She's Not a Failure, She's in The Middle of Her Story! Supporting a Mother When Things Don't Work! (Part 7)

[00:00:00] Imagine a mama just like us dreaming about bringing a business to life for years. She finally does it. And now it's time for the launch. She had been preparing for this day for months. The boxes were stacked neatly against the wall. The photographs were ready. Her children helped place the labels on the packages.

[00:00:30] Everything was perfect. Her husband had watched her work long after the house became quiet. At exactly 9 o'clock she pressed the button. The product was live. She sent the announcement. Then she waited. At first, she refreshed the screen every few seconds. Nothing. She told herself people were busy.

[00:01:00] Maybe they hadn't seen it yet. An hour passed. Then too, by lunchtime, one order had arrived. It was from her sister. That evening people began asking, how did the launch go? She smiled and said, it went well.

[00:01:23] But later, after everyone was asleep, she sat alone on the floor beside the boxes she had believed would already be leaving her home. She was not only disappointed by the numbers, she was embarrassed. She had talked about the idea, invested money the family could have used elsewhere, asked people to believe in something that now appeared to be proving them wrong.

[00:01:52] Her phone lit up. It was another mother. A good friend of hers. How did today really go? She said.

[00:02:03] This time, she didn't want to pretend. Hardly anyone bought it. The response came quickly. I'm coming over. She arrived without advice. Without a speech about persistence. Without asking whether the marketing had been good enough.

[00:02:24] She sat on the truth. She sat on the floor beside her. She sat on the floor beside her, looked at the boxes, and quietly said, I know how much this meant to you. For a while, that was all that the mother needed to hear. She didn't want to hear another plan. She didn't want to hear a lesson. She just wanted someone willing to sit beside her when the dream did not look impressive.

[00:02:53] Because anyone can celebrate an announcement. That's the easy part. But the people we remember are the ones that stayed after something didn't work out. Those are the ones we can truly lean into. Get comfortable. We're about to have another valuable conversation. This one's for the mamas.

[00:03:20] So grab your snack, grab the people that you love, and let's go. Oh, that's better, right, babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a $100 million clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:03:50] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Welcome back to the Becoming Unshakeable series brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenczi.

[00:04:19] If you're new here, welcome to the family. And if you're returning, I'm so glad that you're here. This is episode seven of Mom Supporting Moms. Today we're talking about the moment after the launch is quiet. After the opportunity falls through. After the answer is no.

[00:04:43] After a mother has risked being seen and begins wishing she could just disappear. Supporting a mother does not only mean encouraging her dream while it is filled with possibility. Sometimes it means staying close when possibility has been replaced by disappointment. It happens more often than we'd want to admit.

[00:05:14] And listen, what we say in the moment that these things happen, where they come crashing down, it really matters. We've got to remember not to turn her pain into a lesson too quickly. She's imagined this day. Perhaps for years. Perhaps as a child.

[00:05:39] When someone we love is hurting, we often rush to make the pain useful or hurtless. We say things like, everything happens for a reason. Or at least you tried. Now you know. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. You will know what to do differently next time. And that's a lesson.

[00:06:09] Perhaps those words will become true and helpful later. But we don't want to jump into that yet. Because timing truly matters. Especially in this infant stage of what just happened. A lesson offered too early can feel like permission to stop grieving. So that everyone else can become comfortable again.

[00:06:40] She may eventually want to study the numbers. And she should. Ask what went wrong. Examine the message. The price. The timing. Look at the product. Step back. Study it. But on the first night, she may simply need someone who understands that it really hurt.

[00:07:04] She needs someone who doesn't diminish the disappointment because the business was still small. She needs someone who's not going to remind her that worse things happen. Could be worse. Pain does not need to be the worst pain in the world to deserve tenderness and love in that moment.

[00:07:34] And we have to lean into that before asking, what did you learn? And instead of what did you learn? Perhaps we could try asking what part of this hurts the most. Then listen long enough for the real answer. To hear what her heart's really going through in the moment.

[00:08:07] Let me just start with, she may be grieving more than the result of what just happened. She may be grieving the future. She quietly attached to it. As mothers, we have the vision. We go after something for a reason. And it's got to be a pretty big one.

[00:08:29] Maybe she was hoping for an income that would relieve the pressure inside her home. She was probably imagining in that moment that this will help the family. I could bring in this other income and there's going to be finally room to breathe.

