Legacy: Why God Designed Families to Build Together!

[00:00:00] This was a powerful conversation we had the other day. Have you ever noticed that the world celebrates the person who makes it alone? The self-made entrepreneur. The independent success story. The person who doesn't need anyone. We've almost turned independence into the highest achievement.

[00:00:28] But when I read scripture, I don't see a God who constantly calls people to isolation. I see a God who builds families, communities, generations. From the very beginning, God's plan was never simply to bless one person. His plan was to bless generations through that person.

[00:00:58] And somewhere along the way, our culture quietly started asking a different question. How can I build the life I want instead of who am I building it with? Because those are two very different lives. One is built around personal success. The other is built around eternal success.

[00:01:28] And perhaps that's why one of the most favorite passages in scripture has always fascinated many of us. It doesn't describe children as interruptions. It doesn't describe them as obstacles. It describes them as arrows in the hands of a warrior. Think about that for a moment.

[00:01:56] Why arrows. Why arrows. Why arrows. Why not treasures. Why not gifts. Why arrows. Because arrows are prepared with intention. Guided with the utmost care above everything.

[00:02:15] And then, once they are fully poured into and nourished. As they've been guided with care. They are then released toward a purpose greater than themselves. So grab a healthy snack and get comfortable and settle in with me for a moment. Because today isn't just about raising children.

[00:02:43] It's about understanding why God entrusted them to us in the first place. Oh, that's better, right babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:03:14] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Hello, my friends. And welcome back to Becoming Unshakeable. The Legacy Conversations bonus series.

[00:03:42] A special edition brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parent Podcast. A community of strong families building lives of faith, courage, purpose, and lasting legacy. I'm your host, Ildiko Ferenczi. And today's conversation has been, it's been on our hearts for a while now.

[00:04:08] Because I think we've accepted a lie without realizing it. Stay with me. We've been taught to ask, how can I build a successful life? Lots of money, success. All the things. But I wonder if God is asking a different question. I think he is. Who are you bringing with you?

[00:04:38] Because success was never meant to, it was never meant to end with us. It was always meant to overflow into the lives of the people God entrusted to our care. One of the greatest shifts of my own marriage happened when we stopped seeing our family as something that competed with our purpose.

[00:05:03] We started seeing these little babies, our family as part of our purpose. The world, and sometimes those even closest to some of us, tell us that children slow us down from success. The marriage gets in the way. That serving others limits our potential. But what if we've been measuring success by the wrong standard?

[00:05:31] What if the greatest success, what if the greatest thing that you'll ever build isn't your company? And we were talking about this the other day because sometimes when you build something really great, really big, even those people around, even the people around you, sometimes they attach their own identity to what you have accomplished.

[00:05:55] And they need you to keep going in that same direction because it will cost them their identity that they placed on your accomplishment. This was such an interesting conversation with everyone in the community. I mean, think about it. Think about it. What if the greatest thing that you build isn't that company or it isn't that platform with an identity attached to it?

[00:06:25] Or it isn't a portfolio. What if, what if it's the people who share your dinner table? The hearts entrusted to your care. The home where love is practiced and prioritized every single day.

[00:06:55] For a long time. I know, I know we thought we had to choose. Either building something meaningful or building a meaningful family. As if those were two different callings. And if I put it out all on the table, honestly, I don't think we were alone in believing that.

[00:07:21] When my husband and I first dreamed about the future, we carried many of the same ideas about success that the world quietly handed us. And there was a little bit of relief that we couldn't get pregnant. Sadly. Right? That the world hands us these ideas of what? Build the business. Reach the next level.

[00:07:51] Keep climbing. There was this underlying belief that I remember him saying, it's okay now because children might slow us down. That family would somehow, we believe that family, creating a family, would somehow have to fit around the mission. And then, and then what happened?

[00:08:20] God entrusted us with a miracle baby. Everything changed. Not overnight, but deeply. It wasn't simply that we became parents. It was as though God gently reshaped the way we were looking at everything. That we looked at everything.

[00:08:43] The things we thought might pull us away from our purpose became the very things pulling us toward it. Instead of asking, how do we build our dreams? And listen, friends, sometimes, sometimes dreams are selfish, fleshly dreams, guys. Oh my goodness. But instead of asking us, how do we build our dreams?

