The One Thing Women Want Most in a Man

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Eventually it came to the part in
the relationship where it's like,

00:00:03
are you going to be all in? Because
if you're not, I'm out of here. Like,

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I'm done, I'm done. I'm all in.
But I can't play these games.

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No. Oh, that's better, right, babe?

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Yeah.

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Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.

00:00:30
He.

00:00:30
He founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.

00:00:33
She took the world by storm
as a social media star. He.

00:00:37
Took the world by storm as a
famous serial entrepreneur.

00:00:40
Together we started a business.

00:00:42
And had babies.

00:00:43
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do both.

00:00:46
Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life

00:00:50
struggles.

00:00:50
As they share their life,
hacks about success, love.

00:00:54
Kids, and everything in between.

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When a woman treats a
man like a king and a man

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treats a woman like a queen,
they make a heck of a team.

00:01:06
Women want a man already suck.

00:01:10
Best strong women be

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part of a struggle. They
could build an empire.

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Welcome to the Pretty and punk podcast.

00:01:22
My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here
with my beautiful wife, ILdiko Ferenczi

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Rezi.

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Hi guys.

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And today we just wanted, were just
going back and forth a little bit.

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I thought I would ask IL deko
a question and see what the

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answer was, and then we'd kind of go
from there. I thought that might be easy.

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So I'm going to put you on the spot a
little bit. Okay. So what do you think is,

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and I guess myself included
here because you did choose me,

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what do you think is the one thing that

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attracts a woman to a man in a long-term
relationship? What is that thing?

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Because there's some things that
might initially attract you,

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like looks and humor and other things that

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initially work and might cause
you to date for a few times,

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but at some point women, usually early on,

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women start to look at, well,

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could I marry this guy?

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What's that one thing that you
are looking at or looking for?

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What do women, what are they looking
for in a longer term relationship?

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Well, I'll have to speak from personal
experience because I can't speak for

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everyone,

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but looks isn't on the top of my priority,

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but this is.

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Looks aren't. Well. So
what's that saying about me?

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I didn't make the cut.

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There. No, you're good looking.
And that's a bonus, but

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that's not a priority because looks fade.

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I've always known this to be true.

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That's not the connection
that you're looking for.

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We're all going to change over the years,

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but what's most important to me. But.

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Before we jump into that, hey guys,

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00:03:46
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So don't forget all the
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notes. And thank you again.
And let's get back to the show.

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What is that one trait
that women are looking for

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in a long-term relationship with a man?

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For myself, from my personal experience,

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I think it's highly attractive
when a man can create secure spaces

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around women. So for me to feel safe,

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to feel protected,

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to feel like I can trust them,

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that I could just close my eyes
and trust that he could lead

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me in the right direction,

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which is a faith-filled masculine.

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God first.

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God, first knowing that he
has my back in every way.

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So not just leading me and
learning through faith,

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through business,

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but also knowing that this
man is going to protect my

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heart, my soul, from
enemies, from bullies,

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but also protect my children.

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And I feel like sometimes as women,

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we will test our men in the
infant stages of a relationship

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to see how they handle,

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because men are created to become

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monsters when they need to be.

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But we don't want them
to be monsters with us.

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Not at home.

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Not at home. Exactly.

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But you have to have that power within
you to protect the family if you

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ever need to. This is
like primal instincts.

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And I feel that women,

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they test their men
before they have children

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because women instinctually,

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we know that children
can be very triggering.

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And if you have that masculine man,

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is he able to delegate?

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Is he able to handle his masculinity.

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Control that anger.

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Control it? Is it going to come
out against me or my babies?

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Yeah, because you could
be a great leader and be

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someone who is throwing
their weight around

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at people thinking, we've
talked about this before,

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that how you lead your
business is not necessarily,

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and I think they should be more
probably than most parallel,

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think that they should be
a little more the same,

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but towards how you lead your family. Not,

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I've never found myself as
somebody, a dictator at the office.

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I want people to follow
me because I am listening.

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I believe in them. And for the
same reason. I think at home,

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if you're trying to take those,

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that manner of leadership home
and you're yelling at your spouse,

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yelling at your kids,
that's not how you lead.

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People. And sometimes there's this,

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and I've always been attracted
to a fatherly type male

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figure. My brother that passed away,
I know he was going to be an amazing,

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incredible husband and
father because he was

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such a wonderful father figure to
me. He never, you know how kids,

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sometimes they fight or they'll
hit, he never raised his hand on me.

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He never raised his voice. And he did
everything with love and kindness.

