The success secret no one tells you about. The Art of Declining the wrong things lead to winning big!

[00:00:00] You know we create space for what truly matters family business growth and personal well-being

[00:00:07] Those are all very important to us. We know how important health is health is wealth if you don't have your health

[00:00:15] You have nothing

[00:00:21] No

[00:00:24] That's better right babe. Yeah

[00:00:30] She

[00:00:31] Founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company

[00:00:36] She took the world by storm as a social media star

[00:00:39] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur together

[00:00:44] We started a business and had babies now we're figuring out the best ways to do both join us as we learn from other

[00:00:51] Entrepreneurs going through the same life struggle as they share their life hacks about success love kids and everything in between

[00:00:59] The best way to predict the future is to create it

[00:01:06] See believe see cut so

[00:01:10] Welcome to the pretty and punk podcast

[00:01:12] My name is Dan Caldwell, and I'm here with my beautiful wife and co-host

[00:01:20] Last week I said it for you. I let you say your whole name today and

[00:01:25] I see the big smile on your face. You're so happy. I did

[00:01:29] And we have another great podcast

[00:01:31] You were so angry last week on last week podcast. Well, I thought you were trying to make excuse for like

[00:01:40] Excuses I'm trying to bring up an alternative point

[00:01:43] I was brought up so mad all everybody was saying and all the comments were how mad was ill to go this week

[00:01:53] You were so mad you were so mad all yeah read the comments everybody was saying how mad you were

[00:02:02] Passionate I'm passionate and the worst sorry for me is what it was the worst thing for me

[00:02:09] to

[00:02:10] Sit in a room and not say anything and I thought you're just trying to make excuses for

[00:02:16] for failing because we live in a time I and and my mom and

[00:02:22] My friends and the people that we surround ourselves with they talk about how lucky we are

[00:02:31] Living in a time like this now if the internet goes down

[00:02:35] There definitely can be some kind of problem, but right now

[00:02:40] there are people making money in their sleep if they create the right thing and they are

[00:02:46] Helping people solve problems

[00:02:49] The problem is is that there's a lot of people out there that are blaming other people

[00:02:56] For the problem problems that they have and rather than do personal inventory

[00:03:01] They'll blame their parents or they'll blame an ex girlfriend or boy

[00:03:07] I just I cannot handle people that blame or the entire I cannot handle

[00:03:13] I don't disagree. Oh, I need this and give me that no no

[00:03:19] Figure out how to fix it my mom did not I mean if I felt sorry for myself

[00:03:27] There was no sympathy. There was no sympathy

[00:03:30] So I very she very quickly snapped me out of that

[00:03:35] Feeling sorry for myself and I had a lot of things happen in my life

[00:03:40] I had a lot of traumatic experiences

[00:03:43] I could blame, you know my father for not being there

[00:03:47] But that's a week at a weak thing to do. So I don't know

[00:03:52] I just thought you were trying to make excuses for people like

[00:03:56] Bad talk to me the rest of my time and I'm like damn

[00:04:01] we're living in the best time and

[00:04:04] It takes sometimes it takes skills

[00:04:08] It takes a lot of prayer to figure out what to do

[00:04:11] But I came from a family with a single mother

[00:04:16] That built that built her equity up to 27

[00:04:24] Properties at one point. Okay, she didn't she wasn't in a home

[00:04:29] because she said never put me in a home

[00:04:31] I'm not gonna go into a home and

[00:04:34] Here's the beauty of it is when she couldn't do stuff

[00:04:39] I took care of it for her and I didn't really talk about it. Yeah, you know, I'm dealing with that now

[00:04:45] It cost me over two hundred thousand dollars

[00:04:48] but

[00:04:49] That was my decision and I made the investments and that was something I paid for because I

[00:04:57] wanted her to she

[00:04:59] sacrificed so much

[00:05:02] for me and other people to other people that will never acknowledge it and and

[00:05:08] But she sacrificed so much and she deserved to be a queen and

[00:05:14] To you know, live her life like a queen and

[00:05:17] Just all I could hear was my mom in the background when you were starting it

[00:05:22] But it's so hard everything

[00:05:25] And I think it may be a little bit

[00:05:28] I just it really triggered me because I never want anyone around me like I'm a good friend and

[00:05:37] If the people around me don't call me out

[00:05:41] All my friends have the courage to call me out and push me to be better better

[00:05:46] but if there's people that say I'm say I'm not being my best in my marriage or

[00:05:54] Whatever whatever it is if my people around me are just being nice and yeah, Aldeco, you're right

[00:06:02] You're right. No, I want honesty. I need that honesty and I need that

[00:06:12] Tactical advice from someone to lean into and I don't want so yeah, you know, oh you had such a hard life

[00:06:20] Just and no no, no, thank you. So so I got a little bit

[00:06:26] I get it. You were you didn't talk to me the rest of the night. You were like mad at me

[00:06:32] I was like just bring it up a point. He's gonna make it. I'm trying to

