Why Moms Feel Like They're Failing: The Truth Behind Society's Unrealistic Expectations and How to Overcome Them

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_04]: But if I could go back again, I wouldn't do it because it wasn't... It was just a lot of stress.

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_04]: Just really, it doesn't matter. You just gave birth to a baby.

[00:00:13] [SPEAKER_04]: And I know that you feel like the world is judging you because maybe you have a few extra pounds.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_04]: You need those pounds for the baby for nursing. God made it that way.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Uh... No.

[00:00:38] [SPEAKER_03]: Ooh, that's better right, babe?

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:00:46] [SPEAKER_01]: She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_03]: He founded $100 million clothing company.

[00:00:52] [SPEAKER_01]: She ticked the World by Storm as a social media star.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_03]: He ticked the World by Storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:00:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Together we started a business.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_03]: And had babies.

[00:01:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:04] [SPEAKER_03]: Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids and everything in between.

[00:01:14] [SPEAKER_00]: God cannot be everywhere.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, he made mothers.

[00:01:20] [SPEAKER_00]: I hope I leave your people to the world you may be the one post, but to one post, and you may be the worst.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Bro, doubt those shoes.

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Welcome back to the Korean punk podcast.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: My name is Dan Calwell, and I'm here with my beautiful wife and mother of our babies.

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_04]: You'll be cool, Fett and Z.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_04]: I never know what you're capable of.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, because we're doing a podcast on mothers today.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So I thought...

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I got to mention that so everybody is very clear and they know that you're a mother.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_01]: And a great mother too.

[00:01:57] [SPEAKER_04]: Amazing.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_04]: So I feel like this topic has been coming up again and again with our audience.

[00:02:06] [SPEAKER_04]: And this week's topic is about why moms feel like they're failing, and the truth behind societies

[00:02:14] [SPEAKER_04]: unrealistic expectations and how to overcome them.

[00:02:19] [SPEAKER_01]: That's a mouthful.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a whole mouthful.

[00:02:22] [SPEAKER_04]: It's a mouthful, but it's a pressure that's out there.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_04]: It's a real thing.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_04]: And it's funny because I never really thought about it, and not that I haven't thought

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_04]: about it, but I guess I just haven't gone there.

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_04]: We've had so much other things coming up with these new moms that are part of our community.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_04]: This topic comes up a lot.

[00:02:47] [SPEAKER_04]: And I wanted to look up some...

[00:02:49] [SPEAKER_04]: Are we looked up some statistic-based pressures and stressors that are coming up on moms?

[00:02:57] [SPEAKER_04]: And I think the first one that we pulled up.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, but before we jump into that...

[00:03:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty And Punk podcast.

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[00:03:32] [SPEAKER_04]: We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent and business.

[00:03:37] [SPEAKER_04]: And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero.

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[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_04]: So before I jump into that statistic,

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_04]: the one thing I do remember my environment to leave me constantly is that my life would be over as soon as I had kids.

[00:04:23] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember we had friends that strictly decided to not have kids.

[00:04:31] [SPEAKER_04]: So this was a pregnancy that I prayed for for many years and we had, you know,

[00:04:38] [SPEAKER_04]: I was having infertility issues and all these things.

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_04]: And finally, my prayers came true.

[00:04:47] [SPEAKER_04]: And then we did have these people come at us saying your life is going to be over,

[00:04:53] [SPEAKER_04]: your body's going to be over.

[00:04:54] [SPEAKER_04]: All these negative things.

[00:04:57] [SPEAKER_04]: And now I'm going to roll into that statistic of 80% of moms feel pressure to be perfect.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_04]: In 2020, a study done by motherly revealed that 80% of mothers feel immense pressure to be perfect

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_04]: and to meet unrealistic societal expectations.

[00:05:20] [SPEAKER_04]: And this affects, of course, your mental health and productivity and overall well-being.

[00:05:27] [SPEAKER_01]: I could see that with all of our, you know,

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I see so many of these posts with these moms posting on social media and their lives always look so perfect.

[00:05:44] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, they do these huge birthday parties where they're spending 30,000 dollars on a birthday party for their one year old.

[00:05:53] [SPEAKER_01]: And you know, you got other moms looking at that who might not be able to afford that right now.

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_01]: And they're trying to live up to that.

[00:06:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And they feel like they probably feel like I would think they probably feel like they are letting their children down.

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I would think that you know, and they shouldn't feel like that because you can have your kids.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_01]: If you're in their shoes, they're having just as much fun doing, you know, games and playing with friends or whatever they're doing for their birthday party.

[00:06:28] [SPEAKER_04]: If they don't know what they're missing, I think that's all.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, as long as they put time into it, I mean you can have an awesome birthday party if you put a lot of time into your kids and the games and the things that they're doing.

[00:06:42] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, just because you, you spend, you know, a thousand dollars on a cake doesn't mean that you know, the birthday party's better.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:06:50] [SPEAKER_01]: My look better but I mean, I don't think mom should have to feel bad because I mean don't you think?

[00:06:55] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I mean, I mean, I wouldn't mind talking about that on the next point because the next point does have to do with social media.

[00:07:04] [SPEAKER_04]: But I think that for myself, like we've never gone that big because you don't want to.

[00:07:13] [SPEAKER_04]: And I try to do as much as I can with what we have to give the kids an amazing birthday and they don't, you know, I never want to shower them and gifts but a part of me is like,

[00:07:25] [SPEAKER_04]: I really have wanted to give them this incredibly crazy huge birthday.

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_04]: But I see how they're so happy with, you know, just a more realistic, let's say, realistic kind of birthday.

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I mean, there's so much to a great job.

[00:07:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I just want to spend $10,000 on a birthday party.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_04]: I know, I just, I guess I've always wanted to and I think that I am a little bit influenced by that.

[00:07:56] [SPEAKER_04]: You know, I wish I could have had a huge crazy shower and a big beautiful.

[00:08:02] [SPEAKER_04]: I think that there's something in the back of our minds as women but you know, I'm happy with what we've done so far.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_04]: And I love that they're realistic children.

[00:08:15] [SPEAKER_04]: And that they, they are great children will be, if you're happy they'll be happy.

[00:08:23] [SPEAKER_04]: They need to realize how boring they are and they're worried about if you can't, if you can't give them the $100,000 birthday, it's okay.

[00:08:33] [SPEAKER_04]: Like they're still going to be happy but I know as moms we wish.

[00:08:38] [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, we see what's out there and we see all this incredible stuff.

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_04]: And it would be amazing.

[00:08:45] [SPEAKER_04]: I would absolutely love to do that for my children but if you can't, don't feel, don't feel bad because they're going to be happy, no matter what.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_04]: And all their lives they've only had the three presents and that I've really strategically chosen to do that.

[00:09:04] [SPEAKER_04]: And they're so grateful for those three presents and they treat their stuff really, really well just like the way that I treated my stuff growing up.

