The Power of Mentorship in Marriage; Divorce Proofing Your Marriage Part 4 of 10

[00:00:00] You have to draw a line in the sand. You cannot be hanging out with the single people who have broken marriages. You need to find the people that have discipline, that have that mindset, that are working every day to learn. And I don't think you're ever going to stop learning in a marriage. It's going to be an ongoing lesson. There's always going to be obstacles. There's always going to be things that come up.

[00:00:28] And you need to surround yourself with the people that are striving for greatness.

[00:00:37] Uh, no.

[00:00:41] Ooh, that's better, right, babe?

[00:00:43] Yeah!

[00:00:46] Yeah.

[00:00:48] She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:00:51] He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company.

[00:00:54] She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:00:57] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:01:01] Together we started a business.

[00:01:03] And had babies.

[00:01:04] Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:06] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:01:11] As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:15] And everything in between.

[00:01:17] Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself.

[00:01:22] Not what's left over after you've given your best to everyone else.

[00:01:27] Investing in your merits has the highest ROI.

[00:01:33] That's return on investment.

[00:01:36] Welcome to another great episode of the Printing Punk Podcast.

[00:01:39] My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here with my beautiful co-host and wife.

[00:01:45] Ildiko Ferenzi.

[00:01:46] Hi, you guys.

[00:01:47] We missed you since last week.

[00:01:49] And we have another great podcast for you guys.

[00:01:51] Sorry to step over you there.

[00:01:53] It's okay.

[00:01:53] We have another great podcast for you guys.

[00:01:55] And it's another one in line with the series that we've been doing,

[00:02:00] Divorce Proofing Your Marriage, because it's important.

[00:02:04] It is.

[00:02:05] There's too much divorce going on right now.

[00:02:08] It's not funny.

[00:02:09] It's uncomfortable and it's scary.

[00:02:11] And we all need to do something about it.

[00:02:14] And even as friends of friends that may potentially be facing some stuff behind closed doors,

[00:02:22] we have to be the ones to help them take accountability.

[00:02:26] Because if we love our friends and we love our surroundings and our community,

[00:02:30] we can't let them make the biggest mistake of their lives.

[00:02:33] Because it is.

[00:02:34] And you know, I was listening to something the other day.

[00:02:38] They were talking about, they interviewed divorced couples.

[00:02:44] I believe it was 10 years after the divorce.

[00:02:49] And what they all said that it was something they could have worked out.

[00:02:53] So don't go down a road in the heat of the moment and regret it years later.

[00:03:00] Because not only is that just such a big weight on your shoulder to realize it wasn't that bad

[00:03:08] and we could have worked it out.

[00:03:09] But now your kids had to go through that too.

[00:03:13] And that's the worst thing.

[00:03:14] That's a tough bullet.

[00:03:16] That's a tough pill to swallow.

[00:03:18] So anyway.

[00:03:19] Yeah, it's important.

[00:03:20] And you have to be intentional about it.

[00:03:22] Absolutely.

[00:03:22] I mean, you have to do things and take steps, like listening to this podcast,

[00:03:27] take steps that are intentional to preserve your marriage.

[00:03:31] And it's not always going to be easy.

[00:03:33] It's not easy.

[00:03:34] Or easy.

[00:03:35] Having a marriage is not easy.

[00:03:37] No.

[00:03:37] Trust me.

[00:03:40] You're the difficult one.

[00:03:41] Trust me.

[00:03:42] It's not easy.

[00:03:44] The problem is you.

[00:03:45] It's not easy.

[00:03:46] Okay.

[00:03:48] You're not always going to be so tender love.

[00:03:52] It's not tender love all the time.

[00:03:55] It's not.

[00:03:57] It's not.

[00:03:57] But you know what?

[00:03:58] You know, something sits with me.

[00:04:00] I heard a pastor say this one time that, you know, love your wife like God loved the church.

[00:04:07] And, and Jesus died on the cross for us.

[00:04:12] Well, we have to serve each other.

[00:04:13] So what would you do?

[00:04:14] So when I hear somebody say, well, you know, she wouldn't, she wouldn't, she would do this, or she said this, or she did this.

[00:04:20] Okay, I can see you not liking those things.

[00:04:23] And that might not, but why not put in some effort to try to fix it?

[00:04:28] Why not put in the effort to make it work?

[00:04:31] Yeah.

[00:04:31] I mean, we're not perfect.

