Pushing Greatness, Are We Helping or Hurting Our Kids? (Part 2)

00:00:00
That's our responsibility as
parents to build their confidence.

00:00:04
And we're the ones that need to be
encouraging to children so that they could

00:00:09
strive for success,

00:00:11
and that helps them develop the confidence
in their abilities and belief in

00:00:16
themselves,

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setting them up for future challenges
that they know that they can get over

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that. So I do think that that's important.

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No.

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Oh.

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That's better, right,
Babe?

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Yeah.

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Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.

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He.

00:00:42
Founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.

00:00:45
She took the world by storm
as a social media star.

00:00:48
He took the world by storm as
a famous serial entrepreneur.

00:00:52
Together we started a business.

00:00:54
And had babies.

00:00:55
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do both.

00:00:57
Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life

00:01:01
struggles.

00:01:02
As they share their life.
Hacks about success, love.

00:01:06
Kids, and everything in between.

00:01:08
Teaching kids to count is fine,

00:01:11
but teaching kids what counts is the

00:01:16
best quote by Bob.

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Talent never help a child with task

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athletes, they feel they can succeed by

00:01:28
Maria wants Soul.

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Welcome to the Pretty Punk podcast.

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My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm
here with my beautiful wife,

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and we have another great podcast for you.

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It's a continuation from
last week's podcast.

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Yes, it's part two, pushing Greatness.
Are we helping or hurting our kids?

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And we had such a great
discussion. We want to continue.

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And it actually went pretty long,

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but there was so much good information
in there that we just really wanted to

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continue it and keep going. So we split
it into two parts, and this is part two.

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If you haven't listened to part one,

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we'll link part one in the show
notes and we hope you enjoy.

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let's get back to the show.

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Luin,

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you think about these kids that are
playing baseball or basketball or football

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or anything speaking, anything
at the highest level. And

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if you are not the best of the best,

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if you are not pushing yourself
in every aspect of your training,

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whatever that is, you will
not get there. That's right.

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And you're up against other greats.

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Well, and that's the
way that we explain it.

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I believe that we don't just freak out.

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I feel whenever we're
upset with our children,

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we really have a great way
of communicating that and why

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they should put a hundred percent
into it because it's going to do this,

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that and the other.

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Whereas maybe some people don't know
how to communicate that and they get

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frustrated and yell,

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but they're not communicating why
they need to put a hundred percent in

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it. This is a sport that you chose
or this is a thing that you chose.

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So you need to do well. Put everything.

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You can. The guy who you are going
up against is practicing right now.

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I'll tell.

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Daniel, well, I do really
love our friend Bow Easton.

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He the football player,

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so he's a football player and he got
injured and then he became a very

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successful speaker and he
specializes in storytelling.

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So we can go into that on another
podcast about making sure that

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your brand story or your
life story is very clear and

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precise so that you could
share it with your audience.

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But what I like is that his son wanted

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to be involved in sports.

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So what he did was he took his children

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to go see the basketball.

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Play. Kobe Bryant, Kobe Bryan.

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Kobe Bryant.

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And he took them two hours before
the game and they're like, why are.

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We going so early? Oh
yeah, I remember the story.

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Nobody's going to be there. Why?
You'll see, you'll see, you'll see.

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So they get there two
hours before it's Kobe out

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there, nobody else, and
he's giving it his all.

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And then a few hours later,

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the rest of the team starts coming
in and doing the drills, or.

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I think it was an hour later.
Yeah, I mean everybody,

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he's been out there for an hour on the

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court court all day already
and shooting baskets and

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starting at the free throw line,
shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot.

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And an hour later all these guys get
on the court and start practicing.

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Explain. And that.

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Just goes.

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To show he explained very well, but not
only that, but he showed it to his kids.

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He was teaching his child
how to eat from a very

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young age. You want to be like this guy,

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you want to be a sports star,

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then you have to eat like this and
you're going to have to work out like

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this and you're going to have to practice
like this. If you want to be the best,

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you have to train the best.
And that's his slogan.

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That's his thing the best. And
if you want to be the best,

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you have to copy and react and maybe

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do things that are even better
than the people that are the.

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Best challenge yourself. What about
kids that don't want to follow through?

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I know there's a lot
of families out there.

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I know a lot of parents
out there that might go,

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well just let 'em do whatever they
want to do. And I'm like, I have this.

