EP 166 “I’m at a Crossroads and I Don’t Know What to Do!”
In this deeply engaging and extended episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast, dynamic duo Ildiko Ferenczi and Dan Caldwell, center this episode around a poignant letter from a listener, who finds himself at a crossroads, grappling with the delicate balance of dedicating himself to his business while striving to be present and supportive at home. John’s story resonates deeply with both Ildiko and Dan, sparking a rich discussion filled with personal reflections, professional insights, and a treasure trove of actionable advice for listeners navigating similar challenges.
The heart of this episode is the raw and honest exploration of the tensions that arise when professional commitments seem to encroach upon family time, a situation all too familiar to the co-hosts themselves. The listener’s letter, outlines his struggle with feeling disconnected from his family due to the demands of his business, a scenario that prompts Dan and Ildiko to offer their unique perspectives and solutions, drawing from their own experiences of balancing multi-million dollar business ventures with family life.
Key to the conversation is the emphasis on communication as the cornerstone of navigating the complexities of entrepreneurial parenthood. The co-hosts explore the importance of having open and honest dialogues within the family, encouraging listeners to step into their partner’s shoes and understand the emotional toll that imbalance can take. They address the critical need for couples to share their struggles without judgment, fostering a supportive environment where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued.
Reflecting on the listener’s situation, Dan and Ildiko underscore the significance of acknowledging each other’s efforts and the sacrifices made for the family’s well-being. They discuss the potential for resentment to build when one’s contributions are overlooked and emphasize the power of appreciation in strengthening the marital bond. This episode is filled with specific, actionable tips for listeners, such as setting boundaries around work, delegating tasks to alleviate pressure, and finding practical ways to be more present and engaged at home.
Moreover, the discussion ventures into emotional support and understanding, with Ildiko and Dan sharing personal anecdotes that highlight the importance of being there for one another in times of stress and vulnerability. They advocate for couples to approach conflicts with empathy, patience, and a willingness to support each other’s needs, even when it means stepping outside of one’s comfort zone to address the underlying issues head-on.
The co-hosts celebrate the resilience of parent entrepreneurs and the beauty of building a legacy together, not just in business, but in the nurturing and raising of tomorrow’s leaders within a loving and supportive family environment.
Listeners will walk away from this episode equipped with a deeper understanding of the delicate balance between work and family, inspired by Dan and Ildiko’s honesty and practical advice.
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Ildiko Ferenczi must haves store.
Don't forget to email us with your questions to be apart of the conversation!
00:00:00
That's really good and challenge
yourself to engage and turn this into a
00:00:04
meaningful conversation where
you're both seen and expressing
00:00:10
the affection and appreciation
for each other. If you do it,
00:00:14
you're going to get that back.
00:00:16
I really truly believe that you're
going to get it back and it's
00:00:21
essential for both parties to
feel valued and supported and
00:00:26
loved within the relationship.
And I know you can get that back.
00:00:30
It's going to take work
just like your business.
00:00:32
It's going to take work
on both of your ends.
00:00:41
No. Oh, that's better, right, babe?
00:00:46
Yeah.
00:00:48
Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.
00:00:53
He.
00:00:53
Founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.
00:00:56
She took the world by storm
as a social media star. He.
00:01:00
Took the world by storm as a
famous serial entrepreneur.
00:01:03
Together we started a.
00:01:04
Business and had babies.
00:01:06
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do both.
00:01:09
Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life
00:01:13
struggles.
00:01:13
As they share their life,
hacks about success, love kids.
00:01:17
And everything in between.
00:01:19
Real men reject, passivity,
upset, responsibility,
00:01:24
and lead courageously.
00:01:27
A good husband makes a good wife,
00:01:31
Quote by John Florio.
00:01:34
Welcome to the Pretty and Punk podcast.
00:01:36
My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm
here with my co-host and a beautiful
00:01:40
wife,
00:01:43
and we have another great podcast for
you guys today. Sorry to step over there,
00:01:47
babe. I'm just so we have
another great podcast.
00:01:51
We constantly get these emails.
00:01:55
And messages constantly here.
00:01:56
And there.
