You're Doing Everything For Everyone and You're Exhausted!

[00:00:01] Imagine this with me friends. Take a moment, close your eyes and picture this situation. Youre getting dinner ready and your little one walks into the kitchen. Can I help? Really excited. And you look at the clock. There's something on the stove. The counter needs clearing and you could probably finish faster yourself. So you say, I got it sweetheart.

[00:00:31] And you do. You do. Of course you have it. But later, you find yourself wishing everyone would help a little more. Sometimes the help we hope to receive begins with an invitation we need to accept. Get comfortable my friends. We're about to have another valuable conversation. Grab your loved ones.

[00:00:59] If this is your time. If this is tripping on my words already. And we've only just begun. If this is your time, get comfortable. Grab a healthy snack. If you're at the gym, set the speed. Let's go friends. Oh, that's better right babe?

[00:01:30] Yeah. She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:59] And everything in between. Welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast, where we grow in faith, strengthen our families and become more intentional about the legacy we're building.

[00:02:17] I'm so glad you're building. I'm so glad you're building. I'm so glad you're building. I'm so glad you're here. This is going to be a good one. Today, let's talk about giving our children something they can handle and enough guidance to learn how.

[00:02:42] I understand why we take over. There are days when getting everyone fed and through bedtime feels like an accomplishment. Really, it does. Teaching someone how to do a task can take longer than doing it ourselves. And sometimes we forget how to do a task. And sometimes we forget how many things we do automatically because someone once taught us.

[00:03:09] They did, didn't they? Where did we learn it? Someone taught us. Our mother, our father. Someone that loved us enough to show us how to do something that we just automatically do now. A child hears clean up the kitchen and, and they may have, they may have no idea where to begin.

[00:03:33] It feels like an enormous task before you learn. We see several obvious jobs. They see room. So make the responsibility clear for them so they can take it in small steps, bite-sized, bite-sized bits.

[00:03:56] Please put these napkins at each place. So that is simple. That's simple to take in, show them where the napkins are, do one together if they need you to. But I for me, I like to show my children how something is done. And they may have watched me several times and it looks really easy.

[00:04:25] But if we show them how to do it exactly, or for me, this works for me and my family and my children, I show them how I do it. And then they can take over the strategy that I use. Let's use that. Then I give them room to finish.

[00:04:50] Something small enough to understand. Something useful to the family. That's where we can begin. As they learn, we can gradually give them more responsibility. And perhaps they're ready to fold washcloths, put their clean clothes in a drawer, or wipe the table with a damp cloth. We choose tasks that fit their age and abilities.

[00:05:19] And we stay nearby, of course, when they need supervision. And here's the part that could be, I would, well, surprisingly difficult for us. And this is where I want to, to be really thoughtful about it. Because we hear, just let them help. Let them do it their way. Right?

[00:05:48] We hear a lot of people say that. But the mother who, or whoever is carrying most of the household work, also deserves consideration. So we want to, I'm sorry, but, well, I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry. But we have to be careful when it comes to helping. Okay?

[00:06:11] If helping means someone else has to finish every task and clean up afterward because we didn't help or show them the strategy or tactics or show them how we do it in our family, because everybody does it differently. Then we need to look at what or how we're teaching. Children really do. They need us to show them how.

[00:06:43] Where do we start? What do we use? What do we use? Where does it belong afterward? Because if we show these things and we show the place where everything's kept, how it's done, it doesn't feel like such an enormous chore. Like, oh my gosh, I've never done this before. This is, this is intimidating.

[00:07:11] And how do we know when we're finished? How do we know as children when we're finished and what to do and how to do it next? Take wiping the table. We could show them how to move the things on it, use a damp cloth and wipe the whole surface. Then check together for anything they missed. That's not a bad thing.

[00:07:37] We're not coming at them, but we go over it and show them where, where the cloth goes afterward, right? We're not going to just leave it on a pile on the, on the counter. We're going to, we're going to finish the job, finish it completely. And remember my mother always said, you want to do it right the first time because that saves everybody time.

[00:08:06] The last thing you want to do is, is finish a job poorly just to do it. And then you have to go back and redo it. That takes twice the effort. It's discouraging. So if we, if she showed me how to do it right the first time and I put in the effort, it's done and it's over. Right?

