Stop Raising Children That Need Everyone's Approval!

[00:00:01] Imagine your child sitting at the piano. It just popped into my mind because my son just started piano. This is something he's been eyeing for a long time. His cousin is Balash Pirisoma. He's a young prodigy that started piano at a very young age and he's played with some of the greats.

[00:00:29] He's won like, you know those shows, Dancing with the Stars or The Voice. He's won those types of shows in Europe, in Europe. And so this kind of popped into my head. So imagine your child sitting at the piano. They've been working on the same little piece all week and tonight they want you to hear it.

[00:00:57] So you sit down in the living room, you've got your tea, and they miss a note. But they stop and find their place again. When they finish, their hands stay on the keys and they turn toward you with their big beautiful eyes and that sweet little face. And they ask, was that good?

[00:01:22] You can hear how much your answer matters to them. And of course you want to encourage them, but there's something else you could give them in that moment. Help recognize what they accomplished. Get ready, my friends. Get cozy. Grab your favorite snack, your favorite people. We're about to have an incredible conversation. Let's go.

[00:01:49] Oh, that's better, right babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star. He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:02:17] Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between.

[00:02:35] Welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents Podcast, where we grow in faith, strengthen our families, and become more intentional about the legacy we're building. I'm Ildiko and I'm so glad you're here. Today, let's talk about what we say when our children ask, was that good?

[00:03:01] I understand the instinct to say, that was amazing. Oh my gosh. Fall on the floor. That was amazing. And I'm guilty of that. I'm guilty of that. Sometimes I do that because I want them to have that flesh of feel good. We love them. We know how hard they've worked.

[00:03:24] Sometimes we're simply delighted that, that they wanted to share something with us and we need to keep that warmth. Then give them something specific. You lost your place, but you found it again. That was amazing. That was wonderful.

[00:03:45] You don't have to add the end part, but just the fact that you noticed that they lost their place, but they found it again by themselves. That's impressive. That part you were practicing sounded smoother today. I could hear your voice clearly when you introduced yourself. That was, that was great. You know, I have to add the end part if you don't want to.

[00:04:15] And a lot of people encourage me not to, but, but when we give them the truth, now they know what you noticed. And when something needs work, we can be honest without making the whole attempt feel like a disappointment. We don't want them to feel a guilt or that they've done something wrong.

[00:04:45] It's all about communication. The end was tricky. Would you like to practice that part together tomorrow? I was just laughing because when they were speaking about their goals, um, my son with his coach, he chose a very difficult song. And, and he said, this is going to be tricky, but I know you could do it.

[00:05:15] They can feel our encouragement and still receive useful help. But here's the question I'd love us to add. What part are you proud of? Give them a moment. They might say, I didn't stop this time.

[00:05:38] Or I felt, I felt a little, I don't know, may, perhaps the word is nervous or, uh, I don't know. Let's, let's, let's use that for, I was nervous, but I did it. And then suddenly you're hearing about an accomplishment you might've missed. You were, you were listening for the right notes. They were proud that they had the courage to begin.

[00:06:08] That matters. I don't want us to become so focused on helping our children improve that we overlook what it took for them to try. I don't want encouragement to become so vague that they have no idea what they're doing well. It was all incredible, but they're not really learning anything in that.

[00:06:36] We can help them look at their, at their own work with curiosity. What felt easier this time? Is there a part you'd like help with? You don't need to ask every question after every single activity. Sometimes they just want a hug and a snack, but when they're ready to talk, give us somewhere useful to begin.

[00:07:04] And if they say, I don't know, that's okay. You can offer something you noticed and, and leave room for them to talk. That takes practice for us too. I believe I shared this story. I remember Daniel's grandmother.

[00:07:28] She passed and he was about to do a huge, huge speech. Okay. There was thousands of people there, 5,000 people in the room. And he was told that he could grieve and that he didn't, he didn't have to do this speech. That they wouldn't do this speech if this event happened. And we could have made the decision for him.

[00:07:56] But when he, he spoke, he said, I know grandma was so excited for me to do this speech. And she believed in me. And I know that there's people out there in the audience whose life I could change.

[00:08:16] Who's going through something perhaps not as, and these are the exact words, but, but perhaps not as heavy as what I'm going through. Or maybe, maybe something just the same where their heart is broken. And if I didn't go out there to, to, to, to share my speech, to share my lesson to them, the encouragement that they need.