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And I feel that's what
I've always been looking

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for. And I know with your
history of being a police

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offer for police officer and
just in that military world,

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you had this scariness about you.

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And sometimes I feel like we had to
work on it together to have you control.

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That. Yeah, I was probably, at the time,

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I probably, when we first met,
I wasn't in the best place.

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And I think it showed up in our
relationship and we got a little volatile

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here.

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And there before the kids.

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But you had a lot of stress.

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Plus you had trauma from other
relationships. I had my own trauma,

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but I was really looking
for that father figure type.

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I know this sounds weird, but like a
protector. I call it a father figure,

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but I think as women,

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we do want that protector
because my mother had to be both

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the male, the masculine, and
the feminine. And it's so sad.

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She was so tiny,

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and I saw movies of her when she was

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married and she had the good
marriage and she was this tiny,

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petite little sweet. I
saw her in her feminine.

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I just never,

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because the way that she raised me,

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I felt that I was in my masculine
and I wanted to prove to her,

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I can do this too. I can do this too.

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And I hustled so hard and I worked
so hard just to prove that I

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can be that woman. And as women,

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we can all be that strong
and powerful woman when you

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need to be, don't let yourself be fooled.

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My mom had to be that woman because
she couldn't find the perfect

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spouse after that to fill the roles,

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the shoes of the father that she
wanted for us. And sometimes, sadly,

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that's how life goes. Sometimes
you can't find a perfect mate.

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You're not going to just
settle. She didn't want to.

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Settle. Well, the hard thing is, is
that women are actually good at it.

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They are.

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Good at it, but they shouldn't.
They can fall into this masculinity

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very easily if they have to be.

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Tu reasons one, especially if they.

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Have children, if they don't have
husband and they have children, they.

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Will turn into their.

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Protective.

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Mama, bear a lion. Yeah, a
bear. They will do anything.

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And she would work from
morning till night and

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she created success.

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And I kind of believed that
that is what I needed to do as a

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woman too. And then we had so many
great talks after, but she said,

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if I didn't have to,

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I don't want you to have to ever
do that because it's very hard.

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I saw the stress on her
physical being she got sick

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and had to do it anyway,

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and I feel like a big part
of my getting sick was over

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hustling. So I think it's very important
for women out there that are listening

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that aren't married yet
or are married and they're

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struggling with that power position.

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Don't let the trends fool you

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fall into your femininity.

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That's so powerful to be in
your femininity and let the man

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do his part and take over.

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Well, you said part of that
is you said protection.

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What does that look like to you? If
you're just talking about protection,

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what do you think protection is?
Because I know there's protection.

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Not every man is going
to be able to, I mean,

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you don't want to show up by
fighting everybody around you.

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Or it's not that type of protection's,
not what I mean. But of course,

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if someone's disrespecting
family member, friend,

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anyone out there,

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you want to acknowledge
her feelings and let her

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know that, babe, you're my number one.

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There may be women trying
to flirt with your man.

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There may be women trying
to degrade you in front

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of people and your husband just steps in.

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And it doesn't have to be
vulgar or mean or abrasive,

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but there's things that you can say
that make your wife feel acknowledged,

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protected, and let everybody know around
her like, listen, this is my wife,

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this is my spouse, she's my number
one. Don't mess with just in the,

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don't mess with her. Don't mess with her.

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Just a little inkling of
do not cross that line.

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This is my wife. And also, if a woman has,

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a wife has something bothering her,
and it could be something so simple,

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we have things that are on
our plate to have the man

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acknowledge her and
this makes her feelings,

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her life feel protected.

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It could just be little things around
the house, just talking to her,

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getting that connection with her,

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and it lets her know that he is
willing to do something about it,

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not just shovel it under the carpet
because sometimes the talks are long,

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sometimes they're complicated.

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But just that feeling of
knowing that together,

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we're going to do this work

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And we're in this together as a team
that gives her comfort. Don't avoid it.

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Just let's face this together.
And for you too, I mean,

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a good wife will also give
her husband that security.

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Right? Yeah. I think there's two, it's,

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there's a lot of words that could explain.
It's protection, it's masculinity.

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And like we said, it doesn't
necessarily mean masculinity.

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You got to go fight everybody.
It's not that type of masculinity,

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it's protection.

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It's just this giving her, well,

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when I think about masculinity,
I think about leadership also.

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So leadership would be kind of another
version of that. Absolutely. Yeah.

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Because when you're in that
leadership role, it's not like,

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I think it gets confused when
people talk about leadership, right?

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Sometimes it feels dictative.

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Yeah. I'm not trying to tell you what
to do. I never tell you what to do.

