How Hard Can You Get Hit and Keep Moving Forward

00:00:00
Well, now I look back and go, was God,

00:00:04
when you're questioning and
why is this thing happening?

00:00:07
Is it happening to me or for
me? And now without a doubt,

00:00:11
it's happen for you a hundred
percent without a doubt.

00:00:14
I know it was happening for me.

00:00:15
And that's the thing that if
you can frame that when things

00:00:20
happen to you, is this
happening to me or for me?

00:00:25
And I believe everything
is happening for you.

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No, that's better, right, babe?

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Yeah.

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Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.

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He.

00:00:46
Founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.

00:00:49
She took the world by storm
as a social media star. He.

00:00:52
Took the world by storm as a
famous serial entrepreneur.

00:00:55
Together we started a business.

00:00:57
And had babies.

00:00:58
Now we're figuring out
the best ways to do both.

00:01:01
Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life

00:01:05
struggles.

00:01:06
As they share their life.
Hacks about success, love.

00:01:09
Kids, and everything in between.

00:01:11
It ain't about how hard you can hit,

00:01:14
it's about how hard you can get
hit and keep moving forward by

00:01:19
Sylvester Stallone. Get
knocked down by Get Up again.

00:01:24
Never going to keep me down by Timba.

00:01:31
Welcome to the Pretty Punk podcast.
I'm your host, Dan Caldwell,

00:01:35
and I'm here with my beautiful wife.

00:01:39
Zi.

00:01:40
Welcome to another great podcast.

00:01:42
And today we want to
talk about how do you get

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back up after you've been
knocked down to your knees?

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How do you find your
way back up to your feet

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after you've been knocked down and you're
just in the worst place of your life?

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How do you pull yourself
up by your bootstrap?

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And everybody has been there on different
levels, but everybody has been there.

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And some more times than others.

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I mean, imagine the guy when
you think about people who have

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lost their job or lost a family member
and then just over and over all these

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things that have happened. I
think you get better at it.

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You get better at how to recover.

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You understand how bad things can get,

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and then you figure out a way how to get
back up. And once you've got back up,

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once you know how to get back up
again. But before we jump into that,

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hey guys,

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we hope you're enjoying today's
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00:03:09
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00:03:17
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and thank you again, and
let's get back to the show.

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How do you find your way back up
after you've been knocked down to your

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knees?

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How do you pull yourself up by
your bootstraps and get going?

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Again,

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guys like Steve Jobs
who were fired from his

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own company, they call
him the comeback kid.

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How do you get fired from your own company
and come back to do the things that

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he did?

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And he takes Apple to new heights
and is just found himself.

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I want to say I think a lot of
that comes from just believing in

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yourself, knowing that
you can get knocked down.

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He probably got knocked down at
some point and then found his way

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back up through,

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I don't know if it was the Pixar
deal or something before that,

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but how did he find himself
back up and then fix it

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or fix his state of mind
so that he could make this

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big comeback of his?

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What's a time you've been
knocked down and got up better?

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Well, I mean, I think I've
been knocked down a lot,

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but I think probably, and
when Charles passed away,

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that was really hard,

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but I was at this point already
where I had dealt with so much in our

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business that even though it was probably
one of my worst times of my life,

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I was in a better place.

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But the one time that I felt like
that I was really distraught that I

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didn't feel like I was going
to come back was when I got

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released from the police department
Because I

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had always believed this
was going to be my career.

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And so there was no plan B. This was it.

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This was all I was going to do. I
was going to become a police officer.

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I was going to go out there and save
lives and I would do that for the rest of

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my life. I hadn't thought
of anything different.

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And when all of a sudden that
rug is pulled out from under you

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when the city was getting annexed and

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they told me that I wasn't going to be
a part of that hiring and that I was

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being let go, I just had no plan B.

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And it literally felt like
I was crushed if there

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was ever,

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that was probably the lowest
part of my life because

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not only did I feel crushed, but I
didn't feel like there was any way out.

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Right.

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That's so interesting
because that low part of your

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life was just, when you
look back on it now,

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it's so small.

