Power of Positive Parenting: Transforming Challenges into Triumphs

[00:00:00] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm communicating and I say, Mommy was I shouldn't have reacted that way.

[00:00:07] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah, you're really good at it.

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't want to blame anything about, oh but I was stressed out or do not give it a reason?

[00:00:15] [SPEAKER_01]: You just acknowledged that it was wrong and that you're going to do better.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_01]: And then you catch them doing that same thing.

[00:00:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And it is so beautiful. I could cry right now and I'm getting goosebumps.

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Uh, no.

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_00]: Ooh, that's better right, babe?

[00:00:37] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah!

[00:00:39] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah.

[00:00:42] [SPEAKER_05]: She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:00:44] [SPEAKER_00]: He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company.

[00:00:48] [SPEAKER_05]: She ticked the World by storm as a social media star.

[00:00:51] [SPEAKER_00]: He ticked the World by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:00:55] [SPEAKER_05]: Together we started a business.

[00:00:56] [SPEAKER_00]: And had babies.

[00:00:57] [SPEAKER_05]: Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_05]: We're going through the same life struggle as they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:09] [SPEAKER_03]: And everything in between.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_03]: It is easier to build strong children than to appear broken men.

[00:01:17] [SPEAKER_03]: Cool by Frederick Douglass.

[00:01:19] [SPEAKER_03]: Be the man you want your son to be and the man you want your daughter to marry.

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_05]: Welcome back to a new episode of The Pretty Impunk Podcast.

[00:01:30] [SPEAKER_05]: My name is Dan Kaltwell and I'm here with my beautiful wife.

[00:01:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Ealdeco Ferenzi.

[00:01:36] [SPEAKER_01]: How you guys missed him.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_05]: And we have another great podcast for you guys today.

[00:01:42] [SPEAKER_05]: We're talking a little bit about a positive parenting.

[00:01:45] [SPEAKER_05]: Everybody's talking about positive parenting right now.

[00:01:48] [SPEAKER_05]: And you got people on both sides of the fence talking about their,

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_05]: what they do is better and how this will never work and how.

[00:01:56] [SPEAKER_05]: And we just wanted to talk a little bit about what we're doing in our parenting.

[00:02:02] [SPEAKER_05]: And not to say that it's right.

[00:02:03] [SPEAKER_05]: This is just what we do, what works for us and what works for you might not be what works for us.

[00:02:09] [SPEAKER_05]: What works for us might not work for you.

[00:02:11] [SPEAKER_05]: So, you know, we're not trying to tell you how to parent your kids.

[00:02:15] [SPEAKER_05]: We're just telling you what works for us.

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_01]: But before we get into that.

[00:02:20] [SPEAKER_05]: Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of The Pretty Impunk Podcast.

[00:02:23] [SPEAKER_05]: And if you are and you haven't already hit that like and subscribe button,

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_05]: it just takes a second and needs so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there.

[00:02:32] [SPEAKER_05]: To more listeners like you guys.

[00:02:34] [SPEAKER_05]: And if you know anybody, it might help and you can send it to them.

[00:02:38] [SPEAKER_05]: You really appreciate that too.

[00:02:40] [SPEAKER_01]: We also love and appreciate your reviews.

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Even the babies look forward to them every day.

[00:02:45] [SPEAKER_01]: If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us.

[00:02:50] [SPEAKER_01]: We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent and business.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And the way that you juggle things makes you super here.

[00:02:58] [SPEAKER_01]: That's where the shout out.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_01]: Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:03:03] [SPEAKER_01]: And we just want to put it out there.

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_01]: We want to show everybody that this juggle is possible.

[00:03:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And you are our family.

[00:03:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family.

[00:03:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So don't forget the sh... all the links are below in the show notes.

[00:03:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And thank you again and let's get back to the show.

[00:03:26] [SPEAKER_01]: In my personal experience, in my home, there is power in positive parenting.

[00:03:33] [SPEAKER_01]: Remember that every challenge is an opportunity for growth with a positive mindset.

[00:03:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And a heart full of love.

[00:03:44] [SPEAKER_01]: You can transform any obstacle into a triumph.

[00:03:47] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's what we're trying to say here today.

[00:03:50] [SPEAKER_01]: And we've got five different steps that we kind of want to touch on,

[00:03:54] [SPEAKER_01]: where you can use some tactical steps to incorporate in your own life.

[00:04:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And the first thing that we wanted to talk about is practicing a positive reinforcement.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_05]: That's a given.

[00:04:10] [SPEAKER_05]: And I think even whatever type of parenting you're doing,

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_05]: positive reinforcement for your kids is probably a part of that parenting.

[00:04:19] [SPEAKER_05]: Or I hope it would be a part of that parenting.

[00:04:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, here's the thing.

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_01]: Children want attention.

[00:04:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And if you're busy, like a lot of us are busy.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_01]: A lot of us are...

[00:04:32] [SPEAKER_01]: I would say it's 50, 50.

[00:04:34] [SPEAKER_01]: So half of our us are stay at home and then half of us are really busy.

[00:04:40] [SPEAKER_01]: But kids will do anything to get attention,

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: whether it's right or wrong.

[00:04:46] [SPEAKER_01]: So if they get your attention by doing things that are naughty

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and they realize, wow, this is how I'm going to get my mom or dad's attention.

[00:04:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But then when you make a bigger deal out of things when they're doing things that you...

[00:05:04] [SPEAKER_05]: That they're being...

[00:05:05] [SPEAKER_05]: They're doing right.

[00:05:06] [SPEAKER_01]: That they're doing right, and you know is good for them emotionally, physically.

[00:05:11] [SPEAKER_01]: You really encourage that.

[00:05:13] [SPEAKER_01]: You celebrate that.

[00:05:16] [SPEAKER_01]: And B.K.F. Skinner's operand conditioning therapy.

[00:05:21] [SPEAKER_01]: The theory, sorry, the...

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_01]: Behavior is followed by positive consequences are more likely to be repeated.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll say that again.

[00:05:35] [SPEAKER_01]: So when you see your children doing something that you...

[00:05:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And Gary V. talks about this, when his mom saw him open the door for someone in a story.

[00:05:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't remember the exact story, but I believe it was an elderly woman.

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_01]: He opened the door, and she went on for weeks after this incident happened,

[00:05:58] [SPEAKER_01]: telling him how incredible and how amazing and how kind he was.

[00:06:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Until this day, that is something that is so important to him,

[00:06:08] [SPEAKER_01]: even though I can't really listen to him very much because he cusses and stuff.

[00:06:12] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, you know...

[00:06:13] [SPEAKER_01]: You can't really listen to him.

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_05]: It's why we don't use that type of language on this show.

[00:06:18] [SPEAKER_01]: But you know, in his heart and his soul, he really is a kind person.

[00:06:22] [SPEAKER_01]: He always says these kind things.

[00:06:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And one of his priorities in life is to encourage other people to be kind.

[00:06:31] [SPEAKER_01]: This is a huge thing. He's a huge entrepreneur that has accomplished so many things.

[00:06:36] [SPEAKER_01]: But that one thing when he was a child was, you know, just confirmation of BF Skinners theory.

[00:06:46] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I think that it could you imagine your kids remembering a certain...

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_05]: Just the few words that you put together when you praise them about how they did something correctly

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_05]: or did something right or helpful.

[00:07:02] [SPEAKER_05]: Or, you know, your kids remembering that for the rest of their lives,

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_05]: that's, I mean, I can't imagine a better compliment something like that.

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_01]: Or, it could be the other way with toxic parenting or what the, you know, psychologists and child psychologists have coin toxic parenting

[00:07:22] [SPEAKER_01]: that will also chase someone around.

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Now, if the mom or dad comes at the child and I know that's a very...

[00:07:32] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a very stressful thing.

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_01]: It is a big deal to be a parent.

[00:07:36] [SPEAKER_01]: And we'll do another podcast on it.

[00:07:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Is it a positive or a negative, you know, to be a parent?

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_01]: But I feel like it's kind of scary.