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No, but we can definitely.

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Do think I ever tell you what to do. I
don't. Do you ever come off like that?

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No. No. I've never had that with you.

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But I know that you pour
into me in a way where I know

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that you're encouraging
me to put my right foot

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forward and to challenge me in a way where

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I am doing things that are out of my
comfort zone. I love to do that anyway.

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I love to challenge myself.
I love to learn new things,

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but I feel like you're
walking that path with me.

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And I feel like sometimes it's
negative for when you're helping

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to shape your husband, and I
don't know how to say that,

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but when you're helping to,

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you see in your instinct, in your gut,

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what can help your husband,

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whatever encouragement he needs
or whatever love he needs,

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that helps to shape your husband.

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And I like to think of that
Wives should always be making

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our husbands better and vice
versa. I like to think of it,

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you're the head and I have
no problem with you leading.

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And I like to think of myself
as a crown, just like in Bible.

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Right? Yeah. And I think we sometimes,
I mean, not to say that our roles,

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I can feel myself, what was I
just thinking yesterday? Or if.

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Either one of us are slipping somewhere,

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I feel like we have a nice soft way of

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encouraging each other to get
back on track to be our best

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self.

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I don't know if it's always soft.

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You've yelled at me a few times
where I'm like, okay, what?

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It's like get up and start
getting, it's like, oh.

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Yes. Because maybe when I'm over,
what is it called? Overstimulated?

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No, no.

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I think it's you falling into a position
that you shouldn't have to be in.

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It's like when I get into
this reactive position,

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sometimes I might be tired or
when things are wearing on me,

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and so I, the kids will be doing
something and I'm kind of like, ah,

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I'm just going to be quiet and hide.

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For a second. So when you have to repeat
yourself several times and it's like,

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well, how do I even Dan.

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Yeah. Take care of this and I know, or.

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Whatever. I don't think
that that's the word.

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Knew I should have stood up and
took care of it already. You.

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Can just, I think it's Dan, can you just,

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I think it's that sad. I don't think.

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I can do anymore. Can you just handle
this? I can't do this right now.

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Yeah, when you're overstimulated, yeah.

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You're saying, I don't want to be the
man of the house, the leader right now.

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I don't need to be doing this. Can
you handle this already? You help.

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And it's a wake call for me, I
think. Help me get them in bed. Yeah.

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It's a wake up call for me.

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And I realize when I'm being
reactive instead of proactive,

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nothing gets done. I know

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the kids, because you're
so nurturing with the kids,

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they're more aptt to listen. I
don't have to tell 'em three times,

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and so I should be doing that.

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But sometimes I find myself in
my feminine trying to hide in the

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bed. I'm just going to hide back here.

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Well, at this point, I'm tired.
Our kids are master negotiators,

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and my daughter will start
saying, oh, she's the best.

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Just one glass of water and
then this. Got it, got it.

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No, it's like she's literally telling.

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You, and I'm.

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Trying not to. You're
like, no water tonight.

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Because they'll do anything
first. It's going to be okay.

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They'll want to play a game. So we
play a game. That's fair enough.

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Then they want a story. Then they'll
try to get a movie out of us.

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Then this is the cycle that we're going
through right now. Then it's water.

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And then they'll be like, if we
have one more glass of water.

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Then we can stay up later. Well, no,
I love, she comes up and she goes,

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she goes, no water.

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So how about just instead
of two glasses of water,

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I just have one glass of water.
And then what did she say? Got it.

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Got it. That's what she
got it. And I'm like,

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who taught it.

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In deal? She says, deal, deal, deal.

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And then one thing that was very
important with my mom being a child

00:19:02
of war, and we would never waste food.

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And if I was ever
hungry, she would always,

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always feed me. It didn't matter what
time of night. So that sticks with me.

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When the kids say they're hungry,
they know that it'll start cooking.

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It doesn't matter what time it is.

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So now they've gone from
the water to they're hungry.

00:19:25
They're hungry. And they say it so well,

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I have Dan's like, well, what happened?
Weren't we supposed to get them in bed?

00:19:33
If they're hungry, I can't send
them to bed hungry. Are you kidding.

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Me? Yeah. But now it's 11, 12 o'clock
at night. And I'm like, oh my gosh.

00:19:40
Are you serious?

00:19:41
Well, not always that late, but
sometimes. Sometimes. And I feel like,

00:19:45
how did we let this.

00:19:47
Happen? I know it's
frustrating. Anyway, so tell me,

00:19:52
what are the things that a guy can do?
I'm asking the question. I'm a guy.