00:01:56
We get emails about people going through
the same issues that we're speaking
00:02:01
about on the show, and sometimes
we just, well, up until now,
00:02:05
we've just been answering them
here and there where we could,
00:02:08
we felt like we could give them a little
bit of feedback, but with this letter,
00:02:13
this email that we got this week,
00:02:15
we decided we actually wanted to see
if we could address it on the podcast.
00:02:20
So we thought that might be interesting.
00:02:21
Yeah,
00:02:22
perhaps it could give someone out there
going through the same type of thing,
00:02:25
some value, some ideas and
just a community to lean into.
00:02:30
And if the person who wrote
the email is listening,
00:02:33
they'll hopefully get
something out of it too.
00:02:35
So we're going to address that as
soon as we come back from, Hey guys,
00:02:39
we hope you're enjoying today's
episode of the Pretty Punk Podcast.
00:02:42
And if you are and you haven't already
hit that like and subscribe button,
00:02:46
it just takes a second.
00:02:47
It means so much to us because it really
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00:02:51
listeners like you guys.
And if you know anybody,
00:02:54
it might help and you can send it to
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00:02:58
We love and appreciate your
reviews, even the babies.
00:03:02
Look forward to them every day.
00:03:04
If you share this episode on social
media today, don't forget to tag us.
00:03:09
We want to celebrate you because we
know it's not easy being a parent in
00:03:13
business and the way that
you juggle things makes you
a superhero that's worth a
00:03:17
shout out. Together we have a community
of our personal followers as well,
00:03:22
and we just want to put it out there.
00:03:24
We want to show everybody that
this juggle is possible and
00:03:29
you are our family and we're
so proud and grateful to have
00:03:33
you a part of this family.
00:03:36
So don't forget all the
links are below in the show
00:03:40
notes, and thank you again and
let's get back to the show.
00:03:44
Dear Dan and Hilde co. I hope
this message finds you both well.
00:03:48
My name is John. I'm a listener,
the Pretty punk podcast.
00:03:51
I want to thank you both
for the work you do.
00:03:54
I really enjoy your podcast mainly
because I feel like my family is going
00:03:59
through many of the challenges that
you speak about on the podcast.
00:04:03
Today I'm reaching out to share a
personal challenge that I believe
00:04:07
many of your listeners
might resonate with.
00:04:10
My wife and I find ourselves at
a crossroads grappling with the
00:04:14
balance between my commitment to
our business and our life at home.
00:04:19
Despite the love and respect
we have for each other,
00:04:23
there's a growing tension
that I find hard to navigate.
00:04:27
My wife often expresses her
frustration about the hours I
00:04:32
dedicate to our business.
00:04:34
She perceives my long days and occasional
weekends as time stolen from our
00:04:38
family, leaving her feeling
overlooked and the home neglected.
00:04:43
While I understand her concerns,
00:04:45
I feel this constant strain
of complaints is creating a
00:04:50
barrier between us and not
allowing us to appreciate the life
00:04:55
we're building together. I know a
lot of people go through this stuff.
00:05:00
This isn't the first time
we heard this either.
00:05:03
When I return home eager to shed
the weight of the day and spend some
00:05:07
time together with my family,
00:05:09
I often am met with a barrage
of grievances from feeling
00:05:14
that I'm not contributing enough
at home around the house to a
00:05:19
sense of disconnection between us.
00:05:21
These complaints have become a
reoccurring theme that I find myself
00:05:26
ill-equipped to address without
creating more arguments between us.
00:05:31
How can couples like us
navigate through these waters?
00:05:36
Your insights and advice
would be invaluable to us.
00:05:40
I look forward to potentially hearing
your thoughts on this matter in a future
00:05:44
episode. Thank you, and feel free to
use this email if you want. Thank you.
00:05:49
John. You think that's his real name?
00:05:53
I don't know. I'm not laughing.
I'm not judging. Let's get.
00:05:57
To it. I think there's a
lot to unpack here. I mean,
00:06:00
here's the thing is that
first of all, they must have,
00:06:02
it sounds like they probably have kids,
00:06:04
but he didn't mention that
they have kids here and.
00:06:07
Well, they must have kids if
they're listening to the podcast.
