healthy, yummy food.
00:11:02
And actually, one of the things I
saw when I was reading up on this,
00:11:06
I was trying to find a stat. I said,
00:11:08
let's bring a stat so we
can actually show a stat.
00:11:12
But one of the things that I found
that I didn't expect to see was how
00:11:17
having a family dinner together,
00:11:19
that they had done a study and
I didn't write down the study,
00:11:22
but they had done a study that
showed how a family having dinner
00:11:27
together helped kids have better eating
habits. Right, exactly. Obviously,
00:11:31
because eating, they.
00:11:32
See what.
00:11:33
Are eating, the parents are watching,
they're watching what they're eating,
00:11:36
and they're all eating together. So
they're all eating the same things.
00:11:40
And so it encourages healthier eating,
00:11:44
which is a great thing, a great,
00:11:47
maybe something that you
might not expect from that.
00:11:49
And I really like the idea of just
bringing your family together and having a
00:11:53
great conversation and the
kids conversating and talking
about their day and you
00:11:58
guys having these conversations. In fact,
00:12:00
we talked about maybe giving out some
00:12:05
work tools that you can use during
your dinner to ask questions.
00:12:10
Yeah, conversation starters. There's
been something wrong with our email,
00:12:14
but I will set it up on our
Instagram or I'll do a post and then.
00:12:19
We can, yeah, so message us
on our Instagram. It's not
ready right this second,
00:12:22
but message us on our Instagram and we
will send you that list of conversation
00:12:26
starters that you can have at dinner.
00:12:27
Recipes, all that stuff. So
00:12:31
I can't stress how important this is.
One, obviously everybody's connected,
00:12:36
and two, if you start from a young age,
00:12:39
they will be eating healthy.
00:12:41
And that also stimulates
self-discipline for yourself.
00:12:46
As I said, when I was
pregnant, I ate different,
00:12:48
I cut a lot of things out of my life.
00:12:53
I no longer ate the bad, just
everything. Really, really,
00:12:57
really rich in nutrients
and start some kind of,
00:13:03
oh my goodness.
00:13:05
Ritual.
00:13:06
No ritual tradition. A tradition.
00:13:10
So obviously you're having
dinner together every night,
00:13:13
but try to come up with
something that is going to
00:13:18
be a family tradition that hopefully
carries on until your children are
00:13:23
adults and they do it with their
children. So my mom really,
00:13:27
I always make Hungarian food. I make
00:13:32
non, non Hungarian food, but one of
food, American food, American food.
00:13:38
American food.
00:13:39
American food. But I don't want
to say American, not just burgers.
00:13:42
Really everything I make is
very well thought out and
00:13:47
healthy. It needs to be nutrient rich.
00:13:49
I'm still healing and my kids are
growing, their brains are growing.
00:13:54
I just want to build, I want to
give them all the tools that I can.
00:13:58
And then when they're older and I already
see it when they go to parties and
00:14:02
stuff, I don't say,
oh, you can't eat that.
00:14:04
But I do see they'll have this
big bite of a, I dunno, cupcake.
00:14:09
Or something, something bad for 'em.
00:14:10
Something that I.
00:14:11
Would usually try, not
usually because it looks.
00:14:14
Nice.
00:14:14
They looks so pretty and wonderful and
they'll have a bite and they'll be like,
00:14:17
I don't.
00:14:18
Want it. They'll one bite it. They're
like done. They're just not used to, well,
00:14:22
they're not used to that much sugar. They
don't like it. I've seen Daniel, when,
00:14:25
what was he eating a couple weeks ago?
00:14:27
He was eating a cupcake or
something like that, right?
00:14:28
He ate a bite of a cupcake and
he was like, okay, that's enough.
00:14:32
That was too much.
00:14:32
Fun. So that's the really cool thing.
00:14:34
You know what else is super important
is how we have the kids help with the.
00:14:38
Dinner.
00:14:38
Dinner. Yes. It's like
include them dinner,
00:14:41
not just making the dinner because
they're still a little young actually.
00:14:45
You make them get up there sometimes
and move the food around and what do you
00:14:48
call that? Moving the food around.
00:14:50
Right? Because I want to be
independent when they grow up.
00:14:53
I never want them to depend on
someone to make them a meal.
00:14:57
I don't want them to get together
with someone, just be, oh,
00:15:00
because she'll do my laundry and
cook for me. No, my brother and I,
00:15:03
we were raised in a way where we
knew how to cook for ourselves,
00:15:06
clean after ourselves so we could
fall in love with the right person.