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I wouldn't say small,

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but the things that
have come into your life

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and your life purpose,

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it's so much different than what
you thought the picture would.

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Be. Well, now I look back and go was

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God, when you're questioning
and why is this thing happening?

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Is it happening to me or for me?
And now it's happening doubt.

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It's for you a hundred percent. Without
a doubt. I know it was happening for me.

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And that's the thing that if
you can frame that when things

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happen to you, is this
happening to me or for me?

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And I believe everything
is happening for you,

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there's nothing happening in your
life that is not happening for you.

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It might be hard to see that.

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In and understand it because some
things are the middle of moment,

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so traumatic that happened to people.

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Mean when your brother
passed away. I mean,

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I'm sure that wasn't like how could
anything positive come out of this?

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Nothing made sense. You're
right. You're right.

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And when my mom, it's so funny.

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I took the day off because my

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mom and I were running the
jewelry store and I also had my

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own business, a party
shop. I was 13 years old,

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but my mom was preparing just
in case if something happened,

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she wanted me to be able to
support myself. Back in Europe,

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kids were in apprenticeships between
13 to 16 and then you do your

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career. So she wanted me
to be ready for life and

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she wasn't going to let me stay home.

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I was sick. And I said, mom, I'm sick.
I don't want to go to school. She said,

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then you got to come into work. Well,

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that very day that I went into work,

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I had unpacked all the jewelry.

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This is what if you are in
the jewelry store business,

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you have to unpack and then pack up the
jewelry at night. I unpacked everything.

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A client or customer came in
and then a customer went into my

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store. We would run between the stores
or I would run between the stores.

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The party shop had nothing to do with her.

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And during that time that I was helping
a customer, she got robbed at gunpoint.

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That was another trauma. And
I just couldn't understand.

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There was all these things
happening in our lives.

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Life was very, very good.

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But we had the most
traumatic situations happen.

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Even when I was in the concrete
business, I was in a restaurant,

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we're just having,

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I finally felt like nothing bad
can ever happen in this business.

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But these two guys came in,

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there was a gangsters against
gangsters, and there was an armed,

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an armed, what is it called?
Robbery. Not a robbery,

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but it's like a gang war.

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They all over the restaurant.

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And the loudest guy who
happened to be my partner

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knocked me down under the table. And
it's interesting in those situations too,

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I know you would be one of
the guys that would be get

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down. But I remember everybody,

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it was slow motion and
everybody just paused and

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there's this, what is it,
an automatic rifle? Yeah,

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it sounded like this. And
then he goes, get down.

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And then he pushed all of us under
the table and I kept thinking,

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why is this stuff happening?
But then as you were saying,

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so your moment that you got fired
and then you had other traumatic

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experiences, it's almost
like God is giving you this

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iron warrior, this strength within you.

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You had to go through all these
little things because when I had the

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babies and I had the newborn
and a doctor decided,

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well, not decided, but the test,
he gave me the diagnosis, which

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nobody's ready for that. Nobody's ready
to tell you that when you think you are

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at the peak healthiest of your life
and you have two little babies,

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and they say that life is not guaranteed,

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they give you a death sentence.
You're not ready for that.

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You have to have a very, mentally,

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this is stuff that they
prepare you in the military.

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This is not something that
a new mom is prepared to

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face that she's going to
have to fight for her life.

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And she's got two little
babies and they're trying
to tell her that tomorrow is

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not promised because of this
diagnosis and this stuff on the paper.

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I feel that you're right. God
gives you things in your life.

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And I understood my brother's life.
He was healthy, he was strong.

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He took a job to help us.

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And by freak accident, he died.

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And how many times did I come
so close? I watched my mom,

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she had her head pouring with
blood and just all these close

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brushes,

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and then they tell me that
this is going to happen.

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I understood how precious life
was, and I know that parents say,

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I will die for my children.
And without a doubt,

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I would if I needed to,

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and I will fight for
my kill for your kids,

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but nobody really talks about
I will live for my kids.

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That's a totally different fight
than nobody really thinks about.

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It might be the hardest fight
because it's easy to get out.

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There's a lot of people who take the
easy way out and don't think about

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how that's going to affect
the people around them.