[00:04:33] We're, we're, we're not, we have those, we have troubled times too.

[00:04:37] And it's not always easy, but you work through those things and you die on the sword that, hey, we're not going to, if both of you, here's the one thing I know, that if both of you want to make it work,

[00:04:49] that you will.

[00:04:51] That's right.

[00:04:52] That's right.

[00:04:53] And you have to both want to make it work.

[00:04:55] And if you both want to make it work, you will.

[00:04:57] Yeah.

[00:04:58] And before we jump into that.

[00:05:00] Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:05:04] And if you are, and you haven't already hit that liked and subscribe button, it just takes a second.

[00:05:09] It means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there to more listeners like you guys.

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[00:05:25] If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us.

[00:05:30] We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business.

[00:05:35] And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero.

[00:05:38] That's worth a shout out.

[00:05:40] Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:05:44] And we just want to put it out there.

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[00:05:57] So don't forget the sh- all the links are below in the show notes.

[00:06:03] And thank you again.

[00:06:04] And let's get back to the show.

[00:06:06] I love what you said about how to love your wife.

[00:06:10] And that's not easy, but taking accountability is so important because who is God looking for in the garden?

[00:06:19] He was looking for Adam.

[00:06:21] And the first thing Adam did was blame Eve, but he was supposed to lead her.

[00:06:28] He was supposed to guide her.

[00:06:29] Even if she was being difficult in that moment or tempting or whatever it was that she was doing that led them to sin,

[00:06:38] he was supposed to take over in a loving and courageous way.

[00:06:43] And this is what we're talking about today.

[00:06:46] We're talking about the power of mentorship in marriage.

[00:06:51] Now, mentorships are like a lighthouse, I would say, in the storm, guiding couples with wisdom and experiences.

[00:06:59] And now this isn't just mentors or counselors.

[00:07:04] This is things like books, things like podcasts, like our podcast,

[00:07:09] and several other great, wonderful, powerful podcasts out there.

[00:07:13] And so many other tactical, practical steps that you can implement today starting right now.

[00:07:23] Yeah. I mean, if you, both of us have listened to other people and it's helped us because sometimes it helps to kind of step outside of yourself in your own marriage

[00:07:37] to kind of look from 30,000 feet and go, what am I doing wrong or what can I do better?

[00:07:44] Yeah.

[00:07:44] And sometimes it takes somebody else to point those things out to you.

[00:07:47] Right.

[00:07:49] Sometimes you're too close to the problem.

[00:07:51] And when you have, and I mean, looking at everything and listening to the right people, because it's so important to listen to the right people.

[00:07:59] Because there's many times that we will look for someone to talk to about our marriage.

[00:08:06] And I don't suggest, you know, running around complaining.

[00:08:08] It's not a, it's not a, it's not your job to go out and complain about your partner.

[00:08:13] You're going to attract the wrong people when you complain, because those are the people pleasers.

[00:08:18] When you're complaining and they're making you feel better because, yeah, he's terrible.

[00:08:24] He's awful.

[00:08:25] You should leave them.

[00:08:26] Those are the people pleasers.

[00:08:27] They're not going to help your life in any way.

[00:08:30] They're not going to help you grow.

[00:08:32] You need to surround, don't jump into the bucket that looks shiny because the other side is rotten.

[00:08:37] You're going to rot too.

[00:08:38] So don't make that mistake.

[00:08:40] Find people that have the same faith, the same marriage that you want to align yourself with.

[00:08:49] And, you know, you can't, you have to draw a line in the sand.

[00:08:54] You cannot be hanging out with the single, um, the single people who have broken marriages.

[00:09:01] You need to find the people that have discipline, that have that mindset, that are working every day to learn.

[00:09:09] And, um, I don't think you're ever going to stop learning in a marriage.

[00:09:14] It's going to be an ongoing lesson.

[00:09:17] There's always going to be obstacles.

[00:09:19] There's always going to be things that come up and you need to surround yourself with the people that are striving for great, greatness.

[00:09:26] And that push you in every single way that stretch you.

[00:09:32] And you have to look for that community.

[00:09:36] Go for dinner with different couples that you feel have an alignment of where you want to see your marriage and your family.

[00:09:46] Ask the questions, talk about, um, you know, your marriage and faith and, and just see how that feels and pray about it too.

[00:09:57] Pray about, pray about your marriage first and foremost.

[00:10:01] And I always tell couples this and so does Dan is to start praying with each other.