[00:08:58] She was hoping for perhaps flexibility. She believed that it would give her more time with her children. And she was hoping. She was hoping she could fall into the confidence that she imagined would finally feel like she's accomplished something.

[00:09:24] She's been through so many hard years of getting here. Or months or whatever it took. She wanted to finally lean into that confidence. She wanted the proof she had hoped would show the people around her that believing in herself had not been foolish.

[00:09:51] That is why saying it was only one launch or something along those lines may not reach her yet. To everyone else, yes, it was just a product. It was just the launch.

[00:10:07] But to her, it may have represented freedom, security, purpose, legacy, or the beginning of a different life that she just dreamed of for her husband and her children. We can't support her well if we only see what failed on the surface. We don't know what she was attached to.

[00:10:34] We have to understand what she believed it would change in her life, in her children's life, in her husband's life. And we need to remember the outcome is not her identity. Disappointment has a way of becoming personal so quickly. Like an identity.

[00:10:58] The product didn't sell could become, I'm not good at this. The proposal was rejected. That can become, no one takes me seriously. Or the business closed becomes, I failed my family. I saw this the other day. I saw it several times.

[00:11:28] I saw a gentleman talking about how he was very successful. He made multi-millions of dollars. And he had to move back in with his family. And he was honest about it. He was sharing it on social media. And then there was another mother. And she was giving away product.

[00:11:57] And then later revealed, because the business wasn't working. I couldn't help but get teary-eyed. Because as a human, you feel. They didn't do this. They didn't go out on a limb for the fun of it. They believed that they could do something great. Change lives. Steward the money well. Do great things as a result.

[00:12:28] And it didn't work out. It became a lesson. And I hope that none of those people, or whoever's going through this right now, that it doesn't become an identity. And as people, as other humans, as other mothers, we need to help separate the event from this other mother, whoever's going through this.

[00:12:58] Separate this from their identity. Don't just, we can't just offer empty praise. Tell her what remains true. That's what we have to do. Tell them what remains true. That she was courageous enough to begin. Most people don't even start.

[00:13:27] She learned skills that she didn't have before. She didn't possess these skills. She has them now. She created something that once existed only in her mind. She kept promises. She developed relationships. And she discovered what people responded to

[00:13:56] and what they didn't respond to, right? The result matters. We don't have to pretend that it doesn't. Because it does. Those are important lessons. But the result, if it was negative, it doesn't have the authority to define the entire woman or person.

[00:14:27] That one difficult outcome, it's honest. It's true. But it's not going to define who we are. It's just a stepping stone. Do you know how many people have had lessons that have lost or what people call fail?

[00:14:51] Well, it's just one stepping stone toward greatness. And it hurts many times. Many times it's an expensive mistake. It's an expensive lesson. I hate using the word mistake because it is a lesson. That's what we pay mentors for. Many mentors that we pay for. Many expensive.

[00:15:21] Lessons. And that's why we pay them, so that they can help us not make those lessons, or whatever you want to call it, mistakes, lessons. When she's ready, help her look at the truth. Support is not pretending everything was perfect. We don't have to do that. We are good people. We're honest.

[00:15:52] We don't have to tell her to keep repeating the same plan just because honesty feels awkward. We have to have the courage to guide our loved ones the best way that we know how. Once the first pain has softened, a good friend can help her look at what happened without any kind of shame.

[00:16:22] We just want to move that out of the way. Maybe the lesson is many people loved the idea, but they didn't understand the offer. Maybe it wasn't clear enough. Maybe the right audience never saw it. Marketing. The price could have been wrong. Maybe she solved the problem people didn't believe that they had.

[00:16:50] She didn't tell the story the way that it could have really impacted someone that needed that. Or maybe the product needed a little more time, some tweaks, some adjustments. There's so many things that could pull back or cause an unsuccessful launch.

[00:17:15] And perhaps, perhaps this version of the product truly does need to end. Not every dream is meant to remain in its original form. Sometimes the calling is right, but the method needs to change the product. Sometimes the first attempt teaches us what the real work is.

[00:17:41] And sometimes wisdom means releasing something that is continually taking from the family without producing enough value to justify the cost. Supporting her doesn't mean forcing her to continue. It means helping her tell the truth without losing respect for herself.