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And I think that we all that you're

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right in the way that maybe some of
those things that you went through early

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on in life prepared you for
what was going to happen. The.

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Biggest fight of my life.

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Because in a lot of ways,

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you were the strongest person in
the room when it came to those.

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You were the person who
you faced that giant.

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And I could say what I could,

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but I always felt like whatever I said
always was falling on kind of like, man,

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I can't. Well.

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It was interesting too there a
magnitude how God made it happen.

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I thought I was just going in
to get some standard results,

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and when the doctor said, you need to
sit down, I said, no, I'd rather stand.

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I in a place where there's
sick people sitting on the

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chairs. I don't want to get any
cooties. I got a newborn in the car.

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I'll just leave my newborn in the car,

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my other little baby in the car and my
husband. I don't want to, as a mother,

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you don't want to risk
anybody else getting sick,

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going into the hospital environment.
I always went in there by myself.

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I mean afterwards, afterwards,

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I already knew I had to go into
the cancer hospital and stuff.

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And it was interesting because you see
all these families and they have these

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big support systems,

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and I'm going in by myself. I don't want
the kids to get sick. I don't want my,

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it's just my husband and I
don't want him to get sick.

00:14:07
And I had to deal with all
this bad news by myself,

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this little petite mama.

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But I'll never forget the doctor.

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I don't know what's the standard
way for a doctor to act.

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But he asked me to sit down and I said,

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I don't want to catch anything from
the chair. I got the babies in the car.

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And he said, well, do you want to ask
your husband to come in? I said, no,

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we're just going to be quick. And at
that point he was up against the wall.

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I'm looking around,

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I could see he has a daughter
probably the same age as me with

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little babies. And all of a
sudden his eyes were just red.

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They're tearing up. And he
tells me the news and I said,

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I can't have that. I got two
babies. I got two babies.

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And he's just like,

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he starts crying and I'm
not because he probably

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sees his daughter and
he knows he's done this,

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hopefully not often, but
he's done this before.

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So he knows that whoever he is giving
the news to usually has a support

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system.

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But I think everybody, and
it prepared you for that.

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And I know that dealing with Charles's

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passing when he passed away
in 2009 in his car accident,

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I knew that you were prepared. I mean,

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I was forged already.

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I was forged through the
fires of being fired,

00:15:43
dealing with things in the
business every day. The.

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Trauma prepared you for.

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That. Yeah, I mean, even though
awful, awful, awful moment,

00:15:51
the trauma was nowhere near that level.

00:15:55
I think it was just little
pieces along the way,

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dealing with the business up and down,

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ups and downs and money
issues and just everything and

00:16:05
everything up to that
point brought me to that

00:16:10
moment and allowed me to have to at
least put the face on even though

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I was still hurting.

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Also, I just see a parallel right
now, and you can speak for it,

00:16:21
but I want to bring it
up before we passed.

00:16:23
The moment is that your business
at the time was your baby and

00:16:28
your clients were the baby.
So you had to be strong.

00:16:32
I had to be strong and
all that work and stuff,

00:16:36
losing things, fighting
for things, trauma,

00:16:40
all that stuff prepared you for that
leadership role that you had to be

00:16:45
in and what I had to be in.

00:16:48
And I think that putting that face on,

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so that was the part that didn't even
allow you to fall to your knees because

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you have to stand up and
take it at that moment.

00:16:58
But I think when I was just
going back to when I was let

00:17:03
go from the police department,

00:17:07
I am trying to think of what
pulled me back out of that moment.

00:17:10
And I think there was some
piece of belief in myself.

00:17:14
It was very small at that point because
I felt really battered and taken

00:17:19
down and just loss of
self-esteem. Right? That.

00:17:23
Happens with a lot of
injured athletes too.

00:17:26
Oh, I could totally see it. The
same thing where that's hard.

00:17:29
Your identity is this badge.

00:17:30
Is in that. Yeah.

00:17:32
Or an athlete,

00:17:33
your identity as a football player
or basketball player or a runner,

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whatever you are. And that's
where your identity is held.