00:06:10
But what made me I think feel a little
sad and they're probably listening or
00:06:15
he's probably listening,
00:06:17
but I just think some of
that language made me a
00:06:22
little sad with the barrage of
grievances and complaints and
00:06:27
I can see how he
addresses that The home is
00:06:31
neglected and she's feeling overlooked,
00:06:34
but I really wish that,
00:06:37
and before each podcast we always pray
00:06:42
that we can touch someone and
bring someone closer together,
00:06:46
and it just saddens me
that some of the words in
00:06:51
there are negative in a way where it could
00:06:56
be pulling him to, I know he's
struggling, obviously he's struggling,
00:07:00
he's working long hours,
but at the same time,
00:07:04
he hasn't mentioned anything about,
00:07:07
I know that men need respect,
they need appreciation,
00:07:12
but there's not one mention of
all the things that she does.
00:07:16
That she's going through.
00:07:17
That she's going through. And I
wish I could ask these questions.
00:07:22
Is she a first time mother? Is
she going through postpartum?
00:07:26
Does she have more than one child?
This is a lot of work on her shoulders.
00:07:31
I know obviously he's working
from morning to night.
00:07:36
He's taking away some of the weekends
and they're not working together,
00:07:40
so it's not this team
thing. He's going out,
00:07:43
he's doing the footwork
and she's at home doing.
00:07:48
The, I think that's, I mean, the first
two things I would address is one,
00:07:51
I feel like the two problems
we're having is one,
00:07:54
it doesn't feel like they're
on a shared path together.
00:07:57
Well, the communication
doesn't feel strong.
00:08:00
For first of all, and the
communication. That's my second's flaw.
00:08:04
There's some missing,
there's some, well, one,
00:08:07
men don't respond well to
criticism, so we're not,
00:08:13
when we hear that,
00:08:14
I understand especially coming home from
a day like a long day where you've been
00:08:18
putting out fires all day long at a
business and you're putting out fires all
00:08:21
day long, and then you have somebody
coming at you when you get home,
00:08:25
you're hoping to come home.
00:08:26
To in state.
00:08:27
This home.
00:08:28
Right? In a state of overstimulation.
00:08:32
For sure. I'm not saying it's her
fault, all her fault. That's scary.
00:08:34
I'm not saying this is all her fault at.
00:08:36
All. No, and I'm not
saying it's his fault. I'm.
00:08:38
Trying to see both sides.
00:08:39
I'm saying that's what he's going through
and that's the problem here is that
00:08:44
each side has to step
into each other's shoes.
00:08:48
Pain.
00:08:48
Point and go, what are they
going through every day? Exactly.
00:08:52
And I think that they would see
and just talking to you, John,
00:08:56
I hope that's your name, John,
I'm speaking to you, is that
00:09:02
the first thing that you have to do
is step into your wife's shoes and go,
00:09:05
what is she going through every day?
Because I know you're going through a lot.
00:09:10
I'm sure you are, I'm sure.
00:09:12
I don't know where your business is
or how many employees you have or what
00:09:15
you're dealing with, but no business,
00:09:17
whether you have one employee or
no employees or 300 employees is
00:09:22
easy. You're constantly putting out fires.
00:09:26
And they need that honest
communication without judgment.
00:09:30
They feel there's a little, I think
he's in a point where he's passed.
00:09:35
He's got some resentment going on
because of the words that he chose to
00:09:40
write in the email. And maybe
he doesn't see it as negative,
00:09:43
but he's already judging and we
cannot judge when we communicate.
00:09:48
We cannot judge or have defensiveness.
00:09:51
We cannot have those emotions
behind it. We really have to.
00:09:56
Is she feeling lonely? Is she
feeling overwhelmed? Are things,
00:10:00
especially if she just had a
baby and she's a first time mom,
00:10:05
it's hard to delegate.
00:10:09
Do you nurse the baby?
00:10:11
I don't even know if she's
nursing or she's bottle feeding.
00:10:14
There's just so much that goes behind it.
00:10:17
And now he's trying to
get his business booming
00:10:22
obviously, because he has to be
the breadwinner of the family.
00:10:25
She's has these children that she needs
to take care of as a stay-at-Home mom,
00:10:30
we have to have compassion for both sides.
