The Power of Self-Talk: What You Need to Know About the Story You Tell Yourself!

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I was able to go to my core group and just

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really bounce it off the
people that would lift me up.

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And I didn't have a lot
of people like that,

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but I knew who I could
trust and who I could go to,

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and they would always give
me really good advice. Now,

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if you don't have that, what are
some things that we could do?

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The things that we listen to,
even the music we listen to.

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No. Oh, that's better, right.

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Babe?

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Yeah.

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Yeah. She founded an
architectural concrete company.

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He founded a hundred million
dollars clothing company.

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She took the world by storm
as a social media star. He.

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Took the world by storm as a
famous serial entrepreneur.

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Together we started a business.

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And had.

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Babies. Now we're figuring
out the best ways to do both.

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Join us as we learn from other
entrepreneurs going through the same life.

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Struggles as they share their life,
hacks about success, love kids.

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And everything in between.

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All what you say you are. So
choose your words carefully.

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Don't become what you're,

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what you believe. Quote by Oprah Winfrey.

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Welcome to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

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My name is Dan Caldwell and
I'm here again once again.

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Once again with my
beautiful wife and co-host.

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And thank you guys for joining us today.

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We have another great
podcast ready for you guys,

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and it's super important.

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Not that everything we do or talk
about on this podcast isn't important,

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so funny, but this is really important
for us and it's something that is

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near and dear to both of
us because when I think,

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well probably closer more to me because
I felt like I struggled with this a

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little bit when early
on in my entrepreneurial

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career.

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I think everybody struggles with this.

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How you speak to yourself
determines where you are

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going in life,

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and it's just something that is
so true and you don't realize

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sometimes how important it is.
I think my TED Talk was somewhat

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about something like this.
It wasn't this exactly,

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but I had always struggled with

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kind of negative or these
insecurities that I had for myself.

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And so it was like something I had
to get past because I struggled with

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that.

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I always felt like that I was
going to have problems in life

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trying to get what I really wanted in
life because I was dealing with that.

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But you're never like that, were you?
Because? Because when you come at me,

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I always feel like.

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I know what it was. You
didn't have these problems.

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I feel like I know what
it was. But before that.

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Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's
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So don't forget all the
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notes, and thank you again and
let's get back to the show.

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But I feel we all struggle
with this at one point or

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another in our lives,

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and what we need is
the people around us to

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kick those ridiculous ideas out of

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your head. Now,

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I feel like when you tell me
the stories of what you went

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through,

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I really feel when you talk
about the people around you,

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you didn't have the people that you needed

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to lean into that were
supposed to lift you up.

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They were almost questioning the things
that you were going into and giving you

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anxiety about the
decisions you were making.

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That's not a good feeling. Well.

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I mean, I think even before that,
I didn't have anybody to talk.

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To. And then you met Charles,
and that was your guy.

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That was the person that would lift
you up and you can bounce these

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ideas off of and come up with solutions.

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So rather than having people
around you going, this is never,

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you do know that this isn't going
to work, right? This is like,

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I don't even like to say
the S word or the D word,

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but people will say that this is
not a good idea, and they'll put it

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into such negative sentences that
it's painful and it makes you

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question yourself.

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So I feel I didn't have a lot of that,

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and when I did have that,

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I was able to go to my core group and just

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really bounce it off the
people that would lift me up.

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And I didn't have a lot
of people like that,

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but I knew who I could
trust and who I could go to,

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and they would always give
me really good advice. Now,

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if you don't have that, what are
some things that we could do?

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The things that we listen to,

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even the music we listen to.

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I think the intake. I mean, we all have
these voices inside of our head do that,

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narrate our lives and take
us in different directions.

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And the thing about that voice is that
sometimes that voice can be negative and

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that kind of inner dialogue that
we have with ourselves, that

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have with ourselves lot, it can have
this profound impact on our motivation.

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And I think that that's what I was going
through all the time because it wasn't

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necessarily the outside forces. I mean,

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they might say a little
something here and there,

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but nobody was telling me like, you're
never going to be able to do this.

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This is never going to work. They didn't
say that. They didn't have to say that.

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Well see people, because I
had filled those in myself.

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I filled in all that
information for myself.

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I was telling myself that, oh
my gosh, somebody would say,

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well, what are you going to do about this?

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And then I would blow that up
in my head like, whoa, my gosh,

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what am I going to do about
that? It's probably not.