00:17:40
And when that identity is taken
away, when that badge was taken away,

00:17:46
just you weren't ready.
I wasn't ready for that,

00:17:50
but I knew there were parts of me
that had been so strong for so long

00:17:55
becoming a police officer, that
moments of dealing with danger,

00:17:59
running into the face of danger,

00:18:01
bullets whizzing by your
head in foot chases and car

00:18:06
chases and all these things
that I'd gone through,

00:18:08
I'd been a police officer for around
seven years and going through all

00:18:13
those moments forged me a little bit.

00:18:16
I didn't feel strong at the moment,

00:18:19
but I always felt like something
in my gut said I had something

00:18:23
better for me, something
that I'm supposed to do. God,

00:18:27
that's promise.
When Charles came to me that day,

00:18:30
he was also a police officer at the
time. He came to me that day and said,

00:18:35
Hey, I have this idea for
this clothing company.

00:18:38
You want to start this clothing company
together and it'll be about mixed

00:18:43
martial arts and we'll sell,
we'll make these T-shirts.

00:18:45
And we'd never printed
a shirt in our life.

00:18:47
But the challenge in front of me just
felt right and it felt like I was at a

00:18:52
moment of crossroads in my life

00:18:56
and rather than trying to fix what
this thing that had been broken

00:19:02
to tackle this new thing
that I wanted to do,

00:19:05
and it felt like I just wanted to
give a thousand percent of me to it,

00:19:09
and so maybe I found a
new mountain to climb.

00:19:12
That makes sense.

00:19:13
Maybe that's what it was.

00:19:14
Because we're all
guaranteed that if you're at

00:19:19
the top of a mountain somewhere, if
you're feeling like everything is perfect,

00:19:23
like you said you did before
in your concrete business

00:19:28
and the shooting happens,
or before your brothers,

00:19:32
you're really close and everything's
great and your mom has this jewelry shop,

00:19:36
and then your brother is
killed. So all these things,

00:19:39
I think in that moment, if you're at
the top of some mountain somewhere,

00:19:44
you can pretty much guarantee there's
a peak coming. I mean, there's

00:19:51
comeback. There's a bottom of
the mountain coming. There's.

00:19:53
Something good coming.

00:19:54
And that's the thing is
you have to sometimes

00:19:59
embrace the fall, right? Don't you agree?

00:20:02
Yeah, I, and you.

00:20:03
Can't dwell on the failures and
you can't get stuck in the grief.

00:20:07
You have to move through it.
You have to find the good thing,

00:20:12
whatever it is that carries you
through. If you're going through grief,

00:20:16
remember the memories, the
lessons, the beautiful things.

00:20:21
You have to focus on those
things. Don't blame yourself.

00:20:25
Don't get stuck in this
trap that you could be stuck

00:20:29
in. I mean, I know that's very
hard because there's nothing,

00:20:33
if you're going through grief right now,

00:20:36
there's nothing you can say
that will make someone feel

00:20:40
better or take the pain away.
The pain will always be there,

00:20:44
but you have to let it ignite
some kind of hope and goodness

00:20:49
within you. Otherwise you can be so lost.

00:20:52
I was listening to, excuse me,

00:20:57
Granger's last name. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

00:20:59
Granger speaking about
the loss of his son,

00:21:03
and he was talking
about how grief can just

00:21:08
snatch the joy out of everything
in your life. That's right.

00:21:13
And

00:21:16
it is so true that it's hard to
find bright spots when you're

00:21:20
in those moments. When you're
going through that're in the thick,

00:21:23
you can definitely spiral. I
was trying to think of valleys.

00:21:27
I was trying to think of the
word peaks and valleys. Peaks.

00:21:29
If you're at the top of this
peak, there's a valley coming

00:21:34
and it's just inevitable. And so you
have to have this growth mindset,

00:21:39
I think, where you feel like, Hey,

00:21:43
if this happens, or if I'm
going through this right now,

00:21:47
or I'm in the middle of something that
I'm meant to learn something here,

00:21:52
and you just have to find
the lessons in it, I think.

00:21:54
Right? I mean, you're going to
feel the pain. It's the hardest,

00:21:58
hardest thing losing a loved one,

00:22:00
and I've gone through it twice now, but

00:22:06
you have to be open to the
positive things, the good things.

