What Your Child Needs From You Before You Offer Advice
(Solo episode w/ Ildiko Ferenczi)
ENTREPRENEUR PARENTS PODCAST BECOMING UNSHAKABLE Hosted by Dan Caldwell and Ildiko Ferenczi
What should you say to your child after a soccer game, sports competition, piano recital, audition, or difficult practice? Could the first few words you speak on the ride home influence how your child experiences success, disappointment, and their relationship with you?
Sometimes the most powerful thing a parent can say has nothing to do with performance. It’s simply, “I’m glad I got to be there.”
In this episode of Becoming Unshakable, Ildiko explores one of the most overlooked moments in parenting: the conversation that happens immediately after our children have had the courage to try. We want our children to develop confidence, resilience, and discipline, but in our desire to help them improve, we can unintentionally turn the ride home into another lesson. What if, before offering advice, we simply gave them the opportunity to tell us how the experience felt to them?
🌱 CONNECTION BEFORE CORRECTION
After a game, recital, or competition, parents naturally notice the missed pass, forgotten line, or moment when their child could have done something differently. But our children are more than their performances. They may be processing disappointment, celebrating a small victory we didn’t notice, or simply wanting to enjoy the rest of the day. The goal isn’t to stop guiding our children. It’s to recognize when guidance will help and when connection should come first.
đź’› WHAT TO SAY ON THE RIDE HOME
Instead of immediately evaluating your child’s performance, start with connection. Try saying, “I’m glad I got to be there,” and then ask, “How was that for you?” These simple words give your child room to share their own experience without feeling that every activity will be followed by a review. You may discover they’re proud of something you didn’t notice, struggling with a disappointment they haven’t expressed, or simply ready to move on. Sometimes, the best way to understand your child is to let them tell their own story.
đź‘‚ KNOW WHEN TO LISTEN AND WHEN TO ADVISE
Children need guidance, but timing matters. When they’re tired, disappointed, or overwhelmed, even well-intentioned advice may be difficult to receive. One helpful question is, “Would you like help thinking it through, or would you like me to listen?” This gives your child an opportunity to communicate what they need while teaching them that asking for support is okay. When advice is welcome, one thoughtful suggestion can be more useful than revisiting every mistake. And if you’ve already offered too much correction, you can repair the moment by acknowledging it, listening, and reconnecting.
đź“– BIBLE MOMENT: A WORD SPOKEN IN DUE SEASON
Proverbs 15:23 (KJV)
“A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”
Wisdom isn’t only about knowing what to say. It’s also about knowing when to say it. A helpful conversation may be better received after a child has eaten, rested, or had time to express their feelings. As Christian parents, we can ask God to help us become thoughtful with our words, patient in our timing, and intentional in the way we guide the next generation. Our children need guidance, but they also need the security of knowing they are loved through both achievement and disappointment.
👑 THIS WEEK’S LEGACY CHALLENGE
The next time your child finishes a game, lesson, rehearsal, or competition, try these four steps:
Start with connection. Tell them you’re glad you were there. Ask about their experience. Try, “How was that for you?” Listen without rushing to correct. Let them share before offering advice. Ask what they need. If they want help, explore one manageable next step together. And if they simply want to tell you a funny story, talk about a friendship, or enjoy the ride home, let that moment be enough. Not every experience needs an immediate lesson. Some moments are meant to become memories.
❤️ FINAL ENCOURAGEMENT: YOUR CHILD IS MORE THAN THEIR PERFORMANCE
Dear parent, there will always be another practice, another opportunity to improve, and another lesson to learn. But your child will not always be this age. One day, the equipment bags, little uniforms, music books, and drives home will become memories.
We can’t know exactly which moments our children will remember, but we can be intentional about the experiences we create along the way. Let the ride home be a place where your child can tell you the truth about their day, celebrate without immediately being challenged to do more, and make a mistake without...