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Going to work. A few that you said,
were trying to rip down the ideas,

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and that was really negative for you,

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but I could see how you
would build to the story

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that was being said and you would
blow it up to be something else.

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And that is something we all have
to be very careful with because

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you could potentially spiral
and you could blow your

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God given destiny or a
really great business

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idea.

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Well, I think self-talk is so
important a hundred percent.

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When I learned to control those
thoughts, I mean, now I feel so powerful.

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I never questioned anything that's
going through my head when I, not.

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In a.

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Negative way, not in a negative way
now. So I've learned to control it,

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and I think that's how I know that it's
powerful because when you can control

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it, you can do anything. I mean,

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not that I haven't had failures because
there's things that haven't worked,

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worked out for me,

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but I always feel like
I am going to blow the

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doors off of this thing. I'm going
to break through these walls.

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We're going to kill this.

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And sometimes there's some of the
things I spoke about in my TED talk

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was that I'll have these insecurities,

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but when I feel that I
overcompensate for it by

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working out all those
problems ahead of time,

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by figuring out overcompensating
for it so that it fixes

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itself,

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that I know that if I'm going to go
into this situation and I'm not sure how

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this is going to work
out, then I overstudy.

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I look up every possibility
and I am looking for every

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contingency. And so I'm
prepared when I go into it.

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And by the time I get to that point now,

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there's no chance that this isn't working.

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I'm always believing that I'm going
to kill this thing, whatever it is.

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Well, and that's the important thing,

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is that you have to believe
in yourself first and

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foremost,

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and know that you have the God-given
ability and the God-given gift to go

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after anything in the world you can

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accomplish. You just have to commit.

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You just totally have to
commit a hundred percent.

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When Charles first came to me,

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I just lost my job as a police officer,

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and I was hired on this other
department that I didn't want to be at.

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And I remember him coming to my department
and asking me if I wanted to start a

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T-shirt company. And I was thinking,

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I don't know anything
about printing T-shirts.

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I've never printed a T-shirt in my life.

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But I loved the idea of back
then what was called no holds

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bard or Juujitsu,

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and I loved Juujitsu. He loved Juujitsu,

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and we just wanted to do
something in and around that.

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And we knew that this sport was blowing
up. We knew that it was growing,

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and we knew that there was something
here. There was something special here.

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And I think when you start talking
about the things that you really know

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about, that you're confident about,

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I wasn't confident. If somebody
would asked me about printing shirts,

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I'd been like, oh my
gosh, yeah, we're done.

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So we don't know anything
about T-shirt business.

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We don't really know too
much about marketing,

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although that became our strong point.

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But what we did know
was that this sport was

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growing quickly and that it was going to
be big. I wouldn't say growing quickly,

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that's probably the wrong words,
because that time it was illegal.

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But we did know that there was something
here that everybody we showed it

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to was excited about it.

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Everybody that we talked about
it with was excited about it.

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And if they happen to watch a
UFC or they happen to watch start

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training in Jiujitsu,

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that they were addicted to it
and there was something there.

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So when you're talking about things
that you feel more comfortable about,

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that you feel confident about and that
you're confident about your subject

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matter, whatever that is, you tend
to be more in a positive place.

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And I guess the reaction,
obviously not I guess,

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but for sure if you have that
positive reaction from people,

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then it helps you. It gives you the
signals that you're on the right track.

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So again,

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you're surrounding yourself on the second
half of that journey with people that

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are excited for you. So
that's a good feeling,

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and that gives you the
fuel to push forward.

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So whatever industry you are in or
whatever business you're trying to build,

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surround yourself with the people
that can cause that momentum,

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that will push that momentum
into you going forward.

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That gives you the confidence to know
that you are on the right track and that

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it is possible.

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Yeah,

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I think I'm sure you probably went through
something like that in acting like if

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you had a good response from
people about your acting,

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then you felt very confident about it.

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But how did it feel when
you got a negative response?

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Did you ever feel like somebody
was coming down on you because you.

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Didn't, maybe.

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You didn't get a part or something? I.

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Had really good coaches
that really helped me

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prepare my mindset.

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And I think one of the reasons I stepped
into that industry is because it was so

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challenging,

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and I'm telling you it's not for everyone
because they really do cut you down.