[00:06:35] For people

[00:06:40] To push people just to ignite that fire within them and you know

[00:06:46] Honestly get down to that that level where if you have nothing left

[00:06:51] Don't go to that

[00:06:52] victim mentality because we are what are we created and we're the

[00:06:57] We are created in the image of God and he is amazing and we have royal blood

[00:07:03] all of us every single one of us and when we feel like

[00:07:09] You know things aren't possible or we want to blame get down on your knees and just and just pray

[00:07:15] I mean, that's my only advice my mom. I caught her so many times

[00:07:20] Talking to the good Lord. Yeah

[00:07:22] I mean if you're not accepting your blood if you're not seeing your blessings in your life

[00:07:26] You're not gonna be given more blessings to deal with but also learn from those hard times learn from don't turn it into

[00:07:34] What was me and sympathy really look for the lesson in it look for the less if you don't understand

[00:07:41] There's a lot of things that I still don't understand that I'm still learning and I

[00:07:48] Don't I don't want to say that I'm perfect at every everything. I'm I'm not I'm still learning

[00:07:55] I'm still growing in so many ways

[00:07:57] But I know that I've become this new person over and over and over again in my life

[00:08:04] And it's okay to do that. It's okay to evolve and become

[00:08:09] Something something different something great. We all have beauty within us and

[00:08:16] And especially as parents we have this

[00:08:20] responsibility, you know to really work hard and

[00:08:25] And do everything we can in our power

[00:08:28] If you guys want to listen to episode

[00:08:31] 187 187 you know 187 means in cop talk. No that means murder

[00:08:37] If you want to get murdered in 187 episode 187 go back and listen I forget the name of that what we called the episode

[00:08:45] something about no excuses and

[00:08:49] It's a don't be able to go get really passionate for that episode. Anyways, we got a new episode

[00:08:54] it's about the power of no and

[00:08:58] Before we jump into that we're gonna jump into this. Hey guys

[00:09:01] We hope you're enjoying today's episode of the pretty and punk podcast and if you are and you haven't already hit that like and subscribe button

[00:09:08] It just takes a second it means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there to more listeners like you guys and

[00:09:15] If you know anybody it might help and you can send it to them. We really appreciate that too

[00:09:20] We also love and appreciate your reviews even the babies look forward to them every day

[00:09:25] If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us

[00:09:31] We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business and the way that you juggle things makes you a

[00:09:38] Superhero that's worth a shout out together

[00:09:40] We have a community of our personal followers as well

[00:09:44] And we just want to put it out there

[00:09:45] we want to show everybody that this juggle is possible and

[00:09:50] You are our family and we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family

[00:09:57] So don't forget the sh all the links are below in the show notes and

[00:10:03] Thank you again, and let's get back to the show

[00:10:05] And you know it was also 3 a.m. I'm not good late at night. I need

[00:10:12] sleep anyway to this episode as

[00:10:16] parents and

[00:10:17] Many of us like as entrepreneur parents

[00:10:21] We often feel like we have to say yes to every opportunity every request and every task

[00:10:29] Whether it's in business or at home, but saying yes all the time leads to

[00:10:36] Burnout and stress and ultimately not giving our best to the things that truly matter. Do you agree?

[00:10:43] Yeah, I think that we we have to I mean, I'm not the best at saying no all the time

[00:10:48] I mean, but I used to get no because of your the thing is the

[00:10:53] The push-pull that you're that you're dealing with is that you're building a business. We're all building businesses, right?

[00:11:00] And we're trying to always keep our eyes open for opportunities

[00:11:03] You're always looking for the opportunity to get your foot in a door or get placement somewhere make something happen

[00:11:10] So people come to you with ideas all the time, especially like I'm telling you there's nothing like when your company is

[00:11:17] You know on a trajectory straight up

[00:11:20] To have a million people coming at you. I mean I had people when we were building tap out

[00:11:25] I had people coming to me about you were with me when somebody was coming to me about building a

[00:11:29] Restaurants, you know, they wanted to build all these nightclubs and restaurants tap out restaurants

[00:11:34] And somebody came to us about building them

[00:11:36] I remember this this very fairly

[00:11:40] powerful

[00:11:42] company people of people and a group of people come to came to us about

[00:11:49] starting a

[00:11:51] Tap out fight league like UFC

[00:11:54] And we're like, you know, we already have all that we're

[00:11:58] Concentrating on building the best clothing company in the world

[00:12:01] And we did not have that on our room on our plate to do that and we had this and you know

[00:12:06] We needed to say no and thank goodness we did. Yeah, because if you start saying yes

[00:12:12] To just every opportunity. Yeah, you will eventually eventually do nothing. Well, it well, that's true and also I

[00:12:22] Love where we are right now in our lives

[00:12:26] Because at that point it was like yes to some coffee shop or this or that or or no

[00:12:33] But it just wasn't even in our alignment some of the things that we said

[00:12:38] Or yes to or some things that you said yes, and I'm like, why would you even do that?