[00:18:10] Ask, do you want comfort right now? Or would it help to think through what happened? That question gives her agency. It allows her to decide what kind of support she's ready to receive. And my gosh, protect her. Protect her. Protect her. Protect her. Protect her.

[00:18:39] When a woman is already embarrassed, we need to protect her dignity. We need to protect her so that what she shared privately doesn't land in conversations with other people. We want to protect her.

[00:19:04] Protect her from the kind of people that would love to announce that the launch went badly. We want to protect her from people that want to use her struggle as an example just to entertain others without her permission. Remember what I always say? We protect those that are not in the room. That's what this community does.

[00:19:36] We as mothers have the ability to protect another mother's name when she's not in the presence because there's going to be so many people that want to say things like, I knew she was trying to do too much or she should have listened. I never understood the idea anyway. If she trusted us with the disappointment, we're going to help her carry it carefully.

[00:20:06] The way we handle her lowest moment will determine whether she ever feels safe sharing another dream or calling with us. The truth is a mother should never have to achieve a beautiful outcome before her effort is treated with dignity.

[00:20:32] I never understood talking behind people's backs. And I feel like this is just calling us all together that if we know someone that this has happened to, it's important to protect her name. There's a lot of people, a lot of people will go there.

[00:20:58] A lot of people that don't have the courage to do what women like that have done to start something. To start something. To go out there courageously and start something. Even if it could turn into a lesson. And our home should be a safe place to land.

[00:21:24] Husbands, this moment is so important. If your wife tried something and it didn't work, she already knows what it cost. She doesn't need to walk through the door and enter a courtroom. I know you don't intend to do that or would want to do that.

[00:21:49] But this could be the opportunity to say something positive. To lift her. We don't want to say things like, I told you we couldn't afford this. Or what are you going to do with all these boxes? And the worst nightmare in that moment would be to hear something like,

[00:22:16] Are you finally ready to let this go? There's going to be conversations that need to happen. Yes, absolutely. The family budget matters. Commitments matter. Reality matters. But tenderness and truth, that should be something that go hand in hand.

[00:22:46] But begin with her. I know how hard you worked. I'm sorry, this hurts. We'll look at what comes next together. In a safe home, not every idea is going to succeed. It's just the way that it is. This is life. Not everything that we go after will succeed. Any business person will tell you that.

[00:23:16] But just because the idea didn't work out, it doesn't mean that she lost her place of belonging. She still loved. And there's always an opportunity to try again. Or try something different. Or try something together this time. And on that thought, I wanted to mention this.

[00:23:44] The gospel according to Luke 5, verse 5, tells us that Simon said to Jesus, Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets. Did you hear what he said? They had worked all night. They were tired. They had done the work

[00:24:13] and had nothing visible to show for it. Jesus did not pretend the empty nets were full. He met them inside the disappointment. And then he invited them to try again. Not every second attempt gives us an immediate, miraculous result. That's not the case always. Sometimes, sometimes yes.

[00:24:43] But other times it's not. Faith is not a guarantee that every business idea will succeed. But an empty net does not always mean God has abandoned the boat. Sometimes he gives us the courage to cast again. Sometimes he redirects where we cast. And sometimes he reveals

[00:25:12] that the deeper calling was never limited to the first method we chose. That's why it's important not to discourage someone that we care about. Another mother or our spouse. We have to choose our words carefully. We always say this. We have to. Words have the power of life and death.

[00:25:42] And even when things don't go right, we still can choose life. Are you kidding me? With my own personal experience, and I watched this from my mother, things weren't always great with health, but you claim it. Right? You speak health. You speak wealth. You speak goodness.

[00:26:11] Pray as though it's already happened. It's biblical. Speak positive. Speak positive. Speak positive. No matter what anybody else says. I'm getting emotional because it hits with me. I've never had a failed launch with a product, but let's be honest. Have we all not had something fail?

[00:26:38] Something or some bad news? Something that hurt? Have we not experienced something that hurt? So we can be those people that others can lean into. And we need to find the people that we can lean into. Sometimes we're at the bottom of the ladder. I was talking about this with my husband

[00:27:08] the other day, about how you're at the bottom of the ladder and people are still trying to teach you a lesson. They're still scolding you. They're giving you a lecture. A lecture. A lecture. Rather than handing you a ladder to help you.