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But I am the kind of person
that I really love to challenge

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myself. I don't know, because
there is a lot of rejection,

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but I don't know why.

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There's just this part
of me that enjoyed the

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challenge. I don't know
if I think about it now,

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that must've been really tough.

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And I saw a lot of people
break down and turn to

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things that I know little
ones are listening,

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but they would get lost in a world
of you could get lost in a world of

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darkness, depression, is it
me? Is it personally me? Well,

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I was able to disconnect from that.
It is just a role,

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but what I would find joy in knowing
that I'm probably not going to

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get this role,

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I'm going to think outside of the
box and try to make them fall.

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The coaches would say,

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make them fall in love with
you when you go into that room.

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And it just taught me so
much about business and

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public speaking,

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and you just have these
things that you learn so that

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people cannot look away
from you. So for me,

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I enjoyed acting. I loved it. I
loved taking on the challenge,

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but there were some roles
that I really, really wanted,

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that I really wanted, and I could
feel a part of. My heart broke.

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I'm like, they couldn't have
said no, I was perfect for this.

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I was perfect for this. So yeah, I
did have a little bit of heartbreak,

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but I never took it personal.

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And I had such great coaches
that just poured into me in that

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sense.

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Hi, baby. Yeah, I think your
thoughts have such incredible power.

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That never take it.

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Personal, and you have
to not take it personal.

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And the good news about that is
that is because those have so much

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power that you also have the
power of your own thoughts.

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So if you control your own thoughts, they
can take you in a different direction.

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And you have to be conscious of it
because if you're not conscious of

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the power that you have
over your own thoughts,

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then those thoughts can just go wild.

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And so you have to control those thoughts
when they start getting wild like

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that. And I think part of that is just
the intake is thinking about the positive

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things, being grateful for what
you have and what you can do. And.

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The lesson, I think, for and for yourself,

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I think that you can relate to this
when you have a failure or you don't get

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something,

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it teaches you a lesson so
that the next time you go

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into, for example, a role,

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you've learned your lesson and
you tactically go at it in another

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way and then you win,
and then it's awesome.

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Yeah, I mean, it's so easy. I think every.

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Business, everybody.

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Walt Disney was fired from his first job

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for not being creative enough,

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and those are examples of
people who probably could

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have took those things to heart but didn't
get deterred because they've reframed

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it in their mind,

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however they did to get back on track
so that they could accomplish what they

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were looking to because they knew in
themselves is how somehow he must have

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said, how could he say, I'm not
creative enough if you reframe it,

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he must not have understood what I had
running through my brain because I have

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so much bigger picture that he
just doesn't even understand.

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The one thing that my mom was
really good at when she was

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raising us was talking
power and confidence,

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and she just chose her
words. Now that I think back,

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she chose her words so wisely
about the way she spoke

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about us. And I feel like
the way she talked to us,

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we truly believed that
anything was possible. I mean,

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from the second I knew that
I was pregnant with Daniel,

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the words were very carefully
chosen that I spoke,

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even the thoughts that I took,

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because I don't know how
they say that your baby can

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read your thoughts.

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I just was so careful
with everything I took in

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everything I put out the words.

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I invite you guys to prime
your children because

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what you say, they will believe
what you say about yourself.

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They will believe. My mom was very
careful the way she talked about herself.

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I'm sure she had moments where she
wasn't sure because she prayed.

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She prayed a lot for answers.

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But the way you talk about yourself
and the way you talk about those

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children, and you got to speak about
your children as if they are the wisest,

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kindest, smartest,

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most beautiful and
talented humans on earth,

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what they believe is
what they will become.

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I think when me and Charles
were starting tap out,

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and it was early on, we're
both ex-police officers,

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or I was probably still police officer
at the time coming from San Bernardino

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and just not having, we didn't
have a business background,

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didn't really have anybody to look
up to. I was looking up to him.

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He was like eight years older than I
was, so I was somewhat looking to him,

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your father here, but he was still,
he's not a business guy either.

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And he's kind of looking at me for some
of those things because I had started a

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small business before,
so he's looking at me,

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but neither of us really
knowing what we're doing,

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but what I needed to see
that other people could make.

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I needed to see that
somebody like me could create

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something. And once I understood that,
I had read books on, or not books,

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but articles on Daymond John,
later we became friends,

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but reading his article,

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an article on him about
how he had started fubu,

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and I realized that he was just a
regular guy too. A guy who just hustled,

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had great ideas, and how can
he get his name out there?