[00:09:10] Or even the dreams that others expect us to have. We found ourselves asking, how do we build them together? Looking back now, I don't, I don't think our children interrupted our calling. It was a miracle. I believe they reinvented it. And in that season, something else came rushing back.

[00:09:40] Rushing back to me. The family I grew up in. It wasn't always easy. I'm going to tell you that right now. There was heartbreak. There was many servings of obstacles, let me tell you. There were seasons that we never, we never would have chosen.

[00:10:08] But one thing I remember clearly is that we built together. We carried one another. We kept showing up for one another. And we moved forward together. Together. Never leaving anyone behind. Never leaving anyone out. We built together. Together. We moved forward together.

[00:10:31] And looking back now, I see that God was planting those memories in my heart for a long, long time before I even understood why. Even before I fully understood what he was doing in our lives, in my marriage, in our marriage. I always found myself wanting to bring my family with me.

[00:11:00] Every single time. I would craft it that way. I would design it that way. I never wanted success that required leaving the people I loved behind. Even when friends invited me. Hey, let's go for a girls thing. My family's coming. My family is coming. My babies are coming. My husband's coming. They're my best friends. I'm not going anywhere without them. Nothing could convince me otherwise. Red carpets. Events. No. They were coming with me.

[00:11:29] I always found myself wanting to bring my family with me. I didn't want success if it required leaving my beloved behind. I wanted to build together. We wanted to build together. And today when I look at some of the strongest families I've ever known growing up or historically,

[00:11:52] I noticed something that most of them have in common. They don't simply build for one another. They build with one another. And somewhere along the way, I realized, we realized that our babies and this marriage,

[00:12:20] it wasn't competing with our calling. We're going to discover many of us listening today. If we haven't already, our family is the calling. Building together. Oh, and hear this. Research in developmental psychology consistently shows that children are shaped less by occasional grand moments.

[00:12:50] And more. We know this because we talk about this. We talk about this often in this community. They're shaped more by ordinary, repeated experiences. Being included. Building together. The conversations after school. The way conflict is handled in the home. The laughter around the dinner table. And in those precious little moments that maybe don't seem like much in the moment.

[00:13:18] The apologies. The encouragement. The feeling of being seen. Being included. That their ideas are important too. That it's all going towards something bigger that we're building together. Those ordinary moments become extraordinary over time. Children don't simply remember what we accomplished. Businesses we built. Companies we built.

[00:13:49] Things we've won. The awards we've won. They remember how we made them feel. Right? I got a call. I got a call. Hold on. Shut the door. Lock them out. Or come. Come listen. Come listen. Listen. Sit there. Listen to the conversation. Mommy's jumping on a business call. I want you to listen to the whole thing. And then we're going to talk about it after. We're going to make some decisions. You're going to help me make some decisions.

[00:14:20] There's a different feeling behind those two actions. Shh. Be quiet. I'm on a business call. Come listen. Quietly. Come listen quietly. We'll have a conversation. Right? Those are two different feelings. They're going to remember how we made them feel. They're going to remember whether home felt safe. Leave me alone. Just, I got it. I got this thing to do. Come here, babe.

[00:14:49] Let's talk about this. I got some decisions to make. I want you. I want you to help me make them. They see how the parents talk to each other. They see it. They remember how home made them feel. Was it safe? Whether everyone felt loved. Whether someone believed in them and their mother. They remember every single thing.

[00:15:17] They feel it in every cell. Those experiences quietly become a part of the story they tell themselves for the rest of their lives. And later they'll be telling those stories across the table from someone. Their own family. Their children even. Because they're not going to not share the pain. So they could either share the joyous moments or the painful moments.

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[00:17:09] Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one's youth. I've read this before. I've heard this before. And I think I simply thought, ooh, that's a beautiful picture. That is so beautiful.

[00:17:39] But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how intentional, how truly intentional that comparison really is. An arrow isn't created to sit on a shelf, people. It's carefully crafted, protected, sharpened, guided, and then released with purpose. Right?

[00:18:07] You are pulling back with purpose. And you know exactly where you are aiming it for the ultimate success of that arrow, the direction. And maybe that's part of our calling as parents. Not to control our children. It's not to control our children. Please don't think that.