00:15:11
That's all the equipment that I
want to equip them with that same
00:15:17
confidence in themselves so they're able
to fall in love with the right person.
00:15:22
But as I was saying, yes, I love
them to help and when they help,
00:15:26
they have this proud feeling
like, I did this, I made it daddy,
00:15:30
I made it too. I made it.
00:15:32
And helping put out the
plates and the forks and.
00:15:35
Clean.
00:15:36
And stuff and helping to clean
up. Yeah, that's important.
00:15:38
All that stuff really
gives them confidence and
00:15:43
just that communication that we have
together. Can you help with that?
00:15:47
It's giving them a task to
do. I think I see it come,
00:15:51
I don't know how it actually
plays out in their lives,
00:15:53
but I do know that when they're doing it,
00:15:57
I see us all working together
and it's just something that,
00:16:00
I think one of the things I'm
really proud of when we do that.
00:16:03
Together. And I like the
tradition part where we have,
00:16:07
my mom really loved the
way I loved her spaghetti.
00:16:12
And then I changed the
recipe when I grew up and
00:16:17
I added more vegetables and I changed
a few things and she fell in love with
00:16:21
my spaghetti. So for us,
00:16:24
spaghetti night was really special.
Now for, it's special for us.
00:16:28
Too.
00:16:29
Still a spaghetti night. We put a special,
00:16:34
what is it? Oh my gosh,
I'm losing my words.
00:16:37
Tonight is it's okay, I'll cover.
00:16:38
For is small brain I cover for you. But
the thing that you put the table cover.
00:16:42
Table cover my gracious table tablecloth.
00:16:45
So we'll put a special tablecloth
on the kids love it when dad
00:16:50
does date night for me.
00:16:52
Obviously when you have the little kids
and you don't have babysitting and you
00:16:56
have the kids do something else and
you have your candle lit date night,
00:16:59
well they love the candlelight.
So we have the candlelight,
00:17:02
we have spaghetti night and
then I make the healthiest
00:17:06
spaghetti. The meat that I've found,
00:17:10
it's got beef organs. It's
just the healthiest thing.
00:17:14
And I make it taste so good.
And they have so much fun.
00:17:18
And that's our little
tradition, spaghetti night.
00:17:23
Spaghetti. They love it, tastes good.
00:17:24
And then they feel like
they were a part of.
00:17:26
It. Yeah, they're a part
of it. The lights are dim.
00:17:29
We have the candles tablecloth, and it's
just a special night. We're actually.
00:17:34
Due for one of those. Let let's
plan on doing one this week.
00:17:37
And for someone else,
it could be pizza night.
00:17:40
My daughter doesn't really
like pizza. We all love pizza,
00:17:43
but she doesn't really like it.
She'd rather have spaghetti.
00:17:46
But for someone out there.
00:17:47
Maybe good pizza, I should say good pizza.
00:17:49
Well, no, like the pizza that we,
00:17:51
I don't know why she used to like it
and we put tons of vegetables and yummy
00:17:56
things that she loves, but
she's just over it right now.
00:17:59
So spaghetti night's our thing.
But maybe someone out there,
00:18:03
it could be pizza night or Gula night or
00:18:08
whatever.
00:18:11
Taco's coming out, taco.
00:18:12
Tuesday, whatever it is, you could start
your own family tradition. Unless you.
00:18:16
Only have one, you actually can do
this. Even when you go out to eat,
00:18:20
it's really about the conversation that
you can have together and keeping the
00:18:24
excitement,
00:18:25
keeping the phones out
of the dinnertime out of
00:18:30
the moment.
00:18:31
It's just people being in the
moment having dinner together and
00:18:36
enjoying each other's company. Right.
00:18:38
Oh, stop for a second. This just
reminded me for, what did I remind you?
00:18:42
This reminded me, they're such
a good viral video out there.
00:18:47
There's an interview.
00:18:49
They're interviewing the parents who
if you could have dinner with someone,
00:18:54
anyone in the world, who would
you choose? And one couple,
00:18:58
the wife said Justin Bieber.
00:18:59
And then her husband got mad and then
they chose all these different people like
00:19:04
Marilyn Monroe.
00:19:05
Then they interviewed
the children and do you
00:19:10
know what the children said? What'd
they say? The parents cried. My parents,
00:19:15
my mom and dad,
00:19:17
all the kids chose having
dinner with the parents.
00:19:21
I cried.
00:19:23
And you know what it's so sad about
that is that it's probably because we've
00:19:28
lost this.