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He was in this almost, even though
hip hop was a different thing,

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it was growing.

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He was at that same ground floor
level when he started fubu,

00:19:05
and he was able to grow this company
into this a hundred million dollar,

00:19:09
multi hundred million dollar company,
or now maybe a billion dollar company.

00:19:14
I love that. And we were
kind of in the same place.

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So we were at that place at that time
when we're at these beginning stages,

00:19:21
didn't know a lot about the business,

00:19:23
but we believed that we could create
something big because the sport was

00:19:28
growing so fast and.

00:19:30
The stories, that's exactly what
happened you had around you.

00:19:33
I think that that was.

00:19:34
A huge, I influence, yeah, I need
just see that that was possible.

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And then when I realized
that was possible,

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that self-talk change because I

00:19:44
became this police
officer and me came out,

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if they could do it, I can
do it. I'm not going to lose.

00:19:51
I'm not going to die here on the floor.

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I can agree with that a hundred
percent. And growing up,

00:19:58
being in business,

00:20:00
that I feel was such a gift
because the conversations that were

00:20:04
had in the store, in the antique
store, in the jewelry store,

00:20:09
especially the jewelry store, because
those were the successful entrepreneurs,

00:20:14
attorneys, doctors, buying gifts,

00:20:16
and my mom was really
great at opening them up

00:20:21
to conversations and she
would share her struggle of

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coming to the country as an immigrant,

00:20:30
and they would open up and share their
stories of failures and sometimes

00:20:34
bankruptcies, but then here
they are back on their feet.

00:20:39
I would have that in my back pocket
as a child. And then growing up,

00:20:44
as you were saying, looking
up to these entrepreneurs,

00:20:48
and for me, quotes were
really big as yourself.

00:20:51
So that was something
we would either, for me,

00:20:56
I would stick these quotes all over
my walls of different entrepreneurs.

00:21:01
And I love the fact that yes,

00:21:03
they're all just normal
human beings that have

00:21:08
failed once, twice, sometimes, many times.

00:21:12
And then here they are back on
their feet and they made it.

00:21:15
I love those stories.

00:21:17
Almost more times the better when you
hear about, inspire their failures.

00:21:22
Realize.

00:21:23
How much is possible. Yes,

00:21:25
I needed to see that these people were
just like me and they were able to make

00:21:29
it. I think that's what made,

00:21:31
I've told the story before about Tony
Robbins and how just watching his

00:21:35
infomercial and him highlighting the
fact that certain people were just

00:21:40
normal people and that they were
through their mindset, able to make it,

00:21:46
I realized how important the
mindset was at that time.

00:21:50
That really played a part in ultimately,

00:21:53
and I think I had told the story
that ultimately 10 years later,

00:21:56
I had ran into Tony Robbins
in a hotel and told him about

00:22:01
how he had changed my
life. Yeah, that's so cool.

00:22:02
And told him about how his teachings
on mindset and being able to

00:22:07
control the way you think
changed the way I was thinking,

00:22:11
and I think played a huge part
in our success. And ultimately,

00:22:17
he put me on his infomercial.
I mean, that just, yeah.

00:22:20
That's so fun is just the craziness,
how this can come full circle.

00:22:23
And again, just speak into your
children because I said, oh,

00:22:28
because it reminded me the story
when you were talking of Thomas

00:22:33
Edison.

00:22:34
I love his story of how his teacher
sent him home because do you know

00:22:39
this story.

00:22:39
About the letter that she had sent
home with him? And I don't think he.

00:22:43
Did read at the time the teacher sent
him home saying that he was mentally

00:22:47
deficient, basically, that he
wasn't smart enough to be in school.

00:22:52
So his mother told him
that he was so smart.

00:22:56
I don't know exactly. She.

00:22:57
Read the letter. I think she had read
the letter to him and said, held.

00:23:02
Back her tears as a
strong mama bear. Mama.

00:23:05
Put her own twist of words on it.

00:23:06
And told him he was the most
beautiful and smartest child,

00:23:11
and that this school isn't good
enough. So she had to homeschool him,

00:23:15
and he became the genius of the
century because he believed.

00:23:19
It. Yeah, because she had
instilled that belief it in him.

00:23:24
That just popped into my
head. I love that story.

00:23:26
And imagine how that could have affected
him because he took that with him. God.