[00:08:31] And then I can go back to reading a book or doing what I'm doing or move on to the next chore. For a younger child, we want to teach one step at a time. Remember what I was saying, a bite-sized piece for them. Practice that same routine until it becomes familiar. Offering less help as they learn.

[00:08:58] So we don't have to be so hands-on the first time, maybe the second time. And children are so clever. They get the hang of things so quickly. I think I started mopping the kitchen when I was about five years old. And that was my morning chore. My brother swept around the house. And there was, there was different things that we do, did. We did seasonal things.

[00:09:29] But, but it just, it's important to teach our children one step at a time. Right? And then showing them the routine until it becomes that familiar, familiar thing that they do. This is their job now. And explain to them why the method matters. Right? The tactic or the strategy that goes into it. Why is it important?

[00:09:57] Why is this method for our family important? Why do we do it this way? If you explain it, they understand. And there won't be a rebuttal. We put the cloth here so it can dry. Right? So it doesn't become stinky or moldy. When you leave a cloth in a pile and it's dirty, the bacteria multiplies. You can explain that stuff. They understand.

[00:10:26] Keep these things in, in this, we keep these things in the same place because it helps everyone find them. So when we wash them, we put the cloths here. This is where they belong. This is their home. And this is their home. I like to use the word home with younger children. It's fun. Right? You can really have fun with the duties and the chores and the things that go into your home.

[00:10:55] And now they're learning how the household works. It's a beautiful thing. We can allow uneven folds while we're still teaching. It gets better and better each time. That, that clean clothes belong in the drawer. We're not going to put the dirty clothes in the clean, clean, clean, clean drawer. Right? We have to explain these things.

[00:11:22] We can appreciate their effort and help them complete a misstep. It's okay. It's not a big deal. Right? We explain things as we go and there won't be a misstep. And the more that they do it, it becomes second nature. It becomes a habit. And there is room for patience and clear expectations together. We support our children through this.

[00:11:52] Teaching takes time. So, so choose a moment when, when you have some room for it. Don't do it when you're overwhelmed, when you're running late. Take a time when, when you can really go into it and start with one manageable job that you can finish together and be proud of each other. Really?

[00:12:17] The goal is for their contribution to become useful to the family and to the child who is learning how to care for a home. Because we're not just raising children, right? We're not, we're, we're raising adults, adults that are going to have a home of their own. And it's our responsibility to prepare them for the world. Right?

[00:12:46] We want them to, to know how to prepare more than cereal or eggs and to, to care for their own clothing, to be able to look after a home, do the things that go into it. So their home is not neglected. So their family is not neglected without them even realizing that they're doing so. This is our responsibility as parents. And this applies, it applies to, to us as adults too.

[00:13:16] If your wife has managed a task for years, ask how the routine works before changing it. And she may have a specific way of why or how she's doing things. She may have worked out a method that prevents extra cleanup. Right? A lot of, I see this a lot.

[00:13:42] I see a lot of mothers and wives say, it's okay, I'll do it. I'll do it. Because there's extra cleanup afterwards. So she explains her method. Then it's very easy to take that stuff on, especially if she's going through surgery or she just had a baby. That, that keeps the next part of the day running. So she doesn't have to go back and redo anything or, because I know a lot of people say, oh, just let him do it.

[00:14:11] Let him do it his way. Right? But then that can cause extra work. And that's, that's more anxiety and it's just more on her plate. But we want to keep things running smoothly. Understand, understanding those details and take response, like taking on the responsibility

[00:14:36] for the whole task can make your help feel like a relief rather than making her anxious. Again, I said a lot of these women, they get anxious because it creates more work. Look, you've heard of these mothers when the family makes breakfast on Mother's Day and they're

[00:15:04] trying to do something so precious and sweet. And then she feels awful after because she comes down to the kitchen and her method is cleaning up after she cooks or cleaning up while she cooks. Everybody has a different way of doing it, but the kitchen is a disaster.

[00:15:29] Pancake mix on the ceiling, greasy, greasy hand marks everywhere. Everything is a mess. Dishes, dishes that she wouldn't even dream of using, but all of a sudden 10,000 dishes dirty in the sink and nothing's washed. And it's just insane. So you hear of these things and, and it's, it's, it's hard on her, right?