[00:12:45] And I love where we are now

[00:12:48] Yeah, and it's just like and sometimes you're just you have sympathy or you're trying to help someone out

[00:12:55] You know, it's a bad idea

[00:12:57] But you did it anyway and then you wish you could go back but you can't go back now now

[00:13:02] You're in it and you know, it's a waste of money. You see it going and it's just painful

[00:13:07] But I love where we are now because we have this niche

[00:13:12] We have this niche where the real power lies and saying no

[00:13:17] Because when we say no to things that we very clearly see

[00:13:22] Don't align with our goals or our values, which are so clear right now

[00:13:29] You know, we create space for what truly matters family business growth and personal well-being

[00:13:36] Those are all very important to us. We know how important health is health is wealth if you don't have your health

[00:13:45] You have nothing and that's what so so important if you don't have your family

[00:13:51] Sorry, but just real quick to wrap it up if it doesn't include if it's pulling me away from my family

[00:13:58] or you away from my family your family or

[00:14:02] You know, it's pulling me away from my spouse and I'm gonna spend most of my time

[00:14:07] You know not and that's going to

[00:14:12] burden our marriage

[00:14:13] podcast in

[00:14:16] sponsorship deals and and

[00:14:19] Just everything is in alignment right well

[00:14:22] That's why you when you create an outline around what you want to do and you're clear about that now

[00:14:28] We know right this down

[00:14:31] We're in a different part of our life. Yes, where you know

[00:14:35] You know 10 years ago 15 20 years ago if I wanted to if I was gonna go

[00:14:41] Create a business, you know, well, I was a top out the perfect example

[00:14:44] I was in over a few years time. I was in Japan China

[00:14:50] Germany

[00:14:52] Abu Dhabi

[00:14:54] Everywhere Saudi Arabia Sweden everywhere flying all over that and when we first met I was flying all over the world all the time and

[00:15:04] I'm you know

[00:15:05] That's I wouldn't be in a place like that today. I would not do that today

[00:15:09] I would not take on something like that today because I wouldn't it's easy to say no for me

[00:15:15] Because when someone comes to me and says, oh, yeah, we're gonna do this

[00:15:18] We'll fly to this and go here and do this and unless I can do that my family if it's you know, if it's not

[00:15:24] I was just gonna say if you can integrate

[00:15:30] Like for me it could be a unique and different idea

[00:15:34] Maybe even you know building tap out or whatever

[00:15:37] Yeah, I don't we don't want each other out. It would have been no way

[00:15:42] Everywhere I was New York to Florida to

[00:15:46] Japan I'd be on a flight to the UK in the middle of the night

[00:15:49] You know it was like there's no way we could have right as a family right on a smaller level on a different level

[00:15:55] If they would have been like oh every once in a while every few months

[00:15:58] This is where the podcast is perfect because you have these

[00:16:02] You know the sponsorships where hey come to Hawaii and

[00:16:07] Talk about our hotel do your podcast there talk about the experience

[00:16:10] How would this be for other families or or wherever somewhere else in the world?

[00:16:16] We just got an invitation to Italy to this

[00:16:20] gorgeous home

[00:16:22] That a lot of influencers are going to but they invited the whole family

[00:16:26] So this is something they want us to talk about and experience and I don't know when we're gonna have the time to do it

[00:16:34] But it's not a no. It's a yes because it's adding value

[00:16:38] To our family

[00:16:40] It's gonna help someone because I'd like to do a giveaway and again again. There was a another

[00:16:47] amazing

[00:16:49] Vacation we didn't really talk about because we had some some family things come up

[00:16:54] We're okay, but we had some family things come up that we're still dealing with and

[00:17:00] I was just so it was immediate. Yes because

[00:17:04] the the women that have this Airbnb in this

[00:17:12] Luxury space out in the woods

[00:17:15] I just see it being so

[00:17:19] Beautiful not just for our family to experience and so much value that I I know this for a fact

[00:17:26] Because the one thing I don't forget

[00:17:29] For our family is the traveling

[00:17:33] Memories the vacations and there's a lot of families out there that cannot afford

[00:17:39] To go or they just don't even have the time to go and I want to be able to just give this

[00:17:45] This gift to a family because it's something that is engraved in your and your children's

[00:17:55] Core memories and it is so special. So these types of things and it works for us

[00:18:02] Into our family

[00:18:05] It's not a rush-rush situation because I know with the tap out thing with you and I was like I just I just

[00:18:13] Want to rest for a minute because it was it was we have to be here and then next week

[00:18:18] We have to be there so we'd be going to the fights

[00:18:21] But we didn't really get to explore or spend time in the locate

[00:18:27] And sometimes we would be flying hours and hours and hours and traveling and I really want to go

[00:18:32] To the amusement park and I want to go on a roller coaster with you

[00:18:36] To the point where like leave you at some point because there were things that you will like we went to the Tony Robbins event in Florida