[00:09:14] [SPEAKER_04]: But I want to take it back to this pressure of perfection because especially as mothers going into their first pregnancy.

[00:09:23] [SPEAKER_04]: And they've got these whispers of we don't really know what to expect.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I wanted a natural birth. Of course I wanted a natural birth.

[00:09:33] [SPEAKER_04]: But then when I went into the doctor's office and they took a look at my my size and they really looked into the history of the things that my mother went through and almost losing her life.

[00:09:49] [SPEAKER_04]: And and it very quickly became evident that I wasn't going to have a natural child birth.

[00:09:56] [SPEAKER_04]: So there's all these things that we want to be perfect including the birth of our children.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_04]: Then we have these voices in you know whispering in our ears while if you don't have a natural birth, then it doesn't,

[00:10:12] [SPEAKER_04]: but obviously like you have to just let that stuff go. The most important thing to me was having my baby survive and having myself be there for my baby.

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_04]: Most importantly, having the baby be okay. And I had this incredible A1 doctor in Vancouver and in Beverly Hills that both, you know, looked at my structure.

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_04]: I fit, I'm not, I'm not and I would say I'm petite. So there's the danger of that when you're petite, there's things that can really go sideways and bad for the baby.

[00:10:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was a smart move. I mean the doctor advised us and said it right. That's a better idea.

[00:10:59] [SPEAKER_04]: And I have second opinions, but number two, what about the career? There's this pressure of the career. Like you have the baby.

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_04]: I was getting you know the understanding, I'm not going to say it was getting threats, but when you're a baby, when you have a baby, your career is going to be done.

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_04]: You can't model anymore. Your body is going to be done. All this stuff was coming at me and in the back of my head, I was really, really nervous about.

[00:11:27] [SPEAKER_04]: I was so excited for the baby, but then I was so nervous that I was going to, you know, lose that, the career.

[00:11:37] [SPEAKER_04]: lose the part of you probably because I didn't, you're going to love that. You love doing what you're doing and even that I loved it. But it was who I,

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_04]: who I did at the time, for sure. Right. And then I knew that I had these bookings with three weeks right after the baby was born.

[00:11:58] [SPEAKER_04]: I had that live maximum shoot and all these things that seemed important at the time because it was my identity, but you do realize that you fall, you give birth to a different person.

[00:12:16] [SPEAKER_04]: And different things come up and I was holding, yes, I was holding on to the career. I was working out.

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_04]: I worked out the last day of my pregnancy to prepare to, oh my gosh, I ate so well for the baby's development and also hoping that I hope if I can, I hope that I can get back into shape after the baby.

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_04]: So there was all these pressures and stresses that not only myself, but I see it now in mothers that are coming to me with their first born baby.

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_04]: After the second one you kind of figure it out and you don't worry about these things because you get your own flow, but yeah, just I remember all that stress.

[00:13:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, there has to be some. I bet you women feel like and you know, and you know, being a man, I can't speak for women but I could sense if I was in their shoes that women if their lives changed drastically like they become a state homom or something that they can feel like they're losing a piece of their identity.

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, like I was this person who had my own money, who had my own life, who had my own you know, paid for my own car and did all this thing.

[00:13:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And then all of a sudden that's taken away from you.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and you don't feel you feel like I think I saw a lane of car don't saying that saying something about that yesterday she was saying in and I just got that one part and that just reminded me that she said,

[00:13:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Do I need to ask for money from my husband?

[00:13:59] [SPEAKER_04]: I was just going to say something along those lines where your successful and you built this big career and you have your own, you know, jobs coming in, your own finances and then all the sudden this happens and it's kind of scary because you have to be very careful.

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_04]: Who you marry one, of course first and foremost they have a strong faith but if they can't like if you have to stay at home, if they can't support you you're going into a like you may have been this big deal before and then all the sudden your life may totally change if you can't get it together.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_04]: Do you know what I mean?

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well you're at home.

[00:14:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean imagine your identity changing that much.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean you did what did it feel like.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean you went through working all the time to not that you still don't work, you just do a different type of work.

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_04]: Well, I would say at that time I was still grinding and this is I think my because I was trying to hold up my identity.

[00:15:15] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, I was still grinding.

[00:15:17] [SPEAKER_04]: When I had that shoot the big shoot and all these things that were lined up for me and you know I somehow it worked out for me.

[00:15:27] [SPEAKER_04]: I was very much in shape and very much in shape quickly but I just kept grinding and what I did because I couldn't imagine being away from the baby.

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_04]: I broke rules and I brought the baby with me.

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember my mom saying this to me is that she would bring David and she would bring me and I remember growing up in that situation.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I was like, well I'm just going to bring the baby.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_04]: That's going to stress me out less and I'm just going to do this with the baby photo shoots filming all of it podcast whatever I brought the babies, the babies were there with me.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_04]: So that was less stress but I couldn't imagine if you weren't able to do that, that would be.

[00:16:13] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, yeah, another thing about it is what about to imagine, I mean this is a situation they have the baby, they're a little bit overweight still there now that you know quickly they might have just got married or you know so in the last couple years they might have been married now they're pregnant now they have a baby and now they're not working anymore.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_01]: They're staying at home with the baby. I mean their whole life changes pretty quickly for a lot of women and they're going through this and they they're feeling like they're losing their identity it there has to be I mean part of it is postpartum right I mean that is the reason why I think those are the reasons why that piles up on women because they're going through all this and then trying to live up to you know other women who.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: are posting their perfect lives on social media it's just a recipe for depression and postpartum.

[00:17:13] [SPEAKER_04]: Oh 100% 100% but my suggestion when women come to me with that because they ask me how can I get in shape how can I those how can I that.

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_04]: I feel like I just I feel it in my heart that I just want to slow them down if I wasn't in the career that I was in I wouldn't worry about any of that I'm getting in shape and any that was my business so I kind of had to do it but if I could go back again I wouldn't do it because it wasn't.

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_04]: It was just a lot of stress just really it doesn't matter you just gave birth to a baby and and I know that you feel like the world is judging you because maybe you have a few extra pounds you need those pounds for the baby for nursing God made it that way.

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_04]: I was so. Grave like when I just started thinking about everything in the way that it with my second I got to sit back for a minute until I had to juggle something else that came my way but I remember thinking this time it's going to be different if I gain weight I don't care because.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_04]: The truth is when you're nursing that weight goes away so quickly and don't get don't get back to you know drinking or any of that stuff eat differently differently while you're pregnant for the baby just really.

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_04]: Celebrate the moments I know it feels really stressful at first because there's no sleep and you're tired and you're wondering how long is this good just really milk it milk it take photos take videos go to vote photo shoots if you can get your husband to take and husbands please.

[00:19:13] [SPEAKER_04]: Every day because this is going to go by so fast it doesn't feel like it it feels like forever but really it's going to go by so fast the best gift you can get your wife.