[00:07:46] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't need a driver's license to have a child.

[00:07:49] [SPEAKER_01]: There's no...

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_01]: We get more training sessions.

[00:07:52] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, being a police officer or cutting hair.

[00:07:55] [SPEAKER_01]: So you better do the research and make sure that you're ready for this.

[00:07:59] [SPEAKER_01]: But as I'm saying, you know, there's... There are parents out there that...

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's just to me, it's wrong.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Because if you're going to be a parent, you need to be equipped.

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_01]: But if you blow up on them and you can't communicate, you haven't healed your own inner child or your own self

[00:08:19] [SPEAKER_01]: from the toxicity that you grew up with.

[00:08:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Say your father just whipped off a belt and started beating you every time you did something bad.

[00:08:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, it'll whip you into shape and you'll have this fear.

[00:08:31] [SPEAKER_01]: But that's not how you can treat your wife.

[00:08:34] [SPEAKER_05]: We're the problem that's in relation to you.

[00:08:35] [SPEAKER_05]: And we're talking about that toxicity.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: You can do it.

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's a chain that needs to be broken because it's not...

[00:08:42] [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to shut that boy or that girl up to the point where they won't know how to communicate.

[00:08:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And then good chance if you can't communicate.

[00:08:52] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a good chance you won't be able to salvage your marriage.

[00:08:55] [SPEAKER_01]: And when you're frustrating, if the first thing you're going to do is yell and react in the same way that you were brought up.

[00:09:03] [SPEAKER_01]: That's going to be toxic or run out or whatever it is.

[00:09:07] [SPEAKER_01]: That's toxic rather than take a moment, assess the situation and try to figure out that challenge and in a loving and kind way.

[00:09:18] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's our challenge as parents to deal with these situations.

[00:09:22] [SPEAKER_01]: So I think that's the first.

[00:09:24] [SPEAKER_05]: You're really teaching those coping mechanisms.

[00:09:27] [SPEAKER_05]: It gives a...

[00:09:28] [SPEAKER_05]: It's a life shield.

[00:09:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a shield, yeah.

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_05]: And you don't even realize it because you don't realize you're connecting those dots for them.

[00:09:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right.

[00:09:35] [SPEAKER_05]: So it's hard sometimes in the moment to think in that way.

[00:09:41] [SPEAKER_05]: So it has to be almost become...

[00:09:43] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to think long-term.

[00:09:44] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it has to become a part of how you parent.

[00:09:47] [SPEAKER_05]: And that's the reason we wanted to do this podcast because it's...

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_05]: Because I think the natural reaction is to come out swinging.

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, it's the kids.

[00:09:59] [SPEAKER_05]: The kids are throwing stuff.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_05]: They break something.

[00:10:03] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, all those things can be fixed.

[00:10:05] [SPEAKER_05]: They can be repaired.

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, I mean, I think there's been moments where Daniels done something and your media reaction is...

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_05]: You're mad, you know, you're...

[00:10:18] [SPEAKER_05]: But if you just...

[00:10:20] [SPEAKER_05]: I think it's natural or it's not natural, I should say it's not natural.

[00:10:26] [SPEAKER_05]: But what you should try to do is...

[00:10:28] [SPEAKER_05]: Okay.

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_01]: So what do you do if you've gone over that moment?

[00:10:37] [SPEAKER_01]: But then what do you do?

[00:10:39] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'll tell you what I do because there are moments that I can get triggered,

[00:10:43] [SPEAKER_01]: especially, you know, if someone gets hurt or something.

[00:10:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So you can get triggered.

[00:10:50] [SPEAKER_01]: But what you do is you catch yourself.

[00:10:52] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to train yourself before or in the moment to the point where they almost see your brain working and you pull it back into a loving...

[00:11:09] [SPEAKER_01]: A loving lesson where you can communicate and make sure that both of the children, if you have more than one or one child,

[00:11:17] [SPEAKER_01]: you have to make sure that they feel loved and cared for.

[00:11:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And don't...

[00:11:23] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, don't blame them.

[00:11:25] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to catch yourself.

[00:11:26] [SPEAKER_01]: Like you just have to catch yourself.

[00:11:28] [SPEAKER_05]: And apologize if you need to be scared.

[00:11:29] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh gosh, that is so important because I don't know what it is.

[00:11:34] [SPEAKER_01]: Like for me, I have no problem apologizing.

[00:11:38] [SPEAKER_01]: I know that this is something you struggle with and we're not throwing anybody under the bus.

[00:11:43] [SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, we share...

[00:11:45] [SPEAKER_05]: Oh, I'm crawling out from under the bus as we go over the bus.

[00:11:48] [SPEAKER_01]: No, but I have flaws and Dan has flaws, but saying he's sorry is hard for him.

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: But I need to really on my end because, you know, because if they see that he has a hard time with it

[00:12:02] [SPEAKER_01]: we explain it to the kids.

[00:12:04] [SPEAKER_01]: It's hard.

[00:12:06] [SPEAKER_01]: It's his ego that he has to kick out of the way.

[00:12:09] [SPEAKER_01]: For me, I will...

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I just need to...

[00:12:11] [SPEAKER_01]: And immediately after I will go to the kids...

[00:12:15] [SPEAKER_01]: Or, I mean, in the moment, I won't go back to them.

[00:12:18] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm working through it.

[00:12:20] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm communicating and I say,

[00:12:22] [SPEAKER_01]: As your god.

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_01]: As your god.

[00:12:24] [SPEAKER_01]: As your god.

[00:12:29] [SPEAKER_01]: As your god.

[00:12:31] [SPEAKER_01]: Or, do not give it a reason.

[00:12:35] [SPEAKER_01]: You just acknowledge that it was wrong

[00:12:38] [SPEAKER_01]: and that you're going to do better.

[00:12:40] [SPEAKER_01]: And then you catch them doing that same thing.

[00:12:44] [SPEAKER_01]: It is so beautiful.

[00:12:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I could cry right now and I'm getting goosebumps.

[00:12:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But you just have to be so open.

[00:12:50] [SPEAKER_01]: They understand you from a young age and I don't think I ever got triggered

[00:12:56] [SPEAKER_01]: when they were younger.

[00:12:58] [SPEAKER_01]: But it's more with their toddlers.

[00:13:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Or if they're doing something dangerous, you want to stop.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_01]: But you can't.

[00:13:05] [SPEAKER_01]: You have to catch yourself before you jump off the cliff.

[00:13:09] [SPEAKER_05]: I think the difference is I usually do it later

[00:13:13] [SPEAKER_05]: and you do it in the moment.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_05]: And you're really good at that.

[00:13:17] [SPEAKER_05]: And I'll...

[00:13:19] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, they're playing.

[00:13:20] [SPEAKER_05]: Let it play out because...

[00:13:21] [SPEAKER_05]: And then I need to go calm down myself

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_05]: because I'm not...

[00:13:25] [SPEAKER_01]: But then we're a tool in this.

[00:13:27] [SPEAKER_01]: You understand that...

[00:13:28] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, Daddy deals with it this way.

[00:13:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And there was a moment when,

[00:13:33] [SPEAKER_01]: if Daniel would get upset, he would...

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_01]: I think he did like two maybe two times in his life

[00:13:39] [SPEAKER_01]: where he like ran out and closed the door.

[00:13:42] [SPEAKER_01]: And I explained to him, I said,

[00:13:44] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, you can't.

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_01]: You...

[00:13:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Not that he can't do that.

[00:13:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But it's probably not the best idea

[00:13:50] [SPEAKER_01]: if you do that when you grow up

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_01]: and you're married.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_01]: It's going to make your wife feel this way.

[00:13:55] [SPEAKER_01]: Like we really have deep conversations

[00:13:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and he understands.

[00:14:00] [SPEAKER_01]: And I ask him, why do you think that it wouldn't be a good idea

[00:14:03] [SPEAKER_01]: to just walk out and not say anything at all?

[00:14:07] [SPEAKER_01]: What do you think it's going to make your sister feel like

[00:14:10] [SPEAKER_01]: or me feel like?