00:22:11
That's the only thing that's.

00:22:12
Going to carry through. Even the
smaller things. Smaller, losing a job.

00:22:15
Well, if you lose a child,

00:22:16
you have to be so careful because
you have and you have more than one.

00:22:21
You can't get lost in the
grief because you have

00:22:26
this other beauty around
you. And I saw that.

00:22:29
I could imagine the struggle
that he had probably for, I mean,

00:22:34
maybe he still has a struggle, but
my mom went through that struggle.

00:22:39
But your mom, like your
mom, he had other kids.

00:22:41
Your mom had other kids that she
had to be there for. Yeah, exactly.

00:22:45
And she had to go on living and
do what I think is the hard thing,

00:22:50
which is get back up and go
on living because you have to

00:22:55
do it for other people
because it's not just for

00:22:59
yourself anymore. It's
not a selfish thing.

00:23:02
You're getting up and
pulling your bootstraps up
because you have to do it for

00:23:06
other people.

00:23:07
And there's a type of grief
after you losing your job.

00:23:12
There's a type of grief in there too.

00:23:15
A type of grief when you're
told that you are given some

00:23:20
kind of whatever.

00:23:23
Diagnosis. Diagnosis.
We're both. We have an and.

00:23:28
You got to find the
empowerment in it, right?

00:23:30
Just like you found the empowerment
in it. I found the empowerment in it.

00:23:34
It's a blessing. It really,

00:23:37
really makes me even more so.

00:23:40
I already know how precious life is,

00:23:42
but it makes me that much more just

00:23:47
stress to people. Do not
wait for the diagnosis.

00:23:51
Don't wait for the bad news. Don't
wait for this, that, and the other.

00:23:55
Live today,

00:23:56
every day is such an
incredibly precious gift.

00:24:00
And even if you're on one path

00:24:05
just for fun, believe that

00:24:10
it's part of God's plan.

00:24:11
Don't doubt that it's
all part of God's plan.

00:24:16
He knows how strong you
personally are compared to other

00:24:21
people, and that you can
handle more than some people.

00:24:25
So he has a very, sometimes it sucks,

00:24:30
but he knows what he's doing. And you
just have to trust. You just have to.

00:24:35
Trust, trust that this is
happening for you and not to you.

00:24:38
Not to you.

00:24:40
Yeah. I think that everybody
who's listening right now,

00:24:43
we all have it in ourselves
to get past these things that

00:24:48
happened in your life that might
take you down for a minute and.

00:24:52
It may actually save your life
so that you could set new goals

00:24:57
to lead you to your
absolute best assignment,

00:25:01
to your greatness.

00:25:02
Sometimes something feel.

00:25:03
Tragic. It's tragic, right?
And sometimes tragic.

00:25:06
I know I've heard so many
people talk about this too,

00:25:10
when I'm talking to them and they say
that this tragedy or that tragedy,

00:25:14
it was so dark and it was so bad,

00:25:16
but it actually saved my
life in one way or another.

00:25:20
Right? Oh, I believe that.

00:25:23
I mean right down to why. I mean,

00:25:27
look at what happened for me.
Look what happened for me.

00:25:31
I lose this job to find out
that I fall into my business.

00:25:36
That turns out to be

00:25:39
something that changed my life,

00:25:41
something that changed a lot of people's
lives around me, my parents' lives,

00:25:45
my brother's lives, my
family's life, your life.

00:25:48
All of our lives changed all of our lives
and set me on a different trajectory

00:25:52
we probably wouldn't have met. There's
things that are happening in your lives,

00:25:55
these different chapters that happen
in your life, and sometimes chapter,

00:25:59
that door has to fully close
so that a new door can open.

00:26:03
Yeah, that's true, that's true.

00:26:07
Or you might just be on the total wrong
path and you've had the warnings and the

00:26:11
warnings and he is like, I don't want
to have to do this to you, sweetheart,

00:26:15
but we're going to have
to learn the wrong way.

00:26:18
You got to pull the rug down
so you can rise from the ashes.