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I guess it's kind of a guttural
feeling. You have to be in touch,

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in tune with your kid,

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but sometimes there's kids out there who
just want to try this and then they do

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this and they don't, I don't
want to play baseball anymore.

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They're done halfway through the season,

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or I don't want to finish
the basketball season,

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or I don't want to keep
speaking. I'm done with this.

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I kind of have

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thought or this feeling that when we deal
with Daniel and we haven't really come

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against it, he hasn't done
that, but I am prepared.

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I'm preparing myself for the
time when we get up to him trying

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something different, something else,

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something new and he gets halfway through
the season decides he doesn't want to

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do it,

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or maybe he's trying something new
and after the first Juujitsu class,

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he doesn't want to take Juujitsu no
more. He doesn't want to keep going. I.

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Feel like you have a good gut instinct
for what you want to do and you

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can kind of tell when your kids are
being lazy and when they don't want to do

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something.

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Yeah, I mean it could even.

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Be the environment.

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I come from the school that he's
going to play the season out. Yeah.

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I mean he's going to finish this season.
I'm not going to let him, because.

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Sometimes.

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You have to understand.

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What I'm saying. I'm not saying that you
have to get through the whole season.

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I'm not saying let them quit. You're
not quitting. If they made a decision,

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I feel it would be a good idea to

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usher them along to finish
because something in there

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may switch inside of them,

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but then also they will really learn
a lesson as to why is it that this

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isn't your thing? Why is it
that you don't like this?

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What was that thing? I mean,
if something's toxic for me,

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I quit my jazz class
because my teacher was,

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and I don't even know
how she got away with it,

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but she was smoking and yelling
and stomping and she was crazy.

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But my other dancing teachers,
so that made me want to quit.

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I remember a kid.

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I'm not going.

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Back to this care. I remember
watching a story or something,

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I'm trying to remember what it
was, but it was a while ago,

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probably 10 years ago or so.

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But it was about a kid
who wanted to quit soccer

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and it turned out a lot of
why he wanted to quit soccer.

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He had told his dad that it
was because he hadn't scored

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and his dad made him keep
playing and he finally scored a

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couple games before the end of the
season and he was so happy after that.

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And he started to realize
that he could score,

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but a lot of it was he
didn't think he could score.

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And when he finally scored it, it
changed his perspective on the game,

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on playing.

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And then he went on to keep playing season
after season because once he realized

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he could score, he really kept
chasing that. It gave him.

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A.

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Confidence. It was that feeling that he
wanted to change and that confidence.

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I actually, I just saw a post
today about this parent who

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this kid didn't want to
go down this big slide.

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It was kind of a skateboard
ramp, like a skate ramp.

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And his dad was trying to let him slide
down it, but he didn't want to go.

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And his dad was holding his arms
almost like making him bear hug

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himself so that he would just go.

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He just wanted him to go down and the kid
kept trying to fight him a little bit.

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You could see parents getting a little
uncomfortable about him doing this

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because he was almost going to push his
kid down, throwing your kid in the pool.

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They don't want to swim or
something. But here's what I saw.

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I didn't know what was going to,

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was this going to be against
what he was thinking,

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his idea of pushing his kid down?

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Was it going to be all these parents
coming against that thought process or was

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it going to be the other way around?
And it was the other way around.

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What happened was when the kid
finally was pushed down the slide,

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he couldn't get 'em off the slide anymore.

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He wanted to do it over and
over and over and over again.

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And sometimes kids just don't
know what they want, what they're.

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Capable of.

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And that's our responsibility
as parents to build their

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confidence.

00:11:07
And we're the ones that need to be
encouraging to children so that they could

00:11:12
strive for success.

00:11:14
And that helps them develop the confidence
in their abilities and belief in

00:11:19
themselves,

00:11:20
setting them up for future challenges
that they know that they can get over

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that. So I do think that that's important.

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To push.

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Our way.

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You have to push your kids in
a loving way with behind it,

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but sometimes it's a little bit hard.

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They can see through hard hundred
for sure. They could see through you.

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If they don't feel the love
and they don't feel that this

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is for a good cause for them,

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then they're smart. They're smart,

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but also don't discount
their abilities. I mean,

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look at what you thought
about Daniel. You're like,

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there's no way he's going to learn
quotes. And then at two, he was learning.

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No, I didn't. I thought he
was going to be great at that.

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Is when you started teaching him,
which was a really hard poem,

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or was it classical? Was it if, yeah,
it was all of those. It's really hard.