[00:10:06] It is intimate.

[00:10:08] It's hard, but it becomes such a huge blessing.

[00:10:14] You cast this protection over your marriage and your children need to see you work this stuff out.

[00:10:23] And they need to see that they're able to, um, lay their trust in the Lord and just that they're going to eat.

[00:10:32] It doesn't matter how hard life is because we all know your life might be perfect right now, but it's not always going to be perfect.

[00:10:40] There's going to be obstacles and there's so many, um, references in the Bible.

[00:10:46] You know, we don't need to be afraid.

[00:10:48] We have to put our trust in the Lord.

[00:10:50] But if we follow all the little, um, the advice, the advice from the good book, uh, we're going to, we're going to come out on the other side.

[00:11:00] As long as we commit, it's an, it's definitely something that you have to work on every single day.

[00:11:08] You can't miss it.

[00:11:09] You miss a week and you'll feel you're starting to, uh, grow this resentment in your belly.

[00:11:19] Maybe even hate all these feelings.

[00:11:21] That's from the enemy when you're not, uh, what's it called?

[00:11:26] Identifying the problem, talking about the problem, working it out.

[00:11:30] It's all tedious.

[00:11:31] It's hard.

[00:11:33] It's sometimes you'd rather walk away from it, but walking away when you feel like walking away from something, anything, even in business, that means you need to put on your glasses and the microscope and you need to dive in and really, really do the work.

[00:11:49] And remember about the, the apples.

[00:11:52] So you're going to just like in business.

[00:11:54] Okay.

[00:11:55] Look at your five friends.

[00:11:56] Are they broke?

[00:11:57] Are their businesses unsuccessful?

[00:11:59] Well, then you have to, you have to leave all your, you don't have to leave all your, but I mean, generally you do have to do the inventory.

[00:12:07] If they have bad business, they're not saving money.

[00:12:10] They're doing the things that you don't see yourself doing and you don't want to do.

[00:12:16] You cannot serve surround yourself with those people.

[00:12:19] And again, you need to surround yourself with not only successful in business, but successful in, in marriage.

[00:12:26] Are they successful parents?

[00:12:28] Are their children striving and doing great things?

[00:12:32] We have to identify these things.

[00:12:34] We can't be blind to it.

[00:12:36] You want to have that three 60 success in your life because there's so many people.

[00:12:42] And I'm sure you've heard these stories before.

[00:12:43] In fact, I was just hearing somebody tell the story today that they were, they had made all this money.

[00:12:52] They had had success.

[00:12:54] They had the family.

[00:12:56] They had the perfect wife and the perfect life and the kids.

[00:13:01] And then a year later, he, he sells his company and he's, you know, maybe going through some stress and, but yet maybe feels like he's on top of the world because he sold his company.

[00:13:14] And next thing he knows, he's divorced, his kids won't talk to him and he's not in a good place anymore.

[00:13:22] And he's working for the people who, as an employee, uh, the people he sold his business to.

[00:13:28] And you, it's, it's, it's because so often to.

[00:13:34] Yeah.

[00:13:34] I mean, you just need to look at yourself and make sure that you're asking yourself the right questions.

[00:13:42] And I love that you earlier, you talked about prayer and it's so important.

[00:13:48] And one of the things I ask my, ask God for every time I, I say a prayer at night, when I'm talking, when I'm speaking at night, my own prayer, I always ask to be a better parent and to be a better husband because I know I struggle every day.

[00:14:05] I want, I want, I want to be better and I'm not always the best and I'm, and I can, I can sometimes snap and sometimes, you know, say something that I don't mean and I don't want to be that person.

[00:14:17] And I ask God to make me better every day.

[00:14:20] And I, I, I want all of everybody who's listening here, hopefully you're listening because you want to be better to, you know, take those steps that I know that we've taken, that we strive to make our marriage better.

[00:14:38] Because when you're pushing to make your marriage better, when you're working on making your marriage better, and that means both of us has read books and listened to certain podcasts and listened to certain people, just like I know people listen to us.

[00:14:51] And we try to not only pass on the information that we know, but listen to other things that people are going through other techniques or other things that they've learned to make their marriage better, because it can always be, it can, it's going to take work to make it better.

[00:15:08] And you have to work that in that direction constantly.

[00:15:11] If you want to grow your marriage, marriage isn't easy and Satan hates marriage.

[00:15:18] Yeah.