00:19:56
I am trying to ask what specifically,

00:19:59
because I realize in my own self when
I'm not doing what I should be doing.

00:20:02
But what do you think are the
things that a guy can do to step up

00:20:07
and be that masculine man,
that leader in his household?

00:20:12
Well, I think just simply taking over.

00:20:14
When you see me struggling,
and you do this a lot,

00:20:19
and sometimes you don't, but
for me, this means a lot.

00:20:22
When you see me struggling,

00:20:24
I don't really want to talk
about or say that I am.

00:20:28
I just wish you could just read my mind.

00:20:30
And I think this is
something that every woman

00:20:36
does from time to time is well,
he should have known that.

00:20:39
He should have been able to tell.
Can't he just see that I'm tired?

00:20:45
I need to communicate that better or
in a way or have some kind of code

00:20:50
where I think my word lately is like,

00:20:55
I'm done. I'm done. I'm so
exhausted. I'm so tired. I'm done.

00:20:59
Yeah. So men really, are you saying
that men should need to step up?

00:21:03
Men need to step.

00:21:04
Up. I wish that if you
guys can't read our minds,

00:21:08
then we just have to have this
code where it's like, I'm laying,

00:21:13
here's my white flag. I'm emotionally,
physically, I'm just tired.

00:21:18
I can't go on. Can you go on for me?

00:21:22
Can you do this for me?

00:21:25
And that's true. Guys
need to figure that out.

00:21:28
But what about when they're first dating?

00:21:30
How do you know that
you don't have kids yet?

00:21:33
Let's go back to a girl's looking
for the right type of guy,

00:21:38
and how do they know that this
guy's going to be that type of

00:21:43
guy?

00:21:43
Well, I think for me, as I said,

00:21:46
to feel protected and to feel safe,

00:21:50
I would always take a
note when people took

00:21:55
note of the things that
were important to me.

00:21:57
And I always did this
instinctually. I'd ask questions.

00:22:02
I would want them to ask
questions. I mean, you did,

00:22:06
but one of my love languages is gifts.

00:22:12
So I would listen to you and I'd always
surprise you with some kind of gift,

00:22:16
but at that time, I didn't get it.

00:22:20
So I was doing my love language for you.

00:22:23
So I'd always bring you some kind of gift.

00:22:25
And that's not your lu
language necessarily.

00:22:28
So then when I didn't get a gift
back, I was like, he doesn't really.

00:22:33
Care about, I was the worst. I
was the worst. You were the worst.

00:22:37
I'd get him expensive gifts.

00:22:40
And it wasn't because I
was trying to show off.

00:22:43
I just wanted him to know
that he was cared for.

00:22:47
And some things I did very wrong.

00:22:50
I know when I was in my powerhouse woman

00:22:54
era, I would always get the check,

00:22:57
even when I would go out for
dinner with a director or

00:23:02
producer when I was in my film.

00:23:05
And that wasn't for dating or anything,

00:23:08
but I would always get the check
and we'd go to one of the most

00:23:12
expensive restaurants, and I
always did that with you too.

00:23:16
I would get the checks, and now
I'm like, if I could just go back,

00:23:21
I wouldn't have done that.

00:23:22
But I'd always remember if
someone had a conversation

00:23:27
with me after,

00:23:28
and they repeated the things
that were important to me,

00:23:32
they remembered that I loved
Champion Roses, the color pink,

00:23:37
these things I would take
a private inventory of,

00:23:42
and I would feel that they care that

00:23:47
my feelings are safe with them.

00:23:50
And I think,

00:23:52
I guess I liked experiences like taking
you to Super Bowl as our first date

00:23:57
and the time we jumped on a
helicopter. Surprised you,

00:24:01
jumped on a helicopter and
flew to Catalina. I mean,

00:24:05
I was trying to do things.

00:24:07
I guess I didn't see the gifts as much.

00:24:11
And I'm not really into, the
funny thing is now, once I,

00:24:17
I was dealing with my
health issues, I actually,

00:24:22
my love language changed drastically.

00:24:25
It's more about memories and
photo shoots are important to

00:24:29
me. It's really important to me.

00:24:32
If you could just catch
me candidly with my kids,

00:24:37
without me even knowing,
that's huge for me.

00:24:40
I think for every mom.

00:24:43
But when I ran into that struggle

00:24:48
when I was fighting for my
life, I actually got so mad.

00:24:51
I just gave hams away Gucci shoes, Luta.

00:24:55
I just wanted it out because
I was like, this stuff.

00:24:59
I think coming from an immigrant
family and working so hard,

00:25:04
you want to show that you're successful.