[00:14:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I just...

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I really hope that, you know, they can hold on to those.

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_01]: I think that...

[00:14:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you negate his feelings?

[00:14:17] [SPEAKER_01]: Can you start into understanding?

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to think better and less.

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_01]: He's so good.

[00:14:20] [SPEAKER_05]: And so when...

[00:14:22] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, in those moments...

[00:14:23] [SPEAKER_05]: He's had those times where he stomped out of the room

[00:14:27] [SPEAKER_05]: because...

[00:14:28] [SPEAKER_05]: And I think the good part about it is

[00:14:29] [SPEAKER_05]: is that he doesn't want to say something.

[00:14:32] [SPEAKER_05]: We've taught him well enough to know that

[00:14:35] [SPEAKER_05]: he knows that he doesn't want to say something

[00:14:37] [SPEAKER_05]: he shouldn't say.

[00:14:38] [SPEAKER_01]: Because we did this exercise.

[00:14:41] [SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't say bad things,

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_01]: but I showed on the exercise before.

[00:14:44] [SPEAKER_01]: So I know when their toddlers

[00:14:47] [SPEAKER_01]: or they get older.

[00:14:48] [SPEAKER_01]: When they get frustrated,

[00:14:49] [SPEAKER_01]: when they get frustrated,

[00:14:50] [SPEAKER_01]: they could potentially...

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want to make sure that that never happens.

[00:14:54] [SPEAKER_01]: My brother and I had a relationship.

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_01]: My brother...

[00:14:56] [SPEAKER_01]: If you guys don't know, my brother passed away

[00:14:59] [SPEAKER_01]: very suddenly,

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_01]: just after he graduated in a work industry accident.

[00:15:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Very tragic.

[00:15:09] [SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't supposed to happen

[00:15:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and these things happened sometimes, sadly.

[00:15:13] [SPEAKER_01]: But my brother and I have never...

[00:15:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Never thought in our life, ever,

[00:15:19] [SPEAKER_01]: never called me a name,

[00:15:22] [SPEAKER_01]: never hit me, nothing.

[00:15:24] [SPEAKER_01]: When I see siblings fight and act that way,

[00:15:28] [SPEAKER_01]: it makes me a little bit sad

[00:15:30] [SPEAKER_01]: because is something more to happen.

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't imagine the guilt that I would have felt

[00:15:37] [SPEAKER_01]: because I never got the chance to say goodbye to him.

[00:15:41] [SPEAKER_01]: But the last time I saw him,

[00:15:43] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, every time he would go,

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I would kiss him and say,

[00:15:47] [SPEAKER_01]: I love you and I would kiss him.

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's just the way we were brought up.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_01]: We wake up, we hug, we kiss,

[00:15:55] [SPEAKER_01]: we go to bed, we hug, we kiss,

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_01]: is my mom taught us that life is so precious,

[00:16:02] [SPEAKER_01]: not that anything would ever happen bad,

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_01]: but you have to really celebrate

[00:16:07] [SPEAKER_01]: the relationships in your life.

[00:16:10] [SPEAKER_01]: So I do that with my children too.

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_01]: That was the only thing that's healing my heart

[00:16:14] [SPEAKER_01]: because he was such an incredible soul,

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_01]: and all the lessons and lovely person that he was.

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_01]: But then also, thank you God

[00:16:22] [SPEAKER_01]: that I was able to hug and kiss him goodbye.

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_01]: That was literally one of the biggest

[00:16:28] [SPEAKER_01]: healing moments in my grief.

[00:16:31] [SPEAKER_01]: I had that to hold on to.

[00:16:33] [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, that's something I really

[00:16:36] [SPEAKER_01]: enforce in Daniel and Destiny.

[00:16:39] [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want them to know how special.

[00:16:42] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, and Daniel get a little frustrated with Destiny sometimes.

[00:16:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Oh, sorry. Sorry. The exercise.

[00:16:47] [SPEAKER_01]: This is the exercise.

[00:16:49] [SPEAKER_01]: So you have a clean sheet of paper,

[00:16:52] [SPEAKER_01]: their favorite color.

[00:16:54] [SPEAKER_01]: And I would say,

[00:16:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and he doesn't really know anything.

[00:16:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I just told him, I said,

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_01]: say something mean to this paper,

[00:17:02] [SPEAKER_01]: and he was making up little words.

[00:17:04] [SPEAKER_01]: You're a good buddhu, boo-hoo.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_01]: And then I'd crunch it a bit

[00:17:07] [SPEAKER_01]: and then he'd say, you're a boo-hoo

[00:17:09] [SPEAKER_01]: and then he'd crunch it a bit.

[00:17:12] [SPEAKER_01]: And we kept doing this exercise

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_01]: and we crunched up the paper.

[00:17:17] [SPEAKER_01]: I said, now flatten this paper

[00:17:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and smooth it out.

[00:17:21] [SPEAKER_01]: So it'll be exactly like it was in the beginning.

[00:17:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And he tried and he's trying with all his might

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_01]: to make smooth.

[00:17:30] [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, just remember that your words

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_01]: are so powerful that even

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_01]: you can do this.

[00:17:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And I just want him to know this,

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_01]: because he's a young boy that's turning into a man.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_01]: He's going to be a man very soon

[00:17:46] [SPEAKER_01]: and he has to know how powerful he is

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_01]: as a speech on the power of words.

[00:17:50] [SPEAKER_01]: But he has to know how powerful his words are

[00:17:54] [SPEAKER_01]: that he can literally destroy someone

[00:17:56] [SPEAKER_01]: for the rest of their lives

[00:17:59] [SPEAKER_01]: with just a few words.

[00:18:01] [SPEAKER_01]: It can destroy a marriage.

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Or it can build a man.

[00:18:05] [SPEAKER_01]: And then he'd be like, right, in the back of your mind.

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_01]: So you really need to be mindful

[00:18:10] [SPEAKER_01]: of the things that come out of your mouth.

[00:18:13] [SPEAKER_01]: So this was just a little exercise

[00:18:15] [SPEAKER_01]: before anything ever high.

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_01]: No, they're getting older

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and they see other people

[00:18:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and they're exposed to stuff on TV.

[00:18:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't think some of those relationships

[00:18:26] [SPEAKER_01]: are normal or healthy.

[00:18:28] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm very careful with the things that they take in,

[00:18:32] [SPEAKER_01]: but sometimes you never know

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_01]: and it's rather that they hear these things from me

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and he really understood that,

[00:18:38] [SPEAKER_01]: and you guys should try that with your kids,

[00:18:40] [SPEAKER_01]: but he really understood that and that was so cool.

[00:18:42] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, I think it's like, it's almost why I just saying

[00:18:45] [SPEAKER_05]: it's like, it's kind of like bad feedback at a business

[00:18:52] [SPEAKER_05]: that one piece of bad feedback can kill 20 great feedbacks.

[00:19:02] [SPEAKER_05]: Right, so no matter, it can ultimately destroy a business

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_05]: and it's the same thing with words.

[00:19:09] [SPEAKER_05]: Words are so powerful that if you use those type of words

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_05]: against somebody that you love,

[00:19:17] [SPEAKER_05]: whether that be a parent to a child or a child to a parent

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_05]: or a child to a sibling,

[00:19:23] [SPEAKER_05]: it can damage them for life,

[00:19:25] [SPEAKER_05]: that's something that they may never forget.

[00:19:27] [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

[00:19:29] [SPEAKER_05]: Well, I mean, I think that's why we've instilled

[00:19:32] [SPEAKER_05]: that so hard in them.

[00:19:34] [SPEAKER_05]: And they get frustrated with each other,

[00:19:36] [SPEAKER_05]: doesn't he want Daniel to play?

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_05]: And he wants to do something else at the time

[00:19:41] [SPEAKER_05]: or she wants to control the way that they're playing

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_05]: and they get a little bit sideways on each other.

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_05]: And I think...