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_04]: Is take a whole bunch of behind the scenes stuff like the photo shoots and stuff are really nice and I wish that we had more of this because and you're in survival mode so you didn't really notice but I just remember like wishing that someone could.

[00:19:42] [SPEAKER_04]: I wish that I had more behind the scenes stuff like just milk every moment that you can it may not feel like a blessing because your hormones are upside down your trying to ner you're trying to do all these things that you are trying to figure out people can tell you and prepare you.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_04]: But you won't.

[00:20:34] [SPEAKER_04]: That's a really interesting, God gave you exactly what that baby needs so just really enjoy the moments I know it's hard.

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_04]: I know the sleepless nights make you moody and all these things but just really count your blessings how lucky you are.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_04]: Don't listen to those satire sites that.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have too many sleep blessed nights for the most part because

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_01]: you didn't let all.

[00:21:05] [SPEAKER_04]: I couldn't even wake you up.

[00:21:06] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember feeling very like not happy with you.

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_04]: There was a lot of, that was exhausted.

[00:21:13] [SPEAKER_04]: I was sort of nervous.

[00:21:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Plus, night you're talking about, no,

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_01]: it is, you know, because you were breastfeeding,

[00:21:21] [SPEAKER_01]: I, you know, I fully expected to have sleep blessed nights.

[00:21:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And I was down to wake up and make bottles or whatever

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_01]: you did to happen.

[00:21:29] [SPEAKER_04]: But just be with your eyes.

[00:21:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I was ready to go.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_04]: I was, I was going through some stuff and it would have been really nice

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_04]: to just maybe every third day, just spend some time with me while I'm waking up every,

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know, I was ready or whatever.

[00:21:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I was ready.

[00:21:48] [SPEAKER_04]: In the hospital, that was, that was like, just, I was ready to do that.

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_02]: I was never held.

[00:21:54] [SPEAKER_04]: I've been eating in my life until, I think,

[00:21:56] [SPEAKER_04]: maybe when I was like five or six, I held a baby.

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_04]: But like I've never held a baby and I was just figuring this all out on my own.

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_04]: And you know what's crazy with my first bit.

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_04]: Thank God, I can't remember the name of this nurse.

[00:22:11] [SPEAKER_04]: But I had a meal nurse.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_04]: And with the second, or the second baby,

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_04]: they really were trying to push me onto formula.

[00:22:19] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know why.

[00:22:21] [SPEAKER_04]: But with my first one, he taught me how to nurse.

[00:22:25] [SPEAKER_04]: Like, all the stuff and my baby.

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't know it.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_04]: We've talked about this before.

[00:22:30] [SPEAKER_04]: I was going to show you how to do that.

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_04]: But no, he had a,

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_04]: a, a, a, a, a, a tongue tie until later.

[00:22:39] [SPEAKER_04]: I figured this out on my own kind of two.

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_04]: I demanded to see specialist.

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_04]: But he sat with me in the hospital and we worked through it in this little baby

[00:22:52] [SPEAKER_04]: that was having a difficult time.

[00:22:54] [SPEAKER_04]: Was just working so hard.

[00:22:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I was working so hard.

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_04]: And it wasn't, I think till the second week that we found out he had a tongue tie.

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_04]: So it was really, it was a, it was a struggle.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_04]: But don't give up.

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_04]: Like follow your got whatever it is.

[00:23:10] [SPEAKER_04]: You know, just follow your gut in everything and just please enjoy the moments.

[00:23:15] [SPEAKER_04]: Husbands take the videos, take the photos, the behind the scenes.

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_04]: It is going to be the most.

[00:23:22] [SPEAKER_04]: It's going to be a treasure.

[00:23:24] [SPEAKER_04]: So please take behind the scenes stuff.

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_04]: And now.

[00:23:28] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, take advice for me because I took a lot of photos and.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_04]: No, you did not.

[00:23:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I did.

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't believe you say this because I'm go back and share you all the photos.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I took tons of photos.

[00:23:41] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I know he's remember me.

[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_04]: I've been thinking about like daily stuff.

[00:23:53] [SPEAKER_04]: Like I'm talking about the moments when they're saying adorable things.

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I have all that on video at first walk first, scroll first words.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Data.

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Data.

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_04]: It wasn't data.

[00:24:04] [SPEAKER_01]: It was data because I'm starting to have words.

[00:24:06] [SPEAKER_04]: I have the video starting to feel un.

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know it's just not, it's not going well.

[00:24:15] [SPEAKER_04]: Do you want to go into the social media stuff?

[00:24:18] [SPEAKER_04]: Well, I have to.

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_04]: You go the socialistic that 63% of moms feel overwhelmed by social media.

[00:24:28] [SPEAKER_04]: And research shows that 63% of mothers say social media makes them feel as you were

[00:24:35] [SPEAKER_04]: saying inadequate, especially when comparing themselves to the curated often unrealistic

[00:24:42] [SPEAKER_04]: portrayals of motherhood online.

[00:24:45] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember, I remember, yeah, I remember feeling that way.

[00:24:48] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember because I was in the business, I was in.

[00:24:53] [SPEAKER_04]: We had a lot of what is it called articles and social media.

[00:24:59] [SPEAKER_04]: And they painted me out to be this way that I really didn't feel.

[00:25:05] [SPEAKER_04]: I really didn't feel the way that they painted me up to be.

[00:25:09] [SPEAKER_04]: And then number two, it wasn't taken.

[00:25:12] [SPEAKER_04]: It wasn't welcomed by my audience and mothers.

[00:25:16] [SPEAKER_04]: They really didn't like me.

[00:25:19] [SPEAKER_04]: And I was just like, I'm not saying this stuff about myself.

[00:25:23] [SPEAKER_04]: They're saying it.

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_04]: So with my second, we really didn't.

[00:25:27] [SPEAKER_04]: They did a big reveal of, oh, Ildica Forensi is having a little girl.

[00:25:33] [SPEAKER_04]: But I just went radio silent.

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_04]: I just wanted to keep it a secret till the very last minute.

[00:25:40] [SPEAKER_04]: Because I didn't want, you know, paparazzi to have their way.

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_04]: And they just paint their own picture out there.

[00:25:48] [SPEAKER_04]: And then when I was dealing with diagnosis,

[00:25:50] [SPEAKER_04]: I just went radio silent.

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, they made the article and then you got tons of hate over it.

[00:25:56] [SPEAKER_01]: You like, I didn't even do anything.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I just had a baby.

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they were telling me.

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_04]: They were calling me like the fittest mom.

[00:26:03] [SPEAKER_04]: And all the like all these, like, you know, all these things.

[00:26:08] [SPEAKER_04]: And I just felt, I didn't feel beautiful.

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't feel attracted.

[00:26:15] [SPEAKER_04]: Like, I didn't feel that way because I think every mom struggles with it.