[00:15:18] God loves marriage and God wants you to work at it and it's hard work.

[00:15:24] So it's, uh, um, you know, something else too is you, you need to find someone who will hold you accountable for the, for yourself.

[00:15:35] A hundred percent.

[00:15:36] You need to surround yourself and you may mention a little bit, but surrounding yourself with people who, um, you know, I'm not saying anybody would ever do this, but if you, if you found yourself looking at a girl who walked by and said something to your friends, I mean, one of your friends, the people you want to be hanging around, the people you want to be talking to, the people you want close to you in your life are the guys who say,

[00:16:04] buddy, buddy, buddy, aren't you married?

[00:16:06] Like you wouldn't, I mean, you should step up and say something like that.

[00:16:11] Oh yeah.

[00:16:11] Or you need to be that person.

[00:16:13] And sometimes being that person shows people, shows your character to your friends and it allows them to make certain decisions about you.

[00:16:22] Maybe they don't know who you are.

[00:16:24] Maybe they don't know enough about you to know, um, how you stand in your own marriage, uh, being strong and convicted in your own marriage.

[00:16:34] Even, even if times you're going through a rough patch.

[00:16:37] Yeah.

[00:16:38] Standing by your morals and your commitment into your marriage, um, shows your character and you need to be that person, um, constantly, even when nobody's looking.

[00:16:52] Yeah, that's true.

[00:16:53] It's not, I think that, um, and having, so having that accountability from your friends or from people that you surround yourself with is important.

[00:17:01] Yeah, I think accountability for sure is a key to staying on track and accountability is the glue that helps couples stay aligned with their goals.

[00:17:11] So not only, I think that the two of us having accountability for each other, but our close friends that are able to push us.

[00:17:23] And we have this great community that we hold accountable, but through holding them accountable and hearing them be, and you have to be around people that you trust because these are very intimate, um, intimate, uh, topics that.

[00:17:41] That they bring up.

[00:17:43] But that is the beauty of it where we actually learn lessons and, and it's like a, what is it called?

[00:17:51] Like a refresher, a refresher or like, uh, you know, when you relearn something and it's like, yes, yes, that is such a good, valuable lesson.

[00:18:01] And thank you so much for having the vulnerability to share that because I think we all needed to hear that so that we can be better husbands and wives and, and parents.

[00:18:13] Because when we are ultimately strong and working through these, these, these obstacles or lessons, let's just call them lessons.

[00:18:24] We're teaching our children how to be.

[00:18:26] And sometimes I find it hard.

[00:18:29] I think, uh, what, what was I doing with Daniel and destiny?

[00:18:35] We were doing something and I was coaching him through something.

[00:18:41] I think it was through one of his talks and, and we were doing something.

[00:18:46] And I remember just cause he was in the middle and he was doing it.

[00:18:50] And I, I think maybe, I don't think I said that that wasn't good.

[00:18:55] Let's do it again.

[00:18:56] Cause I try to be very careful.

[00:18:58] I've been coaching for many, many years and you can never, that sucks.

[00:19:03] Do it again.

[00:19:04] But even still with my careful language, I saw this little something in his face and he was working so hard.

[00:19:12] He wanted to get through it.

[00:19:14] And at the end I said, did I hurt anyone's feelings?

[00:19:19] I didn't think I did, but I just wanted to acknowledge it.

[00:19:24] And Daniel said, yeah, you actually did hurt my feelings a little, but it wasn't a big deal, but it kind of did hurt my feelings.

[00:19:31] And I said, listen, and I got down on my knee level, looked him in the eyes because this is how I want him to treat his few.

[00:19:41] Not only am I raising my son, I'm raising a husband that is going to be the safe place for someone's daughter one day.

[00:19:53] And I want him to be able to check the little wrinkle or not wrinkle, but you know what I mean?

[00:20:01] Like when, when you see that little flash in your wife's eyes and you catch it and nobody else can see it.

[00:20:08] I want him to be able to read that.

[00:20:11] Like I can read it in his eyes to see that, that something happened there.

[00:20:16] I'm not sure if it was sadness, but I'm going to check in with him after to just make sure that he feels loved and that he feels cared about and that he feels special.

[00:20:27] And in no way in the world would I ever try to hurt his heart on purpose.

[00:20:33] And I will work harder to make sure that I am more careful with my words.

[00:20:39] That is so important to me because not only am I raising my son, I'm raising a safe place for someone's daughter.