[00:08:47] And then I'm not using the calling that God put on my life. And it's, it's going to be hard, but I believe I could do it. His little heart, he cried before he got up on stage. He was grieving before he got up on stage. And he came off after. He was so proud of himself. And he believed, he said, mommy, I know I changed lives.

[00:09:16] He said all the things that he was so proud of for doing, taking the responsibility to change lives. There was no pressure on this boy to go do this. He did it. He volunteered. And he got to share his experience with me after, with us, with the family. He said he felt grandma was there. He knew she was proud.

[00:09:44] And he knew he changed lives. Those things mattered. And I'll never forget it. Because many of us as, as adults, especially going to do something challenging. I don't want to say that it's, it's, it's scary or, you know, I don't want to say those words.

[00:10:08] Because it's a blessing to be given that kind of opportunity to be able to change lives, to be able to speak goodness and blessings into others. That's, that's a blessing. And to be able to do that. When adults already think that that's challenging, but to be able to do that in a time of immense grief, immense grief as a child.

[00:10:35] Because grief to a child is, I mean, I don't, I don't want to say comparisons here, but right. When a bug or something that you care about breaks, right. You can have a temper tantrum. He was, remember, he was four, five years old, right. As adults, I've seen people have temper tantrums and not be able to control their emotions.

[00:11:06] But as a child, to go out and do something like that. And to learn a lesson and feel proud and to know that you did it during the hardest time of your life. One of them, this boy has gone through, through some, oh my goodness. With her health, that tragedy, the end. And even, you know, being by my side, fighting for, for my life.

[00:11:37] These children have learned so many beautiful life lessons. And I just, I wanted to share that with you. Not, not to say, oh wow, look what he did. It's definitely not about that. But it's, oh wow, look what our children have inside of them. Look at the courage. Look at what they have in them.

[00:12:01] If you allow them to awaken that giant and that greatness within them. Because it has nothing to do with me. I know a lot of people, they applaud the way that I am with my children. But listen, I, I have made, I've made mistakes just like all of us.

[00:12:26] But I do take what I learned growing up and I pour that into my children. I try to really listen to when I say my prayers every morning, every night and in between many times sometimes.

[00:12:44] I think that as mothers with the overwhelm that could happen and that load, the mental load and all the things that come at us as mothers, prayer has been so helpful. I just want to share that. So it's in all of our children. Okay. Daniel is, is a child just like every other child.

[00:13:08] But when you notice something in them, then you let that pour into them. Remember the verse about the arrows in the Bible, how we're preparing them for greatness. That's what we could do. So I, I want to take a Bible moment with you right now.

[00:13:34] The book of Proverbs chapter 16, verse 24 is says, pleasant words are as honeycomb. Sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Think about that. The words your child carries away from a conversation with you.

[00:14:03] And that's the power of words, darling friends. Our words can be kind, honest, useful. Think about this with your spouse too. Our words have power.

[00:14:26] And it shows who we are in those moments of, of anger or sadness or, or those trying moments. It's not the moment that we have the mask on when we, we go out into the world and we wear the mask and we're happy go lucky all day long. It's who we are at home, who we are to our children, who we are to our spouse.

[00:14:53] That's what matters to, to our heavenly father. Of course it matters who we are out there, but that part's easy. Our relatives, our extended family, that's easy. Right? But who we are behind the walls, who are we? How are we speaking to our loved ones?

[00:15:16] We can say things like, I saw you keep going and mean it. That is truth. Those are words of truth. I saw you keep going. I know how hard this was. It was hard for me too. And you went out there and you were so courageous affirmations, right?

[00:15:47] When you understand who your father in heaven thinks that you are, that's the most powerful because sometimes you don't have that support. I don't know who I'm talking to right now, but perhaps someone just switched on this podcast for the first time.

[00:16:08] I know we have a very supportive community that loves their family, but sometimes, sometimes there's people out there who don't get that. They get the ugliness from their spouse. They get the ugly words. The children see the ugly side of their parent. The one that, that explodes and uses horrific words.

[00:16:32] I feel like if you've tuned into this and you're listening and saying, I don't, I don't have that for my family. I mean, the one thing that you can lean into right now is just remember who your father in heaven, who, who he says that you are, right? You were wonderfully, fearfully and wonderfully made. You were created in his image.