00:25:06
And I believed one of the ways to show
that I was successful was having the

00:25:11
dream car, having the dream home,

00:25:14
having the purses, the shoes,

00:25:17
the clothes.
It all changed.

00:25:22
I'm successful. I don't have
to wear Chanel everything.

00:25:26
I don't have to have 10 combs. I
literally just gave that stuff away.

00:25:30
I was so mad that I hustled
so hard that I worked so

00:25:35
hard. And I think you only run into this,

00:25:39
or you only run into this when
someone tells you, listen,

00:25:44
you only have this and this many
days left. And then you get mad,

00:25:49
and then you start to figure
out, how did I get sick?

00:25:53
How did I run into this problem?

00:25:56
And then first it's disbelief
and then sadness and then

00:26:00
anger and all the grief steps. So
I was going through that thing.

00:26:04
So the gifts aren't my priority anymore.

00:26:08
But experiences, memories, those types of.

00:26:13
I think you waves the thought
that counts, right? Yeah.

00:26:15
I want it to surprise you. And
I also wanted everybody to know,

00:26:19
do not expect anything from me.

00:26:24
When I was mentioning how
I had, I was in business,

00:26:29
so I had to deal with men, and I
never wanted them to feel like, oh,

00:26:34
she's going to owe me
later. It's like, here,

00:26:36
I got the $300 dinner or $500
dinner. It's on me. See you later.

00:26:41
It's about business. Don't even
think of me that way because I know.

00:26:44
Understood. Yeah.

00:26:44
You told me a couple times where
you went to the bathroom and paid a.

00:26:48
Check, paid always, always,
always. I mean, even with you,

00:26:51
I don't know how you felt about it,
but I wish I could go back. I mean,

00:26:55
that's the male.

00:26:56
A man wants to take care of a woman.

00:27:02
I had a habit of covering all, everybody.

00:27:05
Checks lots of time. We were funny.

00:27:07
And that's one thing that bothered me

00:27:12
because you were wealthy. I
felt like a lot of my friends,

00:27:18
I think you should take turns. My best
friend that I was talking about before,

00:27:22
sometimes we would cover
everyone's bills when we would

00:27:27
go out. We knew some
people couldn't afford it,

00:27:30
and we wanted to go to nice places.

00:27:32
So sometimes we would
cover everyone's bills,

00:27:34
but we would always have a two-way
street between the two of us.

00:27:38
Sometimes I'd get it, sometimes
she'd get it, sometimes I'd get it.

00:27:41
Sometimes she'd get it.

00:27:42
And I feel like that's the way it
really should be. Oh, for sure.

00:27:46
And I felt like we're
always getting the bill.

00:27:49
We got to start shaving off these friends.

00:27:52
They're just taking advantage of us.

00:27:55
And that would make me mad because I
was at a point where now we're a team,

00:27:59
but people are just
taking advantage of us.

00:28:03
And it would hurt me because I
could see people taking advantage of

00:28:07
you, but you wanted to be
nice. But then we came to the,

00:28:11
and now that we have kids, it's different.

00:28:14
The number one, I enjoyed that
you paid the check. Sometimes.

00:28:16
I think it's part of that piece
that you were willing to do that,

00:28:21
that you were thinking
about doing that for.

00:28:25
It was just something, I don't
know in the back of my head,

00:28:27
I think it created the whole package.
It was part of the whole package.

00:28:31
You wanted a sugar mama?

00:28:33
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Okay. Okay.

00:28:38
I'll take that. Oh, dear. No,

00:28:39
I just think that it's so much
that goes into masculinity and

00:28:44
leadership and it's you probably feeling

00:28:48
comfortable.

00:28:50
I think we had the discussion when we
were talking about doing the podcast.

00:28:55
I had, or no, that was the last
podcast a couple podcasts ago.

00:28:59
We were talking about

00:29:02
just making you feel comfortable about not

00:29:07
that I'm all in, that I'm
never going to leave you.

00:29:09
So you feel this version
of early on, you said,

00:29:14
I didn't always come off like
that. And yeah, that was scary.

00:29:18
I didn't have the right language. That
made you feel comfortable in a way that,

00:29:22
Hey, look, now I tell you, we're married.
You're never going to get rid of me.

00:29:26
You're going to have to dump my body off
the side of the freeway or something.

00:29:30
You're never going to get rid
of me. So I'm here for life.

00:29:33
I want you to know that you never
have to worry about me leaving.

00:29:36
And I think that plays.