00:23:29
Exactly. And it just changed. It
may have changed his whole mindset.

00:23:33
Absolutely. 100%.

00:23:36
And that's what we all need to
be doing. I read somewhere that,

00:23:40
because I believe the
reason why a lot of us fail,

00:23:45
if we fail or have these
setbacks is because they're.

00:23:49
Lessons. They lessons. The enemy.

00:23:50
Is putting these negative
thoughts in our head,

00:23:55
and we really have to be careful
about those things because.

00:23:59
Yes, it's all a lie. He, it's a lie.

00:24:01
I read exactly that,

00:24:03
that Satan's best lies is
that that will never happen.

00:24:08
Whatever you're thinking about,
whatever you're trying to do,

00:24:11
I could hear him whispering in the back
of my head, and if you're listening,

00:24:14
he's probably whispered in your ear
a few times. That will never happen.

00:24:20
Whatever you're thinking
about, that will never happen.

00:24:23
Well, he can't read your thoughts. So
never talk about these things out loud.

00:24:28
Never say,

00:24:30
never commit to the negative thought You

00:24:34
could train yourself
to dodge the thoughts,

00:24:38
turn it into something else.
Acknowledge that that is the devil.

00:24:42
That is the devil. Don't say it
out loud. Do not commit to it.

00:24:47
Just don't.

00:24:48
Never commit it.

00:24:49
Refuse to.

00:24:49
Believe it. Nope. Never commit
to it. I love kids. So what.

00:24:52
Are the fixes that we can do? What
are some of the things that can change

00:24:58
the way they speak to themselves?
Because it's so, so important,

00:25:02
especially when you don't have a
lot of wins under your belt yet.

00:25:06
Because I think what gave
me self-confidence is as
you start to have these

00:25:11
little wins throughout your life,

00:25:12
throughout especially your business
career or whatever it might be,

00:25:16
is you start to have these
little wins throughout your life.

00:25:18
You start to gain self-Confidence.

00:25:21
Confidence, yes. And the momentum.

00:25:23
Yeah. And it gives you this momentum.
But before you get to that point,

00:25:29
there's a danger of believing the negative

00:25:33
around you. The people that
might either tell you, well,

00:25:38
that's probably impossible. You see some
YouTube star and you're thinking, oh,

00:25:43
I could never do that. Or
especially somebody will tell you,

00:25:47
that's not possible for us because
we come from here or because we're

00:25:52
this person. Oh gosh, that's terrible.
Or because we don't have the money.

00:25:55
Somebody will always give you a reason.

00:25:56
Why you can't. Let me just tell
you that anything is possible.

00:25:59
You just need to learn as much as you
can about the thing that you are going

00:26:04
after. I think one of the main things,

00:26:07
if you can surround yourself
with the people that

00:26:12
know more than you about the thing
that you're trying to go after,

00:26:16
surround yourself with people
that are going to build you up,

00:26:20
not pull you down the people
that you feel most confident

00:26:24
around

00:26:28
that don't make you second guess
yourself. If you don't have that,

00:26:32
listen to a podcast that is going
to uplift you to make you feel like

00:26:37
anything is possible.
Read books, books, books.

00:26:41
Most of people, four people,
there's so much more around you.

00:26:45
There's so much.

00:26:46
That you may not have had 20 years
ago that weren't available to you,

00:26:50
especially in the way that they are today.

00:26:52
But between podcasts and audio books and

00:26:56
coaching.

00:26:57
Consuming content coaching.

00:26:59
YouTube, there's no excuse
anymore. There's no excuse.

00:27:04
There's way too much out there to
help get your mindset straight so

00:27:09
that you don't have these types of issues.

00:27:11
And the words that you say, the words
that you think have immense power.

00:27:16
I would say, and this is something
that I learned as a little girl,

00:27:20
and I hope that I know that my kids,

00:27:23
when they get scared or something,

00:27:27
they don't ever have thoughts
of that. They can't do anything.

00:27:30
They truly believe anything is possible,

00:27:33
but they do have whispers of
fear. But my daughter yesterday,

00:27:37
she already said, I'm feeling scared,

00:27:41
but I know that that's a
lie. So can we pray together?

00:27:46
Because I do know that in the Bible that

00:27:51
God says to fear not. So let's
get this feeling out of my head.