[00:27:37] And there's a difference in people and you have to surround yourself with the right people. So friends, grab a pen or something to write with. Grab some of the baby's crayons. Some pencil crayons. Some markers. And grab your journal. We're not going to judge. We're just going to ask some questions. If you can, open your journal.

[00:28:06] If you're driving or your hands are full, simply listen. You can return to these questions when you have a quiet moment. First, I want you to think of the woman in your life who may be carrying a disappointment. She perhaps has not even spoken about. But you know. Ask yourself, have I given her room

[00:28:36] to tell me what happened without immediately trying to fix it? Have I accidentally rushed her toward gratitude, faith, or another plan before allowing her to grieve? Sometimes we forget we want to fix things for the people that we love or for the friends that we care about. But we forget that

[00:29:05] grief is a process that we need to allow ourselves to grieve before we can move on. What would it look like to support her dignity and not only the dream? What would that look like? And what would or what might she need from me right now?

[00:29:34] Advice? Practical help? Maybe it's an honest connection? Or simply someone willing to stay by her side during this time. But perhaps today that woman is you. Maybe you're going through this. Perhaps you're the one looking at something

[00:30:02] that didn't become what you hoped it would become. If that's where you are, write this question. What am I grieving? Don't minimize it because someone else has experienced something harder. This is your story. Maybe you're grieving the money you invested. That's not easy.

[00:30:32] That's a big deal. The time that you can't recover. These things take so much time. Perhaps you're grieving the people you thought would support you. The version of the future you had already begun imagining. The freedom. Being able to spend more time with your family.

[00:31:03] Maybe you lost the infant stages of your family. baby. The babies were young. I know a lot of our gentlemen in the community they're out doing the nine to five and then someone shows them a different way. A different way that gives them freedom. And many times they grieve the fact that

[00:31:33] they weren't able to learn this earlier. And they're so mad because they lost that precious time with their babies. So it could be it really could be anything. Just name it honestly. And gentlemen if you have something that comes to mind just write it down. It's probably going to be different questions because these few episodes are for mamas only. Moms supporting moms. But

[00:32:02] it can trigger something within you or something that you've noticed your wife go through. And now ask yourself what has this disappointment made me believe about who I am? This is important because it may not be true. It's probably not. Did it make me believe I'm not

[00:32:32] talented enough? That I waited too long? It could be anything. I'm just throwing some out there that could resonate with you. That I embarrassed myself by trying? That everyone else was right to doubt me? Now look at what you wrote and ask. Ask this important question. Is that actually true?

[00:33:06] An outcome can give you information without being allowed to define your identity. Something may not have worked. But that does not mean that you're a failure. Doesn't. You may need to change the plan without surrendering the calling. Maybe the calling is still there but you just need

[00:33:35] to change things. You may need to rest before you come up with another strategy. You need to take a little rest so that the answers come. You may need that time to pray so that the answers come. You may need to grieve before you're ready to begin again. That's okay.

[00:34:05] And finally write, what do I need in this season? What do I need in this season? what is this experience teaching me? What can I release? What can I release without shame? There's a thunderstorm going on out there. I jumped a little. Did you

[00:34:35] hear that? What can I release without shame? And when I'm ready, what is the next faithful step I can take? You don't have to go up the entire staircase right now. You don't have to

[00:35:04] promise yourself that everything will work out perfectly next time. You just have to take the next honest faithful step, whatever that is. Keep going. You can pull back. You can pivot. And leave some space beneath that question. You don't have to force an answer today. Sometimes

[00:35:33] reflection is not where we solve the whole story. It's simply where we stop running from what the story has made us feel. We got to sit in it. We got to sit in it. And that's beautiful too. Before you reach for that coffee, consider this. What if the energy boost you're looking for isn't in your cup but in your cells? I challenge you to swap

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[00:37:03] implement today. This week, reach out to one mother whose dream has entered a difficult season. I really have seen a lot of moms going through stuff lately. As I said, there's a lot of gentlemen out there too just really pulling back the curtain being honest. And let's not begin with advice. Let's try, let's try, I know

[00:37:33] this has not unfolded the way you hoped. Something along those lines. How are you really doing? How are you really doing? And then ask, would you like me to listen? Help you think or simply just sit with you? Pray over you. Let her tell you what support looks like today. Because the