00:10:32
Both sides are working very
hard and both sides aren't being
00:10:37
seen. I feel.
00:10:39
A hundred percent. It's
a communication problem.
00:10:41
Both sides are not seeing
each other's point of view.
00:10:43
They're they're not wanting
to because they're guys,
00:10:48
marriage is not easy. No, this
is not easy to do. Believe me,
00:10:53
it's why 50% of marriages end in
divorce and probably even higher for
00:10:58
entrepreneurs. But the thing is,
00:11:00
is that you have to just believe that
00:11:04
you want to build something great.
00:11:07
If you go into this believing that you
guys are going to build something great
00:11:12
together, then you guys
will get through this.
00:11:15
And if you learn to step into each other's
shoes and understand what the other
00:11:20
person is going through, you'll
learn how to deal with them better.
00:11:25
There's a way that I think for men,
00:11:29
when we spend the whole day at work
putting out fires and at the office and
00:11:32
we're dealing with this and conversations
and we're dead tired when we come home
00:11:36
and we finally get home and we do
get hit with a barrage of those,
00:11:41
that's why negative to
say why? What about this?
00:11:45
It's hard for a man to, because it
feels like disrespect is what it feels.
00:11:49
Like. But then at the same time you
have to look at it in a different lens.
00:11:52
You to put on the other glasses
where you see that she's
00:11:58
overstimulated, that she's
not coming at you like that.
00:12:02
You're the leader of the
house. You are the man.
00:12:04
You're that big strong body
that she can lean into that
00:12:09
maybe she needs to break down.
I'm not that kind of person,
00:12:13
but I do have a lot of female friends that
00:12:18
they'll be really upset and they don't
know these emotions that are going
00:12:23
on and they need this
fathering where they can
00:12:28
baby, I got you. And they just start
stroking her hair and she'll fall apart.
00:12:32
I was brought up by a single mom,
00:12:34
so I never saw my mom have
that delicate feminine side.
00:12:37
So I'm very strong and I sometimes fight.
00:12:40
Can I ever do that?
Will I ever do that?
00:12:44
But I think a female
should be able to do that.
00:12:47
God created a man to be the leader,
to be the strength in the house.
00:12:51
And sometimes you're going
to just like this one
00:12:56
gentleman, he said it so well,
00:12:59
he said he used to fight
with his wife until when
00:13:04
he had a daughter and his daughter was
two years old and she was having a hard
00:13:09
time navigating her emotions and she was
having the temper tantrums and he said,
00:13:14
I'm going to go at this in a different
way. I'm going to father my wife.
00:13:18
I'm going to let her lean
into me like my daughter.
00:13:22
And suddenly everything
changed and that was
00:13:27
exactly what she needed.
00:13:29
And I don't know exactly what's
going on in this relationship,
00:13:33
but sometimes as a man,
00:13:34
you need to be very tactical
and you need to try all angles.
00:13:40
Maybe she.
00:13:40
Needs to break down in
your arms. Honestly,
00:13:42
your wife is probably emotional and
she's dealing with those emotions.
00:13:47
If she's ing, there's.
00:13:48
Something and she's dealing with
something that she's dealing with.
00:13:50
Now when you come home,
00:13:52
you're expecting to get this respect and
sometimes you have to understand that
00:13:56
when that doesn't, it's just like
dealing with problems at the office.
00:14:01
Put out that fire and then.
00:14:02
You want to win. Okay?
You want to win this.
00:14:05
And together and.
00:14:06
Together, you want to win together. So
here's how you win. It's not by arguing.
00:14:10
No, you're never going to win like
that. No, she's going to say her part.
00:14:14
You're going to say your part.
00:14:15
You guys are going to end up in a
constant argument that doesn and.
00:14:19
There is no winner trying to
win. No, if you win, that is the,
00:14:24
what did they say?
00:14:25
That is the worst thing that you
could do because you're going to win
00:14:30
against your partner who you're
supposed to be a teammate with.
00:14:34
Well, that's why you want to win.
00:14:36
By what I mean by winning is
you want to win together. Yes,
00:14:40
you want to win the war, not the battle.
Exactly. You want to win the war.
00:14:45
And how you win that war is by
putting yourself in her shoes.