[00:15:56] So we want to do, learn her method and what she does and how she does it and just kind of take over where it feels like a relief and not anxiety. And when your family has contributed, your children, your husband, let them know what their work made possible. Wow. Wow.

[00:16:23] You helping me out with, and I hate to say, because I know women will say, but it's their home too. And it is, it is. But when you take over the responsibility and the different things that she has going on, it leaves room for other possibilities, right?

[00:16:50] She's able to jump in the shower while you take over. She's able to finish up her work, work on her, her God-given destiny that she had this idea to do with the family, whatever it is. So just make sure that us as mothers were able to say what was possible with this, with this help, with this, as the children are growing older with what they've done. Wow.

[00:17:20] That really helped out. I was able to do this, that, or the other, maybe even sit down and have a warm meal or warm drink, whatever it is. You set the table while I finished dinner. That helped us get ready quickly and spend time together. They can see the purpose of what they did.

[00:17:44] I'm telling you, when your children do something great, they're so proud of themselves and they know that they're, they're able to complete and accomplish things. I want our children to experience being a part of our family life this way. They belong here. Their contribution matters here and, and we can keep expectations reasonable.

[00:18:12] A tired child may need help with something they managed yesterday. They're not feeling well, you know, they, they've, they've had a tough day. A new task may need several demonstrations, right? They're, you're teaching them something new and the method for you, it's second nature, but

[00:18:37] for them, they may need several demonstrations, especially when it comes to cooking or it really, it could be anything. Some, some tasks they catch on quickly. Others, they're going to need some more explanation and demonstration. And we can offer support while still giving them a part to do, right? We could, we could do that for them, support them through it. Let's start together.

[00:19:07] I'll show you how to do the first one because I, my daughter, she's so amazing. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. I could do it. I could do it. So I just show her quickly and then she takes over and that's enough to get us moving. And it starts, it starts and it's, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Especially with our toddlers too. They love to, they love to do things themselves.

[00:19:35] So you just make it into a, I feel like gay, making things into a game, having fun singing, just enjoying it. Just, it's, it's, it's a beautiful thing. Working together as a family for us, our family day that we would do things together was Saturday growing up. And it was just many beautiful memories.

[00:20:01] And I have many beautiful memories still with my dad when things were good. He would, he would wash the car. My brother would help. He would do the handyman things around the house on Saturday. We would all clean on Saturday. That was like our family cleaning day. My dad would cook. My mom would cook sometimes. And then later it was the three of us, my mom, me, and my brother.

[00:20:27] And every day after school, um, we would go to the store and some Saturdays, some Saturdays we'd be home and then we would do chores. We would do chores, but we'd also get to, to enjoy ourselves as well. But yeah, really good memories. I want to take you to a Bible moment right now.

[00:20:53] In the gospel, according to Luke chapter 16, verse 10, Jesus says that he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much. And he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

[00:21:15] So this means Jesus is teaching about faithfulness and stewardship for our families. That gives us something meaningful to practice in ordinary responsibilities. We can help our children learn to care for what has been entrusted to them, making their bed, putting away their toys, taking care of their toys so they could resell them or, and clothes and shoes.

[00:21:44] So they could resell them, give them away, right? Donate them. And beginning with something manageable for them. Now, friends, grab your journals and something to write with. When you have a quiet moment, ask yourself these questions.

[00:22:09] What am I regularly doing for my child that they might be ready to learn to do on their own? What makes it difficult for me to let them try? And I'm guilty of just, I want to try to just move past it quickly, right?

[00:22:34] Sometimes we're overwhelmed and we don't want to clean up after a mess. Say whatever it is. For me, it would be cooking. So for me, I catch myself sometimes not wanting them to help me cook when I'm tired. Okay, I said it. I'm tired. I don't want to mess. I don't want it. I'm just tired. I just want to make dinner.

[00:23:04] I want to be done with it. There are moments like that. I have those moments. I'm guilty of it. I just want to be over with it. But then I have to catch myself and see, okay, this makes it difficult for me to let them try. I got to do this at an earlier time in the day and just invite them, hey, guys, we're going to make a meal.

[00:23:30] And because for me, it takes a few times to show them, right? Until they can do it. But in the infant stages of learning how to make different meals, it gets messy. It's going to get messy. And then the more that they do it, it's going to become easier and less messy. That's just the facts. So the more they help, the better they become at it.