[00:26:21] [SPEAKER_04]: I know that I was getting in shape very quickly.

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_04]: But I didn't feel, you know, the best.

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_04]: But I felt the most, if this makes sense,

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_04]: I felt the most beautiful that I've ever felt being a mother.

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't, I can't put it into words.

[00:26:39] [SPEAKER_04]: But I felt the most beautiful being a mother.

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_04]: But I may not have been as attractive way.

[00:26:50] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know.

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know.

[00:26:51] [SPEAKER_04]: Maybe you did, but there was just something.

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_01]: I thought it was.

[00:26:54] [SPEAKER_04]: Because you weren't as beautiful, but not.

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_01]: You had no fat on you before you had a baby.

[00:27:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And then after the baby, you kind of, to me,

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I thought you looked more like normal, you know?

[00:27:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Like normal.

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I liked the way you look.

[00:27:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And I told you, I'd like that look better.

[00:27:12] [SPEAKER_04]: Right, right.

[00:27:13] [SPEAKER_04]: But it just, and then when they said what they said,

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_04]: then women were like, they just hated it.

[00:27:20] [SPEAKER_04]: And I understood.

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_04]: Because it was came out.

[00:27:22] [SPEAKER_04]: Right away.

[00:27:23] [SPEAKER_01]: But imagine what women get through the time.

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_04]: They're exactly.

[00:27:27] [SPEAKER_04]: They have these extra pounds.

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_04]: And I feel like they look beautiful.

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_04]: And because the media called me beautiful,

[00:27:36] [SPEAKER_04]: not in the way that I felt, I felt beautiful.

[00:27:39] [SPEAKER_04]: I felt incredible.

[00:27:41] [SPEAKER_04]: More beautiful than ever before in my life.

[00:27:44] [SPEAKER_04]: I think because I've never felt this kind of love

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_04]: in my life, the most powerful love you're ever going to feel.

[00:27:53] [SPEAKER_04]: There's no, like when someone loves you without expecting anything

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_04]: and return, that is the most beautiful feeling

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_04]: and you feel beautiful.

[00:28:06] [SPEAKER_04]: And when Daniel started to speak, he would call me beautiful.

[00:28:09] [SPEAKER_04]: And I was like, where did you even learn this?

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_04]: Like that's what I'm talking about.

[00:28:13] [SPEAKER_04]: From beautiful.

[00:28:14] [SPEAKER_04]: That beautiful.

[00:28:15] [SPEAKER_04]: But it was the judging part of, oh, she's so beautiful.

[00:28:20] [SPEAKER_04]: And then all of a sudden everybody hated it.

[00:28:22] [SPEAKER_04]: And it's like, you can't, you don't tell the paparazzi

[00:28:26] [SPEAKER_04]: what to say they come up with these articles

[00:28:28] [SPEAKER_04]: because it'll go viral.

[00:28:30] [SPEAKER_04]: So I just really wanted to keep it very private

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_04]: for the second one.

[00:28:35] [SPEAKER_04]: So yes, I understand social.

[00:28:38] [SPEAKER_04]: It could be so flip and toxic.

[00:28:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And well, even the moms, there's so many mom bloggers out there

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER_01]: right now that post, well, you know what's great though?

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I tell you a truth is, the truth is there's a lot of

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_01]: mom bloggers that are posting the truth to.

[00:28:53] [SPEAKER_01]: They're posting how hard things are.

[00:28:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I feel like now they're more than ever.

[00:28:59] [SPEAKER_04]: But when we were going through stuff when we did the perfect,

[00:29:02] [SPEAKER_04]: they were everything was so perfect or these moms

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_04]: that it was like satire channels where they,

[00:29:11] [SPEAKER_04]: they like hated their kids or something.

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_04]: So it's very, very negative algorithms to two different ways.

[00:29:19] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember one drinking mom's.

[00:29:22] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, yeah, that are just like,

[00:29:23] [SPEAKER_04]: people can eat eating mom's and can't wait

[00:29:26] [SPEAKER_04]: to get them to get them to get those.

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_04]: That and I was like, I can't relate to that at all.

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_04]: And then I was having a hard time relating to the perfect

[00:29:34] [SPEAKER_04]: moms because we were going through all that stuff.

[00:29:38] [SPEAKER_04]: And I said, we need to start this podcast and start our

[00:29:41] [SPEAKER_04]: community.

[00:29:41] [SPEAKER_04]: And I'm so grateful that we did because we broke so many

[00:29:45] [SPEAKER_04]: chains and so many expectations and broke all the rules.

[00:29:50] [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, I remember having as I said, my baby on said

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_04]: in magazine shoots and all these different things.

[00:29:58] [SPEAKER_04]: And in our business, whatever your business is,

[00:30:04] [SPEAKER_04]: you bring your baby if you can.

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I mean that was the purpose of the podcast was to start a podcast

[00:30:09] [SPEAKER_01]: where we showed our real lives, talk about our real lives,

[00:30:12] [SPEAKER_01]: talk about the hard times, what was an easy,

[00:30:15] [SPEAKER_01]: what is easy and the struggles that you're dealing with?

[00:30:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it's an every year kids with you to make them a part of your life.

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_04]: And there is struggles in job goals in that too.

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_04]: It's not perfect.

[00:30:28] [SPEAKER_04]: It doesn't always go perfect.

[00:30:30] [SPEAKER_04]: You will lose a lot of relationships because there are a lot of

[00:30:34] [SPEAKER_04]: people that don't like kids that don't want to do business with parents.

[00:30:38] [SPEAKER_04]: And this I'm telling you as your friend,

[00:30:41] [SPEAKER_04]: that this is the truth.

[00:30:43] [SPEAKER_04]: But here's the blessing.

[00:30:44] [SPEAKER_04]: You're going to find other entrepreneurs that are parents

[00:30:48] [SPEAKER_04]: that do understand that have their little ones running around,

[00:30:53] [SPEAKER_04]: have to stop the podcast because they have to go help

[00:30:56] [SPEAKER_04]: their little one with a potty breaker, change diaper,

[00:30:59] [SPEAKER_04]: or there's a blowout or they're nursing while they're doing the podcast.

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_04]: That was us.

[00:31:04] [SPEAKER_04]: That was our reality.

[00:31:05] [SPEAKER_04]: We weren't going to hide that we have kids so that the people

[00:31:08] [SPEAKER_04]: that didn't have children would still like us.

[00:31:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, sometimes we will edit it like we did in this podcast because

[00:31:14] [SPEAKER_01]: these was to edit it out.

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: The audience won't hear that we had to stop in the middle of a podcast

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_01]: to take a little bit.

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_04]: It doesn't matter.

[00:31:23] [SPEAKER_04]: A little girl on a potty break.

[00:31:24] [SPEAKER_04]: You could leave it in there.