00:14:50
When you come home
understanding that, hey, yes,
00:14:55
do you want someone to feel sorry for
you? That's what you're feeling right now.
00:14:59
You want to come home and you want your
wife to feel sorry for you for the long
00:15:03
day that you have, but that's not
always going to happen. No. Okay.
00:15:07
There's a lot of things.
00:15:08
It can be reciprocal if you do the work in
00:15:13
being the person to take that
first step. If you come home,
00:15:17
you grab your wife's hand and you
go, what can I do to help you?
00:15:22
Even though she's coming at you. I.
00:15:24
Love you. I'm here. I'm here to listen.
00:15:26
What can I do to help you? I love
you. I'm sorry I've had a long day,
00:15:30
but I want to help you. I'm here
now. What can I do to help you?
00:15:36
And I promise you it'll change
the whole mood in the house.
00:15:39
Well, I don't even know
if I would say sorry,
00:15:42
but just help her feel
00:15:47
she is a woman and she
has no one to lean into.
00:15:50
You have all these workmates
at work, colleagues, maybe it.
00:15:55
Might be a sole proprietor.
00:15:56
It could be. Could be. You're right.
00:15:58
But at least you get to go
out into the real world.
00:16:03
And all she's had was.
00:16:05
Little humans froze. Little.
00:16:06
Human conversations all day.
00:16:09
And sometimes when
you're feeling emotional,
00:16:12
I know you can have
adult feelings at work,
00:16:15
but when you have little
eyes on you all day,
00:16:18
you don't even get to go to the
bathroom by yourself and you cannot have
00:16:23
any emotions. You can't even have
a shower by yourself without,
00:16:28
I know for me, I can't go to the
bathroom by myself as soon as I have a,
00:16:32
what happened to me the
other day when I had a bath,
00:16:35
I had Daniel and Destiny come
in and then you're in there,
00:16:39
everybody's in there.
00:16:41
My back. You got to go see mom. I.
00:16:43
Have a shower.
00:16:44
I've got two little four little
eyes looking at me having a shower.
00:16:49
So if I'm feeling emotional, and I
remember this when my mom passed away,
00:16:54
sometimes I would have to
say, listen, I need to cry.
00:16:57
If you want to cry with me,
then let's all cry together.
00:17:01
But there's a lot of times
as mothers that we have
00:17:06
masks on all day long and we
don't let the little things
00:17:11
phase us. And those little things
add up and add up and add up.
00:17:14
I'm not saying that men don't have that,
00:17:18
but I'm just saying we both go
through things as mothers and as
00:17:22
fathers.
00:17:23
But just remember that on the drive home,
00:17:28
even at work, when you go to the bathroom,
00:17:31
you can let it out for a
minute. But we can't do that.
00:17:36
Not in front of the kids. In.
00:17:37
Front of the kids because
we're treating. Right.
00:17:41
I think men deal with it.
00:17:42
Different them to Yeah.
00:17:43
Because in those types of situations,
00:17:47
so when they're at the office, you're
dealing with a lot of stresses.
00:17:52
But we handle it. We just handle it.
00:17:55
And we go through those things and we
don't deal it with it in the same way.
00:18:00
But when women are going through
that at home and they're like
00:18:05
you said, they're not sometimes
around full grown people,
00:18:10
adults for a while, and
it's like those stresses,
00:18:14
they pile on in a different way.
00:18:18
And because women are a
little more emotional and men
00:18:22
tend to carry all that with.
00:18:25
Them, men have em definitely can
be emotional. And at the same time,
00:18:29
they're not expected to have
those feelings. And I feel men,
00:18:34
if they need to have a good cryer,
they need to let their emotions out.
00:18:37
They need to do.
00:18:38
That. No, we don't need to do
that. Yes, you do. No, look,
00:18:43
all we want, all we want.
00:18:45
You need to let it out in a way, yes.
00:18:48
All we want is someone to thank us once
in a while. Somebody to come up and go,
00:18:52
look,
00:18:54
I know you're dealing with a
lot and it's going to be okay.
00:18:58
I know you have what it
takes to get through this.
00:19:01
Absolutely. I'm.
00:19:02
Here.
00:19:02
For you as wives.
00:19:03
That's all we.