[00:17:00] Who, who's the most beautiful, what is, who's the most beautiful thing in the universe? God. And he created us in his image. When we know those things and we affirm those things to ourselves, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. I know so many girls or, or people are looking for love, to feel loved, to feel loved.

[00:17:22] If we could teach our people that love, that no matter what our father in heaven has that love for us, nobody can make us feel invaluable. But that doesn't mean that your family, that we as parents don't have to see those words of greatness too in our spouse and our children.

[00:17:48] So I just wanted to take a moment because I felt like sometimes I get so many new listeners on different podcasts and maybe they don't have the family. Maybe they don't have the support, but I would love to encourage them to get to know God, right? To, to know that Jesus Christ is our Lord and savior and they are so loved and they are so beautiful. Some people haven't heard that and they do need to hear that.

[00:18:14] We, listen, we can help as parents. We can help with the difficult part while making sure that our children know how glad we are to be there, to witness their growth, to encourage them while being honest. Friends, grab a journal and something to write with.

[00:18:43] And if you have that moment, let's do it now. If not, come back to this. Ask yourself, when my child shows me something, what do I usually notice first? This isn't judgment. This is just, this helps us get to know ourselves. And if we need to pivot and change things about ourselves, then we, then we have the, then we, then we can do that.

[00:19:13] So what do we notice first? Is it the mistake? The result? The effort? Something else. And think about your own childhood. Go back. How does destiny do it on the podcast? When they go back in the time machine, go back in the time machine. Think about your own childhood.

[00:19:40] Go back to five years old, three years old, 12 years old, 17 years old. What kind of encouragement helped you? What did you wish someone had noticed? Write it down. This may be difficult. Let that reflection guide one conversation today.

[00:20:09] Let's, let's slide into a legacy challenge for us. The next time your child asks, was that good? Tell them one specific thing you noticed. Then ask, what part are you proud of? Listen to their answer. Listen to their answer. Listen to the full answer before offering advice.

[00:20:40] Your children can welcome your encouragement while learning to recognize their own progress. Chances are they already know. How your encouragement can, can light something different, something powerful within them.

[00:21:00] You're helping them see the practice behind the performance, the courage behind the attempt and something that, that they can build on next time. That's valuable. That's valuable. Let us come together in prayer.

[00:21:21] Heavenly Father, God, give us words that encourage and, and, and add wisdom. Let us offer help with kindness. Help our children recognize their progress, receive guidance and keep learning with courage.

[00:21:47] May they always know that our love is steady, whatever the outcome. And that we are always here for them with support and love to help them, to help pour into them. And we say this in Jesus name. Amen. Friends. Thank you for being here. If this spoke to you, share it with someone that you care about.

[00:22:16] Follow the entrepreneur parent podcast and leave five golden stars as Dan Caldwell and destiny say in their podcast. Leave a kind review. Leave a kind review. If it encouraged you, this helps these conversations get to parents and, and people, people that need it.

[00:22:38] And for screen free learning, planting seeds of greatness in our future, in our future young leaders, listen to Daniel and destiny. I want to personally invite you to listen to the entrepreneur kids legacy show. And if you'd like to help produce a show, you can do that at all that guys. All the links are down in the show notes. It's buy me a coffee.com backslash entrepreneur kids.

[00:23:08] And you can also buy me a coffee there and please leave a message. And as I said, all the links are down there. Come introduce yourself to me on, on social. Instagram is a great place. Come introduce yourself. Share with me what your, what your family is building. I love to get to know you guys until next time protect what matters. Keep building your family's legacy.

[00:23:36] And remember that people in front of you are part of your God given destiny. God bless you. We love you. Glory to God always. And I can't wait to talk to you again soon. Thank you, beautiful friends, for listening to this important message from Mama. Share with someone you love and care about. Oh, and we'd love to personally invite you to listen to our podcast.

[00:24:06] It's for young future leaders ready to change the world and be a light in the dark. Listen together as a family. It's called the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. We know you'll love it. Be bold. Be kind. Build an unforgettable family legacy. God bless you. We love you.

[00:24:33] And parents, if no one told you yet, let us be the force. You're doing a remarkable job. And remember, you are the hero of your story. Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only.

[00:24:58] And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight and are meant to encourage reflection and growth. Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. And if you are in a future, you will help us. Thanks for joining us.