[00:19:48] [SPEAKER_01]: But they never go over the edge

[00:19:50] [SPEAKER_01]: and I think that's what we're getting into the next thing

[00:19:52] [SPEAKER_05]: is emotionally strong.

[00:19:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's what we're going into as the next point,

[00:19:59] [SPEAKER_01]: emotional intelligence and empathy.

[00:20:00] [SPEAKER_01]: So we've hit on a lot of those points.

[00:20:04] [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, if you can really explain that to your child

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_01]: and work on it yourself,

[00:20:12] [SPEAKER_01]: children learn from modeling.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_01]: They be coming in.

[00:20:15] [SPEAKER_05]: I think what I try is to come more with different energy.

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_05]: So sometimes when that happens,

[00:20:21] [SPEAKER_05]: I could come in over the top or I sit back

[00:20:25] [SPEAKER_05]: and I think, and I have, I'm not saying I haven't,

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_05]: because I have come up over the top like that.

[00:20:29] [SPEAKER_05]: You want to be loud, I can be louder than you.

[00:20:33] [SPEAKER_05]: And I hate doing that.

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_05]: But you know what works the best?

[00:20:37] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I hate that because I have to mend their heart

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_01]: so it's more work for me.

[00:20:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Which is like a problem.

[00:20:44] [SPEAKER_05]: Here's the problem is.

[00:20:45] [SPEAKER_05]: And you know what the truth is?

[00:20:46] [SPEAKER_05]: It's a quick fix.

[00:20:48] [SPEAKER_05]: When dad comes in and I can be a little bit louder

[00:20:51] [SPEAKER_05]: than they are, everybody is quiet.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_05]: And it's a quick fix.

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_05]: No, I'm not saying it's right.

[00:20:57] [SPEAKER_05]: I'm saying it's wrong.

[00:20:58] [SPEAKER_05]: I'm saying it's wrong.

[00:20:59] [SPEAKER_05]: I'm saying what works, what works.

[00:21:03] [SPEAKER_05]: Supposed not always.

[00:21:04] [SPEAKER_05]: It's better is coming in with a different energy.

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_05]: Like I did yesterday, I think Daniel and Destiny

[00:21:10] [SPEAKER_05]: were having a little bit of an issue

[00:21:11] [SPEAKER_05]: or maybe it was with you.

[00:21:12] [SPEAKER_05]: I can't remember.

[00:21:14] [SPEAKER_05]: And Daniel was starting to get loud

[00:21:16] [SPEAKER_05]: and I go, Daniel, you can't talk like that, buddy.

[00:21:20] [SPEAKER_05]: Like I just brought the energy down

[00:21:23] [SPEAKER_05]: and he right away responded to that.

[00:21:28] [SPEAKER_05]: And became a different person

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_05]: and had a good conversation,

[00:21:31] [SPEAKER_05]: why I'm just frustrated because of this.

[00:21:33] [SPEAKER_05]: You tell me what's going on

[00:21:35] [SPEAKER_05]: and I think the truth is it actually works.

[00:21:40] [SPEAKER_05]: Yes.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_05]: A lot better.

[00:21:43] [SPEAKER_05]: It's surprising.

[00:21:44] [SPEAKER_05]: I mean, you want the quick fix of being loud

[00:21:47] [SPEAKER_05]: and fixing the whole situation

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_05]: because everybody scatters and everybody stops

[00:21:51] [SPEAKER_05]: but then you have fallout

[00:21:55] [SPEAKER_05]: and you're having to deal with all this fallout.

[00:21:57] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, especially women

[00:21:58] [SPEAKER_01]: and I see it very much in Destiny

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_01]: as a young woman, as a little girl,

[00:22:05] [SPEAKER_01]: sometimes she can't handle her emotions

[00:22:08] [SPEAKER_01]: so rather than if you yell at her,

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_01]: she'll cry forever.

[00:22:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And it's that we have to really

[00:22:17] [SPEAKER_01]: parents that can foster modeling

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_01]: and pathetic behavior

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_01]: and engaging in honest conversations

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_01]: about emotions, it gets her.

[00:22:29] [SPEAKER_01]: So sometimes when that's happened with you

[00:22:32] [SPEAKER_01]: and then I go to her

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and I hold her

[00:22:36] [SPEAKER_01]: and I just tell her I whisper in her ear

[00:22:38] [SPEAKER_01]: because she's very sensitive.

[00:22:41] [SPEAKER_01]: She's very sensitive.

[00:22:42] [SPEAKER_01]: Like even if you just wrote her a letter,

[00:22:44] [SPEAKER_05]: I'll just get a little bit firm when you're...

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_05]: She's very sensitive.

[00:22:48] [SPEAKER_01]: And I let her feel

[00:22:50] [SPEAKER_01]: because if she could nurse still, she would.

[00:22:53] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you know, she's that girl,

[00:22:55] [SPEAKER_01]: she's that girly girl

[00:22:57] [SPEAKER_01]: that just I tell her, I whisper in her ear

[00:23:00] [SPEAKER_01]: that I'm here.

[00:23:03] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, she needs to hear those things

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_01]: and she needs to,

[00:23:07] [SPEAKER_01]: I can feel her soften within my arms

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_01]: and then you can tell her,

[00:23:12] [SPEAKER_05]: when I want her to calm and get her in calm her nerves

[00:23:16] [SPEAKER_05]: and because she'll be mad at Daniel about something.

[00:23:19] [SPEAKER_01]: She just wants to have her feelings acknowledged.

[00:23:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[00:23:23] [SPEAKER_01]: So woman, it's, it's,

[00:23:26] [SPEAKER_01]: it's relationship on a line.

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_01]: A acknowledge that it's hard for me

[00:23:30] [SPEAKER_01]: to clean up after you repeatedly acknowledge

[00:23:35] [SPEAKER_01]: whatever the thing, whatever a wife is feeling.

[00:23:40] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, just acknowledge I'm feeling scared.

[00:23:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, don't talk to me.

[00:23:44] [SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm just saying.

[00:23:46] [SPEAKER_01]: Yes, I'll tell you.

[00:23:49] [SPEAKER_01]: What did I not clean up?

[00:23:50] [SPEAKER_01]: A little bit of it.

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_01]: What did I not clean up?

[00:23:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, you know, I just, whatever it is.

[00:23:56] [SPEAKER_01]: But I just acknowledge whatever the woman is going through.

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[00:24:01] [SPEAKER_01]: And I noticed that with destiny,

[00:24:03] [SPEAKER_01]: I need to really acknowledge

[00:24:05] [SPEAKER_01]: why she's feeling frustrated

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_01]: because she has a harder time communicating

[00:24:11] [SPEAKER_01]: herself than Daniel and it leads to frustration.

[00:24:14] [SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, when we ourselves model this

[00:24:19] [SPEAKER_01]: and even just the two of us,

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_01]: we have to be very strong

[00:24:22] [SPEAKER_01]: because that's how they learn.

[00:24:26] [SPEAKER_01]: And as they say, a little girl is going to marry her father.

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_01]: So we always have to be very careful.

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_01]: We don't want, you know, her going after a guy

[00:24:37] [SPEAKER_01]: that, I mean, any, any daughter.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't want your daughter going after the wrong thing.

[00:24:43] [SPEAKER_01]: So you need to model that stuff.

[00:24:46] [SPEAKER_01]: By her flowers every Friday.

[00:24:49] [SPEAKER_01]: My mom did this as a single mom.

[00:24:52] [SPEAKER_01]: She did the things that the dad should do.

[00:24:54] [SPEAKER_01]: She bought me flowers every Friday.

[00:24:56] [SPEAKER_01]: Just like my dad used to do for her.

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_01]: She carried that tradition on for me.

[00:25:01] [SPEAKER_01]: She took me on dates, which, you know,

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_01]: take your daughters on dates.

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, you know, just be the man.

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_01]: Be the man that you want your daughter to marry.

[00:25:14] [SPEAKER_01]: And be the man that you want your son to become.

[00:25:17] [SPEAKER_01]: So that's a pretty, do you have anything else on that?

[00:25:21] [SPEAKER_05]: No, no, no, that was powerful.

