Ep 149 “How Speaking Power Over Your Children Can Change Their Future; The Secret to Raising Future Leaders.“
Join us in this heartfelt and inspiring episode of the Pretty and Punk Podcast where hosts Dan Caldwell and Ildiko Ferenczi dive deep into the world of parenting and the power of words. This episode, "How Speaking Power Over Your Children Can Change Their Future," is a candid conversation sparked by their morning discussions with their children.
Dan and Ildiko share their personal experiences and strategies for raising future leaders, emphasizing the importance of speaking power into your children. They discuss the balance between praising and pushing your kids, the significance of praising the process over results, and the impact of positive affirmations. From touching stories about their children Daniel and Destiny, to practical tips on nurturing confidence and resilience in kids, this episode is a treasure trove for parents striving to raise well-rounded, empowered children.
They also delve into the delicate balance of discipline and love in parenting, sharing personal anecdotes that shed light on their parenting philosophy. Whether it's about encouraging their son Daniel to learn powerful quotes or discussing the impact of their own upbringing on their parenting style, Dan and Ildiko offer a transparent look into their family life.
Join us for an episode that not only provides valuable insights for parents and guardians but also offers a glimpse into the lives of a family dedicated to raising strong, independent, and kind-hearted individuals. Don't miss this opportunity to be part of our community, where we share, learn, and grow together in the journey of parenting and entrepreneurship.
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00:00:00
You're leading him into his.
00:00:03
Greatness. Greatness.
00:00:04
Yeah. You're telling him
he's going to be there.
00:00:08
You're making that confirmation.
This is where you're going.
00:00:12
You're great. You're
seeding that into him.
00:00:24
No. Oh, that's better, right, babe?
00:00:30
Yeah.
00:00:32
Yeah.
00:00:34
She founded an architectural
concrete company. He.
00:00:37
Founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.
00:00:40
She took the world by storm
as a social media star. He.
00:00:43
Took the world by storm as a
famous serial entrepreneur.
00:00:47
Together we started a business.
00:00:49
And had babies.
00:00:50
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do both.
00:00:52
Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life
00:00:56
struggles.
00:00:57
As they share their life,
hacks about success, love.
00:01:00
Kids, and everything in between.
00:01:03
You can change your world
by changing your world.
00:01:08
Remember, death and life are
in the power of the tongue,
00:01:13
quote by jaw or where you
speak to your children.
00:01:19
Comes there in a voice.
00:01:23
Welcome to the Pretty and Punk podcast.
00:01:25
My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm
here with my beautiful wife.
00:01:28
You, the cofounder.
00:01:30
Thank you. Jumping in there for me. And
we have another great podcast today.
00:01:35
And it just was literally inspired this
morning by the conversations we were
00:01:40
having with our children.
00:01:42
And it's about speaking
power into your children.
00:01:47
It's so important.
00:01:48
And we believe it's something
that is one of the foundations of
00:01:53
how we work with our children
into creating them into future
00:01:58
leaders.
00:01:59
And there's no right or wrong
recipe in raising your children,
00:02:05
but this is just something that
we've adopted and that works for us.
00:02:09
So we wanted to share some of the things
because a lot of times we're getting
00:02:14
messages as to why or how
00:02:19
Daniel and Destiny are doing some
of the things that they're doing.
00:02:22
How Daniel was doing
quotes at two years old.
00:02:26
He recent,
00:02:28
or actually recently we saw
that there was a little boy
00:02:33
that copied Daniel's speech that
he learned when he was three years
00:02:37
old. Now, Daniel didn't go viral,
00:02:40
but this little boy went viral.
00:02:43
And that brings me so
much joy that there's
00:02:48
another little boy out there
that challenged himself the way
00:02:53
that Daniel did. This
little boy actually had the
00:02:58
opportunity to meet. This is Daniel's
favorite, one of his favorite quotes.
00:03:03
He knows many, but the Rocky speech.
00:03:06
Yeah, it's.
00:03:07
Very.
00:03:08
Powerful. And he had a chance
to get in front of Stallone,
00:03:10
in front of Stallone and deliver
the speech in front of Stallone.
00:03:13
And Stallone is responding to him,
00:03:16
which is great because
it's a great really speech.
00:03:18
And we really wanted Daniel to learn
that one because there's a meaning in
00:03:23
there. But.
00:03:23
He chose it. When we run these speeches,
00:03:28
he knows if he knows, he knows several,
00:03:31
but we read them to Daniel and we
00:03:35
never force him to learn anything he
doesn't want to learn because even as
00:03:39
adults, if we're not
interested in something,
00:03:42
we're not going to apply ourselves.