[00:18:35] But to pour into them, to nourish them, prepare them, strengthen them, to help them discover who God created them to be. Not selfly, self, what is it? Fleshly wants and dreams. But to notice who they were created to be. Every child has a very special gift. Sometimes it's speaking. Sometimes it's negotiating.

[00:19:03] Sometimes it's helping bring things to justice. My brother David. I don't know why. But my mother would share when he was just two and a half years old. He would talk about justice. Being, creating justice for people. Even in his play. When he would play. He wanted justice for people. And what did he do?

[00:19:32] When he grew up, he became friends with the mayor. And many, many wonderful men. And I know that that was the act of my mom surrounding my brother and I with very successful, powerful men. Because we had the absence of our father. So she very carefully, tactically planned to surround ourselves with family, friends who have accomplished great things.

[00:19:58] Politicians, just really great, great men that we could look up to that had families that were successful. And David gravitated toward that. He had his politician's card. He had watched the games with the mayor. The mayor would come over and watch games with him. Have conversations on the telephone. David wanted to be an attorney. He wanted to be a voice.

[00:20:29] He wanted to be the voice for good. Sadly, you know, he lost his life. If you know the story, he lost his life. He went to go get a part-time job because he didn't want to take away from the family business. And ultimately, there was a huge, huge, huge accident that took his life. But I'm just saying, we noticed these things. I noticed in my son. I noticed in my daughter.

[00:20:58] My son was on a stage at three years old. He was in front of people speaking. He would memorize quotes. This wasn't normal behavior. This was something that he enjoyed. I could have put him in soccer or baseball or tennis, whatever it was. But I just, with the guidance of my mother, she said, listen, pour into him. I knew that instinctually.

[00:21:27] But sometimes we need people around us rather than there was people around us saying, you got to put him in soccer. You got to put him in baseball. He should be in baseball. Why isn't he in baseball? Why isn't he in tennis? Whatever it was. We chose a different path. We followed our instincts. And moms, you have great instincts. Follow them. So we help them discover who God created them to be as parents, as fathers, as mothers, so

[00:21:56] that one day they step into that purpose that God has prepared them for. What an incredible privilege. What an incredible responsibility. Listen, marriage asks something of us. Parenting asks something of us. Love always requires sacrifice. Right? Jesus, what did he do?

[00:22:24] What did he set for us? Love our wives like Christ loved the church. It's sacrifice. It's not this, it feels good. It feels good. It doesn't feel good anymore. It's time to leave. That's your lesson. That's the lesson part. And people around you will sometimes try to negotiate with you. Well, you know, you guys were so good in the beginning. I don't know what happened.

[00:22:51] Rather than surrounding yourself with godly men, sometimes the very people around you, even family will try to convince you to break off the marriage. Oh my goodness. Can you imagine? Break off the marriage when you had children and you didn't fulfill the godly purpose and fulfill the lessons that you were supposed to learn with that family to guide those children, to guide your wife.

[00:23:19] But someone said, ah, they're just so difficult. You should leave them. They're annoying. Leave them. Leave them. Start again. Follow your true success. Can you imagine? Oh my goodness. Sacrifice isn't the opposite of a blessing. The blessing that God has for us. Very often, it's the pathway to it.

[00:23:49] Some of the greatest gifts God gives us also requires the greatest faithfulness. Not because he's trying to make life harder. Plug your ears. Push those people away. Sometimes they're people closest to us, but they're not godly men and women. Okay? I've had many people come to me and say, leave. It's too hard. Don't listen. Listen to God.

[00:24:18] And if it's abusive, if there's things that are seriously, seriously, your children are getting abused, you have the wisdom, right? You have the wisdom. Pray, pray, pray. But if it's an obstacle that doesn't feel comfortable, if it's just, if it's an obstacle, they're annoying, they're naggy, and it goes both ways. Pray, pray.

[00:24:47] Surround yourself with godly men and women. Because listen, God, he's not trying to make life harder. He's inviting us into something far more meaningful than living only for ourselves. Families aren't distractions from our calling. For many of us, for most of us, especially in this community,

[00:25:15] they are the very place where our calling is lived out. Where it's lived out. Come on, people. That is powerful. And perhaps today's question isn't, what can I accomplish? Perhaps it's, the better question is, who am I becoming?