00:29:38
Into a little bit integrity,
honesty, obviously, all that,

00:29:40
and I should have mentioned that.
But yeah, of course. That's really,

00:29:44
really important because I
think in the infant stages,

00:29:50
I know you thought that I was attractive,

00:29:53
and I did have a lot of
male friends around me,

00:29:57
and you had a lot of
female friends around me,

00:30:00
and we were probably dancing with this,

00:30:02
not being able to fully
trust each other. And.

00:30:07
We lived in different countries.

00:30:09
That was hard.

00:30:10
But I felt so betrayed when I went all

00:30:15
in and then you didn't,

00:30:18
and I feel like a lot of guys do that.

00:30:21
They're nervous because of the past
trauma from their other relationships.

00:30:25
They're like, well, what if she hurts
me the way this person did? For sure.

00:30:29
Maybe I just won't talk about
the people that I'm talking to.

00:30:33
But eventually it came to
the part in the relationship

00:30:38
where it's like, are you going to
be all in? Because if you're not,

00:30:41
I'm out of here. I'm done.
I'm done. I'm all in.

00:30:44
But I can't play these games.

00:30:46
We were definitely rocky because I didn't
want to let go of those relationships.

00:30:50
Just in case.

00:30:51
But that's past trauma. It
wasn't even doing anything.

00:30:53
I was just talking to people. And I
didn't want to let their relationship go.

00:30:57
For me because I wouldn't cross the line.

00:31:00
Just talking to me felt intimate.

00:31:03
I am not a loose person.

00:31:06
I'm not the one that you'll never find
someone that'll say, oh, I've been,

00:31:12
as you said, you called it a
unicorn. I am not the person that,

00:31:17
of course, I liked and
I dress differently now,

00:31:20
but I did dress in a certain way. And.

00:31:24
Well, I didn't even think we
crossed that line at that time.

00:31:27
We were just talking then. Well.

00:31:29
No, no, no, no. When we were friends,

00:31:31
it didn't matter because I'm
doing my personal growth. Well,

00:31:34
it did matter because you were, well
when it started getting serious,

00:31:37
and you said, I don't want you
talking to anyone else, I guess.

00:31:40
And I listened to that and I felt
like you should probably be doing the

00:31:45
same.

00:31:46
And I think it wasn't until
you had a medical emergency

00:31:51
and I was supposed to check
your phone for something,

00:31:55
I can't remember, but I saw these
texts and I was like, no. I was like,

00:31:58
I'm not going to see this guy. And
you were, again, I'm not See this guy.

00:32:03
We're serious now, and you're
talking to people. This is not cool.

00:32:07
We're done. I'm done. I'm done.

00:32:10
I have more value than this.

00:32:13
And then it came to the seriousness of.

00:32:16
I think I didn't.

00:32:17
Feel.

00:32:18
Worthy. And I felt like
at some point I was like.

00:32:20
I'm sure a lot of guys deal with this.

00:32:22
Struggle. You were this. I don't know.
Yeah. I don't know how to explain it.

00:32:25
You were just this, my.

00:32:26
Friends and I could see my friends were

00:32:30
billionaires. I'm not
talking millionaires.

00:32:34
I had friends that were billionaires,
but that's what I mean. And millionaires.

00:32:37
But that's what I mean.

00:32:38
But he may have not known
that I was brought up

00:32:43
to not cross the line,

00:32:44
which is why I had these types of male

00:32:49
friends that respected me,

00:32:52
and which is always why I would
pay my own way with everything I

00:32:57
never ever want.

00:32:59
I am doing my self work. And

00:33:04
I think that that's attractive a.

00:33:06
Certain of person well do because your're
business and stuff, and we're way,

00:33:10
way off track.

00:33:12
We are now.

00:33:13
But I think just saying that,

00:33:15
I think I saw my insecurities
of seeing you talking.

00:33:19
You were having these business
conversations with these
business owners that are

00:33:24
in your field. Yeah, construction.
And I'm going like, well,

00:33:29
I don't want to let go of these
girls that I've been talking to,

00:33:34
but.

00:33:34
I wanted you to fight for. Just show me
that you're a hundred percent in fight.

00:33:39
For me. I've always wanted someone to
fight for me. And I think that, I mean,

00:33:44
I know doing the work that has
to do with the trauma of feeling,

00:33:48
feeling with my father,

00:33:51
leaving the family, abandoned my father,

00:33:56
figure my brother dying,

00:33:59
even though it wasn't his fault or
my fault or anybody's abandoned.

00:34:04
And then a marriage
falling apart, abandoned,

00:34:08
even though it was my fault,

00:34:10
but I just wanted someone to fight for me.