[00:31:26] [SPEAKER_04]: But as I'm just saying that yes, you're going to lose friends.

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_04]: You may lose jobs.

[00:31:32] [SPEAKER_04]: You may change careers.

[00:31:35] [SPEAKER_04]: You may pivot because you have kids.

[00:31:37] [SPEAKER_04]: But it's not a bad thing.

[00:31:40] [SPEAKER_04]: So it is what it is.

[00:31:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And mom shouldn't feel like they're failing because of those things.

[00:31:45] [SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm so happy.

[00:31:46] [SPEAKER_01]: And I'll tell you what.

[00:31:47] [SPEAKER_01]: They need to be built up by their community.

[00:31:50] [SPEAKER_01]: They need to be watching.

[00:31:51] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to find a good.

[00:31:53] [SPEAKER_01]: If you're a mom going through this stuff,

[00:31:55] [SPEAKER_01]: you need to find a good algorithm.

[00:31:57] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to be if you're going to be on Instagram or TikTok or wherever you are

[00:32:01] [SPEAKER_01]: if you're going to be on there and post in your life or watching other people's lives

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_01]: be sure you're following the right people.

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_01]: Be sure you're following people that put the truth out there

[00:32:13] [SPEAKER_01]: that aren't making you feel inadequate.

[00:32:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Don't add a quick.

[00:32:16] [SPEAKER_04]: Anything that makes you feel negative.

[00:32:19] [SPEAKER_04]: And here's the thing.

[00:32:20] [SPEAKER_04]: I want to touch on this because one in four moms experience depression and anxiety.

[00:32:27] [SPEAKER_04]: And the CDC reports that one in four mothers, as I just said,

[00:32:32] [SPEAKER_04]: experience mental health issues like depression or anxiety,

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_04]: often stemming from societal pressures and lack of support.

[00:32:42] [SPEAKER_04]: So is you were saying, don't do anything that's mentally not good.

[00:32:47] [SPEAKER_04]: Follow anything.

[00:32:49] [SPEAKER_04]: Don't hang out with, don't talk to block, change the,

[00:32:54] [SPEAKER_04]: do the inventory.

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I always say this, do the inventory every few months.

[00:32:59] [SPEAKER_04]: You know, bring the right people into your lives and even this is our prayer.

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_04]: This is a prayer that we pray every single day is bring the right people into our lives

[00:33:09] [SPEAKER_04]: and remove the ones that aren't for us that don't have the same vision that don't eat the same

[00:33:14] [SPEAKER_04]: that don't eat.

[00:33:15] [SPEAKER_04]: Just everything that you want to be surround yourself with that because depression is a very real thing.

[00:33:25] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember feeling pressures, but thank you God that I didn't go to that depressed place

[00:33:31] [SPEAKER_04]: and bat on me because I remember being very ink.

[00:33:37] [SPEAKER_04]: There was this viral, when I got diagnosed there was this viral photo.

[00:33:43] [SPEAKER_04]: I think it was like the first mom that kind of came out with depression and she was in tears

[00:33:49] [SPEAKER_04]: and she was holding her baby and she was just really depressed.

[00:33:56] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember feeling so angry because of everything that I was going through

[00:34:04] [SPEAKER_04]: and I could have put a picture like that, but I had to choose to go a different way.

[00:34:10] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't understand.

[00:34:12] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't understand.

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't understand what she was struggling with, so I felt hate and anger because

[00:34:22] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember thinking, you know what, lady?

[00:34:25] [SPEAKER_04]: Like, you weren't told you may have only a few months to live in your crying like that.

[00:34:31] [SPEAKER_04]: Like, I have to live every single day so grateful to be alive.

[00:34:35] [SPEAKER_04]: And I remember like just wishing I could talk to her and shake some sense into her.

[00:34:40] [SPEAKER_04]: And then what finally calmed me down was, you know, I'm praying for myself and praying over my

[00:34:48] [SPEAKER_04]: family.

[00:34:49] [SPEAKER_04]: I'll just pray over her.

[00:34:50] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't remember who it was but I remember praying over her.

[00:34:56] [SPEAKER_04]: Just God, please let her see the gift that she has and heal her of this depression because

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_04]: she has her health.

[00:35:05] [SPEAKER_04]: She didn't have a mental health at the moment, but she was healthy and she's going to live

[00:35:09] [SPEAKER_04]: for a long, long time in that baby.

[00:35:11] [SPEAKER_04]: So lucky and she's so lucky.

[00:35:14] [SPEAKER_04]: But I remember being angry with her just wanting to say, you know, can you imagine if your

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_04]: doctor told you this and then maybe it'll shake some sense into her?

[00:35:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and you start to feel your blessings.

[00:35:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:35:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Remember your blessings?

[00:35:28] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah.

[00:35:29] [SPEAKER_04]: So anyway, I, you know, just I can relate to that type of depression because somehow my mind went

[00:35:39] [SPEAKER_04]: into another thing, but all in and into another way even in the worst circumstance where

[00:35:44] [SPEAKER_04]: that picture probably should have been me because not just when you have a baby and newborn

[00:35:53] [SPEAKER_04]: baby, you want to be there for the rest of their lives.

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_04]: And I just remember feeling so angry now.

[00:36:00] [SPEAKER_04]: I just feel emotional because I can't believe.

[00:36:04] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm just so grateful that I am still here and hopefully that that mother is, you know, healed

[00:36:10] [SPEAKER_04]: and anybody else going through depression.

[00:36:14] [SPEAKER_04]: It's a very serious thing and go get some professional help and definitely, you know,

[00:36:19] [SPEAKER_04]: pray over yourself and pray over the other moments.

[00:36:21] [SPEAKER_04]: I think that was the thing that just it was amazing because it finally took me to that moment

[00:36:27] [SPEAKER_04]: where I'm just going to pray over this lady.

[00:36:29] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't know where she doesn't know me, but I'm going to pray over her and I hope that she

[00:36:33] [SPEAKER_04]: could see her blessings.

[00:36:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's what I think you have to do.

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So I think one of the things you have to do to fix this is kind of reframe your mindset.

[00:36:42] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, when you're looking at when you, you can choose to see what you don't have or

[00:36:47] [SPEAKER_01]: you can choose to see what you do.

[00:36:49] [SPEAKER_01]: What you do have, you know, and I think we're really good at always looking at our blessings

[00:36:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and going, look, we're so blessed with this.

[00:36:56] [SPEAKER_01]: We're so blessed by having this.

[00:36:57] [SPEAKER_04]: We're so blessed by having because you can really focus and then I get caught in it too,

[00:37:02] [SPEAKER_04]: focusing on things that could potentially get negative, but you before, here's the thing.

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_04]: And this is an interesting thing.

[00:37:12] [SPEAKER_04]: It may resonate, it may not resonate and it may make you change the way that you live day to day.

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_04]: But when you speak things into existence, what is the word ominous?

