Let Them Speak! The Parenting Habit That Could Change Your Child's Confidence!

[00:00:00] Picture this with me for a moment, friends. Someone asks your child a question, and this happens all the time. Maybe, what was your favorite part of the day? And your child looks up, starts answering, and pauses. And the pause feels too long. And hey, you know the story. You were there. So you jump in. She loves horses.

[00:00:29] And your child smiles, perhaps nods. And the conversation moves on. Nothing dramatic happened. You were helping. But what if just for a few more seconds you had waited? What would they have told us? Get comfortable because we're about to have another valuable conversation. Short and sweet. Grab your loved ones, your fans, your family, and your child.

[00:00:59] Favorite healthy snack. Or if this is your time, enjoy it. Let's go. Ooh, that's better, right babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:01:29] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable. Brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast.

[00:01:55] Where we grow in faith, strengthen our families, and become more intentional about the legacy we're building together. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenczi. Today, I want to talk to you about something simple that we could practice almost anywhere. Letting our child finish the sentence.

[00:02:19] And I'm including myself in this conversation because when you're a parent, you become very good at anticipating what your child or children need. Sometimes we anticipate their words too. We're standing at the counter and someone is waiting.

[00:02:42] Our child is explaining something and, and we could see where the story is going or, or they've mixed up a detail and we want to correct it before they continue. So we step in. Or, actually my husband did this the other day. My daughter is so descriptive about her food when she's ordering it. And my son too. But my daughter has more details.

[00:03:13] And he jumps in, he jumps in and he cuts her off. And I saw her frustration. Like I wanted to just tell him. She wasn't doing anything wrong, but sometimes they feel like we feel apologetic because children take a long time. Right? Not, I wouldn't say a long time, but perhaps for us, it feels like a long time, but it doesn't for them.

[00:03:43] So I would like us to consider what we're trying to give them in that moment. What are we trying to give them? Are we trying to get through the conversation quickly to make other people comfortable? Or are we giving them an opportunity to have it, to have the conversation?

[00:04:07] Because those can lead to, it could lead for us to respond differently. If we really think about that. A child might need a moment to remember, to choose a word. I do it all the time. Or, or even get gather to gather the courage to speak to someone unfamiliar.

[00:04:34] Remember, this is the beginning, the, the, the season of their life. They're trying new things. They're doing new things. They're being courageous. And we don't, we don't want to shut that down. We don't want to shut that down or make them feel a certain way. We can stay beside them while they do that. Absolutely. We can.

[00:04:59] And if they look at us for help, we can quietly say something like, would you like me to help? I know that maybe my children won't want me to say that in front of someone that they're trying to have a conversation with, but we could have a little, a pinch on the arm or a certain

[00:05:27] look that we could give them. And the pinch on the arm, they could pinch us on the arm, not us, but them just a little, little pinch on the arm or a tug on our shirt. And we'll know exactly what that's for. That'll be our code. Or we could have a little, a wink or I don't know. I don't know. You get creative with your family.

[00:05:52] What, what you think that, that, um, that invitation to help would look like that little question, that little code, it gives them a choice. Sometimes they'll say yes and they'll move towards it. And sometimes they'll surprise us and keep going. Here's, here's what I want.

[00:06:21] I want to practice. But before, before I share that, I know that, that this practice, it's hard. It's hard. It's hard. And I remember, I remember, you know, always having to just, just trust. And many times now, Daniel, he'll, he'll ad lib and he'll say something and destiny too. First it's like, Oh, what are they going to say?

[00:06:50] And they'll say something. And they'll say something. I don't want to say profound or life changing, but incredibly, incredibly surprising. So deep, so connected. And if we don't let those opportunities arise, number one, they won't learn.

[00:07:17] And number two, we can feel proud that we are pulling them back in the world and setting them free as arrows. And they may not want to have full conversations, full blown conversations. Maybe that's not what it leads to, but I know that Daniel has surprised me many times on stage saying some, ah, you know what? I will say it. Yeah.

[00:07:47] Some profound and emotionally deep things besides his, his speech when he's asked a question. And I remember thinking, my gosh, he's not prepared for this, but he absolutely was. He had it. He had it in his, his left pocket and he pulled it out in a way where it truly, really, um,

[00:08:12] and, and he believes, he believes he has called my daughter to, that they are called to change the world through words, to plant seeds of greatness. And I'm so grateful that, and I, and listen, I've been guilty of finishing sentences or, or trying to help them thinking that that's the right thing to do or telling them, oh, tell so-and-so this, tell them this.

[00:08:39] I, that was when they were much, much babies. I, I mean, I don't know what to do, but the things that they would say when I would let them just talk to people. And even on the phone, I just, it just blew me away when I started doing this. And having said that, here's what I want to practice.