00:19:04
Want.
00:19:05
That is our job to be able to have our men
00:19:10
also lean into us and have
00:19:14
support and love that they need.
00:19:19
Support them when they need it.
00:19:21
But if she's doing, what did he say?
00:19:25
He was saying she's.
00:19:26
She's going through, she's having,
00:19:29
she hits him with a bunch of
complaints when he comes home.
00:19:32
And I don't know if you just have to, how.
00:19:35
Have to think she's in when you
come home and you have to be bigger.
00:19:39
The way that you communicate is
key. It's really, really key.
00:19:43
If you come home and you're ah,
00:19:47
you're expecting that
barrage of complaints and if
00:19:51
you could just turn it around and
look at it in a different way and meet
00:19:56
her needs like the challenge so
that she can meet your needs.
00:19:59
Because if you don't meet her needs,
00:20:02
because obviously right now she's
in a cry for help and so are
00:20:06
you in a way.
00:20:08
But if you can meet her needs
in a way where you are as
00:20:12
fatherly showing her
how to behave when she's
00:20:18
feeling at her worst and overwhelmed,
00:20:21
then she will usually,
00:20:23
if you treat someone a
certain way, they will return.
00:20:27
That it's reciprocal to.
00:20:28
You.
00:20:30
I think you made a good point
is that she's in a cry for help.
00:20:34
And even though you may
have had a hard day,
00:20:40
you're walking into a cry for help.
And you have to respond to that.
00:20:45
That's our job as
00:20:48
to respond to threats and things that
are going on around us and with our
00:20:53
family and if our kids are hurt or if our
00:20:58
wife is going through something. I mean,
00:21:00
that's our job as men to
respond to those threats.
00:21:03
And there's, there's research.
00:21:04
There's research out there that men are
00:21:09
built differently than women.
Obviously, we all know this.
00:21:12
People may not want to
acknowledge that in days,
00:21:16
weird craziness that's going on.
Women need more sleep than men.
00:21:20
Men need less sleep than women.
This is the facts. They're stronger.
00:21:25
Men can handle certain situations better.
00:21:28
Let's just say it better than women.
00:21:30
So you need to just right now acknowledge
00:21:35
that. Take the accountability
and she will take accountability.
00:21:39
If you are the leader in the situation.
00:21:43
If you get in there and you handle
it and you become the better person,
00:21:47
if you become that person
and meet her needs,
00:21:51
what she needs at that moment,
I promise you or I should say,
00:21:56
what will probably happen
is that the next time you
00:22:01
need that, when you're going through
something that she'll be there for you.
00:22:05
A hundred percent.
00:22:07
And she'll be more understanding. If
you guys can have these conversations.
00:22:11
Sometimes they're hard conversations
and there's some tools that she can
00:22:15
use to come at you. Maybe start with, Hey,
00:22:19
I know you've had a hard day at work,
00:22:21
but I'm really stressed about
how the kids are acting right
00:22:26
now. Or.
00:22:26
Yeah, or I'm really tired.
I didn't get sleep. I'm.
00:22:28
Tired. I got up early and I didn't
get a lot of sleep last night.
00:22:33
I went to bed late because
of this, that or the other.
00:22:36
And if you could just help me with
this, if you could help me with that,
00:22:41
I would be so grateful if you
could do that for me. And.
00:22:44
Also remember, you guys are a team and
00:22:50
I know for some women I'll
help you is like a trigger word
00:22:55
when they're already
like, ah, it's your kids.
00:22:58
Too. What? Did I say something wrong?
00:22:59
No, I'll help you. Well, kind of. Well.
00:23:01
I said it to you.
00:23:02
I know and I understand it, but I
know for some women it's a trigger.
00:23:06
Am I triggering you? No,
you're not triggering me.
00:23:09
But I know it to trigger
some women out there,
00:23:12
especially when they've been introduced
to motherhood for the first time.
00:23:16
What do you mean that you're helping me?
00:23:18
They're your kids that you're not
babysitting. You're their father.
00:23:22
And the stuff around the house
when you are single, bro,
00:23:26
you did your own laundry, you
did all this stuff. Look at me.
00:23:32
I haven't brushed my hair in seven days.
