The Hidden Cost of Staying Loyal to an Old Version of Yourself!

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[00:00:31] Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with my podcast, Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. Every episode I nerd out with amazing guests and dive into the best new audiobooks available on Audible. It's the book club for your ears. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:01:00] And it might be tough to swallow, but I'm going to say it. Sometimes the hardest person to leave behind isn't another person. It's an old version of yourself. It's an old version of yourself. The version that learned to survive. The version that learned to keep everyone on the outside of what mattered happy.

[00:01:27] That learned to stay small. That learned to carry expectations that were never meant to have authority over your future. That version that became whatever was necessary to gain approval. And one of the strongest parts of growth is realizing that even when life changes,

[00:01:56] part of us can still be emotionally attached to an identity that no longer fits. Listen, what's familiar isn't always healthy. And what's comfortable isn't always aligned. I think many people believe they're stuck because they lack opportunity.

[00:02:23] But often they're stuck because they're still emotionally loyal to a version of themselves they've been called to outgrow. And that can be, it could be a difficult thing to recognize. Because sometimes that old version perhaps felt like it protected us, helped us survive. It helped us navigate difficult environments.

[00:02:54] It helped us gain acceptance in places that were never meant to define our worth. But survival and calling, it's not always the same thing. Right? It's comfortable. And taking the courageous step to fulfill our God-given destiny. It's not the same thing. And eventually, there comes a moment when we have to decide.

[00:03:24] Will I spend the rest of my life protecting who I used to be? Or will I become who God is calling me to be? So grab a healthy snack, get comfortable, and settle in with me for a moment. Because I believe this conversation may help someone finally understand why moving forward has felt so difficult. Let's go.

[00:04:01] Oh, that's better, right, babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a $100 million clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:04:31] As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Hello, my friends, and welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable, the Legacy Conversations bonus series, a special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast, a community of strong families building unshakable legacies. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenczi.

[00:04:58] And today I'd love to chat about something I think almost everyone experiences at some point in their life. And I'd love to hear from you. The tension between who you've been and who you're becoming. Because growth sounds exciting when we talk about it, right? It sounds so exciting. I want to grow to be better.

[00:05:26] I want this type of growth in my life. We can see it so clearly on the horizon. Until it starts requiring us to let go of things that feel familiar. Old beliefs. Old habits. What else? Old fears. Old identities. Even stories we've been telling ourselves for years.

[00:05:54] And sometimes the reason people feel stuck isn't because they don't know what to do next. It's because part of them is still trying to protect who they've always been. One of the most important things we can understand about growth is that people often confuse survival strategies with identity.

[00:06:20] A child who grows up believing their job is to manage everyone else's emotions may sadly become an adult who believes their purpose is making everyone else comfortable. Freak out. Get sad. Whatever it may be. And over time, many people spend years keeping peace everywhere else

[00:06:47] while neglecting the very relationships they were actually called to nurture most. Their faith. Their holy covenant. Their babies. Their calling. And eventually, they realize they've been carrying responsibilities God never asked them to carry. Responsibilities that belong to other adults.

[00:07:15] This is back when you were little. Right? Those responsibilities that belong to other adults. Expectations that belong to other people. Not us. Emotional burdens that were never ours to manage in the first place. A child who learns that mistakes create criticism

[00:07:43] may become an adult who avoids risk entirely. Imagine a life like that. Right? We have to take bold steps. One foot in front of the other. Or a child who learns that love feels connected to performance may become an adult who never feels like they've done enough.

[00:08:06] And after years of repeating those patterns, they stop feeling like behaviors. They start feeling like personality. Like identity. Like this is just who I am. But sometimes what feels like identity is just something that you've adapted to. And that's really an important distinction.

[00:08:34] Because you can't become who you're meant to be. If you're constantly defending who you had to be. It's going to hold you back. Every business has an ambition. PayPal Open is the platform designed to help you grow into yours. With access to business loans so you can expand. And hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide. Your customers can pay all the ways they want today. With PayPal, Venmo, Pay Later, and all major cards. So you can focus on the future.