[00:20:46] And that's important to me.

[00:20:48] So anyway, that's just an example.

[00:20:51] And that's how we have to treat our spouses so they can learn from us.

[00:20:55] And if something has happened in the day, don't just slough it away.

[00:21:00] I'm the mom or I'm the dad and what I say goes.

[00:21:04] No, we're humans and we have to connect and we need to understand each other because if we don't have connection and, and that safety to communicate,

[00:21:17] what breaks down a marriage is once you, you get hurt so many times and you can't communicate.

[00:21:24] And once you go dead, it is so hard to bring that marriage back to life.

[00:21:28] It is so hard to bring the attraction back.

[00:21:31] And I'm not saying that it's impossible because it is possible because we have the Lord on our side and it is possible.

[00:21:38] And sometimes we've gone that far that we're no longer attracted to our spouse or we have even this hate towards our spouse.

[00:21:47] I'm not saying that anybody's there yet, that maybe someone out there is there.

[00:21:53] And I'm just saying that you can bring it back.

[00:21:57] It's going to be a lot of hard work.

[00:21:59] How do you find your way back from that?

[00:22:00] And that's why you need those mentors.

[00:22:02] You need the books.

[00:22:03] You need the podcast.

[00:22:04] You need the friends.

[00:22:06] You need to just keep searching for the friends.

[00:22:09] And this is the prayer that we say every day.

[00:22:12] Well, I say sometimes my husband works late.

[00:22:16] So sometimes it's just honestly, we try to pray every night together as a family.

[00:22:20] But sometimes it's just me with the kids.

[00:22:22] But that's a non-negotiable for me.

[00:22:24] I've committed as soon as I found out that I was pregnant.

[00:22:28] I haven't missed one morning or one night with my babies.

[00:22:31] And that's my challenge.

[00:22:33] And I'm going to do it.

[00:22:34] And because for me, I need them to do that with their children.

[00:22:38] Because when I meet the Lord face to face and he's going to ask me, did you miss a day?

[00:22:43] I want to be able to say no.

[00:22:45] No, I didn't.

[00:22:47] I was, you're my number one.

[00:22:50] And they knew that.

[00:22:53] So that's something that we do every night.

[00:22:59] Oh, shoot.

[00:23:01] Yeah.

[00:23:02] So.

[00:23:04] Edit that up.

[00:23:05] Every night.

[00:23:06] Okay.

[00:23:07] No, I just, I lost where I was.

[00:23:10] I had some notes and I juggled them.

[00:23:12] You can't fall off a cliff with me.

[00:23:14] Where did I go?

[00:23:15] I'm like, I'm waiting to say something.

[00:23:17] But I'm like, okay, she's still talking.

[00:23:19] I'll let her go.

[00:23:20] You can't like just fall off a cliff though.

[00:23:23] You got to like give me some warning.

[00:23:25] No, I just wanted to bring up a study that this guy, sociologist, Carl Pilmier conducted a while back.

[00:23:35] I would give you a date if I had it, but he interviewed over 700 long, long married couples and Jack and, and spoke to them all and trying to find out what was the commonality in their strong marriages.

[00:23:50] And all of them said that, or most of them said that, um, that they had gathered advice from other people who had strong marriages.

[00:24:01] And this may have been pre, you know, internet, um, because it looks like this was a while ago, but it may have been pre internet, but they gathered advice from other people that had strong marriages and emphasize the importance of seeking a guidance from other people who had strong, uh,

[00:24:19] marriages that they wanted to model.

[00:24:21] And I see that today when you see, you know, there's great information out there on the internet.

[00:24:27] There's great stories and articles and podcasts we spoke about and, um, uh, uh, books, you know, audio books, books that you read, you know, all these, there's no excuse for not actually working on your marriage because I think, you know, and I was one of those guys, uh, when we first got married, you asked me if I had read a, a,

[00:24:49] um, a marriage book yet.

[00:24:51] And I said, I said, no, a marriage book, busy, busy reading business books.

[00:24:57] Yeah.

[00:24:57] And I didn't realize.

[00:25:00] What?

[00:25:02] Did you just, you didn't just throw me under the bus?

[00:25:05] Like, what do you mean?

[00:25:07] I sucked.

[00:25:08] I didn't suck.

[00:25:10] I, what do you, did you say that on air?

[00:25:14] We did argue.

[00:25:15] We did argue.