00:23:34
I haven't brushed my teeth in
three days. I'm not saying me,
00:23:37
but I'm just saying from
a woman's perspective,
00:23:40
do you not look at me like I haven't
done my makeup in, whatever, whatever it.
00:23:45
Is. Watch the landmines guys. Let's.
00:23:46
Just look at your wife
and you'll see her body
00:23:51
language. Is she taking
care of herself right now?
00:23:55
You will see if she's struggling,
you'll be able to tell right in.
00:23:59
Your head and be prepared,
guys, because whatever you say,
00:24:02
the first thing that comes out of your
mouth might not be right. Oh dear.
00:24:06
Be prepared to take some trap metal, okay?
00:24:10
Because that typically happens. I know
you're trying to do your best. You guys.
00:24:14
Love each other. You.
00:24:16
Guys made you got to go each other
be. Why are you here? You get.
00:24:20
Married together. Yes. Yes.
00:24:24
And also after that,
00:24:26
we need to start figuring out how we can,
00:24:30
because it sounds like you
are working on the weekends.
00:24:33
You are working over time.
00:24:37
How can you explore practical
strategies on how to manage your
00:24:41
workload? Is there anything
you can delegate out?
00:24:45
Is there any way you could set boundaries?
00:24:48
Do you need to be reading all your emails?
00:24:50
Can you delegate that out
because that's timely?
00:24:53
That's a lot of time if you
may not be strategizing your
00:24:58
business the way that you should.
00:25:00
And I think we all as entrepreneurs
figure that out later.
00:25:04
We're putting a lot of time. Are you
micromanaging? Are you a workaholic?
00:25:09
These are things that we just have to be
honest. It's okay. It's not a big deal.
00:25:13
I remember I was a workaholic.
You were a workaholic.
00:25:17
There's a lot of things
that we do differently now,
00:25:21
and once you become a father, a mother,
00:25:25
things need to be even better managed.
00:25:30
I.
00:25:30
Don't. Yeah. Well,
00:25:31
here's the thing is that there's
a lot of times us guys will,
00:25:36
because if the relationship
isn't good at home,
00:25:40
you'll find yourself finding things
to do at the office. Oh yeah.
00:25:45
So check yourself guys. There's a lot
of guys out there, and I've done it too.
00:25:50
Especially with the language
and the email. No shade.
00:25:54
But if I was getting torn apart when I
00:25:59
go home, I may want to avoid that.
00:26:03
But then you're just
making the fire bigger.
00:26:07
And I mean, I'm telling
you, Dan and I and the kids,
00:26:12
we pray for our listeners every
day before each podcast we
00:26:16
pray. May we please say the right things.
00:26:19
We understand everybody's going through
it and everybody is going through
00:26:24
something different. Now
also, this may sound silly,
00:26:30
it may not start praying over
your spouse because when you
00:26:34
start thinking negatively
about you start using those
00:26:39
negative, oh, complaining. She's
always whining or whatever. Yeah.
00:26:43
It's a self fulfilling
prophecy. Those words,
00:26:45
you are actually giving life to that think
00:26:50
of,
00:26:51
I want my loving husband to see
00:26:56
this, that and the other. I want
to give them life in this, that,
00:27:01
or the other area.
00:27:03
The prayer that you need to pray
and stop using the negative words.
00:27:07
We've all done it. Or if we
haven't said it, we've thought it.
00:27:11
So let's really be conscious
about that and let's start praying
00:27:17
words of power, of beauty,
of love over our spouse,
00:27:22
over our children, over
our family, over our home.
00:27:24
This is a must and I
encourage everybody to do it.
00:27:29
Yeah, we're all going to
have disagreements, guys,
00:27:32
and it's just about
communication. It really is.
00:27:35
It's about seeing each other's
side and having that communication,
00:27:39
that open communication where you discuss
the things that you're weighing on you
00:27:43
because when you don't speak about it,
00:27:45
when you don't have those
hard conversations, then
they well up inside of you.
00:27:50
And there's no way to rebuild and.
00:27:51
They come out in a bad way.
00:27:53
And then also as a result,
00:27:56
one of the most important things that
you need to do now that you're in this
00:28:00
situation, obviously
take it, accountability,
00:28:03
both of you repair.
