You Told Them To Calm Down, Have You Showed Them How?

[00:00:01] Friends, take a moment to picture this with me for a moment. So close your eyes and imagine this. A child is practicing, let's say basketball. They take a shot, it misses. They try again and another miss. They try a few more times and miss again.

[00:00:27] Their shoulders tighten. They grip the ball harder and then they just throw it down. I can't do it. A parent nearby says, just calm down. But what does the child do next? Where do they begin? We've told them where we want them to arrive. But have we shown them how to get there?

[00:00:55] Get comfortable friends. We're about to have another amazing conversation. Grab your loved ones. If they're napping or they're not with you and this is your time, take it. And if you're at the gym and it doesn't have to be at the gym, you could be exercising at home on your mat or on your equipment. Push the level up, darling, because we're about to get into it.

[00:01:33] Oh, that's better, right babe?

[00:02:08] Welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast where we grow in faith, strengthen our families and become more intentional about the legacy we're building. I'm Ildiko, your host, and I'm so glad you're here. And if you're new here, make sure that you're subscribed so that you could join the family.

[00:02:35] I want to personally welcome you here. And if you are part of the family already, welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. In our last conversation, we talked about welcoming feelings while settling limits on hurtful behavior. So important, friends.

[00:02:58] And today I would like to invite you to talk about the skills children need to work through those types of feelings. We teach our children how to tie their shoes, among many other things that we teach our beautiful children.

[00:03:19] We demonstrate, we help them practice, and then we expect them to need us again. And we're here for them. We're here for it. That's what we do as parents, right? We guide our children through life and prepare them. Not only to, we don't just teach them to be children, but we're teaching them to be adults in the world.

[00:03:48] We set them off. We set them free. Now, think about it. Because managing frustration, it deserves that kind of teaching too. Really, it does. Let's be frank here, right? And some of that teaching can happen before anyone is upset.

[00:04:12] During a peaceful moment, we can talk about what frustration feels like. We talk about it before we hit that level. What happens? What happens to our bodies? Do your hands get tight? Does your chest get tight? Does your face feel warm? What do you notice in the moments of frustration or anger?

[00:04:37] And we can share our own experiences without assuming that theirs is the same. Not everybody experiences life's emotions in the same way. Some of us with frustration, we get more emotional. Some tend to lean a different way. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's sharing your experience of those emotions.

[00:05:06] When I'm frustrated, I sometimes notice I'm speaking faster. Or whatever your example may be. We're helping our children become curious about the signals they might recognize next time. I've noticed that sometimes as adults, when we were talking about this conversation, it's almost like there's a guilt.

[00:05:36] And many times this is for the gentlemen in the community that there's this kind of guilt or a feeling of masculinity when they get emotional or not emotional, but angry. That's what the, what were they saying? Like it's the masculine thing to do, or we don't get emotional. We don't cry.

[00:06:05] That's what we were taught to go to our room, come out when the emotions are gone. So I feel that these practices, these exercises with our children are so important.

[00:06:17] And when we practice something before the moment hits, something that they can actually do without making it a bad thing or shaming, I feel that this is so important for my family.

[00:06:40] Perhaps it's putting their hands in their lap and taking a few comfortable breaths, slow breaths, deep breaths with us. It's really navigating the situation with them, being an example and working through this together before the moment hits.

[00:07:05] Perhaps they prefer sitting somewhere quieter, having a little space. Some of our, our little ones are asking for a hug in these moments. Off it, offer, offer one or two possibilities and see what helps your child come up with different ideas. What we're building is familiarity.

[00:07:32] So the idea doesn't arrive for the first time in the middle of this big overwhelming moment. They're already equipped. I love tools. I love having something in the back pocket where our children can reach into in that moment. Now let's return to the basketball court we imagined.

[00:07:57] The parent notices the tight shoulders and, and the frustration building after each missed shot. And they might say something like, those shots aren't going where you want them to. Let's take a little break. Then stop talking for a moment. We don't need to explain the entire lesson while the child is struggling to hear us. They're going through their thing.

[00:08:25] They're going through the emotions and we can stay nearby and we can soften our voice and offer something familiar. Would you like me beside you? You know your child best. You know what will work for them. If, if touch comforts them, offer it. If they need a little room, respect that while keeping them safe and allow some time.

[00:08:55] The child doesn't have to stop crying immediately. They can move through the emotions for us to recognize that they're, they're beginning to settle. Right? It just takes a moment. We don't have to shut it down. It's going to stop. It's going to stop. It's not going to go on forever. So we can allow them to experience whatever they're going through for a moment and they're, they're going to move through it.

[00:09:23] Uh, when they, children are younger, you can even help them visualize it like a storm. It comes right. But it always clears up with sunshine. The sun always comes back shining. So once they're able to talk, we can decide what comes next. Would you like to try a little bit closer? Do you want to take the shot a little bit closer at the basket?