[00:25:16] We did argue about things that we shouldn't have argued about.

[00:25:20] And if you would have just read these flipping books, we probably wouldn't have argued.

[00:25:26] That's the thing.

[00:25:28] And I'm sorry.

[00:25:29] Well, I was just going to say, even the Bible says it, Proverbs 11, 14, where there is no guidance of people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.

[00:25:43] And that's just, um, you know, it's just speaking to the fact that the importance of, of seeking other people who, uh, other counsel, people who can lead you in the right direction.

[00:25:55] Yes.

[00:25:56] Including priests too.

[00:25:57] You know, if you have a pastor who you feel comfortable speaking to, if you're having problems in your marriage, um, you know, a pastor isn't always a counselor, but I feel like because they're, uh, they're closeness to God.

[00:26:11] And, and to the, you know, to reading the Bible.

[00:26:14] And sometimes that maybe they're just more enlightened than you are at that moment.

[00:26:19] Maybe they, uh, you know, hopefully they have a great marriage, but hopefully they're in a, in a place connected with God that will give you, give them the words to speak to you where, you know, God will speak through them to you so that they, you can, you know, make the right decision.

[00:26:37] Yeah. And depending on the religion, I mean, a priest is, is married to the Lord.

[00:26:42] So, um, and that's the, that's, these are the other, I wanted to bring up Proverbs 27, 17.

[00:26:48] That's when I said, Oh shoot, I couldn't find it, but it states as iron sharpens iron.

[00:26:54] So one person sharpens another and that's uplifting relationships to refine your marriage.

[00:27:01] And that is so important.

[00:27:04] Just surrounding yourself with that.

[00:27:07] And, you know, if you're the, the James 5, 16, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

[00:27:17] So sharing your struggles that that's going to bring healing and growth.

[00:27:22] And that could be to a priest, to a minute, whatever faith that you are practicing.

[00:27:30] Um, and also with your friends that you trust, you confess in them the things that, that, you know, that, that you're struggling with.

[00:27:41] And you guys pray about it together as men, as a couple, you pray about it.

[00:27:47] And that is just so powerful and healing.

[00:27:51] And it's again, bringing yourself to accountability and accountability guys.

[00:27:57] It is such a good, it feels like, Oh, I don't want to say that I'm wrong.

[00:28:01] And there is no, you're not going to grow unless you do the hard work and it feels hard.

[00:28:09] But after you get over that stump, over that hurdle, you're going to just feel different.

[00:28:17] And you're not only have you overcome it, but you have now the recipe of how you can help others overcome exactly what you're going through.

[00:28:30] Because I guarantee that there are so many people dealing with exactly what you figured out.

[00:28:37] You and your spouse figured out.

[00:28:39] There are so many different situations that people can relate to and they need you to help guide them.

[00:28:49] You can be their mentor.

[00:28:51] Do you have any great books?

[00:28:53] I have, I do.

[00:28:54] I do.

[00:28:55] I do.

[00:28:55] I have a couple.

[00:28:55] I'm just going to share four because we could go on and on and on.

[00:28:59] Four for you, four your favorite or four?

[00:29:01] Because I have a couple that I like.

[00:29:03] Okay, go ahead, go ahead.

[00:29:04] Well, I mean, just one that I read recently that was really good and for men specifically.

[00:29:09] So I kind of like that, you know, men have something that they can listen to.

[00:29:13] Right.

[00:29:13] Um, I think I listened to it with you because I mean, even if it's for men, you can, you

[00:29:18] should as, um, you know, as a spouse, you should listen to it.

[00:29:23] Yeah.

[00:29:23] We were driving home from South Utah or Vegas or something.

[00:29:27] Yeah.

[00:29:27] I think they actually made the reference about Adam in the garden too.

[00:29:30] Yes, they did.

[00:29:31] I knew you were going to bring up that one.

[00:29:32] You have a good memory.

[00:29:33] Yes.

[00:29:33] Uh, the men we need.

[00:29:35] Let's see.

[00:29:37] Who's the author?

[00:29:39] Brant Hanson.

[00:29:40] Brant Hanson.

[00:29:41] I heard him on a podcast.

[00:29:42] Uh, he's being interviewed and I, and I like how he spoke.

[00:29:46] I like some of the way his, his outlook on, on marriage and, and men, how, how we men should

[00:29:52] show up to a marriage.