[00:09:04] When you need a partner trusted by millions, there's one platform for all business. PayPal Open. Grow today at paypalopen.com. Loan subject to approval in available locations. One of the reasons people struggle to move forward is because the familiar feels safe. Sadly, it does. Even when it isn't serving us anymore. We've talked before about how people can become attached to environments.

[00:09:33] Attached to expectations. Attached to approval. But people can also become attached to an old version of themselves. Because at least they know that version. At least it's predictable. At least it doesn't require change. And yet growth almost always requires walking into, I want to say an arena, but a territory

[00:10:03] that's unfamiliar. Which means there are moments when courage doesn't feel like confidence. It doesn't. It feels like uncertainty. That's not a great feeling. It feels like taking a step before you fully feel ready. And that's uncomfortable, but necessary.

[00:10:29] I've noticed this is where many people find themselves. And it's not necessarily because they're feeling, they're not feeling or they're not confused. It's because they're growing. And growth often creates that tension. Because the version of you that other people became comfortable with may not be the version God is calling forward.

[00:11:02] That's when and where people sometimes feel torn. Part of them knows they're changing. They know they're growing. Part of them knows they're being called into something deeper. And yet, yet they still worry about disappointing people that don't matter. They worry about being misunderstood. They worry about what happens. What happens if everyone doesn't come with them?

[00:11:31] Well, they don't have to. This is your journey. Growth has always required courage. Because growth changes things and dynamics too. It changes everything. This shows up in families too.

[00:11:56] Sometimes parents struggle when their older children become their own person. Their own personality. They have their own personality. They have their own lives. Sometimes parents struggle with that. And sometimes adult children struggle because they're still carrying expectations that no longer fit their season of life.

[00:12:21] And sometimes entire families experience tension once one person begins growing beyond old patterns. Listen, growth is not bad. But it will change. I would say it would. The change, the change forces everyone to adjust.

[00:12:48] And that's when wisdom steps into place. That's when wisdom matters. Because healthy growth, it doesn't require dishonoring people. But it doesn't require abandoning your calling to keep everyone comfortable. Before you reach for that coffee, consider this.

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[00:14:10] And honestly, you may never go back to drinking coffee. Click the link below down in the bio and get your Shilajit today. A beautiful reminder in scripture comes from the book of Isaiah chapter 43 verse 19. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it?

[00:14:38] I love that verse because God is constantly inviting people forward. Forward in growth. Forward in purpose. Forward in deeper faith. Forward in new seasons. But if we're always looking backward, we can miss what He's doing in front of us.

[00:15:04] And I wonder how many people are praying for a new season while still clinging to an identity that belongs to the old one. And perhaps today's aha moment is this. You don't have to hate what you used to be. Please don't do that. You don't.

[00:15:29] I hope that you don't resent the version of yourself that helped you survive. Please don't be angry at the person you once were. You can honor that version of yourself and still outgrow it. Growth isn't betrayal. Growth is stewardship.

[00:15:56] It's recognizing that God may have more for you than what you've experienced so far. And sometimes the next level of healing isn't looking backward again. It's finally having the courage to move forward. To trust God with the version of you that's still unfolding.

[00:16:22] And to stop apologizing to outsiders for becoming who He created you to be. You don't have to explain. You don't have to worry. Just become who God created you to be. Step into that one foot in front of the other. It takes courage. It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to take work. You can do it. Right?

[00:16:52] We were blessed with this beautiful life. We were chosen to fulfill our God-given destiny. To build in our holy covenant. To do something great in our home. With our spouses and our babies. Just think about it. Just think about it. Grab your journals and something to write with.

[00:17:20] Let's take a moment to slow down. Get settled. And let's begin. Are there parts of my life where I've confused survival with identity? That's powerful. Don't judge anything. Never judge anything. Let's just spill it out.

[00:17:46] What version of myself am I still protecting that no longer fits with who I'm becoming? That's another powerful one. Where have I been more concerned with meeting expectations than following conviction? These are all so good.

[00:18:18] Are there voices influencing my decisions that were never meant to carry more weight than my faith, my values, my values, and the covenant, the holy covenant God entrusted to my care? What would change if I stopped asking, what will people think? And started asking,

[00:18:49] what is God asking of me? It's not always easy, but it's necessary. And it's so freeing. It's so freeing, honestly. It really is. I think that we need to do this type of inventory several times a year, not just in January, not just after New Year's.