[00:25:43] And who is becoming stronger because I was here? Listen, one day our children won't remember every meeting that we attended. They won't remember every company we built, but they will. They will. I promise you. Because I remember. They will remember how home felt. You remember? Don't kid yourself, darling. They will.

[00:26:11] They will remember whether they were loved, whether they were encouraged, how their mother was treated, how she was protected, how she was loved. They'll remember if they were protected and loved, whether someone believed in them. And maybe the greatest legacy that any of us could have is exactly that. That's what it stems from.

[00:26:40] And that's the greatest legacy. That's the greatest legacy that we can leave as parents through marriage. Grab your journals and something to write with. Take that moment. Ask ourselves some questions that we can reflect on.

[00:27:08] What definition of success have I been pursuing? Let's take a step back. Be honest. No, don't worry. Don't worry. Don't judge yourself. Because when you get an answer that you love, that's great. And if you get an answer that you don't like, that you want to change or separate yourself from, that's a beautiful thing. It's never too late to change. Today could be that day.

[00:27:38] Who has God entrusted in my care for this season? Really look at that. It's not the people on the outside. It's the people under your roof. What small moments in my home might become lifelong memories for my children?

[00:28:07] Think about that every day. The way you handle moments. The way you pour into the people they love the most. How are those moments handled? They're never going to forget. Remember, they're going to be sitting across from someone one day saying, I've done it. I remember when it hurt my heart when my father did this.

[00:28:37] Can't erase those memories. Hurts my heart. How about I remember when? There's a different tone to it. My mother would include us. When we did well, we would go on these trips. She would take us around the world. I learned so much more than I ever learned in school. When I was 13, she let me build my own brick and mortar.

[00:29:07] With her blessing, I built my own business. She believed in me that much. These are stories I tell. I tell my children. I tell my spouse. I tell my friends. I tell my community. Think about it. How can I become more intentional about building with my family

[00:29:35] instead of simply providing for them? There's a difference. You could provide every riches in the world. But you have no connection. You built something great. Your family wasn't included. There's no legacy there. You didn't build it with them. There's no importance behind it. Sure, you bought some expensive things and some nice things.

[00:30:04] There was no weight behind it. No legacy. There's your legacy, but it dies with you. What kind of legacy do I hope my wife and my babies experience long after I'm gone?

[00:30:31] What legacy do I wish for my grandchildren to experience? My great-great-grandchildren. Generations. Did I break chains? Did I do something different? What is the legacy that I want to leave behind? That I want to leave behind? Not that I'm leaving behind. Right? Because there's gestational curses of poverty, of all kinds of things.

[00:31:00] What do you want to leave behind? It's your marriage. You're raising these children. You don't have to take the boulders or the stones or the weight that was passed to you. You can change that. Beautiful. Write those things down. If other questions pop up, write those down too. And prayer partners, let's come together in prayer.

[00:31:30] This is the best. Heavenly Father, thank you for your gift of family. Thank you for entrusting us with people to love, encourage, and serve. Help us never become so busy building a life that we forget to build the relationship that matters the most at home. Give us wisdom to lead with humility.

[00:31:58] Patience to love well. The courage to model a life that points our families toward you. May our homes become places where faith grows. Where we grow together. Where we build together. Where hope is restored. And love is lived out every single day. In Jesus' name, amen.

[00:32:29] If you've ever wondered whether the small things you do each day really matter, they do. Every bedtime story. Every prayer. Every hug. Every difficult conversation handled with grace. The way you include your little ones. The way you pour into them with your wife.

[00:32:58] The way you pour into the people they love. The ones that keep them safe. Every moment you choose. Every moment of character. Every moment you choose of presence. When you choose presence over distractions. Those all matter. These moments are shaping our little ones' hearts. Our families' hearts.

[00:33:29] They're crafting the arrows. They are shaping our families. Shaping the arrows. And one day. These choices. These moments. That we pour into. That we nourish. They shape generations. Never underestimate what God can do through a family. Through your little babies.

[00:33:58] Never underestimate what God chooses to do. Through your family that chooses to build together. The strongest legacy isn't built by one successful person. We see this again and again. That one successful person is usually left alone. There's usually a divorce. Right? Because everybody's grown apart.