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_04]: God is on where he only God can read your thoughts.

[00:37:32] [SPEAKER_04]: Okay? But when you speak things out loud, the enemy now knows your greatest fears,

[00:37:40] [SPEAKER_04]: the things that can take you down.

[00:37:44] [SPEAKER_04]: Before you speak these things out loud, don't gossip, don't speak them out into existence.

[00:37:51] [SPEAKER_04]: Don't speak your worst fears, the things that you don't want to happen.

[00:37:55] [SPEAKER_04]: Do not even let those things pass your lips.

[00:37:58] [SPEAKER_04]: Don't do it because then it kind of then the enemy knows and then they start out.

[00:38:06] [SPEAKER_01]: They'll start exploiting it.

[00:38:08] [SPEAKER_04]: But yes, and I've gotten really, really good at this where sometimes I'll star

[00:38:12] [SPEAKER_04]: and then I'll catch myself.

[00:38:14] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't even want to say it even when I was dealing with the, I still won't say it.

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_04]: He word as as far as I'll go.

[00:38:21] [SPEAKER_04]: I don't want to say anything that anything, anything.

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_04]: It just will not pass my lips.

[00:38:27] [SPEAKER_04]: It won't.

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_04]: So if you can just be really mindful, just remember the enemy, he hears your words and that's it.

[00:38:34] [SPEAKER_04]: He cannot read your thoughts.

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_04]: So you can think the things but don't speak them out loud.

[00:38:39] [SPEAKER_04]: Think the things and ask God to take them away and then think of your blessings and just go

[00:38:45] [SPEAKER_04]: the complete opposite.

[00:38:47] [SPEAKER_04]: Oh, I know you don't feel that today.

[00:38:50] [SPEAKER_04]: I feel very healthy.

[00:38:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I feel strong.

[00:38:53] [SPEAKER_04]: I am all, all things are possible.

[00:38:56] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, my children are happy and I think about, think about all this.

[00:39:00] [SPEAKER_01]: There's always going to be somebody who's worse off than you.

[00:39:03] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, there's going to be, we try to pray every night about people who don't have food on their

[00:39:07] [SPEAKER_03]: table that don't have a little one's favorite.

[00:39:09] [SPEAKER_03]: We'll move over there.

[00:39:10] [SPEAKER_01]: There's so many families going through things and there's always going to be somebody who's

[00:39:14] [SPEAKER_01]: off than you.

[00:39:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And remember how blessed you are with the things that you have that your children are happy,

[00:39:21] [SPEAKER_01]: you know?

[00:39:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't take money to make your children happy.

[00:39:24] [SPEAKER_01]: You can make your children happy by paying attention to them by playing with them, by

[00:39:29] [SPEAKER_01]: spending time with them.

[00:39:30] [SPEAKER_01]: That's all they really want from you.

[00:39:32] [SPEAKER_04]: And they're listening to your dialogue too.

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_04]: They're listening to everything, the way that you talk about the world,

[00:39:40] [SPEAKER_04]: the way that you talk about people, the way that you talk about yourself.

[00:39:45] [SPEAKER_04]: These little eyes and ears are listening to you and watching you so you have to be careful.

[00:39:50] [SPEAKER_04]: And I feel like a lot of the depression and people that, you know, I'm coaching,

[00:39:56] [SPEAKER_04]: that we're coaching together that this has really helped them to not say things out loud because

[00:40:02] [SPEAKER_04]: once even one obviously, the enemy knows.

[00:40:06] [SPEAKER_04]: But when you keep hearing this, it just sends you down the spiral that just is not healthy.

[00:40:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So yeah, and we talked about social media before, I think you definitely have to put some boundaries

[00:40:20] [SPEAKER_01]: on social media.

[00:40:22] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to like limit yourself to what you're going to watch if you're going to watch it

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_01]: and try not to be doing this stuff in front of your children as much as you can.

[00:40:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I know a lot of people's work is based on phones.

[00:40:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, a hundred.

[00:40:34] [SPEAKER_01]: And so it's hard to not do that in front of your children all the time, but you know,

[00:40:39] [SPEAKER_01]: you don't want your kids because they will become what they see and if you become

[00:40:44] [SPEAKER_01]: movie, the professional scroller is they will.

[00:40:46] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, movies, TV shows, all that stuff.

[00:40:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I mean, we may be judge, we may not.

[00:40:54] [SPEAKER_04]: We don't have TVs.

[00:40:55] [SPEAKER_04]: We choose very carefully what we decide to take in as it comes to entertainment.

[00:41:01] [SPEAKER_04]: Look up the world entertainment and you'll understand why we've made this decision.

[00:41:06] [SPEAKER_04]: It's going to enter your soul through your eyes.

[00:41:09] [SPEAKER_04]: So be very careful of the stuff that you display on the screens, television shows,

[00:41:14] [SPEAKER_04]: movies, and then number two, the music you listen to.

[00:41:19] [SPEAKER_04]: It's incredibly powerful how persuasive the music you listen to a lot of it for us now is worship

[00:41:28] [SPEAKER_04]: music and glassful and great podcast.

[00:41:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and like there's great like on YouTube, we today were listening to and we have it on,

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, we follow all of these different, these just like speeches where people are positive

[00:41:46] [SPEAKER_01]: speeches and totally robbing.

[00:41:49] [SPEAKER_01]: And you have these playing and they just take the best parts of these different speeches

[00:41:54] [SPEAKER_01]: and cut them up and there's a lot of those channels on YouTube now.

[00:41:57] [SPEAKER_01]: We'll just play that in the house.

[00:41:59] [SPEAKER_01]: We just played in the house because we know the kids are picking it up and they get to hear

[00:42:04] [SPEAKER_01]: these great speakers talk motivational, positive, inspirational things, you know, to their

[00:42:10] [SPEAKER_01]: souls all day long.

[00:42:12] [SPEAKER_01]: So when they're sitting there, just plain they're hearing this stuff in the background and

[00:42:17] [SPEAKER_01]: it's going to become, you know, Daniel's a speaker.

[00:42:19] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure Destiny's very powerful.

[00:42:22] [SPEAKER_01]: She's going to do something very powerful.

[00:42:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And she's, you know, it becomes a part of their vocabulary.

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_04]: And exactly why we built this community that keeps you positive.

[00:42:33] [SPEAKER_04]: And exactly how we have this community that we have because of the conversations that we have.

[00:42:39] [SPEAKER_04]: I know a lot of people that are in our community now, they were the whole gossip thing.

[00:42:46] [SPEAKER_04]: You've got to be so careful.

[00:42:48] [SPEAKER_04]: Do not gossip, do not surround yourself with people that gossip because your kids are going

[00:42:53] [SPEAKER_04]: to hear that stuff.

[00:42:54] [SPEAKER_04]: So no, no, no, no gossip.

[00:42:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:42:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Another thing you got to do is you got to pray or to some self care for yourself.