[00:09:53] Or shall we return to this after we take a water break that gives even more time for them to resettle and, and, um, whatever they're practicing to just take a moment. Sometimes it helps to take a moment away and then step back. I know that helps me, helps me when I get frustrated.

[00:10:17] I take a moment to breathe and obviously we can't, we can't quit parenthood when we have children or we can't just jump off of a business call because something feels frustrated, frustrating. So we take a deep breath and then we continue, right? We regulate ourselves in an elegant, classy way and we move on.

[00:10:45] Now, what we're doing is we're helping them move through frustration and back toward a manageable task. That's a skill that has to be learned and it's a skill that, that needs to be taught. We can't avoid this step. And I want to acknowledge the parent listening who's thinking, I have other children. Dinner is cooking.

[00:11:13] I can't turn everything, every, every, every, every difficult moment into a lesson. And I just want to tell you that you don't have to start with one phrase or, or one familiar practice. I'm here. Let's pause. Keep it simple enough that, that you can use it too. There will still be difficult days.

[00:11:41] There will always be difficult days as adults, all through our lives. If we don't think there will be, we're kidding ourselves. A strategy that, that helped yesterday perhaps may not help today. Then we have to be tactical. We have to be creative. And that gives us information. We can adjust, offer support, and then practice again.

[00:12:12] Let's, let's, let's move into a Bible moment. I want to take you into a Bible moment now. The book of Proverbs chapter 16, verse 32 says, he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

[00:12:38] So, so this means, this means there is strength in learning how to respond when feelings are intense. Hence, for our children, that learning begins in small moments. With patient guidance, we can pray with them and teach them practical ways to pause.

[00:13:07] There's different tactics. Some of us like to pray. Some of us, some of us explain the situation, talk through the feelings, have the line that we go to. Ask for help. And then begin again. And these tactics, they may work for a period and then you have to get creative and, and, and change the way. Grab your pens or something to write with and your journals.

[00:13:37] When you have a quiet moment, I want to invite you to reflect on this. What signs tell me my child is becoming overwhelmed? You should write that down, whatever it may be. You may have one or more children. So you can just block it off and, and, uh, every child is different. We know this.

[00:14:03] And now the next question, do I notice them early or only after things escalate? And have we practiced something helpful when we're both feeling peaceful? Not in the moment, but before the moment hits in the peaceful moments. When, when we're having our conversations.

[00:14:32] Choose one thing you'd like to understand better about your child and visit that. Now let's go into the legacy challenge this week. Practice one calming activity together during a, a relaxed moment this week. It could be before bed or it could be in the morning, whatever time of day you find that moment of relaxation. Make it brief and comfortable.

[00:15:02] Ask your child how it felt. Their answer can help you decide what to try again. Friends, calm down becomes more useful when a child has some understanding of how to get there.

[00:15:22] We can give them that understanding gradually through practice and our steady support, our examples. They're learning something. They'll have opportunities to use throughout their life, right? We're teaching them things that, that their future husband, their future wife and children will be grateful for.

[00:15:48] That's why it's so important to do the work today while they're still young. And friends, when two or more come together, let's slide into prayer. Let us begin. Heavenly Father, God help us recognize when our children need guidance, comfort, or a little space.

[00:16:11] Give us patience as we teach them and wisdom as we learn what helps them, each of our children to their individual needs. And may they know, may our children know that they can come to us with their feelings and find loving support. And help us lovingly support them and how to guide them through life. And we say this in Jesus' name. Amen.

[00:16:42] Friends, I want to thank you for being here. New friends, I want to welcome you to the family. You don't have to master every strategy today. Choose one small practice you and your child or children can learn together.

[00:17:01] Familiar words, a patient presence, and another opportunity to try can be such a meaningful beginning to this type of exercise, this type of work that you're doing together with your family. And don't forget to follow the Entrepreneur Parent Podcast so you never miss a conversation.

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[00:18:20] They're opening their minds to wonderful ideas and where their creativity can grow, their character can grow. I'm tripping on my words. I apologize. And if you'd like to help produce the show, you can do that. You can leave a gift at buymeacoffee.com backslash entrepreneur kids. All the links are in the show notes.

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[00:19:10] And it is an honor for me and my team to share your pages and the content that you're creating. I know it's not easy. And it's not always possible for you to go out and ask a stranger to share your content or your page. But hello, I'm here and I'm happy to do that. That's one of my ways of saying thank you for sharing the podcast and thank you for listening.

[00:19:38] Until next time, friends, protect what matters. Okay? Protect what matters with your whole heart. And keep building your family's legacy. And remember, the people in front of you are part of your God-given destiny. God bless you. We love you. Glory to God always. And I can't wait to talk with you again. Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama.

[00:20:07] There is someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the Arsenal Kids.

[00:20:28] We know your love and care. And remember, you are the hero of your story.

[00:20:55] Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only. And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth.

[00:21:25] Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.