So when we read this to him,
00:03:45
when he was a little, little one, he said,
I want to learn that one. And he did.
00:03:50
And he knows it for the rest of his life.
00:03:53
If he ever needs to use it in
a speech or to inspire someone,
00:03:58
he did it. What was that
fighter at the BKFC?
00:04:03
He performed it.
00:04:04
To, oh, Mike Perry. Oh yeah.
00:04:05
He jumped in front of Mike Perry
and did the speech. Yeah, I mean,
00:04:09
so we believe in speaking power into our
00:04:13
children. But before we
jump too far into that,
00:04:18
hey guys,
00:04:18
we hope you're enjoying today's
episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.
00:04:22
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00:04:25
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00:04:27
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00:04:31
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00:04:34
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00:04:38
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00:04:41
look forward to them every day.
00:04:43
If you share this episode
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00:04:47
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00:04:48
We want to celebrate you because we
know it's not easy being a parent in
00:04:52
business and the way that
you juggle things makes you
a superhero that's worth a
00:04:56
shout out Together. We have a community
of our personal followers as well,
00:05:01
and we just want to put it out there.
00:05:03
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00:05:08
you are our family and we're
so proud and grateful to
00:05:12
have you a part of this family.
00:05:15
So don't forget all the links
are below in the show notes.
00:05:20
And thank you again. And
let's get back to the show.
00:05:24
Focus on praising the.
00:05:28
That's powerful. There's
a study out there,
00:05:32
and basically in a nutshell,
00:05:34
there's parents that, I mean,
00:05:39
we're not putting anyone under
the gun because I do do this.
00:05:43
And it was interesting to hear this study.
00:05:46
When you praise your kids, for example,
00:05:48
if they get straight A's or they do
great in their performance and you say,
00:05:53
you're so smart, you're so
great, you're so wonderful.
00:05:57
And you just put those words on them
00:06:02
rather than praising the process of,
00:06:05
I admire how hard you worked on this.
00:06:09
This is amazing how you're
figuring this out on your own.
00:06:14
The emphasis that it goes into giving the
00:06:19
praise of the process,
00:06:21
I feel it gives. And this is the facts.
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When you praise them for being so perfect,
00:06:30
they kind of give up on
00:06:35
the, they just want to hear
that they're good all the time.
00:06:38
Well, I think part of it is too, is
that when you praise the process,
00:06:43
it makes them want to
engage in the process more.
00:06:47
And I was just telling Daniel this
morning, he got up before we did,
00:06:53
and he does.
00:06:54
Sometimes he'll just get up and he
was doing his affirmations on his own,
00:06:58
his courage.
00:06:59
Gratitude.
00:07:00
Could. And I went and I told him, I said,
00:07:03
I love that you got up and just
started doing them yourself,
00:07:08
and he's done it before.
00:07:09
But I wanted to remind him that the
fact that he's putting in the time
00:07:14
to do this himself, he didn't have
to. He could have said that he did.
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He went upstairs and.
00:07:21
Yeah, we were up late working last night.
00:07:23
And he was just sitting there on the couch
with him himself and his own thoughts
00:07:29
and doing them himself.
00:07:32
And I just wanted to let him know
that I appreciate him doing that.
00:07:36
I appreciate him putting in the
time and the effort and to do
00:07:41
this stuff when no one's looking.
00:07:43
And I think a lot of that comes
from us praising his process so much
00:07:48
when we had him working with a coach
when he was doing his speeches and
00:07:53
well, we still have him working
with a coach here and there,
00:07:56
but his coach,
00:07:58
he would put in so much work when
he was on stage with his coach and
00:08:03
really give what we thought
was he's giving all of
00:08:08
himself to doing this speech.
00:08:11
And he knew it was coming up
and he really wanted to work
00:08:15
hard and his coach could see it in him.
00:08:18
And we always wanted to praise
the process because he was
00:08:23
excited to go to any trainings
he would have or anytime
00:08:28
he'd work with his coach or anytime we
got a chance to stand up on stage and
00:08:32
work with him. And just watching
him grow in that and show
00:08:38
us encouraging his process and
the hard work he's putting in,
00:08:41
I think encourages him
to want to do that more.
00:08:44
That's right.
00:08:44
And in the study I noticed with Daniel,
00:08:50
just looking back when we did
that, encouraging the process,
00:08:54
he would get better and better when we
thought, oh, he can't get any better.
00:08:59
He gets better.
00:09:00
And I feel like that could be
the frustration with children
00:09:05
that are told that they're
great and they're perfect.