00:26:20
And then you fall on your face dear,

00:26:22
and you have a bloody
nose and a broken arm.

00:26:24
But you figure your way out
of that. I think we're so.

00:26:27
Strong, you can always rebuild.

00:26:28
We're all so strong as
people and we're resilient.

00:26:31
And I think that we all have it in
us to get back up off of our knees.

00:26:35
We just have to decide
that we're going to,

00:26:38
we have to feel a little
bit of sense of purpose.

00:26:42
What is that purpose for your mom? It
was that she had other kids. For me,

00:26:45
it was that I just saw
something better for my life,

00:26:50
something greater. It actually opened
my mind up to a little bit like, okay,

00:26:54
if I'm not a police
officer, what could I be do?

00:26:58
And then this opportunity
comes up and it feels like, oh,

00:27:00
this is happening at the same
time I'm thinking about this.

00:27:03
Maybe I need to go down this path.
And so we all have those things,

00:27:07
stepping stones for sure.

00:27:08
We have to be open to those new directions
that we might take and be open to

00:27:13
the fact that we're going
to be better because of it.

00:27:17
And also prepare yourself to rise
higher than you've ever been.

00:27:21
And that's exactly what
we should all be doing.

00:27:25
And I hope that you guys,
if you're listening,

00:27:29
if that means learning in those moments,

00:27:34
if that means reading the right books
so that you can find the meaning of that

00:27:38
moment, I think we've all done
that, and I know we've done that.

00:27:43
Both of us have done that.
And sometimes little things,

00:27:46
it doesn't always have
to be a big tragedy,

00:27:48
but sometimes you're just depressed
a little bit and trying to find a new

00:27:53
purpose in your life,

00:27:54
and you find yourself trying to grow by

00:27:59
reading or listening or looking for that
new purpose that you might have in your

00:28:04
life. So if you're going
through something like that,

00:28:07
I hope that you guys can all
find where you need to be.

00:28:11
Keep your eyes open.

00:28:12
Be looking for that next
opportunity or that next sense of

00:28:16
purpose or for who you want
to have in your life at that

00:28:21
time. Who is that person who can
pull you in that new purpose,

00:28:24
in that new direction and pray about it?

00:28:27
Because I think we firmly
find so much in prayer

00:28:32
when we pray every morning.

00:28:34
And I think there's moments I
have told you before where I said,

00:28:38
did you see that idea that just kind
of came up in the middle? I mean,

00:28:42
probably I feel almost guilty sometimes
because I come up with something like

00:28:47
that in the middle of
a prayer and I'm like,

00:28:50
my mind should have been totally clear
and only be thinking about one thing.

00:28:53
But then I sit back and I think maybe
that's why I was meant to come up

00:28:58
with that in the middle of a prayer.

00:29:00
And sometimes if you don't feel like
praying, who wants you not to pray? Pray.

00:29:06
Especially in those times when you're
too tired or you don't feel like it

00:29:09
because there's something out there
that doesn't want you to pray.

00:29:13
So pray on it and let your
comeback be a testament to your

00:29:18
unwavering faith and God's grace. Rise,

00:29:21
strong for you are destined for greatness.

00:29:24
And on that note, we hope that you guys
got something from today's podcast.

00:29:29
I know we've all been
through stuff like this,

00:29:31
and we want you to know that we've
been through that at some of its worst

00:29:36
levels. And we know you guys have too.

00:29:37
Everybody has dealt with stuff in
their life, some more than others,

00:29:41
but we all have the capabilities
to find our way out of that.

00:29:46
We were never given
more than we can handle.

00:29:48
And just know that there is a support
system out there, and if you need help,

00:29:53
find it and ask for.

00:29:54
It. Come out as a victim or not a victim.

00:29:57
Absolutely. Thank you guys for tuning
into this week's Pretty and punk podcast,

00:30:01
and we will catch you guys next week.

00:30:03
God bless. Have the best week ever.

00:30:06
Thanks for listening to the Pretty
and Punk podcast. If you want more,

00:30:12
click the subscribe button
below and make sure to hit that

00:30:16
thumbs up. It really helps
us. God bless. Thank.