[00:19:18] This is important. This is important for our lives, for our holy covenant, for what we're building with our legacy. Let's come together in prayer. Prayer partners, let's come together. Heavenly Father, thank you for never leaving us where we are. Thank you for loving us enough to grow us, stretch us, and call us forward.

[00:19:48] Give us wisdom to recognize the places where old identities are holding us back. Give us courage to release expectations that no longer belong in this season. Help us stop building our lives around fear, approval, and the opinion of others. Teach us to build around what matters most,

[00:20:17] our faith, our covenant, our calling, our family. Help us trust you with the parts of our future we cannot see yet. And give us the courage to become who you created us to be, even when that journey requires growth, change, and obedience. In Jesus' name,

[00:20:47] Amen. If you've been feeling tension lately, if you've felt a pull between who you've always been and who you're becoming, it's not necessarily a sign that something's wrong. Just like we discussed, it may be a sign that growth is happening.

[00:21:14] Every meaningful season of growth asks us to release something. We clean our closets, what, once a year, twice a year, we get rid of things. Right? It's the same thing here. We need to release something, an old fear, an old story, an old identity. An old, old expectations. And while that,

[00:21:43] of course, can feel uncomfortable, it can also feel freeing. It will feel freeing. It's going to feel good. It's going to feel like the weight just slid off your shoulders and you could breathe differently. God never asks us to let go of something without leading us towards something greater. So don't be discouraged if you feel stretched.

[00:22:13] Don't be discouraged if, if some people don't fully understand the season you're in. They might not. It's not their path. It's not their calling. And don't, definitely don't feel discouraged if, if the path ahead feels unfamiliar. Because it will. Growth often feels unfamiliar. That's what makes it growth. growth.

[00:22:41] And growth is beautiful because it changes, it will change your life, not only your life, but the, but, but your legacy. I'm telling you, you do not honor your past by living in it forever. You honor it by allowing God to use it while continuing to move forward. Right? When you listen to someone, a great speaker,

[00:23:11] they talk about who they used to be. And then they talk about the change and they can help you. They have the blueprint. So allow God to use that experience, who you were while continuing to move forward. If this episode encouraged you today, share it with someone who may need this reminder. Many of us do.

[00:23:39] And if these conversations have been just awakening something inside of you and your family to grow, to heal, strengthen your family and, and build an unshakable legacy, please leave a kind review and five stars. And I'm so grateful to be able to, to show up twice a week and serve you and,

[00:24:06] and just be that conversation that you needed. I read all the messages, all of them. And I'm grateful. I'm grateful that it sparks something in you, sparks something in me too. And when you leave, when you leave the five stars and the, and the kind review, it helps more families discover these conversations

[00:24:34] and invites them to become a part of this community. And I want to remind you to listen as a family to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show with little Destiny and Daniel, where they are holding space for screen-free inspiration with the next generation of strong faith-filled leaders through conversations about,

[00:24:58] about courage, leadership, business, character, mindset, family, building with family and legacy. They cover, they cover it all. It's a beautiful conversation. That's just so nice to have in the background with your family. And before we say farewell, my beautiful friends, I want to leave you with this.

[00:25:25] I pray you have the courage to release what no longer belongs in this season. May you have the wisdom to recognize the difference between who you had to be and who God is calling you to become. May your faith grow stronger than any fears you may have. And may your conviction grow stronger than outside expectations that never mattered.

[00:25:59] May you build a life centered on what matters most. Your faith, your babies, your calling that God entrusted to your care. Listen, the version of you that survived deserves compassion. But the version of you God is calling forward deserves a chance to live. God bless you. Glory to God always.

[00:26:28] We love you so much. And we're so proud of you for showing up, for growing, healing, for becoming, and for continuing to build an unshakable legacy. This is Becoming Unshakable by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast. God bless you. We love you. And we'll see you soon. I'm your friend, Ildiko. Talk to you soon. Thank you, beautiful friends,

[00:26:56] for listening to this important message from Mama. There is someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young, future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show.

[00:27:25] We know you'll love it. Build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. We love you. And parents, if no one told you yet, let us be the folks. You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story. Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you.

[00:27:55] This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only. And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have

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