00:09:08
When they start to learn a
lesson, we could call it failing,
00:09:13
but in our family, we like
to call it learning a lesson,
00:09:16
but they feel like, listen, I'm
not perfect. This isn't great.
00:09:21
I am feeling really depressed.
I'm feeling hard on myself.
00:09:26
And emotionally that's not
healthy for them to feel that way.
00:09:31
And if you can give them the tools
and the encouragement of listen,
00:09:35
look at it like a game.
00:09:38
If you make a mistake,
take it as a lesson.
00:09:43
What can we do differently
next time? What can we,
00:09:48
Daniel makes mistakes all the time,
but it just rolls off his back.
00:09:52
He never gets upset. He never
beats himself up. He's like,
00:09:56
I did this and that,
00:09:57
but I just kept speaking and it was fine,
00:10:01
but next time I have to do
this, that and the other.
00:10:04
I love when you do that with
him, and I hear you do that,
00:10:07
and I really like when you
turn that back onto him
00:10:12
and ask him the question.
00:10:15
I think it brings the best out
in our kids when we do that.
00:10:21
How can we do that better next time,
Daniel, or differently or destiny,
00:10:26
what do you think the outcome will
be? How can we be better at this?
00:10:28
How can we make sure that
we get this done every time?
00:10:31
I really think it brings out the
best in our kids when we do that.
00:10:36
But I do remember in vitro, or sorry,
00:10:39
when Daniel was in my
belly and I was pregnant,
00:10:43
I spoke the most powerful praising
words over him. So I mean,
00:10:47
I can't agree with everything in
that study, but you are great.
00:10:50
No, I think it's a balance of it too.
00:10:54
Those are more affirmations, right?
00:10:57
It's not so much you're leading him into
00:11:02
his greatness. Greatness. Yeah. You're
telling him he's going to be there.
00:11:08
You're making that confirmation. This
is where you're going. You're great.
00:11:13
You're seeding that into him.
00:11:16
Where I think the other one is
kind of like, it's like a layup.
00:11:20
You're just telling they did great
and you're telling 'em, you did great.
00:11:24
You're great at this. You're so good.
It's almost like you don't, you're not,
00:11:30
when people tell you, oh, man,
00:11:33
you guys just were an overnight success.
You guys did, so you just blew up.
00:11:38
You're not recognizing, I want
to tell people. They say, oh,
00:11:42
you guys came out of nowhere. People
used to tell us that all the time.
00:11:45
We didn't come out of nowhere.
It was 10 years of no money.
00:11:51
Struggle, blood, sweat and tears.
00:11:55
Tears, real tears coming down your
face trying to figure things out.
00:12:00
If you recognize those pieces.
00:12:02
Behind that, the hard work, the
behind the scenes stuff, yes.
00:12:05
Was worth it, that I think
you get more out of them.
00:12:09
You get more of that,
00:12:13
the practice and the process.
00:12:16
A hundred percent. A hundred
percent. I agree with that.
00:12:19
And sometimes it's hard to put into
words, but exactly what you're saying,
00:12:24
and you'll know the difference.
00:12:26
And your children the best.
00:12:30
I know who I could challenge more because
I really believe that there's a lot
00:12:35
behind challenge.
00:12:36
And don't you feel like
it's kind of the way that we
00:12:41
raise the kids and do these
things? It's kind of healing.
00:12:45
Because I know when I was
a kid, as a single mom,
00:12:48
I know she had to do things differently.
She had to be the mom and the dad.
00:12:53
So there was a lot of
challenge. And I would feel,
00:12:57
I know she loved me.
00:12:58
I know she loved me almost to this
day more than anybody in my life.
00:13:02
But there was a lot of
challenge and not as much
00:13:07
praise because she, as an immigrant,
I think immigrants can relate to this.
00:13:12
Immigrant parents,
00:13:13
they really challenge their kids
and they want them to do well.
00:13:16
They don't want them to fail.
So there was a lot of that.
00:13:19
Oh yeah, there's no coddling
here. So let me clear this up.
00:13:24
I know we do a lot of this stuff with our
kids, but we're also hard on our kids.
00:13:28
So I want to be very clear about that.
00:13:31
We're not just all praise. There's push.
00:13:35
There, there too. But I feel
as a mother for my mothering,
00:13:39
my raising these little lions,
I'm very physical with them,
00:13:44
a lot more than physical. You're
like, I'm hugging them all the time.
00:13:47
I'm stroking their hair,
I'm touching their face.
00:13:51
And there's the unspoken,
00:13:56
I don't know how to say it,
00:13:57
but there's a praise of an unspoken
praise that I wish I had more of with my
00:14:01
mom, but we were always at the shop,
so she didn't have that much time.