00:34:14
And that's another thing. I mean,
that's a eureka moment in this.

00:34:18
I wanted to see someone fight for me
again to make me feel safe and protected,

00:34:22
and I really mattered. And we do that now.

00:34:26
I think it took me a minute to kind
of grasp that concept because I'd

00:34:31
felt like, oh, I was
just kind of out dating.

00:34:35
I'd come off this bad relationship and.

00:34:38
Then prior bad relationship.

00:34:39
I've cheated on.

00:34:40
And I was kind of just trying to
find my footing and I didn't want to

00:34:45
trust people. And I don't know, it
was just really bad on both sides.

00:34:49
It doesn't.

00:34:49
Matter. I did the work. But yeah, I think,

00:34:56
I don't know why I keep saying, I think
because I know we've done the work,

00:34:59
but being a hundred percent in.

00:35:04
All in that changed the
game for what sometimes.

00:35:07
One person will get hurt. But
if you go a hundred percent in,

00:35:12
obviously we're together
and none of us are hurt.

00:35:15
But just taking that leap of faith.

00:35:18
But you have to do the personal
inventory in the beginning.

00:35:21
You have to do your goals. You have
to have the same type of mindset.

00:35:25
You have to do all that
work in the infant stages.

00:35:30
And when you see that your partner is

00:35:35
willing to put in the
work, nobody's perfect.

00:35:39
I think. Would you say that

00:35:43
going to Tony Robbins kind of helped us?

00:35:48
I think it's kind of a
marker there, especially the
second time we went to Tony.

00:35:54
I felt like after Business Mastery,

00:35:57
we kind of started to shed all

00:36:02
those,

00:36:03
that old personas and becoming kind of

00:36:08
a new version of ourselves

00:36:13
and not just, I think maybe it was.

00:36:15
A little bit of a makeup call.
I, it has to do fully with Tony,

00:36:19
but I know that we were
able to put things on

00:36:24
paper. We were able to commit to ideas.

00:36:27
We knew that we were eventually going to

00:36:32
lead people and coach people, and
all that is coming into fruition.

00:36:37
I do believe that

00:36:41
he challenged me myself too.

00:36:46
When I was told in my prior marriage,

00:36:49
one of the big things was that
had us fall apart is that I

00:36:53
was told that I wasn't going
to be able to have children.

00:36:57
And when Tony said, pray for it,

00:37:02
I can't remember his words
exactly. It's been a while.

00:37:05
But he asked you to write
it down, to pray for,

00:37:09
to dare yourself,

00:37:11
to pray for unbelievable
dreams. And I just said,

00:37:16
you know what? The most

00:37:19
impossible dream is to have a baby.

00:37:23
And that happened. That happened.

00:37:26
So people out there struggling with
infertility, even if it's been years,

00:37:30
it was years for me, it happened.

00:37:33
Do not underestimate the power of God.

00:37:37
I helped a little bit,
just a little. I did.

00:37:42
You took part in it, of course.

00:37:44
But when doctors tell you that
something is going to be impossible

00:37:49
after tests, don't always believe them.

00:37:53
And I think that that
whole mindset and just

00:37:58
having the courage,

00:38:00
the courage to do things
that are impossible,

00:38:05
that had a lot to do
with my healing process.

00:38:07
I put my life in the hands of God.

00:38:11
But you have to believe
and you have to push

00:38:16
yourself.

00:38:16
So I feel I love that we're
always willing to do work,

00:38:21
that you are not the guy that's
like, ah, I'm good enough.

00:38:26
I'm perfect the way that I am.

00:38:28
No matter what successes we
have both reached in life,

00:38:32
we are willing to learn
from other people and

00:38:37
challenge ourselves and grow.

00:38:39
And I think that's key for raising our
kids. But I really like that about us.

00:38:44
And I've always seen that growth
mindset in you in the beginning of our

00:38:49
relationship. And I
think you saw that in me,

00:38:51
but we've always been willing to
do the work no matter how silly or

00:38:55
whatever it is. We'll try everything.

00:38:58
Yeah, I love that.

00:38:59
One of our first dates though was Tony
Robbins walking on the coals there. Yeah.

00:39:03
That was awesome. That was fun.

00:39:05
So I think that men, if you're out there,

00:39:09
just remember that great, looks good.

00:39:13
Looks are always great,

00:39:15
but not everybody is blessed
with that. Of course.

00:39:19
Myself not blessed with that.
Just I was born lucky here.

00:39:25
And we have to, if you
can work on yourself,

00:39:29
if you can work on who you are
as a man that, like you said,

00:39:36
that looks aren't always the
first thing women are looking for.