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_01]: And then so we want to slide into the resilience

[00:25:30] [SPEAKER_01]: through challenges.

[00:25:31] [SPEAKER_01]: And we talk about this a lot.

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't, I think, positive parenting doesn't shield

[00:25:38] [SPEAKER_01]: children from challenges, but it quips them to face and overcome

[00:25:43] [SPEAKER_01]: them.

[00:25:44] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think that we do.

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_05]: Well, I think that's where the mistake comes is that people

[00:25:48] [SPEAKER_05]: think that a lot of this positive parenting is a lot of, you know,

[00:25:52] [SPEAKER_05]: mojo and it's not, it's you're not giving your kids what they need

[00:25:59] [SPEAKER_05]: because the world's tough out there, right?

[00:26:01] [SPEAKER_05]: So if you're not being tough on them, then they think that they're not

[00:26:05] [SPEAKER_05]: getting what they need to operate in the world.

[00:26:07] [SPEAKER_05]: But that's simply not true.

[00:26:09] [SPEAKER_01]: And being tough on them, but just let them experience challenges.

[00:26:13] [SPEAKER_01]: And then you're going to notice that at first they don't, they don't have

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_01]: the strategy.

[00:26:19] [SPEAKER_01]: So I'm saying you don't need to be tough.

[00:26:22] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, because life is hard.

[00:26:24] [SPEAKER_01]: But what we need to do is parents coach them through these hard

[00:26:29] [SPEAKER_01]: challenges and the other ones.

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_01]: You've spent the time to challenge them.

[00:26:32] [SPEAKER_01]: You've done the tools and the strategy to deal with those challenges.

[00:26:35] [SPEAKER_01]: Right, right, exactly.

[00:26:38] [SPEAKER_01]: And again, Demis is straighted because yelling at them doesn't help.

[00:26:42] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, it's like if they're dealing with something or they're not doing

[00:26:45] [SPEAKER_05]: something correctly, you address it.

[00:26:48] [SPEAKER_05]: But you don't need to, to make it, you know, to, to, to yell and

[00:26:57] [SPEAKER_05]: and squeeze them up and stress them out to the point where they can't

[00:27:00] [SPEAKER_05]: think.

[00:27:01] [SPEAKER_05]: Give them the tools that they need to handle it.

[00:27:04] [SPEAKER_05]: And then next time they come up against that situation and you're not

[00:27:07] [SPEAKER_05]: there to help them, they'll know how to deal with it.

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_01]: That's right.

[00:27:10] [SPEAKER_01]: And you guide them through the, you guide them through the problem

[00:27:15] [SPEAKER_01]: solving process rather than solving the problem for them.

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_01]: You don't want to do everything for them.

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_01]: You need to help them through that so that they could solve the thing

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_01]: themselves.

[00:27:27] [SPEAKER_05]: And we have to like, we have to, you know, remind each other.

[00:27:31] [SPEAKER_05]: And we do this all the time.

[00:27:32] [SPEAKER_05]: So step back and let them deal with that.

[00:27:35] [SPEAKER_01]: And let them come to us and just let them know that whatever they need help

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_01]: with, we are here, but we kind of give them the steps to figure it out themselves

[00:27:45] [SPEAKER_01]: because there's no powder moment when you couldn't accomplish something that you thought

[00:27:49] [SPEAKER_01]: was impossible.

[00:27:50] [SPEAKER_01]: That is just such a great big thing for them in a positive way.

[00:27:56] [SPEAKER_05]: That's going to get those little wins and they get confidence.

[00:27:58] [SPEAKER_05]: And you know what, guys, you're not going to be, you're not going to do it right every

[00:28:03] [SPEAKER_05]: time.

[00:28:04] [SPEAKER_05]: And we don't do it right every time.

[00:28:05] [SPEAKER_05]: No.

[00:28:06] [SPEAKER_05]: We have to remind each other.

[00:28:07] [SPEAKER_05]: We do that back and forth parenting where we are not afraid to go to each other

[00:28:14] [SPEAKER_05]: and say, look, you know, we should do this next time with them.

[00:28:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, always be open to that.

[00:28:19] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it's a constant discussion.

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_01]: And then ask them questions that lead them to think critically and come up with the solutions.

[00:28:27] [SPEAKER_01]: So that also really helps build their resilience and confidence.

[00:28:33] [SPEAKER_01]: And again, be the model.

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Then see, don't shield the problems from them.

[00:28:39] [SPEAKER_01]: I know a lot of times, I mean, nothing, you know, that's traumatic.

[00:28:45] [SPEAKER_01]: But I'm just saying, when you're dealing with problems, you don't have to hide that from

[00:28:49] [SPEAKER_01]: them.

[00:28:50] [SPEAKER_01]: Let them see them.

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Let them see you and your partner work through things in your marriage or in your business.

[00:29:01] [SPEAKER_01]: And there is nothing more valuable than them seeing how you react in the moments and what

[00:29:07] [SPEAKER_01]: solutions you guys come up with when you're dealing with something yourselves.

[00:29:14] [SPEAKER_05]: I think that these, you don't even realize how many, you know, what your children are

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_05]: learning from the way you behave and not just them but with your spouse and the people around

[00:29:26] [SPEAKER_05]: you, you don't realize how many lessons they, you've heard, what do they say?

[00:29:33] [SPEAKER_05]: It's not, they learn half of what you say and 100% of what you do.

[00:29:39] [SPEAKER_01]: No, yeah, exactly.

[00:29:40] [SPEAKER_05]: And that's so true because we see it in our kids.

[00:29:44] [SPEAKER_05]: We see the good stuff and the bad stuff.

[00:29:46] [SPEAKER_05]: When we do the bad stuff, we see that play out in our kids and when we do the great stuff,

[00:29:51] [SPEAKER_05]: we see that, hey, I'm not taking all the up.

[00:29:55] [SPEAKER_05]: There I go, did you throw me into the bus?

[00:29:58] [SPEAKER_01]: I didn't even say an angel.

[00:30:01] [SPEAKER_01]: And that's sliding into an as an angel, well, the biblical foundations of love and encouragement.

[00:30:07] [SPEAKER_01]: And I think the Bible provides a strong foundation for positive parenting.

[00:30:14] [SPEAKER_01]: Proverbs 226 says, train up a child in the way he should go even when he is whole old,

[00:30:23] [SPEAKER_01]: he will not depart from it.

[00:30:25] [SPEAKER_01]: And this emphasizes the long-term impact of positive and loving guidance.

[00:30:32] [SPEAKER_01]: Again, how can we do this?

[00:30:36] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, how do you go to church every Sunday?

[00:30:41] [SPEAKER_01]: If you can't go to church, watch church.

[00:30:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Every morning, our family prays, every evening, our family prays.

[00:30:50] [SPEAKER_01]: If we're going through something hard, we really encourage our children

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_01]: to talk to God, to build a personal relationship.

[00:31:00] [SPEAKER_01]: You know, I think that that is a huge thing that was huge for me growing up in a home that loved

[00:31:08] [SPEAKER_01]: God, maybe there are times when people they fall away but if you grew up loving God in your home,

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: you will always come home.

[00:31:17] [SPEAKER_01]: You will always come back.

[00:31:20] [SPEAKER_01]: So train them in a way.

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean, that's one of the best, most positive parenting books, the Bible.

[00:31:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Read the Bible with your kids.

[00:31:29] [SPEAKER_05]: Yeah, it's prayer is so strong for your kids.

[00:31:31] [SPEAKER_05]: The Bible is steady.

[00:31:32] [SPEAKER_05]: You're not praying with your kids.

[00:31:34] [SPEAKER_05]: You didn't know what you're missing out on.

[00:31:36] [SPEAKER_05]: It's like, you teach your kids to pray and I promise you that they will always have that

[00:31:43] [SPEAKER_05]: to take with them in those hard times that they're dealing with.

[00:31:47] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, they always know they can lean into it.

[00:31:49] [SPEAKER_01]: That is crying, crying the other, or was it today or yesterday?