[00:34:27] There was no glue keeping them together. The strongest legacy isn't built by that one person running after their dreams. It's built by a family walking faithfully together. If this conversation encouraged you today. Share it with someone who is intentionally building a strong family together.

[00:34:57] Share it with that person that needs it. And if becoming unshakable has been encouraging your heart each week. Thank you for leaving a kind review and five stars. Thank you for subscribing so you never miss a conversation. Together we're building strong families. Raising courageous leaders. And leaving a legacy that points people toward Christ.

[00:35:26] And don't forget to listen to the Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. It's a screen-free conversation. It's a podcast. It's learning for children. For great young leaders of tomorrow. Courageous young leaders like your children. I know our community. And you guys are raising incredible children. So I invite you guys. If you aren't already.

[00:35:54] Listen to it together as a family. Sparks up great conversations. And if you want to help sponsor the show. You can do that at buymeacoffee.com Backslash Entrepreneur Kids Legacy Show. Some of you have even asked. Can I help with this podcast? With the parents podcast? Yeah. You can leave. You can leave something there. And you can leave a note. And we'll know exactly what it's for. Thank you in advance. We're very grateful as a family.

[00:36:25] I want to leave you with a final thought. May God strengthen your family. May He give you wisdom for every conversation. Because many conversations come up. And sometimes it's a wise thing to do. To pray before those conversations. If you're not already placing hands on your wife. It's never too late to stay.

[00:36:54] To start. It's never too late. Wow. Someone doesn't want me to share this conversation. Perhaps it's the enemy. It's never too late. Because this is the most powerful thing. And it all starts here. It's never too late. Especially if you don't want to do it. Lay hands on your wife and pray over her tonight. I'm just going to say it. Do it. Do it tonight. Something did not want me to get those words out.

[00:37:23] That was fascinating. Lay hands on your wife tonight. Even if you don't want to. Even if it feels too intimate. Lay hands on your wife tonight and pray over her. 60 day challenge. Pray over your wife. Even if she doesn't do it back. But you're going to set the example. Right? What happens when we as leaders of the home set examples? What happens?

[00:37:52] She's too uncomfortable. She doesn't want to do it. Do it anyway. What happens? Oh, may God give you grace for every challenge. And joy in every ordinary moment. Right? I was watching a gentleman throw his little baby up in the air. Not let go of him. But throw him up in the air at church yesterday.

[00:38:22] And the baby was giggling. And our hearts, they felt so warm looking at this father with his little infant. And just flying him up in the air and pulling him down and kissing him. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. Baby was laughing. Joy, joy, joy. Love, love. Just pure love.

[00:38:44] And it made me sad for a second because I thought, how many fathers were so pulled into perhaps chasing success that they missed those moments. Those moments are fleeting, by the way. That same moment won't be there in months. In just a year, that same moment in months won't be there. That same giggle.

[00:39:11] That same communication between a father and a son before they could even speak. But that love was strong, stronger than anything. We all witnessed it in church. That's why we were all smiling. That's why we all gravitated toward that moment saying, I remember that moment or I missed that moment. So may your home become a place where faith is lived.

[00:39:39] Love is multiplied. And future generations discover who God created them to be. Prepare those arrows. Prepare those arrows. Pray over the mission. And exactly how you need to prepare those arrows. So you can pull back and set them free. At that point, your job is done. Right? They are set loose into the world.

[00:40:07] With everything you poured into them. God bless you. Glory to God always. We love you. And we're proud of you for showing up. For building. For believing. And continuing to build an unshakable legacy. This is becoming unshakable. Conversations not everybody's brave enough to have. Brought to you by the Entrepreneur Parents. I love you and I can't wait to talk to you soon. God bless you.

[00:40:37] To this and quote. To our leaders. Ready to change the world and be a light in the dark.

[00:41:01] Listen together as you.

[00:41:34] Because every legacy begins with a hero. And that hero is you. This podcast is for inspirational and educational purposes only. And it is not intended to replace professional advice, legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views expressed are based on personal experience and faith-based insight. And are meant to encourage reflection and growth.

[00:42:04] Always seek the guidance of qualified professionals regarding any questions or concerns you may have about your health, relationships, or business. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.