[00:38:03] support that we're looking for may look different. And what she's looking for could be something that you wouldn't think of. There will be days when supporting another woman feels exciting. The launch, the announcement, photographs, the celebration. and there will be

[00:38:32] quieter days. Days with unsold boxes, unanswered messages, a proposal marked no, a plan that has reached its end. Stay for those days too. You don't have to convince her that everything will work out exactly as she imagined. You don't need to rescue the

[00:39:01] dream or the vision. Remind her that she is still worthy of great things while she decides what comes next. That's respect, that's love. Perhaps she needs to rest. Perhaps she's going to rest. Perhaps she's going to adjust. Maybe she'll begin again or maybe she'll release this

[00:39:31] dream and God will give her another one. Whatever comes next, let her know that she doesn't need to hide until her life looks successful again. Sometimes the most powerful support is not pushing a woman forward. forward. It's sitting beside her long enough for her to find her own strength. Let's come together in prayer.

[00:40:01] You guys know when two or more come together. Heavenly Father, thank you for every mother who found the courage to try. Let us be near the woman whose plans did not unfold as she hoped. Allow us to comfort her in the

[00:40:31] disappointment no one else fully understands. Help her separate the result from her identity if she hasn't already. Help us remind her that an unsuccessful attempt cannot erase her gifts, her dignity, her calling. God, give her wisdom to know when to rest. This mother let her know when, when to adjust, when to try again, and when to release

[00:41:01] something without shame. Send her people who will listen before advising. Send her people who will protect her dignity behind closed doors at tables that she's not sitting at. Send her people who will speak truth with tenderness. Bless the husbands and families walking through uncertain seasons. help our homes become safe places

[00:41:31] where people can tell the truth about disappointment without fearing humiliation or rejection. And when the time is right, give these mothers courage for the next faithful step. Whether that means, whether that means casting the net again, changing direction, or trusting you with a new beginning. And we say this in Jesus name. Amen.

[00:42:02] Friends, if a mother came to your mind during this episode, check on her. Not only when she has good news, check on her when the announcement becomes quiet and everyone else has moved on. Ask how she's really doing. Then give her the kind of support she asks for, not merely the advice that you're eager to give. And if this conversation

[00:42:31] spoke to you, follow the Entrepreneur Parents podcast. If it's your first time, again, welcome. I'm so grateful that you're here. And send this episode to someone who knows what it feels like to try, to struggle and begin again. and friends that have been with us, thank you for coming back. Thank you for pouring into your

[00:43:01] families, into yourselves, into your legacy. And whatever is in front of you, push every button, five stars, save the episode, share it. Don't forget to leave five golden stars as Daniel and Destiny say, and a kind review those small actions, those teeny tiny actions. It helps more families discover these conversations and

[00:43:30] it helps us continue building a community rooted in faith, family, purpose, and legacy. And if you have children, listen together to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show, the screen-free learning podcast, planting seeds of faith, character, leadership, entrepreneurship, financial literacy, and real life wisdom in the courageous young leaders of tomorrow. And if you'd

[00:44:00] like to help produce their show, the little ones, Daniel and Destiny's, you can visit buymeacoffee.com backslash entrepreneur kids legacy and leave a gift there. And if you'd love to buy me a coffee, yes, you can. Many of you have been asking, can I buy you a coffee? I'm putting it here. Yes, absolutely. Please introduce yourself to us. If you're leaving it for

[00:44:29] Daniel and Destiny, introduce yourselves to them. And if you're leaving it for me, please leave a message for me there or jump into our social media. The links are down below. You can DM us, tell us your name, tell us what you're building and if something didn't work out the first time, tell me what you're learning as you decide what comes next.

[00:44:59] If that mama's you, if that's your family, if you guys have had that, experienced that, something that didn't work out, you don't have to return only when the story looks successful. There's room for the unfinished story here too. Okay? It's all part of the legacy, all of it.

[00:45:28] And you're going to look back and you're going to find the value even in the painful moments, the lessons, the important lessons. friends. I love you, friend. You're doing amazing. Until next time, protect what matters. Keep building your family's legacy and remember the people in front of you are part of the God-given destiny. God bless you. Glory to God always. We love you. I can't wait

[00:45:58] to talk to you again soon. Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama. There is someone you love and care about to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the

[00:46:27] Arsenal Kids. We know you're the hero of your story because

[00:46:56] every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only, and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth.

[00:47:26] Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. Thank you.