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It's a really hard poem. And
when you were teaching him that,

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I just like, this isn't
even normal English.

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It's a little easier if you were teaching
somebody words that people already

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know, but at five years old or four years
old, when you were teaching it to him,

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he was four. I was thinking,

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how isn't how we normally even speak?

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It's really going to be hard for him to.

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Learn these patterns. The
man marina, A man marina.

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Is the same way. That's a super, most
adults can't remember that speech. I mean,

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no adults can remember that speech.

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There's not an adult that I know
that does that speech by heart.

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Even if you watch 'em on YouTube
recite the speech they're reading,

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none of them. They're all
reading it, all of them.

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There's nobody who knows that by heart
except for Daniel. But he loves it.

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At five years old, he was spitting
that out. It was nobody's business.

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But we pushed, I mean, you pushed
him really hard while I was,

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wasn't there always. I wouldn't say.

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It was hard, but we would do
it every day. Okay, Danielle,

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it's time to do this when.

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It's time to do that fun
a little bit. I think, oh,

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I would have to say that you
made it fun for him. Yeah.

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So he enjoyed it. It was his
routine and that's what it was.

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We made it a part of our
routine in a loving way.

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And you'd be amazed. I mean,
I had more time with Daniel.

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He was counting to 10 at two and

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Destiny doesn't even want to count to
10 because she's got other interests.

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There you go. It's just the difference.

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And that's a thing when you can
pick up what they love doing.

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Like Daniel, I love planets.
Oh, you love planets. Well,

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let's memorize the planets.
Let's learn about the planets.

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He knew the temperature,
he knew the texture.

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He knew the order Destiny tried it,

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doesn't want to learn it, not interested.
She's interested in other things.

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I think what was always interesting to
me is when I saw you pushing Daniel,

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I was never pushed like that
as a kid. And my parents,

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when if I wanted to play
baseball, I played baseball.

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If I wanted to play soccer, I played
soccer. And I just never got that.

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My dad never yelled at me about playing
harder. They were always supportive,

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but I was never pushed hard.

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And it became an internal thing for me.

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I internally pushed myself because I
always wanted to show people that I could

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be better, and I just
really never needed that.

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So when I wanted to become
an entrepreneur, I was
studying entrepreneurs.

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I would go to people and ask them
how they built their business.

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I was self-driven.

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And so when I saw you pushing Daniel,

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it was like something
I was like, he's fine.

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In my head I was thinking,

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he's fine.
Let him become who he wants to become.

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And I think it caused a little rift
between me and because you were

00:15:09
pushing him so hard,

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but then slowly I saw how

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he gravitated towards it and I had to

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internalize, am I doing the right thing?

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Is my mindset right here?
I think I have this wrong.

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I don't think I'm right
here. And I flipped.

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And parenting is a constant journey.

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And at that point I just said,

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what you are doing is
what I need to be doing.

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And so I think I added
to that and came up over

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the top, but I think you
got that from your mom and

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that was life-changing for Daniel,

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and I appreciate that you brought
that into our family. Also,

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I think one thing that we
didn't speak about yet,

00:16:02
it's important to praise the
practice. Oh, yes, a hundred percent.

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I think where parents get it wrong so
much is they come in late and they want to

00:16:11
praise the goal. And so

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the goal, meaning when they finally
score a goal or which is great,

00:16:20
great job, but praising the process, yes,

00:16:25
that's so important that it takes to get
there is what helps them find their way

00:16:30
through this entanglement that this,
how do I become better? A hundred.

00:16:34
Percent.

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That is, and the way you become better
is through practice, through repetition,

00:16:38
and.

00:16:38
That's with everything
praising the practice.

00:16:42
You don't want to always say that
your kid, oh, that's so great,

00:16:47
so this that,

00:16:48
because their identity will be in that
thing and that can lead to depression,

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whole different podcast,

00:16:53
but it kind of goes hand in hand
with everything that they do.

00:16:58
Praise the process. Don't just say
that they're, oh, you're so great,

00:17:01
you're so great, you're so wonderful.

00:17:03
Praise the process That gives them
the confidence to work hard to get to.

00:17:08
The goal. Daniel, you're
working hard on your practice.

00:17:11
We love to see you practice like
this is if you do this every day,

00:17:16
you will better than everybody out
there. Nobody will be able to touch you.