[00:31:54] [SPEAKER_01]: Not sad but I found this video, August is a big month for our family.

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes I question, am I ready to talk about it yet?

[00:32:07] [SPEAKER_01]: There's a lot that goes into being a survivor because there's a lot of people that don't make it

[00:32:17] [SPEAKER_01]: when you get a diagnosis, you're looking for people.

[00:32:21] [SPEAKER_01]: For other survivors and then you kind of stumble on them on social media and you're excited

[00:32:31] [SPEAKER_01]: because they've overcame and then you see that they're no longer with us.

[00:32:36] [SPEAKER_01]: So there's this like survivors, guilt, there's, you know, there's just a lot that goes into it.

[00:32:43] [SPEAKER_01]: August is a big month for us and we're going to, we're about to do a photo shoot with

[00:32:49] [SPEAKER_01]: just for memories. I didn't get a lot of the photo shoots after with my newborn, after I found out

[00:32:57] [SPEAKER_01]: that I was going to have to have the biggest fight of my life.

[00:33:01] [SPEAKER_05]: Because you were going through a lot of times.

[00:33:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Because I was going through a little bit, again, I was sick and I was just about to go through

[00:33:05] [SPEAKER_01]: this huge surgery and I mean, just imagine they tell you that you're not going to be able to pick

[00:33:11] [SPEAKER_01]: up your newborn for nine months, maybe more depending on everything. It was just a really hard time

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_01]: and then, you know, this watching this video of my mom coming in after the surgery and she's

[00:33:31] [SPEAKER_01]: just praying over me. There is nothing stronger than a mother's prayers. Just know that they will

[00:33:39] [SPEAKER_01]: always come up. If you have a praying mother, watch out and you will be healed and it's powerful.

[00:33:46] [SPEAKER_01]: So anyway, August is a huge month. We're doing this shoot. I know I've gone off topic but

[00:33:53] [SPEAKER_01]: just now pray over your kids. Keep God close because I, I just, it was a powerful video to find

[00:34:00] [SPEAKER_01]: of, you know, my baby in the hospital bed and Daniel were laying there and my mom's got this

[00:34:07] [SPEAKER_01]: tissue. She's wiping her nose. I know she's crying but it doesn't sound like she's crying and she's just

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_01]: praying over us and anyway, so pray over your kids. Keep God first and I'm so excited for this

[00:34:22] [SPEAKER_01]: shoot because I missed out on a lot of things and if she's not the best photographer in the world,

[00:34:29] [SPEAKER_01]: she should be one of them. She just brings this beauty in this light and it's this new

[00:34:36] [SPEAKER_01]: life that I'm living where maybe the grainy and darker dramatic photo shoots might have been

[00:34:46] [SPEAKER_01]: a little attractive in my past but she works with light and she makes everything look so

[00:34:55] [SPEAKER_01]: beautiful and I'm so excited to go do that with the kids and well, I'm super excited to go do that.

[00:35:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah and then we're going to go on a little vacation. I know it's excited to see the

[00:35:08] [SPEAKER_01]: shoot. She's a really like photo shoots but for me it's important too and I think for every

[00:35:12] [SPEAKER_01]: I maybe will do a giveaway. I don't know let me know. Do you have me? Guys can do a photo shoot

[00:35:17] [SPEAKER_01]: give away but for women it's it's so wonderful too and I finally you know I'm looking human again

[00:35:25] [SPEAKER_01]: and I just want to do this shoot and just have these memories, these legacy that they can

[00:35:32] [SPEAKER_01]: remember and look back on it. And then we have another thing that we're going to do. We're going

[00:35:37] [SPEAKER_01]: to go away on vacation and just kind of celebrate life and just spend some good time together

[00:35:44] [SPEAKER_01]: in the woods at this luxury getaway and I can't tell you where yeah but after we do it

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_01]: I cannot wait to share it with you guys because we're going to do a giveaway. Yeah,

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I mean it's like you and you want to go camping this is more like glamping, glamping, glamping,

[00:36:04] [SPEAKER_01]: glamping, glamping, glamping, glamping. No, it's a incredible home and in the woods and there's

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_05]: this. The only thing it has to do with camping is that it's in the woods.

[00:36:16] [SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, I think they're like a club house. I can't give away too much. There's a pool.

[00:36:23] [SPEAKER_01]: This is your budget. It's so excited but it's just it's nice because it's going to be beautiful.

[00:36:29] [SPEAKER_01]: It's a great time to just get away with your family and we're going to experience it

[00:36:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and then we're going to talk all about it and then we're going to give we're going to do a giveaway

[00:36:38] [SPEAKER_01]: for somebody to go there. Give you a chance to go do this for yourself and your family.

[00:36:42] [SPEAKER_05]: You need to do this. Yes, you need to do it. And guys, you don't need to do it like that. If you can't

[00:36:47] [SPEAKER_05]: afford to do that right now, go get a tent in the backyard and go help on anytime. I just want

[00:36:52] [SPEAKER_01]: to be a family. It's good time for me. It's important to do and it guys, if you want to do a photo

[00:36:59] [SPEAKER_01]: shoot seriously, like reach out to us and maybe we'll do a contest because she's

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_01]: does incredible beautiful work and I can't wait to be surrounded by flowers and have my children

[00:37:11] [SPEAKER_01]: look like little angels and so excited. So anyway, what were we talking about parenting?

[00:37:20] [SPEAKER_01]: We're lost. The bib we were talking about biblical influence and you know incorporate

[00:37:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Bible stories versus that emphasize love, encouragement and positive guiding guidance.

[00:37:35] [SPEAKER_05]: The Bible is the perfect positive influence book. It's the book that

[00:37:42] [SPEAKER_05]: if you take the chance to read it, I read it when I was younger now when you read a lot of

[00:37:48] [SPEAKER_05]: passages from it, which I do want to read it from cover to cover. I've been reading it with the

[00:37:54] [SPEAKER_01]: kids and I think it's a place to get your daily parenting practices for sure. I'm not kidding.

[00:38:02] [SPEAKER_01]: This is for real. It's the best parenting book. And relation should be there.

[00:38:11] [SPEAKER_05]: And then right behind that is how to win friends and influence people.

[00:38:15] [SPEAKER_05]: If you, I mean a great book that will help you with your parenting too because I apply a lot of

[00:38:20] [SPEAKER_05]: the stuff that I learned from from how to win friends and influence people, you know,

[00:38:25] [SPEAKER_05]: stuff that I used in business we made all of our employees read it at tapo and it's just

[00:38:31] [SPEAKER_05]: not only does it apply to your relationships and business but it applies to your relationships at home

[00:38:38] [SPEAKER_05]: and it's really powerful if you get a chance read that book. There's another great parenting

[00:38:44] [SPEAKER_05]: book called Raising Lions that's a relationship. And uh, but there's some great books out there

[00:38:50] [SPEAKER_05]: but you should be intentional in your parenting so if you have a, if you have a chance to

[00:38:56] [SPEAKER_05]: read a book on it, I know there's you know, a lot of topics maybe you want to read the

[00:39:01] [SPEAKER_01]: reason or you have kids and we'll do another more important than your parenting. Yeah,

[00:39:06] [SPEAKER_01]: you raise your kids who are going to take over the world tomorrow. Yeah, 100%. It's so

[00:39:12] [SPEAKER_01]: serially it is a big, you know, speaking of photo shoots and minimees that's not, that's not

[00:39:25] [SPEAKER_01]: easy. So invest in books, you know, parenting coaches, lean into other parents that have done

[00:39:33] [SPEAKER_01]: it. I remember when I first had Daniel it was hard because you as a first-time mother,

[00:39:42] [SPEAKER_01]: you really don't get respect as a mother. It's weird like they just, oh, you're a new

[00:39:48] [SPEAKER_01]: girl even at the hospital. One child pet. Oh, how long have you been among four? Oh,

[00:39:55] [SPEAKER_01]: three months really like you don't I swear you do not get in the club till you've had two kids.