[00:18:44] Yeah, and I literally had to fly out and

[00:18:47] Where was I going to Saudi Arabia? And I had literally had to leave you there at the

[00:18:53] At the event I felt so bad because that was the best

[00:18:59] The best honestly that business master that changed my life

[00:19:05] and that

[00:19:06] Declaration that I did that day and I wish you were there

[00:19:10] But that was what changed my life

[00:19:13] And I don't think Tony even knows but that was that was the day I wrote the letter

[00:19:20] To my unborn child that I wasn't able to have for years and years and years

[00:19:25] It was when he said to you know really pray for something that is impossible

[00:19:30] and I said I challenged you know my myself and and

[00:19:36] God if this is meant to be and just like

[00:19:41] It happened

[00:19:44] So amazing so yeah anyway

[00:19:49] So so yeah, I mean I just if you have that family plan set up or the business plan

[00:19:55] Exactly what fits into that if it doesn't fit it becomes no and yes become easy

[00:20:00] Because if it fits in that plan then it's a yes

[00:20:04] And if it doesn't it's a no and it has to be a hard no and really look at it because I'm gonna be straight up honest people are getting

[00:20:12] People are getting divorces right now like it's nobody's business. The devil is working really hard

[00:20:17] He wants those girls to go on those girl trips

[00:20:20] He wants those guys to go on the guys trips and he wants people to slip up and people are getting divorces a lot of good people

[00:20:27] We know people didn't say

[00:20:29] That should have said no to some things

[00:20:32] Right now they're in a divorce

[00:20:34] Yeah, if it doesn't pull you closer to your spouse and your family

[00:20:38] You know what the answer is you know it in your gut when it's happening

[00:20:42] You know are there people in your workplace that you do you need to change jobs?

[00:20:48] Are you strong enough? Do you have those people in the background?

[00:20:54] Feeding your marriage or trying to pull you guys apart and if you don't say no

[00:21:00] To support your marriage then that's that's that's the first time

[00:21:04] See when you put your business first and and and don't get me wrong

[00:21:08] You know, I have these inner arguments with my own self about think everybody

[00:21:13] Business is important too because you don't want to miss that opportunity

[00:21:18] Yeah, and you got to put that bread on the table

[00:21:21] But is it ego driven? Are you I feel like right now? Well, yeah, I think that's not the question

[00:21:27] I think the question is no is it gonna damage your marriage is it gonna damage your family?

[00:21:33] Is it going to are you asking too much of your family if you ask that question and you say yes

[00:21:40] Then you absolutely should not be doing it whether it's gonna help your business or not

[00:21:44] Yeah

[00:21:45] What you need to do is find like where is what can you do or what what are you know?

[00:21:51] what are you getting asked to do and

[00:21:53] Can you include your family in that to make it a family thing or I think if you can't is it okay?

[00:22:00] Can you do this without?

[00:22:03] It without repercussions to your family

[00:22:07] Yeah, and that that's that's true. I'm I'm really I'm studying something about

[00:22:13] Like the for sure breakdown of a relationship

[00:22:18] Marriage and a lot of it is this simple like connection. It's so much deeper

[00:22:25] There's so many different levels and we can have a different

[00:22:28] podcast about it because it's very interesting but

[00:22:31] The connection the connection is the most important things and sometimes like little fights

[00:22:39] Come up and it turns into big things, but you're not connecting the way

[00:22:45] One spouse or the other needs you to connect and just connections. So it's so important

[00:22:52] So if it's pulling you guys apart

[00:22:56] If it's pulling you apart from your children

[00:22:59] And remember guys they say they say when you blink the moment is over with your babies

[00:23:07] Like you're gonna miss all that it's true, but I didn't because I chose

[00:23:13] So carefully when I had the babies to be with them all the time. I don't I didn't want to lose that

[00:23:20] No, that was good

[00:23:21] I mean it's what and we were on a you know

[00:23:24] It was a it was a tightrope walk for sure because I was I

[00:23:28] It allowed me to do what I needed to do during that time, you know to work on the business at that time, but

[00:23:34] It was hard on both of us when

[00:23:40] Well that one time when you went to go do that business opportunity, but that wasn't very long

[00:23:46] But even the other times there were a couple other businesses when I was still doing tap-out and

[00:23:51] I was still under contract for with tap-out and I was still traveling a lot not when I had babies

[00:23:57] No, no, no before no just our relationship. Oh, yeah, that was that was straining. I think I was almost done

[00:24:04] Yeah, that's why you know when it came to an end when my contract was over. It felt like

[00:24:09] That was the right time, you know, it was time

[00:24:12] I

[00:24:14] I

[00:24:15] Try to leave you so many times. I love this quote by that. It's so funny how it all

[00:24:21] It I mean we can do we could do a podcast on that, but I was just I was there it was