00:17:21
And that's how we talk to Daniel
most of the time. You talk.

00:17:23
To him more like that.

00:17:25
I really, I'm a little
louder too, and I say it.

00:17:27
Too. I love how you work so hard.

00:17:30
You are working so hard.

00:17:32
I love the way your brain works
and whatever clicks for them,

00:17:38
what makes them feel buttery,
soft, and wonderful. I am so.

00:17:43
Grateful. I'm not sure I'm going
through for buttery soft and wonderful.

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I'm not going through it. You know what.

00:17:47
I love?

00:17:47
I love that every night he comes to me and

00:17:52
sometimes I feel like,
did I do enough today?

00:17:56
Did I spend enough time?

00:17:58
And every night he comes to me
and my daughter too, and they say,

00:18:03
you're the best mommy in the world,

00:18:05
and they rub my hair and my
face and that's my reward.

00:18:09
That's like a mother's reward of that.

00:18:14
She's doing a good job.
That she's doing okay.

00:18:17
Yeah.

00:18:18
You're doing a great
job. Everything's worth.

00:18:19
It. You're doing a great
job, mom. And I just quickly,

00:18:22
I just wanted to touch on a few things
because we're getting to that hour,

00:18:25
but I really think that it's important
to talk about resilience and just

00:18:30
teaching our kids that and
failure that it's okay to fail.

00:18:34
It's okay to fail because that's where
people that have failed the most are

00:18:39
also the people who are the best.

00:18:41
I love that and I love that how
Daniel was involved in our business.

00:18:45
I'm just using our children as an example
because we're with them every day.

00:18:48
In Destiny two,

00:18:49
we have the collectible business
where I had a successful

00:18:54
swimmer line,

00:18:55
but then we did the collectible business
because it was great for the kids

00:18:59
because they get to see all these
entrepreneurs that are successful.

00:19:04
But we tell our children the backstory,

00:19:07
and most of these entrepreneurs have
gone bankrupt several times or lost

00:19:11
everything, and they just kept going.

00:19:14
So they know that story of not giving up,

00:19:17
and it's not just not one person
that everybody looks up to.

00:19:21
It's all these successful entrepreneurs
and leaders, and I love that,

00:19:25
that they understand.

00:19:27
And I think I encourage parents
to share that part that they

00:19:31
understand very solidly that there

00:19:36
is nothing to be ashamed of.

00:19:39
If you get something wrong
or you fail, it is a lesson.

00:19:42
It is a gold nugget. It is
a gift. It is a blessing.

00:19:46
So never look at it.

00:19:48
In a negative way.

00:19:48
One of my favorite commercials on the
planet is Michael Jordan's commercial.

00:19:53
I think it's his commercial. Maybe
it's a quote by him where, no,

00:19:57
I think it's a commercial.

00:19:58
I've missed more than
9 shots in my career.

00:20:02
I've lost almost 300 games,

00:20:07
26 times.

00:20:09
I've been trusted to take the
final winning shot and missed.

00:20:14
I've failed over and
over and over again in my

00:20:18
life, and that's why I
succeed. Yeah, I love that one.

00:20:22
If we can teach our kids that
they will find greatness in

00:20:26
something in their life.

00:20:28
Yes. So keep providing opportunities.

00:20:31
If you want to give
your children the tools,

00:20:34
keep providing them the opportunities.
Maybe they're not going to be

00:20:40
speaking on stages for the rest of
their lives or playing soccer or

00:20:45
football or whatever. They may pivot
and understand that it's okay to.

00:20:49
Pivot. Let them explore other.

00:20:50
Things. It's okay to pivot and
you're going to pivot in life.

00:20:53
You are doing tapout.

00:20:56
I had an architectural concrete company.

00:20:58
I thought I was going to be a jeweler
then I thought I was going to be an

00:21:01
actress.

00:21:02
But sometimes it takes you to
get to the top and then God has a

00:21:07
different path for you.

00:21:09
Or maybe you weren't on your path and
God has to straighten that out for you

00:21:14
where you're on your God-given path, and
I feel like this is our path right now.

00:21:18
This is our blessing.

00:21:19
This is when we see that we are able

00:21:24
to inspire and connect and just

00:21:29
give people the community to entrepreneur

00:21:33
parents. Not every mom has a business.

00:21:37
Not every dad has a business,
but even as a stay at home mom,

00:21:41
that is a business. You're working
harder than most entrepreneurs,

00:21:45
I promise. I founded an
architectural concrete company and

00:21:50
people were very impressed
when I said that.