00:19:29
We've lost the tradition of
sitting down together as a family,
00:19:34
putting away our phones
and our computers and
00:19:39
the day and really just bonding
and connecting with each
00:19:44
other in a way that you don't do through.
00:19:47
Most of the day when they're
having dinner with their parents,
00:19:50
they can't lose them to anything.
00:19:53
I mean, listen, that's why we've
lost most of this for that.
00:19:56
We're not getting a lot of this back.
00:19:58
I mean the world has
changed, right? We have ai,
00:20:02
we're about to have robots in
our house. Oh, not us. The whole,
00:20:06
we're absolutely getting a robot. No,
we're not getting a robot for sure. Robot,
00:20:09
yes we are. No, we we're. Get a robot.
00:20:12
Strangles you in the middle of
the night, you'll change you.
00:20:14
AI robots so we can forget it. Do all
those things we don't want to do. I.
00:20:18
Don't care. I'll clean the
house. I enjoy it. I enjoy.
00:20:21
It. But we're never going
to get some of this back.
00:20:25
I mean those years of the fifties and
the leave it to beaver and whatever
00:20:29
used to happen back in the day,
we're just not going to get it back.
00:20:34
But the one thing.
00:20:34
If you choose to live this slow and.
00:20:36
Simple life, but we can make
conscious decisions like this, I mean,
00:20:39
you're not going to be able to get rid.
00:20:40
What I mean is you're not going to be
able to just get rid of your cell phone
00:20:42
and not have one. It's how we run
our businesses. It's how we connect.
00:20:47
It's how we do the
things that we're doing.
00:20:49
And it allows us to be able to do things.
00:20:51
It gives us the ability to be able to
have a meeting with our partners in
00:20:56
Japan and so we don't have to fly over.
00:20:59
There. It gives us the
freedom a hundred percent.
00:21:01
We have much more freedom
having these devices.
00:21:05
But then there's the
balance. There's the balance.
00:21:08
When you don't need to
have it, don't have,
00:21:10
because I feel like
sometimes you are just not so
00:21:15
much me, but maybe it's men.
00:21:18
They're just used to having their device
by their side, they're grabbing for it.
00:21:22
It's a habit. Habit. It's habitual.
00:21:25
I'm very.
00:21:26
Much with it. I'm don't really
need that right now. It's like.
00:21:28
I'll walk out of the room
and I go grab my phone first.
00:21:30
He gets nervous and we
don't keep phones anywhere.
00:21:34
I think it's going to going to.
00:21:34
Ring any second when it's time wind down.
00:21:36
It's like I get 300 phone calls a day.
00:21:38
You just don't need those
bad MF from all that.
00:21:41
Stuff. I mean, listen guys,
00:21:45
this is the one thing that you guys
can do. It's easy and it's easy to do.
00:21:50
It's so lovely.
00:21:51
And if you just make a conscious
decision and announce it to the family,
00:21:54
if you got to sit the family
down and say, look guys,
00:21:56
this is what we're doing from
now on start today. It's so easy.
00:22:01
And I promise you,
00:22:03
I promise you that it will change
the dynamic of your family,
00:22:09
the way you guys communicate and make a
conscious decision to communicate like
00:22:14
that at dinner. It will change
how your family connects.
00:22:18
And it's one of the.
00:22:21
Things that we do. It's.
00:22:22
One of our favorite things.
00:22:23
It's of our favorite times.
00:22:24
For me too. And so if
you have any comments,
00:22:28
if you guys are having great dinners
out there, if there's things that you.
00:22:31
Have to add and if you have any
tradition, tell me about your tradition.
00:22:34
What do you do? You do?
00:22:35
What's your weekly thing or your monthly
thing or biweekly thing? Tell me I.
00:22:39
Love it. We would love to hear it. And
if you know anybody that this might help,
00:22:42
of course share the program. We would
love that. You guys can do that for us.
00:22:45
Please leave a comment.
Please leave a review. Review.
00:22:50
Kids love it. We love.
00:22:52
It.
00:22:53
And it.
00:22:53
Helps the show.
00:22:54
I think we're at number
12 on the parenting list.
00:22:59
And oh yeah, that's great.
00:23:00
Of you guys. We love you guys so much.
00:23:02
Thank you guys for listening. Yes,
00:23:04
thank you so much and we'll
catch you guys next week.
00:23:06
God bless. See you next.
00:23:07
Week. Thank you for listening to
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00:23:12
Write open, subscribe button below.
00:23:15
I really hope this you
today. God bless. Thank you.