[00:24:29] It was hot. We had some hard

[00:24:31] We really did have some hard times and I was not to mention we lived in different countries

[00:24:36] outside

[00:24:38] outside

[00:24:40] Influences to like and I was just like I don't need these people yet, but yeah, I'm done

[00:24:47] Like I am done bro. Like I'm done. Just call me

[00:24:51] I was done

[00:24:53] I love this quote by Warren Buffett

[00:24:56] And this is important quote because we we you know

[00:24:59] We have this business the billionaire collection and we had these this great letter from Warren Buffett from

[00:25:06] 1977 where he was he was being asked to start a business with somebody and

[00:25:12] They wanted him to start a new newspaper. I believe it was and

[00:25:16] He politely says I have too much on my plate. I got all these things going on

[00:25:21] Yeah, and I do I don't have time to do this in my life right now

[00:25:25] And he has a great quote. Of course. He says no, right?

[00:25:28] But I love the quote that he has

[00:25:30] The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people

[00:25:38] Say no to almost everything. Yes

[00:25:41] And that's just it's a true thing, you know

[00:25:44] And as I get better and better at that in my life

[00:25:47] Which I think I'm a lot better at it today than I was 10 years ago

[00:25:50] That was one of my biggest turn offs to be honest of the yes because you have a big heart

[00:25:56] And I feel like a lot of people were trying to take advantage of that and I was like if I can't I can't do this

[00:26:04] Like I can't I can't do this but also I grew up with a single mom

[00:26:10] Oh, it was a lot of things you know what I've been I you know what I think it was just going back to analyze it

[00:26:15] Is I had been so busy like imagine

[00:26:18] Flying all over the world doing this building that starting that meetings here that when all of a sudden it ended

[00:26:26] I felt like I was not I felt like I was not doing anything right like I did I was

[00:26:33] Like I need to be busy wasn't clear like it is now and so when I got made it very clear

[00:26:38] Well, yeah spotlight now, but when somebody came to me about a business. I was like, yes

[00:26:42] Yeah, I'm jump. I need to be busy. I need to be building something I could do three of these things

[00:26:47] Oh, I mean it was like a layup

[00:26:49] You know to build a business at that time because tap out it kept me so busy

[00:26:53] You needed to lose some money and that was the

[00:26:55] Yeah

[00:26:59] They're wrong

[00:27:01] 300 there. Yeah, it's like you need to you need to feel that a little bit go. Okay slow down

[00:27:06] you you need to concentrate and

[00:27:10] This isn't just showing up like it was before this

[00:27:15] You have to concentrate and make sure let's that because you learn real quick

[00:27:21] I'll never forget this military guy telling me that

[00:27:26] You know today we would all be speaking German if Hitler had spread his forces like he did and

[00:27:34] Yeah, Charles Charles told me that and

[00:27:38] It it really says that you know if he would have if he wouldn't have kept saying yes to yes

[00:27:45] Let's put soldiers there and put soldiers there

[00:27:47] We unfortunately we'd all probably be speaking German right now and lucky luckily enough

[00:27:53] He was he couldn't say no and he just wanted to take over everything right now

[00:27:58] And he spread his forces too thin and we ended up beating him on all fronts or

[00:28:03] most of the fronts of the fronts that were important and

[00:28:07] That's something that always sat with me and I always remember that in business

[00:28:10] Yeah, you have to apply that to your business and to your life

[00:28:13] That you need to say no or you won't win you say yes to too many things and you're gonna be spread thin and

[00:28:21] It's somehow it's not gonna. It's just not gonna be pretty it's not gonna work out

[00:28:25] Yeah, and you have to be so clear not maybe you have to be

[00:28:30] Clear and say no because the truth is that saying no it's a growth tool and

[00:28:38] It's a strategic tool for growth. This is the facts each time you say no to a task that doesn't

[00:28:45] Move you towards your goals. You're actually saying yes to

[00:28:52] You know just all the

[00:28:56] Things

[00:29:01] I'll just say on top of that so we can keep it here

[00:29:11] I

[00:29:12] Open the little one was coming in I totally lost my thought you know what I am

[00:29:18] You know and and I know what you were starting to say somewhere got lost in translation there

[00:29:23] But Steve Jobs when he came back to Apple and it was like 95 97 somewhere on there when he came back to Apple

[00:29:31] To you know to kind of you know his big comeback

[00:29:35] I remember

[00:29:37] He gave a speech where he said

[00:29:42] Where he was talking about people were asking about what about this and what about that?