[00:24:01] Now, I guess it could be different for, it could be different things for different people. So what makes it difficult for you to let them try? Is it the time? Is it because it takes time? Is it your expectations? The possibility of a mess? Or maybe it's something else. Write it down. Don't judge yourself.

[00:24:30] Choose one place where you can make a little room. As I said, choose a different part of the day when you're less overwhelmed. You have the energy and you have the time space. Whatever is causing that pullback on your end. Now, let's move into a legacy challenge that we could do today.

[00:24:55] Teach your child one useful household task this week. And if you've already started doing this, that's awesome. Let's try something else. Let's add something to the list. Explain it clearly. And make sure you demonstrate what they need, what they need to do. And then let them practice.

[00:25:24] Return to that same task so that they have a chance to become familiar with it. As I said, sometimes it's going to take many trial runs until it becomes effortless. Second nature. A habit. Next time your child asks, Can I help? Can I help, mommy?

[00:25:53] Look for something that you can say yes to. Maybe, maybe the thing that you're doing isn't the thing. So move on to something that you can say yes to. You may still be doing most of the work, but you're giving them a place to begin. Friends, let's come together in prayer as we come to the end of this conversation. When two or more come together,

[00:26:24] that's what we love to say. Heavenly Father. God, give us patience to teach and wisdom to recognize what our children are ready to learn. Help us appreciate their contributions and guide them with kindness.

[00:26:49] May our homes be places where we can learn to care for one another through everyday acts of service. Help us to do these chores and jobs and different activities together with joy and love. And we say this in Jesus' name. Amen.

[00:27:19] Friends, it doesn't just have to be chores. It could be business. As I've shared with you guys in the past, my mom included me and my brother in her businesses. Okay, so including them young, it's a beautiful thing. I remember Daniel packing boxes when he could barely walk. You loved it. It was a joy. Introducing new things. It is so valuable.

[00:27:49] More valuable than we realize. Thank you for being here, friend. Thank you so much for being here. For pouring into yourselves, pouring into your families, your marriage. It's just such a joy when you guys share your messages with me on social. I'm truly grateful for each and every one of you. If you've been carrying a great deal at home,

[00:28:18] begin with one small responsibility that you can teach and share. Give your child time to learn it. There could be real joy in discovering that something you used to do alone is becoming something you could do together now. Maybe you'll have that Saturday tradition or maybe every day after school for a set time. Whatever it may be.

[00:28:48] Come up with something with your family. Don't forget to follow the Entrepreneur Parents podcast. Share this conversation with someone who needs it. And leave five golden stars and a kind review if this resonated or you found a smile on your face. I really, truly appreciate it because it helps

[00:29:18] these conversations get to those who need it. And if you're listening to other podcasts, share theirs. It really helps us as entrepreneurs as podcasters to get these conversations to find the right people that need them. And guys, for screen-free learning, I know, as busy parents, we need better content.

[00:29:48] Believe me. I know you guys know it. We need better content. So Daniel and Destiny have been working very hard creating screen-free learning that plants seeds of greatness in tomorrow's leaders. So join Daniel and Destiny on The Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. And if you want to help produce those shows, you can do so at

[00:30:19] buymeacoffee.com entrepreneur kids. Entrepreneur kids. Well, the links are in the show notes. So I believe I said it right, but the link to everything, the socials, the buy me a coffee. And yes, friends, you can buy me a coffee too. I love it when you do. I'm so grateful. And please introduce yourselves on social. Come say hi, tell me what you're building.

[00:30:48] Or if you have any content that you want to share, just tag me. I would love to share it. That's what we do. That's what we do. We share. And we love to cheer you on in what you're building. Until next time, friends, protect what matters. Keep building your family's legacy and remember the people in front of you are part of your God-given destiny.

[00:31:18] God bless you. We love you. Glory to God always. And I can't wait to talk to you again soon. God bless. Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama. Share with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast. It's for young, future leaders ready to change the world

[00:31:47] and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called The Arsenal Kids Legacy Show. We know you'll love it. Be bold. Be kind. Build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. We love you. And parents told you, yeah, let us be the first.

[00:32:15] You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only, and it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed

[00:32:44] are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. and it is not intended to It is not intended to be a part of the community. Thank you.