00:28:06
Do what you can to help each
other. Let her lean into you.
00:28:10
Let her feminine come out.
She's in a different place.
00:28:13
We weren't born mothers, but with
that first breath of that baby,
00:28:18
we become mothers and fathers
and it's a different life.
00:28:22
It's a harder life, but
it's the most blessed life.
00:28:25
I know none of us would
trade it for anything,
00:28:29
but just remember that we're both as
mothers and fathers going into this
00:28:33
different life and we are going to have to
00:28:39
rebuild trust for both of
us on both of our ends and
00:28:43
regain and indulge in whatever the word is
00:28:48
that we need to get the intimacy back,
the love, and I think the prayer,
00:28:52
and I think
00:28:54
just seeing the person that
you love in a different life
00:28:59
don't take it as negative. They're going
through something. It's just a season.
00:29:04
It's just a season.
00:29:06
I think that if you try
some of these, John,
00:29:09
I know we didn't have all the information.
00:29:12
We didn't know how many kids you have,
00:29:13
what exactly you were going
through we're not there.
00:29:15
It'd been nice to speak with you, but
I think if you use some of these tools,
00:29:20
it just come home and decide you're
going to be the bigger person.
00:29:23
You're going to be the
person to fix this thing.
00:29:26
Let your wife know that
you got this handled.
00:29:29
That's what men do is that we come
into a situation and we handle it.
00:29:34
That's what we do. And I'm sure that's
what you're doing at the office.
00:29:39
I'm sure you have. There's
times you've done it before,
00:29:42
but find a way to do it.
00:29:44
When you come home and you're
receiving this situation,
00:29:48
find a way to come into that situation
and say, I'm going to handle this.
00:29:53
I'm going to step up and I'm
going to be that person. Find it.
00:29:57
Make it a challenge for yourself.
00:29:58
Make it a challenge to make
your wife fall into you,
00:30:03
to feel like you've got this handled
to feel like you are Superman,
00:30:08
like.
00:30:08
You've.
00:30:09
Taken.
00:30:09
Care of it. Good. That's really good.
00:30:10
And challenge yourself to engage and
turn this into a meaningful conversation
00:30:15
where you're both seen and expressing
00:30:20
the affection and appreciation
for each other. If you do it,
00:30:24
you're going to get that back.
00:30:25
I really truly believe that
you're going to get it back,
00:30:30
and it's essential for both
parties to feel valued and
00:30:34
supported and loved
within the relationship.
00:30:37
And I know you can get that back.
00:30:39
It's going to take work
just like your business.
00:30:42
It's going to take work
on both of your ends.
00:30:46
A hundred percent.
00:30:47
I know there's other people who are
going through the same type of stuff and
00:30:52
we've gone through it. We've dealt
with this same type of stuff.
00:30:55
So I know that there's somebody out
there that heard this that got something
00:30:59
from what you're going through. John,
00:31:01
I really appreciate you sharing your
struggle and what you're dealing
00:31:06
with, but we know that if
you give yourself to this,
00:31:10
you will get through it.
And I hope that that helped.
00:31:15
And if you know anybody
who could use this message,
00:31:18
we'd hope that you can share this with
them and it helps them get through what
00:31:23
they're going through.
00:31:24
Yeah, you guys, you for too
many, you guys are alone.
00:31:26
Everybody's going through some kind of
juggle. It's the juggle, the struggle,
00:31:31
the juggle and the wins.
00:31:33
And you guys are all winners, and
you're going to get through this. Yes,
00:31:37
marriage is not easy guys. It.
00:31:39
Takes work, but it's
blessed and it's wonderful.
00:31:41
And it's worth.
00:31:41
It. It's amazing. God bless you all.
Thank you for tuning in this week.
00:31:45
We love you.
00:31:46
And we'll see you guys next week.
00:31:49
If you guys havent, subscribe to the
Pretty and Punk podcast. Make sure to,
00:31:53
because due you'll get
some more upcoming videos.
00:31:59
We would love for you to listen to
them so they can change your life.
00:32:04
If this one inspired you, show
with someone you love. God bless.
00:32:10
I hope you enjoyed listening
to the podcast today.
00:32:15
We really.