[00:43:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean whatever that means, whether that means talking to your husband and saying, hey,

[00:43:06] [SPEAKER_01]: look, I need some time for a minute.

[00:43:09] [SPEAKER_01]: I need some time for me so I can get my head straight for a second or I need to, you

[00:43:14] [SPEAKER_01]: know, just if you need help ask for it because I think a lot, what happens is a lot of

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_01]: men assume that women are okay, you know, because we feel like we're taking on.

[00:43:25] [SPEAKER_01]: When we're at the office or something or we're, you know, doing whatever we're doing,

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_01]: yeah.

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_01]: We're we feel like we're burdened and we have a lot of pressure.

[00:43:34] [SPEAKER_01]: We have a lot of things coming at us and we have the world and life coming at us.

[00:43:38] [SPEAKER_01]: So sometimes if we don't take a second and men check it on your wife, checking it

[00:43:44] [SPEAKER_01]: and see how they're doing ask them how their week is, how their day's going, how if

[00:43:49] [SPEAKER_01]: they're doing okay, because you need them to tell you because if you don't have a happy

[00:43:54] [SPEAKER_01]: wife, that's going to go into translate to your kids.

[00:44:00] [SPEAKER_01]: They're in charge of their with your kids probably more than you are and if they aren't

[00:44:06] [SPEAKER_01]: happy, they're unhappiness is going to come off of them onto your kids.

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you want happy kids, the best thing you can do is have a happy wife.

[00:44:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And if she needs help in things, if she needs some help cleaning up around the house

[00:44:21] [SPEAKER_01]: doing the dishes, whatever that might be, I know you're tired.

[00:44:25] [SPEAKER_01]: I know you've had a long day but you need to, this is what men do.

[00:44:29] [SPEAKER_01]: We step up and we do what needs to be done, whatever that might be.

[00:44:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.

[00:44:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you just need to watch the kids for a minute.

[00:44:35] [SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[00:44:36] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember with my first I just really, I just, it was weird.

[00:44:44] [SPEAKER_04]: It was like I was just trying to do the dishes, doing everything and not giving myself

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_04]: a break.

[00:44:54] [SPEAKER_04]: And I really remember not eating, I just taking care of everyone and then realizing later

[00:45:01] [SPEAKER_04]: that I forgot to eat and I'm nursing and I just really didn't take good care of myself

[00:45:06] [SPEAKER_04]: and then going to the gym at like two a.m.

[00:45:12] [SPEAKER_04]: Because I didn't get it in and I had these, I was listening to Gary B.

[00:45:17] [SPEAKER_04]: That's the last soul.

[00:45:18] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't go to the gym.

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_04]: Oh my God, I wake up in the middle of night and I feel like we're ready for a gym.

[00:45:25] [SPEAKER_04]: It's ridiculous, loony tunes but I was just, you know, I just, and then I had this

[00:45:31] [SPEAKER_04]: expectation of trying to, you know, you were trying to do everything.

[00:45:37] [SPEAKER_01]: I think you had, what did they call that when women start to fix everything around the

[00:45:42] [SPEAKER_01]: house before they have the baby and they start.

[00:45:44] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, nesting, yeah.

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_01]: So, so I felt like you were kind of doing like post-nesting.

[00:45:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Like trying to be super mom.

[00:45:51] [SPEAKER_01]: I did.

[00:45:52] [SPEAKER_04]: And I definitely didn't ask them about them.

[00:45:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I just was trying to act like super mom.

[00:45:59] [SPEAKER_04]: Like you won't be able to tell that I had a kid.

[00:46:02] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm not a normal mom.

[00:46:04] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm an extraordinary mom.

[00:46:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, you were busy busy mom.

[00:46:07] [SPEAKER_01]: You were trying to be busy all the time and being the super mom.

[00:46:11] [SPEAKER_04]: Being thin and then doing tight business and being the best mom and all the, oh my gosh,

[00:46:17] [SPEAKER_04]: it was craziness.

[00:46:19] [SPEAKER_04]: So just yeah, take care of yourself and it took me.

[00:46:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think you still kind of do that because I told you yesterday.

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I said, hey, that's a bad thing.

[00:46:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Can I do, let me do that for you and you're like, no, no, no, I got it.

[00:46:34] [SPEAKER_01]: I said, you got to let me do some stuff.

[00:46:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Otherwise when you get this overwhelmed, like I'm doing, you know, you get a little overwhelmed

[00:46:42] [SPEAKER_01]: and I see you stressing out a little bit and I'm like, I'm asking to help you.

[00:46:48] [SPEAKER_01]: So you don't get to that place and you got to let me do that sometimes.

[00:46:52] [SPEAKER_01]: So women let your, if your husband's asking, let him do that stuff because you will

[00:46:58] [SPEAKER_01]: take you to not let me do something because you feel like you need one to do it or maybe

[00:47:02] [SPEAKER_01]: you want to do a certain way or have a way.

[00:47:04] [SPEAKER_04]: I think this women have they want to do it a certain way or it's like, okay, you just

[00:47:09] [SPEAKER_04]: did it and now he made up even bigger mess.

[00:47:11] [SPEAKER_01]: So it's just a year of I don't make a bigger mess.

[00:47:14] [SPEAKER_01]: What are you talking about going in here of, unlike a professional dishwasher at

[00:47:22] [SPEAKER_01]: his point, I'm like a pro.

[00:47:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Like I could, like right now if I walked into like McDonald's, like you get a job right

[00:47:28] [SPEAKER_01]: now, like as a for some restaurant Friday or something, I get a job but the best

[00:47:34] [SPEAKER_04]: so much of your skills because he, I feel like he doesn't need to be a professional

[00:47:38] [SPEAKER_01]: dishwasher.

[00:47:39] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm just saying I don't want him to jump into a relationship ever because he doesn't

[00:47:45] [SPEAKER_04]: know how to cook, clean, wash his clothes or any dust.

[00:47:48] [SPEAKER_04]: Right.

[00:47:49] [SPEAKER_04]: So I just, I want to teach him how to do it perfectly.

[00:47:52] [SPEAKER_04]: I want to teach him how to have new cook nutritional meals if he has, you know, if he

[00:47:58] [SPEAKER_04]: has a baby and a wife or my gosh, I'm getting emotional already and he's still barely

[00:48:04] [SPEAKER_04]: out of the toddler.

[00:48:06] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, no, he's getting so big so much.

[00:48:08] [SPEAKER_04]: But yeah, so I mean, it took me when they gave me the diagnosis.

[00:48:13] [SPEAKER_04]: It took me then when I hired a du-la that could help a little bit with you because

[00:48:21] [SPEAKER_04]: I couldn't look the baby and then I hired a nutritional, like she made me the

[00:48:28] [SPEAKER_04]: healthiest soup when I came out because I wasn't going to eat that food in the

[00:48:33] [SPEAKER_04]: hospital.