[00:09:02] When someone asks my child a question, I'll look toward my child and wait. Even if I already know the answer, especially then, because I know, because I know what happened. I don't necessarily know what mattered most to them. I am not them.

[00:09:29] They have their own emotions and experiences. Maybe I thought the horses were the best part. Maybe they remember the little girl who invited them to play. We discover those things when we leave enough room to hear them. And later, when they're telling us something at home, we could try the same thing.

[00:09:59] Let the story unfold before correcting the order of events. Ask. Ask. This is encouraging. This is an encouraging and simple, simple statement. And then what happened? Stay curious. There will be moments when we need to clarify something or help them find the words. We're always building the vocabulary. Of course.

[00:10:28] We could do that gently without taking over the whole conversation. Remember, it's about them, not us. I'd like to take you to a Bible moment right now. The book of James chapter one, verse 19 says, wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.

[00:10:56] So that, that, that means swift to hear, slow to speak. Think about that. That is something we can practice in an ordinary conversation with our children out in the world, but especially at home, right? In our, our, our four, the four walls of our home. That's where it matters the most.

[00:11:25] Because, Hey, sure. We can influence millions of people, but the most important influence is underneath our roof. That's the most important. Before I supply the answer, can I listen a little longer? I know. I know. Lives are busy, but can we? Of course we can. That's our obligation.

[00:11:55] We're parents. We signed up for this. Grab your journals and something to write with. When you have a quiet moment, write this down. Or, or of course right now you're probably prepared. So I invite you to, to take part now. When do I tend to speak for my child? Please don't judge yourself. Okay. But this is just for you. You can rip it up.

[00:12:25] You could burn it or you could keep it afterwards. So when do I tend to speak for my child? Is it when we're rushed? When I'm busy? When I feel uncomfortable with silence? When I'm speaking to someone that I'm trying to impress or please, or, or make happy?

[00:12:56] Or the person may make me feel guilty in a way? I don't know. This is for you to explore. When do you spoon feed your child, uh, word? Is it a family member? When do you spoon feed your child the words? When do you feel uncomfortable with silence? When do you feel uncomfortable with the silence when they're sitting there for a moment?

[00:13:25] When I want them to make a good impression? To who? Is it a stranger? Is it a family member? Who is that? What makes you do those things? I need you to answer honestly. You're looking for a moment that you can handle differently next time. Because you know what?

[00:13:55] We're the adults. We're the adults, right? So we have to look at ourselves and see where we could do the work. And they're going to notice that next time. Today, let your child finish one story without stepping in. Give them your full attention.

[00:14:19] Then ask one question about something they just said and see what you learn. We want our children to become comfortable using their voices. We do, don't we? Right? We're launching them into the world and we want them to be prepared. And your voice is a tool. It is a weapon. Not in a bad way. I mean, it could be. It could be if we don't train our children up the right way.

[00:14:49] But it is the most powerful thing that we are blessed with. We can give our children opportunities to practice in everyday conversations with us close enough to help them when they need us. A few seconds of waiting can be a beautiful place to learn. It really can. You'll be surprised if you haven't been doing this. You're going to learn so much.

[00:15:18] It's going to be so amazing. And I'm so excited for you for this. Now let's come together in prayer. Heavenly Father, God, help us listen with patience. Keep us curious about our children that you have entrusted to us. Give us wisdom to know when to help and when to wait, to encourage the growth within them.

[00:15:48] May our homes be places where they can speak, ask questions, and know that they are heard. We say this in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you for spending this time with me. And don't forget to share this conversation with another parent or someone that needs us. And follow the Entrepreneur Parent Podcast so you never get left out of a conversation.

[00:16:17] Because I would love nothing more than for you to be here. Leave a kind review if these conversations help you leave five golden stars. It helps these conversations get to families that need it. And for screen-free learning with children. If your family is not listening, I would love to personally invite you to listen to Daniel and Destiny.

[00:16:45] Listen to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy show. They're planting seeds of greatness in our future leaders of tomorrow. And if you'd love to help produce one of those shows, then you can do that at buymeacoffee.com backslash entrepreneurkids. Thank you in advance. And if you'd love to buy me a coffee, hey, I would love that. I love it when that happens. I'm so grateful.

[00:17:15] And until next time, protect what matters. Keep building your family's legacy. And remember the people in front of you are part of your God-given destiny. God bless you. We love you. Glory to God always. I can't wait to talk to you soon. Thank you beautiful friends for listening to this important message from Mama.

[00:17:45] Share with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. We know you'll love it. Be kind.

[00:18:14] Build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. And parents, if no one told you yet, let us be the force. You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story. Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you.

[00:18:41] This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only. And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight. And are meant to encourage reflection and growth.

[00:19:03] Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. And that's why we're here to help you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.