00:14:06
But I have more time because we run our
business at home so I can hold them.
00:14:10
I know. I could see by their
body language, Daniels,
00:14:15
he needs to be held. So him, you are a.
00:14:17
Little soft on.
00:14:18
Sometimes I hold him like a baby, but.
00:14:21
I know he needs.
00:14:22
I love.
00:14:24
Don't, come on, let's go.
00:14:26
I love, let's go. I love
it, come on. But I ask him,
00:14:30
I ask him, how do you feel right now?
What do you feel when I'm doing it?
00:14:34
I know there's got to be a good balance.
00:14:36
But listen, if he was pulling away.
00:14:38
I wouldn't, didn't do.
It's get as much of that.
00:14:39
And you're pushing because you
wanted more of that in your
00:14:44
life, but maybe you would've
been a different person too.
00:14:47
So there's got to be a balance of
that because it made you, maybe.
00:14:51
I wouldn have been so hard on myself.
00:14:53
Person that you are today.
00:14:54
Right? But there's a difference
now that I'm a mother,
00:14:57
I'm not so hard on myself,
was so even when, sorry,
00:15:02
Daniel with my firstborn. I missed
the gym. I missed the gym today.
00:15:07
So I will go, I hustle the newborn.
00:15:11
I put the newborn down 3:00
AM we had 24 hour fitness.
00:15:16
I would go and I would work out
3:00 AM 4:00 AM I would wake
00:15:21
myself up and go, and that was
crazy. That was Luna Tunes.
00:15:24
But that was the way that I was brought
up. I think there needs to be a balance.
00:15:29
And if I see his body
language needs to feel loved,
00:15:33
if he pulls away, let him go.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
00:15:36
But sometimes he'll lean into
me, put his head on his shoulder,
00:15:39
and I feel that that love is a
different praise. Like you are perfect.
00:15:44
You are God's child. You are
just these unspoken things he.
00:15:48
Knows and Destin to.
00:15:50
And we balance that with Daniel.
00:15:55
If we see him slacking, we will call
him on it. Of course, of course.
00:16:00
I just don't, people need to know that
it's not all lovey dovey all the time.
00:16:06
There has to be a push there.
00:16:07
Well, there's discipline.
Theres discipline.
00:16:08
There's discipline calling
out when we see that
00:16:13
he's not given a hundred percent. And
some people would call us on that.
00:16:16
They might, you're a
little hard on your kid.
00:16:19
But we're not.
00:16:20
They don't see the other
side of it all the time too.
00:16:23
The other side is all the encouragement
and the power and the praise that we
00:16:27
give him and the prayer
over him that we give him.
00:16:32
We know we pray with them every night and
every morning and pray over them every
00:16:36
night, greatness into them.
00:16:38
And so all of that becomes
a piece that molds your
00:16:43
kids into, we believe
into tomorrow's leaders.
00:16:47
Because face it, the schools are
not going to teach 'em that stuff.
00:16:51
And so the days of sitting back in
your chair and thinking you're going
00:16:56
to send your kids to school and you're
just worried about your business,
00:16:59
that can't be, you can't be that
person with your kids like that.
00:17:04
You have to take responsibility
00:17:08
and know that if your kids are
going to learn to be great,
00:17:12
if they're going to learn to take on
this world how hard it was for you,
00:17:17
you know what the challenges
that you dealt with.
00:17:19
You have to teach those skills and those.
00:17:23
Tools to your kids. They have to
have those tools in their toolbox.
00:17:26
But real quick, and I
know this is a side note,
00:17:29
you're saying we're really
hard on the kids now.
00:17:32
My mom used to spank me
a lot when she would get
00:17:37
frustrated.
00:17:38
Your mom was definitely harder on.
00:17:39
You guys. I've never had to than
span these ones. And I wonder,
00:17:44
it's like we don't need to.
00:17:47
They don't get that to that.
00:17:51
Point.
00:17:52
Where for sure we've
never had to. I think.
00:17:54
It's because the whole package,
it's the whole package.
00:17:57
We're giving them the
other pieces. So don't,
00:18:00
they're just really good kids
in a lot of ways. Oh my gosh.
00:18:03
Because we're doing the other stuff.
We're doing the other work and together.
00:18:08
I mean, we see these kids on social media
and I watched a little kid pull off a
00:18:12
tablecloth. She was mad about
something. She pulled the tablecloth,
00:18:15
all the food came down because
she was mad about something.
00:18:18
I could never see our kids.
00:18:19
Doing anything like that. But I think
because they understand the work,
00:18:23
I explain what we do. They understand.