00:39:39
They're looking for
security and protection.

00:39:42
And if you can be the best at that,

00:39:46
that you will find the woman
that you're meant to find.

00:39:49
Yeah, a hundred.

00:39:50
Percent. Because they're out there
and they're looking for protection. A.

00:39:52
Hundred. It's protection,
the safety, and also having,

00:39:58
so just what happened
to Adam and Eve, right?

00:40:01
Adam was not far from Eve
when she took the apple.

00:40:06
He, in the Bible, it says that he
wasn't far, he knew what was going on,

00:40:11
but he didn't speak up. He
just kind of let it happen.

00:40:14
And it's almost like the
man that's exhausted.

00:40:19
He's just like, I don't want
to hear it. I mean, Adam,

00:40:23
maybe he was in that state
where he's just like, whatever.

00:40:26
I'll let her do what she wants to do. No,

00:40:28
we need a man to guide us
what is right, what is wrong,

00:40:32
guide us in the right direction.
We need the keeper of the garden.

00:40:36
And even if you don't have the
magazine cover looks and the

00:40:41
muscles,

00:40:42
if you have that leadership where

00:40:46
your woman knows that she
can lean into you and you're

00:40:51
going to push the family in
the direction of what's right,

00:40:55
and you do have the looks, babe,
but I'm just saying that it's not,

00:41:00
the looks are going to one day,
poof. They're going to be gone.

00:41:04
Go for the guy that can lead, that
will push you in the right direction,

00:41:08
that won't let you go down the
wrong path and take a bite of the.

00:41:12
Apple,

00:41:13
because that you can just get better
and better in that you can grow

00:41:17
in and you can learn and become
better and ultimately together have

00:41:22
a better relationship together.
A hundred percent. Well,

00:41:26
thank you guys for listening
today. I know we got off,

00:41:28
way off track a little bit
there for a while. Oh my gosh.

00:41:31
But I hope that's something,

00:41:33
if you're going through
anything in your relationship,

00:41:35
and not to say that our relationship
is perfect because it's far,

00:41:38
far from perfect.

00:41:39
And we're constantly, I think that's
why we bring in the personal stories,

00:41:42
because it's a great example that
we weren't perfect even in our most

00:41:46
successful days. We weren't perfect.

00:41:50
We always struggled with things
in our life, and we all do. We're.

00:41:53
We all, everybody, every single one of.

00:41:56
Us don't look at the Instagram
life and think that people don't.

00:41:59
Have problems. Everybody's growing,
everybody's learning, and well.

00:42:04
Hopefully they're learning
and trying and growth.

00:42:06
Having that growth mindset so that
you can always be better. I mean,

00:42:10
I think one of the most liberating
things I ever did was start to read

00:42:14
relationship books. I mean,

00:42:15
I think when there was a point there when
we were having some issues and she had

00:42:20
suggested, oh,

00:42:23
it was the Tony Robbins
again, Tony Robbins.

00:42:26
It was the Tony Robbins
relationship DVDs that he have.

00:42:30
Right? I did it and I did it,

00:42:33
and I thought that he was doing
it too. So I did all the work.

00:42:37
Oh no, you bought 'em, did you?

00:42:39
I bought them and I watched them all,
and I'm doing the work, and I'm like,

00:42:44
why isn't he doing the same stuff?

00:42:47
I said, I helped Tony write those.

00:42:50
And he got.

00:42:51
So mad about that.

00:42:52
He would just joke about it. He's
like, he'll read a business book.

00:42:56
But he wasn't reading
the relationship books.

00:42:59
I would read.

00:42:59
A book every week. I'm
working so hard, bro.

00:43:02
I am trying to be my best version.

00:43:05
I've done the counseling stuff from prior.

00:43:08
I've already learned a lot
from past relationships.

00:43:11
Don't bring me your baggage and trauma.

00:43:15
So I mean, let yourself
grow in those things.

00:43:20
Let yourself.

00:43:21
Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the
journey, enjoy the journey.

00:43:24
Yeah. So we thank you guys
for tuning in. Thank you.

00:43:27
If you think this can help anybody,

00:43:29
send it to 'em so that they can listen
and hopefully they'll get something

00:43:33
out of it too.

00:43:34
Have the best week ever and God bless.

00:43:36
You guys next week.

00:43:38
Thank you for joining us on this
episode, the Pretty and Punk podcast.

00:43:43
If you know somebody, this will
help. Make sure to send it to them.

00:43:48
See you next week. Love you.
Bless. Thank you for listening.

00:43:55
Life.