[00:48:34] [SPEAKER_04]: Not this time, not after you know the diagnosis everything changed and she put all

[00:48:40] [SPEAKER_04]: the most healthy as bone broth and all the healthy foods and all my gosh, like I just

[00:48:48] [SPEAKER_04]: said, just my mom, my mom was sick and she was dealing with her stuff so she couldn't

[00:48:54] [SPEAKER_04]: cook for me.

[00:48:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I didn't have anybody and I just said this time I'm going to do some research because

[00:49:00] [SPEAKER_04]: I haven't frozen anything.

[00:49:02] [SPEAKER_04]: I haven't, I don't have anything ready.

[00:49:05] [SPEAKER_04]: This was a surprise.

[00:49:06] [SPEAKER_04]: I have a newborn and I have to go in for the biggest surgery of my life that I wasn't

[00:49:12] [SPEAKER_04]: going to do but I just went in for the moment.

[00:49:16] [SPEAKER_04]: That's a whole different talk, but I was going to go get treatment somewhere else in

[00:49:21] [SPEAKER_04]: the world and my doctor talked me into not skipping the surgery and doing the surgery

[00:49:29] [SPEAKER_04]: that afternoon.

[00:49:30] [SPEAKER_04]: So I went in all by myself because my husband was with my mom and my babies because

[00:49:36] [SPEAKER_04]: I was about to get on a plane that day and get treatment somewhere else in the world and

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_04]: I remember asking the doctor if he believed in God and he explained that he was more

[00:49:50] [SPEAKER_04]: science-based and that wasn't, he wasn't a believer.

[00:49:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I said that's okay because God is going to control your hands and use your hands to

[00:50:03] [SPEAKER_04]: heal me today.

[00:50:04] [SPEAKER_04]: He looked at me like, it doesn't matter because I felt it in my heart and I felt it

[00:50:14] [SPEAKER_04]: in just every ounce of me that God was going to work through his hands and heal me.

[00:50:21] [SPEAKER_04]: And sometimes you just have to be bold even if someone says something like he said

[00:50:27] [SPEAKER_04]: I felt crushed for maybe half of the second and I don't, it's not, it's not, I mean

[00:50:35] [SPEAKER_04]: you don't want to, you don't want to offend someone that's going to potentially be healing

[00:50:42] [SPEAKER_04]: you that day.

[00:50:43] [SPEAKER_04]: You don't want to say the wrong things but it just came out and he couldn't help but

[00:50:48] [SPEAKER_04]: have a little smirk so anyway that's a little bit of the story.

[00:50:53] [SPEAKER_04]: So I had to take care of myself and moms, if you feel like you're failing, you're not

[00:50:59] [SPEAKER_01]: you're so not, make sure you have a support system, make sure you have people who can help

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_01]: you if you need it, yeah know that you are powerful that you're raising this amazing little

[00:51:12] [SPEAKER_01]: person who's going to, who's going to love you with everything in them and that you're doing great.

[00:51:20] [SPEAKER_04]: Can I just say, and this is something that my mom said to me and I want to share this

[00:51:27] [SPEAKER_04]: with you guys because God doesn't make mistakes.

[00:51:30] [SPEAKER_04]: That little one or those little ones that you have God does not make mistakes.

[00:51:35] [SPEAKER_02]: He chose you especially for them because only you can bring out the best in those little ones

[00:51:46] [SPEAKER_02]: or that little one that you have.

[00:51:48] [SPEAKER_02]: Only you only you, you were specifically hand picked for this role to bring out the best in

[00:51:58] [SPEAKER_02]: your children or your child.

[00:52:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Just remember that.

[00:52:02] [SPEAKER_04]: Like when when I learned that for the first time, it all made sense and it made me feel

[00:52:09] [SPEAKER_04]: incredible.

[00:52:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And not only are you a blessing for those kids but those kids you will find out that they're

[00:52:16] [SPEAKER_01]: a blessing for you.

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_04]: Yes, you will learn so much.

[00:52:20] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm telling you, you will lose your identity because you're going to give birth to the best

[00:52:27] [SPEAKER_04]: version of yourself.

[00:52:29] [SPEAKER_04]: If you let that happen, let that happen.

[00:52:32] [SPEAKER_04]: The enemies trying to tell you, oh, you're your life is destroyed now and no, it is so

[00:52:41] [SPEAKER_04]: not true.

[00:52:42] [SPEAKER_04]: I'm telling you that those babies first, my first born and then my other one, the biggest

[00:52:51] [SPEAKER_04]: blessing of my life and I became a totally different person.

[00:52:56] [SPEAKER_04]: But a better person than it ever, ever could have been without them.

[00:53:01] [SPEAKER_04]: I promise you.

[00:53:02] [SPEAKER_01]: I posted this on our Instagram today.

[00:53:06] [SPEAKER_01]: If you include your children, they might slow you down but maybe that's the point.

[00:53:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's so true.

[00:53:13] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, they all always love it.

[00:53:15] [SPEAKER_01]: That kids everything that happens to your life is for a reason and maybe it's meant

[00:53:20] [SPEAKER_01]: to be that way and when you fight it, when you fight it, and you don't receive that

[00:53:25] [SPEAKER_01]: blessing and you got to sometimes bring it to the blessing.

[00:53:28] [SPEAKER_01]: And know that that's a blessing that's meant to be for you.

[00:53:32] [SPEAKER_01]: So we thank you guys for joining us for this episode of the Pretty In Point podcast.

[00:53:36] [SPEAKER_01]: We hope you got something from this conversation today.

[00:53:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you have something to contribute to the conversation, we hope you can leave it in

[00:53:43] [SPEAKER_01]: our Instagram, message us on Instagram or at honor website, prettyinpunk.com.

[00:53:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And we thank you guys for joining us and we will catch you guys next week.

[00:53:54] [SPEAKER_04]: God bless you and those little miracles and you are doing amazing.

[00:53:59] [SPEAKER_04]: Mama, if you haven't heard it today, you're doing amazing and I'm so proud of you.

[00:54:04] [SPEAKER_04]: I love you all.

[00:54:06] [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening to the Pretty In Point podcast.

[00:54:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Mothers, you're doing great.

[00:54:12] [SPEAKER_00]: Keep up the good work.

[00:54:13] [SPEAKER_00]: Love you.

[00:54:14] [SPEAKER_00]: God bless you all watching this and make sure to subscribe.

[00:54:19] [SPEAKER_00]: Go to us and keep watching our good.

[00:54:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Stuff.

[00:54:25] [SPEAKER_00]: Go back to God.

[00:54:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Me and get.

[00:54:29] [SPEAKER_00]: Months.

[00:54:30] [SPEAKER_00]: See you and love.

[00:54:32] [SPEAKER_00]: See you next week.

[00:54:33] [SPEAKER_00]: God bless.