00:18:26
Say if you're having
Thanksgiving or Christmas,
00:18:28
there's two days of hard work that
goes into preparing those meals.
00:18:32
They're helping. They're helping.
So they've worked hard too.
00:18:37
And they understand the whole
process of, mommy worked really hard.
00:18:42
Daddy and mommy made the money
to put this food on our table.
00:18:46
We worked really hard to
season the chicken and
00:18:50
create the desserts. It's not an
entitlement. We work together as a family.
00:18:55
So if they were to just pull the
tablecloth and drop all that food,
00:18:59
it just wouldn't make sense.
It wouldn't be logical.
00:19:03
It would not make sense.
00:19:04
For them to do it.
Well, and you know what?
00:19:06
Some of that, I can't judge.
I don't know what that parent.
00:19:08
Was going through going. And you see
bad kids on social media here and there.
00:19:13
Naughty. I.
00:19:13
Wouldn't say bad.
00:19:14
There's not, everybody has.
00:19:16
Anty, but it has to do
with their parenting.
00:19:18
There's something in the
parenting that's gone wrong there.
00:19:21
Well, could it be that there
was no parenting? Could it be,
00:19:25
or there was no parenting?
00:19:26
Let their children go into a
system where they have lost
00:19:30
control. I mean, these are things that
00:19:36
I remember that in high. Okay,
and this is a story high school.
00:19:41
I remember they were talking
about child abuse, right?
00:19:45
If you get a spanking that's
considered child abuse. Well,
00:19:48
my mom spanked me for something I don't
even remember, but I told the counselor,
00:19:52
well, I got spanked. So they
called my mom. My mom was so mad.
00:19:57
She walked into the principal's
office and she said,
00:20:03
if you guys are going to pull this on me,
00:20:07
you take her and you deal with
her. That's great. They said,
00:20:11
I'm so sorry Ms. Ash, period. I'm so
sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. They.
00:20:16
Just apologized. That's the
level. Hey, we're the parent.
00:20:18
Parents need to be parenting. That
responsibility should be the parent.
00:20:22
And that's the problem with what's going
on in today's world right now. She was.
00:20:25
So you got schools trying to do
the parenting, the government,
00:20:28
trying to do the parenting of our kids,
and it's not their job. It's our job.
00:20:32
Yeah. So I hope you guys got something
out of this conversation today.
00:20:37
It's just something that's
really important to us.
00:20:38
We'd love to hear your guys' stories
about your parenting journey and what's
00:20:42
going on, because every.
00:20:42
Everybody has a different recipe.
00:20:44
We're building businesses and
we're raising tomorrow's leaders.
00:20:47
And in between that we have
to cultivate our marriages and
00:20:52
what's going on in our lives. So
hopefully all that works together for all.
00:20:55
Of us. Yes, please, please share.
Because every child is different.
00:20:59
Daniel's different. Destiny is
different. Every child is different.
00:21:03
And I know sometimes when they
get older, they challenge us.
00:21:06
And how do you deal with that?
00:21:08
Absolutely. Listen guys,
00:21:13
you can see that this is
near and dear to our heart.
00:21:15
So if you know anybody who
can use this conversation,
00:21:19
who can get something from it,
please share that with them.
00:21:21
And we appreciate you guys
listening today. Thank you, mom,
00:21:25
for putting in all that
good advice in there,
00:21:27
because I always love our conversations
together when we can get on here.
00:21:31
But it's actually a lot of it's we.
00:21:32
Having.
00:21:33
Our us ourselves, we're
confirming that it's, yeah,
00:21:35
we're confirming that some of these
things are working for our kids.
00:21:38
So we encourage you guys having
those sidebars with each other. Yes.
00:21:41
So that you can figure out what
works and what doesn't in your home.
00:21:45
Because we're constantly
00:21:49
making sure that we're on course here.
00:21:51
And when we talk to other parents,
00:21:53
we realize there is no perfect recipe.
00:21:58
Anyway, Dan's got a business call. He's.
00:22:00
Telling, I've looked at her like, I
got to call right now in two minutes.
00:22:04
I got to be on a conference
call. Oh, we love.
00:22:06
You. Thank you you.
00:22:07
Guys for tuning in. Please share this
episode if you can like and subscribe.
00:22:10
We appreciate all you guys listening,
and we will catch you guys next week.
00:22:14
Love you guys. Bye.
00:22:17
Thank you for listening to this
episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.
00:22:22
Don't forget to subscribe and
we'll see you on the next episode.
00:22:27
God bless. Thank you for listening to the
00:22:32
podcasts. I hope that changed your life.
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