[00:29:46] And he was trying to clear all these things that weren't working

[00:29:49] Yeah, you know like they were building a

[00:29:51] Like they were trying to copy palm pilot and build this little palm pilot thing that didn't work

[00:29:57] And they were trying to do this that that was half as good as this as this other company

[00:30:02] That was doing it and he was very clear about they says Apple's not doing a good job at this

[00:30:07] And it doesn't it's our product is half as good as their product over here

[00:30:12] But what we do well, we are going to double down in and he said

[00:30:17] He'll never forget these words focusing. Well, it's even now but you're it

[00:30:23] Focusing is about saying no that's what those words words focusing is about saying no and

[00:30:30] And that meant

[00:30:32] How he was explaining it in his terms was we're gonna focus on what we do well and we're gonna kill it at those things

[00:30:39] We're gonna double down in those areas

[00:30:41] Yeah, and we're gonna get rid of all the things that we need to get rid of because

[00:30:47] We were we were saying yes to everything. I love that. I love that. We're doing that now

[00:30:52] We're actually bringing that into our lot. Well for many years now, and I just feel like that's such a tactical

[00:31:00] important tip for success that

[00:31:04] When we hear other people's stories and the things that they're going through and it's so nice to be able to just share

[00:31:14] our experiences with them and and they're getting it's almost like this this

[00:31:21] fear that they have to say no and then once they start saying no

[00:31:27] They have this this power back right and this

[00:31:32] Absolutely

[00:31:36] Confidence to say no because it's very scary. I think at first

[00:31:40] I was always good at it because I grew up with a very in a very European family so that word

[00:31:48] No, and in many many

[00:31:52] Many different situations, but I feel like I love watching people

[00:32:00] Have the yet that authority that that power and they have that power back and and you see the strength

[00:32:07] That it gives them and the connection that that comes out of it with their spouse and their children and their family and their

[00:32:17] it's like

[00:32:19] You're protecting your empire

[00:32:22] Yeah, and you need to because people are gonna come and they're gonna try to rip down your empire not on purpose necessarily

[00:32:27] But they're gonna ask you oh, I need you to come can you come out here?

[00:32:32] you know fly out to Florida and

[00:32:34] Spin, you know a week out here with it and it

[00:32:38] Probably it could be good for your business. It could be something that but sometimes you've got to put boundaries

[00:32:46] Around your life, right so that you can go look I want to be

[00:32:51] Successes about being happy now you there's people who can find success and you know making

[00:32:58] 100,000 bucks a year or $50,000 a year and there's people that

[00:33:03] Need to be making you know $50 million a year to feel successful, but I the real success comes from

[00:33:12] Your relationships and your relationship specifically with your family, right?

[00:33:18] If you're not

[00:33:19] Having success there if you're not having happiness there then you you know

[00:33:24] It's probably because you're saying yes too much yeah to things that you don't need to send yes to and also setting ground rules

[00:33:31] I remember in the beginning when this whole

[00:33:36] Like a niche of ours started we were really the only ones that said I'll do and even in in

[00:33:45] My career

[00:33:46] On film on set, you know

[00:33:50] I'm not gonna do it unless unless I could bring the baby

[00:33:53] I was nursing and I was a nurse it was it wasn't a six month thing

[00:33:58] I thought oh it's six months, but it's not it's years and I was committed

[00:34:04] I wanted my children to be healthy. I wanted them to have the stem cells through me

[00:34:09] Like there's a lot of research that you got to do when you become a mom

[00:34:13] And then you there's decisions that need to be made and I love seeing this now

[00:34:19] That other people have the courage to you know, they're going for a speaking engagement. They're bringing their babies

[00:34:26] They're bringing their family. Yeah, they're bringing their

[00:34:32] Everything that we do

[00:34:34] Shoot my babies coming if not I can't do it. I'm sorry. I can't do that cover. It's not that important

[00:34:39] I mean, I don't it's not that they don't always have to be there

[00:34:43] But like when you were doing the when you were doing the interviews for the maximum party and all that other stuff

[00:34:47] Yeah, I stayed with Daniel right and then what did I do?

[00:34:51] I ran out and I nursed in the car then I ran back and just we were juggling and it was

[00:34:58] beautiful because you'd think that they would say

[00:35:03] No, but you'd be surprised if you stand your ground and say this is this is how it is in my family

[00:35:12] I'm nursing right now. That is a hundred. This is one of this is my job as a mother and

[00:35:18] If I I don't I mean nothing is worth drying up. I cannot pump

[00:35:24] There's some moms out there that can pump it wouldn't work for me

[00:35:29] It would cause problems. I'd get blocked it would be painful and I'm not gonna go on

[00:35:35] I think all the women know what we're talking about, but I think that's like inside talk for parenting

[00:35:39] I hope everybody not a parent they get it

[00:35:42] Well, I mean

[00:35:46] Yet there's some challenges and

[00:35:51] I couldn't in those moms, you know, this isn't there was another podcast

[00:35:56] We're talking about about the moms being you know having the mom guilt and stuff

[00:36:02] And I just feel for the moms that and I feel

[00:36:07] There's a lot of moms that we have in our community that have changed that quit their jobs is I cannot leave

[00:36:15] I can't just be with my baby for maternity leave like I had to think of something I

[00:36:22] Got creative and I started an online thing because I was not going back to that nine to five and