[00:29:54] And, uh, and I, and I thought, you know what, I'm going to pick up the book and I really

[00:29:58] enjoyed the book.

[00:29:58] It was great.

[00:29:59] The men we need by Brant Hanson.

[00:30:01] And we'll link it.

[00:30:02] We'll link it underneath.

[00:30:03] We'll put a link and then you guys can browse through it and pick what you want or read

[00:30:09] them all.

[00:30:10] Yep.

[00:30:10] Read them all.

[00:30:11] Go ahead.

[00:30:12] So for me, I'm going to share the seven principles of making marriage work by John M. Gottman.

[00:30:20] And another one that I'm going to add to the list is building in a fair proof marriage

[00:30:26] by Willard F. Harley.

[00:30:29] I'm going to link these.

[00:30:30] So if I go too fast, don't worry about it.

[00:30:33] You're going to find it in the show notes.

[00:30:35] Then of, you know, there's the one that the, that the counselors hand out the five love languages,

[00:30:44] the secret to the love, the, to the, to the secret to love that lasts.

[00:30:49] What a tongue twister.

[00:30:50] And that one's by Gary Chapman.

[00:30:53] And that's one of his bestsellers.

[00:30:55] And then I'm going to add one more.

[00:30:57] Hold me tight.

[00:30:58] Are yours audio books?

[00:30:59] Are yours audio books?

[00:31:00] They're, they're audio and they're both.

[00:31:03] They're both.

[00:31:03] So whatever you like to read, however you like to take it in, it's available audio and also hardcover or softcover.

[00:31:14] And mine are kind of Christian slated too.

[00:31:16] They're both Christians.

[00:31:18] My other one, I'll just give real quick.

[00:31:20] Go ahead.

[00:31:20] Go ahead.

[00:31:21] John and Stacy, they're great.

[00:31:22] John and Stacy Eldridge, they're, they're longtime counselors and, and great professors of, of, of, of having godly marriage.

[00:31:36] Their book, Love and War is a really good book, but they're, all their stuff is really good.

[00:31:42] So I've read a couple of their books, I believe.

[00:31:45] And it's really good.

[00:31:47] Actually, I watched one of their videos and, uh, I read one of their books.

[00:31:51] Both of them were really good.

[00:31:53] Okay.

[00:31:53] And then I'm just going to add one more to the list.

[00:31:55] We could go on and on and on, but I think we're going to just add this one.

[00:31:59] Hold me tight.

[00:32:00] Seven conversations for a lifetime of love by Dr. Sue Johnson.

[00:32:06] And it's so important for continuous learning and growth.

[00:32:10] Never stop reading books.

[00:32:12] Never stop listening to podcasts, joining seminars.

[00:32:17] And, um.

[00:32:18] Get yourself in groups that, like artists.

[00:32:20] You know, it's, uh.

[00:32:21] Yeah.

[00:32:22] Having a group that's close to you that are all on the same mission.

[00:32:26] That are all striving for the same thing.

[00:32:28] They all want to have a strong marriage.

[00:32:30] They all want to have great businesses.

[00:32:32] They want to grow together.

[00:32:34] Um, and when you have people on a mission like that, they're almost unstoppable.

[00:32:38] You know what I love?

[00:32:39] And I feel like the people that are where I want to be, when I ask them the question about,

[00:32:48] um, their success or what they're most proud of.

[00:32:51] And I know already that they have a huge, successful business that they've had several, you know,

[00:33:01] they've sold several different companies.

[00:33:04] And the people that really dig into that ego.

[00:33:09] Because, because we know they are successful that way.

[00:33:13] But when they bring up, I'm most proud of my wife and my children.

[00:33:20] I know that those are the people I need to surround myself with.

[00:33:25] Because for me, that's the, because it's the aha moment when you realize like, oh, this,

[00:33:32] this is the, these are the people.

[00:33:35] This is the woman.

[00:33:35] This is, this is the man that's, that's on the level that, that I believe in.

[00:33:42] That's the most successful thing.

[00:33:44] You know, when you go up there, when you are face to face with the Lord, he doesn't care

[00:33:51] how much money you've made or the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive.

[00:33:56] He's wondering, were you able to bring your wife into heaven?

[00:34:00] Are you, are you going to bring your children into heaven?

[00:34:03] That's all he cares about.

[00:34:05] So I know that's like, that's like my twin.

[00:34:08] And, and everybody answers it differently, but you know what I mean?