00:21:53
And I remember thinking,

00:21:57
and my mom was different
because she was an entrepreneur,

00:21:59
but I remember thinking, oh,

00:22:02
they're going to just think
that I'm just a mom. But no,

00:22:06
you are in charge of this child's legacy,

00:22:11
his future. You have so much more,

00:22:16
I want to say like treasure what
you're pumping into this child,

00:22:21
all that blood, sweat,

00:22:22
and tears and everything that
you have within you that is a

00:22:27
CEO or architect of the home,
whatever you want to call it.

00:22:31
But that is a fricking important
job. So congratulations.

00:22:36
I love this community
that God has created.

00:22:40
Us to. I think if you're that
person, you can help your child find.

00:22:44
If you have that mindset,

00:22:46
you can help your child
find the greatness in him.

00:22:49
And remember every great leader
that has done the speech,

00:22:54
a lot of them think, who? My mom?

00:22:58
Right? Okay. And their dad. And their
dad. Their dad should be thanked too.

00:23:03
Yeah, they should be on. They
should. Dad's put in a lot of work.

00:23:06
But I think we are in a different
generation now where the dads are actually

00:23:12
doing more, putting more in.
They're not, I don't know.

00:23:16
I feel like men were so influenced.

00:23:18
Your job is just to go to work and
then come home and relax and sit down.

00:23:23
When the children see you're involved,

00:23:26
they have a different respect
and a different, they can.

00:23:31
They're smart little humans. They're
smart. So I just feel like today,

00:23:36
yeah, kids are probably thinking
their mom and their dad.

00:23:39
They see how involved the
fathers are of today's

00:23:44
generation and.

00:23:45
Choose to see greatness in your
kids. Yes, truly. Remember,

00:23:49
greatness is not born.

00:23:51
You can build greatness into your.

00:23:56
Kids. Well, you have to spark that thing.

00:23:58
You have to help them
find their greatness,

00:24:01
help them find what's going
to excite them. You never.

00:24:03
Forget that everybody was
born with a very important

00:24:08
purpose. God had a very,

00:24:11
very important purpose for all of us,

00:24:14
and we just have to tap into what that is.

00:24:18
And sometimes we're really lucky our
parents can help us find that when we're

00:24:22
young,

00:24:23
but sometimes it may be a
long hard road to find that

00:24:28
job or not the job, but what
is it? I always say it. The.

00:24:33
Career, the life, the
direction, the purpose.

00:24:36
The.

00:24:36
Purpose I love hear special.

00:24:40
When you hear those
stories that the stars.

00:24:42
Align for people assignment,

00:24:43
God has a very important assignment
for every single one of us.

00:24:46
We just need to find it.

00:24:48
And if we can help our
children spark into at

00:24:52
least the tools that
they're going to have to use

00:24:57
for their assignment.

00:24:59
Help them be excited. That's amazing.

00:25:01
That's one thing that I
always see when we are pouring

00:25:06
into Daniel and Destiny.

00:25:08
I see that when they are
excited about something,

00:25:13
your kid will never be better at
something that then when they're

00:25:18
excited about it.

00:25:19
If.

00:25:20
They find excitement in it.

00:25:21
You're going to force of work ethic.
They're practice, enjoy it. Yes,

00:25:25
they're going to enjoy it.
And that's the pleasure.

00:25:29
I think even for a parent to see
that they're enjoying the process.

00:25:34
They're working so hard
and they love it. That's.

00:25:38
Great. They love it. That's what
we all want for our children. Yeah.

00:25:40
So thank you guys for tuning into this
episode of the Pretty Punk podcast.

00:25:44
I hope this help you today.

00:25:46
If you know anybody who
might be struggling with
this or who's going through

00:25:51
fighting this, trying to figure
these things out, be sure to share.

00:25:54
This with them. If they're never,

00:25:55
hopefully it'll help them just start
pouring into them. We love you.

00:25:58
God bless you, and.

00:26:00
We'll see you guys next week.

00:26:01
Yes. We hope to see you
next week. God bless.

00:26:05
I appreciate you guys listening
to the Pudding and Punk podcast,

00:26:09
and I really hope it inspired your
life today. If you want to see more,

00:26:14
click this subscribe
button below. Oh, you sure?

00:26:18
With all the people you love. God bless.