00:27:56
This is something that I learned
when I was young. Whatever it is,

00:28:00
pray about it. Pray about it,

00:28:02
and thank God like it's already
happened. If thank you, God,

00:28:07
for bringing the right people into my
life and weeding out the wrong people,

00:28:11
whatever it is,

00:28:12
I'm just giving you a little example of
some of the things that I say when I'm

00:28:17
praying like it's already
happened. I'm not in a good spot.

00:28:21
Pray like it's already happened. Thank
God for the blessings that you do have.

00:28:28
You cannot be scared and
grateful at the same time.

00:28:32
Yes, prayer is so powerful.

00:28:34
You can't have negative
thoughts at the same.

00:28:36
Time. Once you.

00:28:37
Can't, you're grateful.

00:28:39
And our daughter.

00:28:41
I lost my thought, but
you know what I'm saying.

00:28:43
She's doing cartwheels and I've
got my weights around here.

00:28:46
So she's a little firecracker,

00:28:50
but she knows anything is possible.

00:28:53
I love what Joel Osteen says.

00:28:55
He says that when a negative
thought comes your, oh,

00:29:00
what does he say? I can't
remember the words Now,

00:29:02
when a negative thought comes into
your mind, erase it and replace it.

00:29:06
That's what he says.

00:29:06
Yes.

00:29:06
Erase it, erase it, and
replace it. And it's like,

00:29:09
because it's important to not only
get that negative thought out of your

00:29:14
mind, but then replace
it with something that.

00:29:17
You say it out loud because So you.

00:29:19
Change your whole mindset.

00:29:21
Exactly. Exactly.

00:29:23
The thought will come and then
say it out loud in a positive way,

00:29:28
and then you know who the
enemy, he'll run the other way.

00:29:33
If there's anything that
you're going through right now,

00:29:35
there's so much material out
there to just change everything.

00:29:38
Your whole mindset that were
not available 20 years ago,

00:29:43
30 years ago, we're so lucky. And
so we're so fortunate today in 2024.

00:29:48
So if you need to, whether that's
speak to somebody, get a coach,

00:29:53
get on YouTube, read the right book.

00:29:55
There's so many audio books and
regular reading books, however,

00:29:59
whatever type of intake
you like, and it just,

00:30:02
there's so much content out there
for you to be able to take in.

00:30:06
Did you just say that on our podcast? Did.

00:30:07
You really just say that I did,
because someone else may need it.

00:30:10
That you can take this information
in, get your head straight.

00:30:13
Self-talk is so important. I think
it's so important in a positive way,

00:30:18
but also to make sure you're
not doing it in a negative way.

00:30:22
Yes.

00:30:22
So thank you guys for listening to this
episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

00:30:26
Oh.

00:30:26
Real quick.

00:30:27
And.

00:30:28
Do the inventory, because the five
people that you surround yourself with,

00:30:32
you will become.

00:30:32
So make sure that they're thinking
positive and talking positive.

00:30:36
And thank you guys for tuning in. If
you know anybody who this can help,

00:30:40
anybody who's going through something
like this, who's starting a new business,

00:30:44
who's down on themselves a little
bit, not only help them out,

00:30:48
but maybe help them out by sending in
this podcast, let them know that we are,

00:30:53
everybody goes through this stuff,

00:30:55
and that's something that's so
important that they're not alone.

00:30:58
You're not alone in this journey,

00:31:01
that we've all gone through this. No
matter where you are on that journey,

00:31:05
that you can always be better and that
you should look back and try to help

00:31:09
other people that are behind you. So thank
you guys for tuning in our kids here,

00:31:13
and this whole podcast is
going to a whole nother place.

00:31:17
So thank you guys for tuning in and
we will catch you guys next week. God.

00:31:21
Bless.

00:31:22
Time for Jesus.

00:31:34
Aw, God bless you guys.
Thank you for teaming.

00:31:37
Go picnic. Go pick.

00:31:39
Go picnic. Go pick. We're going
to have a picnic tomorrow.

00:31:43
God bless you guys. Thank you guys.

00:31:46
For joining the podcast.
See you next week.

00:31:49
Enjoy this episode of the
Pretty and Punk Podcast.

00:31:53
Make sure to subscribe and like
we love you guys. God bless.

00:31:57
We're ing listening to the Pretty and

00:32:02
Podcast. Please have a good day.

00:32:07
See you next week.