[00:34:11] When they're on that wavelength, I know that those are the people I need to be around.

[00:34:15] Those are the people not like, I got a birthday.

[00:34:19] And that's great if you do, but if that's what you bring up over your wife and kids or

[00:34:25] your husband and your kids, well, I don't, I don't know if we're in alignment.

[00:34:30] I don't, I don't think so.

[00:34:32] Many times when I hear people talk about that, I realize they haven't made money yet because

[00:34:36] when, when you've made money, you realize how much money won't make you happy.

[00:34:42] Like money can help you.

[00:34:45] Oh, it definitely helps.

[00:34:47] Because when you have money, you're a blessing to others.

[00:34:51] Absolutely.

[00:34:52] And that's, I think that's the prayer that I focus on the most is if, if I'm able to be

[00:34:59] blessed with abundance, let me be a blessing to others.

[00:35:02] And it's not necessarily just the people that, oh, the people that, oh, I have to, my family.

[00:35:10] No, the people that you believe I need to be a blessing to, it could be the neighbor down

[00:35:15] the street.

[00:35:16] Remember the other day we ordered all those groceries.

[00:35:19] And at first I felt a little bit frustrated because Grub, not Grubhub.

[00:35:26] It was, it was one of those, those companies.

[00:35:27] I ordered probably $400 worth of groceries, really good stuff.

[00:35:32] It was late at night and we really needed some of that stuff.

[00:35:36] I don't drink coffee, but my husband was like, what house did it go to?

[00:35:41] I'm like, I don't know.

[00:35:42] They don't know.

[00:35:43] I'll go get it.

[00:35:44] Maybe.

[00:35:45] It's snowing.

[00:35:46] You know, it doesn't, you can't tell me in today's world, even if someone has a fairly

[00:35:53] decent house or me, I mean, I don't know, maybe the groceries went to the other side

[00:35:58] of the city, but I feel like something in my, no, something in my soul felt that it went

[00:36:08] to someone that needed it.

[00:36:10] We needed it, but someone needed it more.

[00:36:12] So I had to just, I was like, why did I think that someone really needed this?

[00:36:18] It got delivered to someone that needed it.

[00:36:20] Anyway, I'm glad you were in tune with it because I was all ready to go out.

[00:36:24] You were so mad.

[00:36:25] He made me march to like five houses.

[00:36:28] I didn't make you march.

[00:36:30] I said I was going to march.

[00:36:32] No, but you were scaring me.

[00:36:32] And I was like, you're not going because we live in the U.S. of A. and someone's going

[00:36:38] to shoot you.

[00:36:39] You're walking down the street.

[00:36:40] You're all mad.

[00:36:41] Where's my coffee with these tattoos?

[00:36:43] I said, I'm going to go because I'm nice.

[00:36:46] And I knock on the, did you get some groceries?

[00:36:48] And I'm like, it's been five houses.

[00:36:51] Are you kidding?

[00:36:51] I feel in my heart that that was supposed to go to someone.

[00:36:55] I would have found it.

[00:36:56] I'm telling you.

[00:36:57] No, it's okay.

[00:36:58] It was supposed to go to someone.

[00:37:00] Someone's like, God answered a prayer for them that night.

[00:37:04] That was angels' work.

[00:37:06] And we actually did end up getting the money back.

[00:37:09] So that makes me know even more that.

[00:37:13] Anyway.

[00:37:13] You went to the right place.

[00:37:14] Yes.

[00:37:15] I'm glad you were in tune with me.

[00:37:16] If you could be a blessing to someone else, that's the greatest thing.

[00:37:20] Anyway, we love you guys.

[00:37:21] Thank you for tuning in this week.

[00:37:24] Thank you.

[00:37:24] And remember, we're speaking about divorce-proofing your marriage.

[00:37:28] This was number four in a 10-part series.

[00:37:31] Be sure to tune in for the next one.

[00:37:34] And we'll catch you guys next week.

[00:37:35] Yes, you got this.

[00:37:37] God bless you.

[00:37:38] We love you.

[00:37:40] This has been a great podcast, guys.

[00:37:43] If you liked it, make sure to like and subscribe.

[00:37:46] God bless.

[00:37:47] Love you.

[00:37:48] Thank you, everybody, for listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:37:53] I hope you got something from listening today.

[00:37:56] And I hope to see you next week.

[00:37:59] Watch Bible videos.

[00:38:01] God bless.