[00:40:02] [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm here to wrap my arms around. I love all moms. I love the one-week-old mom. I love all the

[00:40:10] [SPEAKER_01]: moms. But I just remember that feeling of like at least I am a mom, but you do. You have to

[00:40:18] [SPEAKER_01]: fingering it out day by day. One child, 10 children, you're figuring it out day by day. So I don't

[00:40:26] [SPEAKER_01]: right. I hate that when you get in the club and they talk about the new moms, I'm not, I'm not

[00:40:36] [SPEAKER_01]: in that club. I'm in the club that loves every, every mom. Yeah, because it's all hard. It's not easy.

[00:40:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah. And parenting's not easy for me. You're a real mom the first breath that baby takes. Okay,

[00:40:48] [SPEAKER_05]: you're a real mom. You're a really mom. I need to be in the dad either. Dad's out there. That's true.

[00:40:53] [SPEAKER_01]: It's true. And then and then our lot this brings us to our closing. Create a supportive environment.

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_01]: And we can't talk about that a little bit. So how do you do that? It's the building of

[00:41:07] [SPEAKER_01]: self-esteem and confidence. Positive parenting plays a crucial role in building a child's

[00:41:16] [SPEAKER_05]: self-esteem and confidence. Yeah, I think that comes with praising the work, praising the work

[00:41:23] [SPEAKER_05]: instead of the outcome. People are talking about it more now, but it's always been true.

[00:41:33] [SPEAKER_05]: It's just they're talking about it more now. It's praising the effort and you see that in any

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_05]: of these top athletes that are working out, they so often they get praised for the outcome.

[00:41:51] [SPEAKER_05]: But their coaches, the people that are brought them there that have taken them to that point.

[00:41:58] [SPEAKER_05]: Those guys, they don't praise them for their outcome. You own here, people out of them. They praise

[00:42:04] [SPEAKER_05]: them for their work when they put in good work and they know they've given it to all,

[00:42:11] [SPEAKER_05]: then they praise them for that. And that's exactly what we should be doing with our kids.

[00:42:16] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well foster an environment where your child feels safe and valued and respected.

[00:42:22] [SPEAKER_01]: They feel that at all ages. When they're a newborn, you know, create that safe place.

[00:42:29] [SPEAKER_01]: For us we didn't do the whole... I'm laughing because we bought all the best stuff, the most

[00:42:40] [SPEAKER_01]: incredibly beautiful cribs because the babies were supposed to sleep in the cribs. Well,

[00:42:49] [SPEAKER_01]: I made the mistake again but for me, I knew that creating a safe environment,

[00:42:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't do the whole cry out thing. Does anybody want an unused crib that's never been

[00:43:03] [SPEAKER_01]: shining? Because we have one percent stunning. Well, anyway, it's beautiful. But I can do that because

[00:43:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm telling you and even the nursing, oh, oh, just six months. No, my whole life changed. I

[00:43:18] [SPEAKER_01]: have not had a girvy drop of alcohol because I was nursing from Daniel, destiny and like,

[00:43:25] [SPEAKER_01]: oh, that's not that long. But it's from one to the next and you dedicate your entire life.

[00:43:33] [SPEAKER_01]: They know that there's that I am their home. I am their home when they are crying and they are upset.

[00:43:40] [SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't imagine walking out and closing the door and, oh, I'll just, you know, have a little

[00:43:46] [SPEAKER_01]: I can't me personally. I can't that child is in my arms and will fall asleep safe in my arms

[00:43:55] [SPEAKER_01]: and nurse its little self-to sleep because that is good for my mind and my emotional state.

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER_01]: Like, I couldn't, the babies crying, I'm crying because I can't see my baby hurt. That was a great

[00:44:11] [SPEAKER_05]: plan for for moms, but it doesn't, it didn't work out so well for men because you're family.

[00:44:17] [SPEAKER_05]: Like, it's, they, as soon as dad comes in the house, they're running towards mom. It's like,

[00:44:24] [SPEAKER_05]: come here guys, it's because they're so dependent on her because they, they breastfed for the

[00:44:29] [SPEAKER_01]: first four years of their life. No, but they come to you for other things when I think they get their

[00:44:34] [SPEAKER_01]: oxy toes and they get their oxy toes and they get their oxy toes and they're going to win them over.

[00:44:39] [SPEAKER_01]: They get the love medicine from and this is all children I believe. I mean, statistically,

[00:44:46] [SPEAKER_01]: they come to the mom for love and to get that. You'll good but then they go to the dad's for

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_05]: play but they go to the dad's play. But that's where they get the love. And when you're mom instead

[00:44:56] [SPEAKER_01]: of your dad, I can't believe this. But they get the baby from baby on, you know, Daniela and

[00:45:03] [SPEAKER_01]: Justin, he always went to you for play and for laughs and stuff. Yeah. Of course I'm funny too.

[00:45:09] [SPEAKER_01]: So they kind of got it off the knee. Not so much daddy's buddy. No way. Yeah, my, we'll see.

[00:45:16] [SPEAKER_05]: We'll ask them. We'll ask them last time. Yeah, well, you'll win that too because you're going to

[00:45:20] [SPEAKER_05]: ask them and they're going to say you because I see them look over at you when I ask my question.

[00:45:25] [SPEAKER_05]: They look over at mom. I like, I'm not going to say that in front of mama.

[00:45:30] [SPEAKER_05]: Stop. I like, I don't destiny. Destiny, you said you were going to cuddle with me tonight and

[00:45:36] [SPEAKER_05]: and she looks over at you. She goes, no, I didn't. I was like, yes, you did. Oh my goodness.

[00:45:43] [SPEAKER_05]: I'm never going to win that. They're not telling at least they're probably going to have to

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_01]: turn 18 after 18 maybe. I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. I don't know. But just let

[00:45:54] [SPEAKER_01]: them be their safe. However, and that's just a phase when they're toddlers, they need to understand

[00:46:01] [SPEAKER_01]: that you're their safe place when they're having their about Daniel never had tantrum.

[00:46:08] [SPEAKER_01]: Really? Like, that wasn't destiny. As I said, she gets very emotional like she would never

[00:46:13] [SPEAKER_05]: throw this out on the ground. Daniel a little bit. He's got a couple since then. You know,

[00:46:18] [SPEAKER_01]: when he was older, yeah, not when you were young at all. But we're so good at talking them

[00:46:23] [SPEAKER_01]: through and being that safe place. You need to be the safe place. And it's so rewarding to,

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_01]: as I said, to have them melt into your arms and may God bless us to just always be that safe

[00:46:37] [SPEAKER_01]: place that they are never scared to come to mom and dad, but they come to us as their safe place

[00:46:44] [SPEAKER_01]: when they're dealing with something all through their life. I know my mom was that place for me.

[00:46:49] [SPEAKER_01]: If she was still here, I'd be at collar and I would always collar. She was my safe place. So

[00:46:57] [SPEAKER_05]: let your children find that in you. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I want destiny. No, she can always

[00:47:04] [SPEAKER_05]: leave you. Yeah, you get a, well, not only will I come over and rearrange his face, but if you have

[00:47:12] [SPEAKER_01]: a mean boy, you can always come home. The way that they're brought up, it's not going to happen,

[00:47:19] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, and they stay close to God and they're just, they're not. And that's the thing is

[00:47:26] [SPEAKER_01]: raise them the way they deserve to be right. You know, you give them all the tools you can. It doesn't

[00:47:32] [SPEAKER_05]: mean they're going to be perfect, but you give them all the tools that they can. You just do

[00:47:36] [SPEAKER_05]: your best. You know, we're not perfect. We're never, it's never going to be a perfect situation.

[00:47:41] [SPEAKER_01]: So hard love them so hard that they won't be able to even see the people that aren't,

[00:47:49] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, be the loudest, clap them loudest cheer them on that they won't even be able to hear the

[00:47:55] [SPEAKER_01]: people that aren't, you know, cheering for. They won't even notice those people. So just cheer them

[00:48:01] [SPEAKER_01]: on, love them through life and they will only go to the people that truly love and appreciate them.