[00:36:30] I wasn't going to leave my baby

[00:36:32] So all those women that are going through it my heart goes out to you if you have to keep going and if you've been able

[00:36:40] To change careers

[00:36:43] Amazing amazing amazing. I love hearing your story. That's why I think women's women businesses mom businesses

[00:36:50] Specifically or be are so strong right now because so many women are choosing. I think something about COVID

[00:36:57] Got people riled up and they're like, yeah, I want to be at home with my family

[00:37:02] So if there's a possibility and now with the internet and everything that you know that get creative

[00:37:08] Don't be scared everybody. I'll have this this this calling and God

[00:37:14] breathed to this this life into you about your purpose and and

[00:37:21] Sometimes you think you're on the right path and then you get this aha moment

[00:37:25] And a lot of times I feel like it's when you become a parent things change things change

[00:37:32] and don't

[00:37:34] I feel like the enemy wants you to feel like it's a negative thing

[00:37:38] But your get you've given birth not to that check not to just

[00:37:43] The child you've given birth to a different person mom dad

[00:37:49] Both of you you've become a different person now and and there's so much

[00:37:55] success means so much more legacy means so much more and

[00:38:01] It's such a beautiful and powerful thing. So

[00:38:05] Again, there there's a different confidence when it comes to saying no

[00:38:11] Once you've become a parent. Yeah, I think the more and it

[00:38:17] It's be it becomes more liberating

[00:38:20] The more you say no and you get good at it because you start to just go now

[00:38:24] I can't do that. I don't really have the time

[00:38:27] Yeah, you know usually I spend the weekends of my family. They do they really do and

[00:38:32] You can't that's where you get your power

[00:38:35] So when you say hey, I need to bring my family to that what are the accommodations?

[00:38:41] You know when you get someone who says well, we're not really, you know

[00:38:44] It's kind of gonna be like I was probably not gonna work for me then

[00:38:47] Yeah

[00:38:47] And that's the other thing is it very clearly puts a spotlight on the

[00:38:53] Relationships that need to be in your life and that don't need to be in your life

[00:38:57] Yeah, I've got a few months ago when somebody asked me VIP at a club and I was like

[00:39:03] You know not only do I just do not want to be at a club

[00:39:07] I don't I just didn't want to do that and I knew that it would be you know

[00:39:14] What am I what does that even look like? You know, I'm like, I'm not gonna bring you guys there

[00:39:18] So you guys what are gonna stay in the hotel? Why go to this thing real quick and you know, I hated it

[00:39:25] I hated it

[00:39:27] No, just no no no no

[00:39:30] I'm not into it and plus here's the thing. I don't have that

[00:39:36] temptation even because I

[00:39:38] Gave my everything I committed to my babies. I wanted them to have all

[00:39:44] The strength in the world for when I've seen illness. Okay. I've seen illness

[00:39:50] I've lost people and

[00:39:53] If I know the value of

[00:39:58] What I could do for my child like I quit I

[00:40:01] Quit like and I wasn't even a drinker or an alcoholic. So when I say I quit drinking it was I

[00:40:08] Wasn't an alcoholic, but I would sometimes I wasn't anything like that. No, no

[00:40:14] No

[00:40:14] I would sometimes have some champagne pop a bottle very expensive one because I don't even like the taste

[00:40:21] But I was like, oh a fancy bottle of champagne how

[00:40:26] Paris and you know, it's fancy and and

[00:40:29] People would get impressed when a big

[00:40:33] Fancy bottle of champagne would come out. I don't really I'm not a drinker. So it wasn't no brainer

[00:40:41] Yes, I'm going to nurse my child and I don't feel like drinking and

[00:40:47] gosh the

[00:40:48] The weight came off like really quickly because I wasn't

[00:40:54] I was nursing and I wasn't doing the things I shouldn't do and even in the days when I didn't have the kids

[00:41:02] I would go to an event and I would leave I just I hated it and I would

[00:41:07] Be in the atmosphere. No, and I don't I don't like crowds really

[00:41:12] So I'm always in the chain off the IP area

[00:41:17] But then people are acting like fools and I just it wasn't that

[00:41:22] I'm like really why is this so impressive? Like it's boring. It's boring. I have to make an appearance

[00:41:30] I'm getting paid to do this and then I'm ghosting. I'm out. I would always sneak out

[00:41:35] I just didn't like it. We were famous for sneaking out of close

[00:41:39] We'd have to go show up to our party because we'd have some party in our name

[00:41:45] And so once we got paid we were like, okay

[00:41:47] We got to be there for 30 minutes or like there's 31 minutes and we'd be heading out the door

[00:41:51] We'd head to a movie theater and go watch a movie me Charles and scrape. Yeah, and it was just yeah

[00:41:57] It just never I mean it's been some times where you know, you had some good times there