[00:48:07] [SPEAKER_01]: If they talk negative, like if you don't have that negative, I remember my mom, she said this,

[00:48:15] [SPEAKER_01]: she said, you know, I made sure that the reason, you know, she had to do what she did and become a

[00:48:22] [SPEAKER_01]: single mom because she never wanted us to be exposed to negative words or fighting because she wanted

[00:48:29] [SPEAKER_01]: us to be in good solid relationships and if you're not in a solid relationship yourself,

[00:48:36] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, the kids are going to feel like that's home. That's where I should be. But if they're

[00:48:41] [SPEAKER_01]: only experiencing love and encouragement, they're not going to go for the negative. They're going

[00:48:48] [SPEAKER_01]: to surround themselves with the thing that's what they're used to. That's going to feel like home

[00:48:54] [SPEAKER_05]: to them and that's what they're going to want to see around. And that's what they're going to

[00:48:59] [SPEAKER_05]: be in the relationship. So when they, you know, two people come into a relationship,

[00:49:04] [SPEAKER_05]: you want them to be that person that they're supposed to be and hopefully that they found a good

[00:49:08] [SPEAKER_05]: person who is, you know, a mirror image of that and they work together. Yeah.

[00:49:15] [SPEAKER_05]: You know, I pray that that please please God please let your work get. Yes, of course. I mean,

[00:49:22] [SPEAKER_01]: that's every, every parents, nightmarin, babies are still babies but yeah, you just,

[00:49:31] [SPEAKER_01]: you really, you need to plan ahead of it that way and creating that support of the environment

[00:49:36] [SPEAKER_01]: is going to make sure that they stay in a supportive and loving environment. And when it's time to

[00:49:44] [SPEAKER_01]: provide, when you need to, I know, I know, I know, I see the time. But provide constructive

[00:49:52] [SPEAKER_01]: feedback and in a supportive manner. So when things aren't going well, find a way to communicate

[00:50:00] [SPEAKER_01]: that to raise them up without going to a negative place. I don't think we ever do that, but I'm just saying

[00:50:07] [SPEAKER_01]: like for being that. So you know what I mean, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got it. Do you want to add

[00:50:15] [SPEAKER_05]: to that? That brings us to the end of my show. Yeah. I'm looking at the time ago and oh my gosh,

[00:50:20] [SPEAKER_05]: we're so far away. I know we have a big meetings. Yeah. Well, that was great. Another parent

[00:50:28] [SPEAKER_05]: episode. That's what we're, we're a look. Guys, we're in common. We see you parents out there.

[00:50:35] [SPEAKER_01]: We're all trying to do our best and we just, honestly, in the end, we just want the best for our children.

[00:50:41] [SPEAKER_05]: We all do. And that's the key to you that we're in a quarantine style. You can take from it

[00:50:46] [SPEAKER_05]: what you like and, you know, discard what you like. There's a lot more but Dan's giving me the

[00:50:51] [SPEAKER_01]: thing guys. So we, you know, it is, it is. Listen, we'll get back into the show. We would love to

[00:50:59] [SPEAKER_01]: hear from you. What works for you and your family? You share that. Yeah. You know, we still learn

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_01]: little parenting tricks. Oh, of course. All the time. I'm always open to learning new things and

[00:51:12] [SPEAKER_01]: adding to the, what sometimes things work for me. Sometimes things don't work for me. Sometimes

[00:51:17] [SPEAKER_05]: we see a great post on Instagram or something because we get a lot of parenting content come through.

[00:51:23] [SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, everybody sharing stuff. If you have something that you want to go viral, you have a good

[00:51:30] [SPEAKER_01]: little message or if I need little meme, send it to us. That's what our page is about. This is the

[00:51:36] [SPEAKER_01]: thing. Okay? Some people really want to lock themselves off as parents and I know that we all think

[00:51:43] [SPEAKER_01]: our babies are the most beautiful and the most special. And nobody can help shine my baby because

[00:51:49] [SPEAKER_01]: they're the best baby in the world. But I just want us to be a part of the community, just know,

[00:51:57] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to help you be the best mother that you could be. I want to love on your child. If your

[00:52:04] [SPEAKER_01]: child is doing something amazing, I'm not like those other moms that, oh gosh, quick, quick,

[00:52:10] [SPEAKER_01]: recover the little kid because I don't want anyone to see that, you know what I mean? The parents

[00:52:17] [SPEAKER_01]: get jealous and it's this weird thing like a give me the amazing thing that your child is doing

[00:52:24] [SPEAKER_01]: and I will put them in the spotlight. Send me the video. Do you want her kids to not only see

[00:52:29] [SPEAKER_01]: better hanging out with people that are doing that? I will help get them on stage. Okay? I've had

[00:52:34] [SPEAKER_01]: experiences. My son's a speaker, an inspirational speaker, and I've had other parents like

[00:52:40] [SPEAKER_01]: just not want to put them on stage because their kids aren't, it's the weirdest thing. Okay?

[00:52:45] [SPEAKER_01]: Give me your video. I will shine the light on your little baby like come on. Like it is a community

[00:52:53] [SPEAKER_01]: and I think that is our job as parents to support each other and put each other in the spotlight.

[00:53:01] [SPEAKER_01]: I want to see other moms shine. I'm not better than anyone. We are all amazing and fathers,

[00:53:08] [SPEAKER_01]: you know, dance is not better than anybody. We are in cre- and together that's where the resilience

[00:53:17] [SPEAKER_01]: happens. That's where the magic happens, the blessing when we all get together and we do incredible

[00:53:23] [SPEAKER_05]: things. That's why we're blowing up. We all want our kids to be amazing. We want to be amazing

[00:53:29] [SPEAKER_05]: and you're, we're a member who you are is the best example to your kids and who they're going to

[00:53:35] [SPEAKER_05]: come. You want to show them through example. I know that you guys have some, if you have any great

[00:53:42] [SPEAKER_05]: parenting tips or tricks that you want to share with us, send us to our Instagram. As to if we can

[00:53:47] [SPEAKER_01]: help it go viral, we've had people get millions and millions of views. Oh my gosh,

[00:53:53] [SPEAKER_01]: you know they had just, you know, five hundred. You know, five hundred. You mind that just

[00:53:56] [SPEAKER_01]: 500 views on their challenge. Yeah, they're a challenge. They get maybe 500 views on their channel

[00:54:04] [SPEAKER_01]: and then we share it on our, our social media and they get millions and millions of views and

[00:54:09] [SPEAKER_01]: they're like, oh my gosh. Well that's what we're here for. We're here for you to lean into us

[00:54:14] [SPEAKER_01]: in the podcast is where family okay? And if you have something you want to share,

[00:54:21] [SPEAKER_01]: we may not be able to get to everyone because we get so much stuff but I want to help you guys

[00:54:26] [SPEAKER_01]: shine. It is such an incredibly beautiful and blessed journey but it is also challenging and it's

[00:54:33] [SPEAKER_01]: hard and it feels lonely sometimes. That's why we created this thing and I'm so excited to have

[00:54:40] [SPEAKER_01]: you guys a part of your community. There's my little baby. I love you guys. God bless and see you next

[00:54:46] [SPEAKER_05]: week. And you guys got, you got this. We'll see you guys, we'll see you guys next week. See you next week.

[00:54:53] [SPEAKER_05]: Guys, see you next week. And we love a great quote at the beginning in a little outro. You ready do it?

[00:55:02] [SPEAKER_05]: Okay, thank you guys for joining us for this pretty impunk podcast and remember you got this.

[00:55:08] [SPEAKER_05]: You guys are great parents. Keep keeping that great example to your kids and we'll see you guys next week.

[00:55:16] [SPEAKER_03]: Thank you for listening to this episode of the brilliant punk podcast. Make sure guys,

[00:55:22] [SPEAKER_03]: always remember to do a great job parents. God bless and so glad you listened to sweet

[00:55:29] [SPEAKER_03]: God bless. You can't wait to see you next week. See you next time!