[00:42:02] And you're hanging out with people that you liked

[00:42:05] Yeah, but overall you look back and sometimes like I don't miss that

[00:42:09] I don't I don't miss it. I don't miss it. I don't like it and

[00:42:14] Yeah, so I mean those decisions are very very very easy for me

[00:42:19] But when it has to do with as I said the traveling

[00:42:23] With my family

[00:42:25] Speaking events business events those kind of things where I'm helping other

[00:42:30] Families other mothers and just helping people step into this new role that is such a blessing

[00:42:38] And I I see sometimes people struggling with it. They're struggling they have them and our fathers too

[00:42:45] They're struggling and they don't want to be

[00:42:48] seen as a father sometimes but then when they see these incredible

[00:42:55] entrepreneurial fathers that that take their job as

[00:43:00] a father as a business

[00:43:02] Builder as a leader as a protector of their family and they're like dude. I'm in the coolest place of my life

[00:43:11] But I think that's why you need so many good examples out there

[00:43:14] And there's a lot of good people coming out now

[00:43:17] You out and you can fall into that midlife crisis

[00:43:20] And then you're sitting there with your head in your hands going what have I done?

[00:43:24] I've seen that side of the story too and there's a lot of people going through that right now women too women too that have

[00:43:32] fallen off and and

[00:43:34] Thought that they didn't want to be mothers and they made big mistakes and and you can't you can't go back

[00:43:42] You can't go back. Yeah guys. You got to protect your time protect who you are protect your family

[00:43:48] No is so powerful that once you really just so many ways

[00:43:53] I think if you you know, I think it should almost be a plaque on everybody's door because us as entrepreneurs were such

[00:43:59] You know, we're such suckers for for shiny object syndrome

[00:44:04] Just because we want to build great things. We love building great things

[00:44:09] We want to build the next Amazon. We want, you know, there's always great ideas coming at you

[00:44:15] But I think that's when you get very clear about what you want to do in life

[00:44:20] And you say this is what I'm going to do and everything that come is not a part of that circle

[00:44:26] That fits outside of that circle you need to clear the board and say no to and

[00:44:32] It becomes a lot easier when you create that down on paper

[00:44:36] And you're in you get very clear about what works and what doesn't

[00:44:41] So I think that we all need to work on that. I can get better at that

[00:44:45] There's still things that I've said yes to you that I'm like, I should have just said no to that

[00:44:50] But I'm you know, we're fighting with our inner selves these last couple of months that we've been you know

[00:44:55] There's just been there's just been a lot like a lot of stuff

[00:45:01] There's just been a lot of stuff and I can I can feel the exhaustion I feel the exhaustion

[00:45:09] You're probably feeling it too

[00:45:12] And I just feel it was just a really good topic to remind to remind people you got to say no

[00:45:19] Gotta say no any other important parts you wanted to parting

[00:45:23] Knowledge that you want to leave with with everybody the audience. I

[00:45:28] Don't I don't I mean no, it's very simple guys

[00:45:31] We all know that sometimes it's gonna help with it's gonna help with over commitment

[00:45:37] And it's going to help with overall happiness for yourself and your family and

[00:45:44] Oh and one of the actionable tips and this is you know obvious but

[00:45:49] Pick one night start with one evening a week. We're absolutely no work calls no emails

[00:45:58] No meetings allowed just start with one evening a week

[00:46:02] And this is for the people that are still in the grunt stages of their business the building but try

[00:46:09] to just start with one

[00:46:12] Day a week where it's none of that none of that and it's it's gonna it's gonna save you a

[00:46:19] Lot in your mental health and all of it all of the above and your marriage. Yeah, and know that the enemy

[00:46:27] Hates happy marriages. Yeah, and we'll come after it in every way possible and it will try to

[00:46:32] Ruin your business make you unhappy do things that you know take you away from your family

[00:46:38] And so always be on the lookout for that sometimes it it's disguised in

[00:46:43] In sheep's clothing, yeah, be careful watch out and use no it's powerful

[00:46:51] We thank you guys for tuning into this week's episode of the pretty and punk podcast

[00:46:57] Wait wait remember how we were talking about this and I just want to share it

[00:47:01] Maybe someone needs to hear it. It's Ecclesiastes

[00:47:05] 46 better one-hand full with tranquility

[00:47:10] Then two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind guys

[00:47:15] This just reminds us that less is more when it comes to the things we commit to

[00:47:21] It's better to do fewer things well and

[00:47:25] With peace then overall to fill our schedules with the things that leave us exhausted

[00:47:32] I just thought that was really important to add that because we were talking about this

[00:47:37] But there it is in the good book you guys heard it here

[00:47:41] Thank you guys for listening to this week's pretty and punk podcast

[00:47:46] And that's another great scripture and of course from the best book in the world

[00:47:52] God bless you guys. We'll see you guys next week. Say no. Just say no

[00:47:58] Thank you for listening to the pretty and punk podcast

[00:48:02] We hope you enjoyed God bless love bank

[00:48:06] choosing listen to us this week

[00:48:09] Please subscribe review and comment and have the best week God bless