Overcoming Failure Without Sacrificing Family

[00:00:00] You can take it personal and you can get angry at the world or you can take it as he's giving me this because he knows I can handle it. He knows that I trust him. He knows that I trust him so much that he will prove those doctors wrong and he will give me the miracle so that I could be his walking and talking testimony to other people that are suffering with the C word right now.

[00:00:30] and don't have anyone else to turn to. Uh, no. Ooh, that's better, right babe? She founded an architectural concrete company. He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company. She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:00:57] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur. Together we started a business. And had babies. Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both. Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles. As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids. And everything in between. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.

[00:01:27] Quote by Conrad Hilton. Don't be intimidated by what you don't know. That can be your greatest strength. And ensure that you do things differently from everyone else. Quote by Sarah Blakely. Welcome back to the Pretty and Punk Podcast. My name is Dan Caldwell. And I'm here with my beautiful wife. Ildiko Ferenzi. So good to see you guys again. Yes, guys. Thank you guys for coming back this week.

[00:01:57] And I hope you were with us for our Divorce Proofing Your Marriage series. The 10-part series that we just did. We just finished that up. So lots of talk about marriage then. Oh, if you didn't pick up our cheat sheet, go to prettyandpunk.com backslash marriage cheat sheet. That was our freebie from last week. I want to make sure you guys get that. We'll put it in the description tonight. And we have another great podcast this week. Yes, we do. What is it about?

[00:02:26] It's when business hits hard and how entrepreneur parents stay strong in faith, marriage, and success. Because it will hit hard from time to time. I mean, just imagine. Say you're sitting at the kitchen table. Bills are stacked to one side. The laptop is open to declining sales, declining bills. And your spouse walks in totally exhausted from their own day.

[00:02:54] And instead of connecting, you're both just drained. Does that sound familiar? Yeah. It's a hard scenario that so many people go through, especially right now. It's the economy is not the greatest. It's, you know, groceries are through the roof and everybody's, you know, trying to make their business work. Facebook ads are, you know, overpriced and not working and hard to track. And, you know, everything's going on.

[00:03:21] Just, but in that wake of all that stuff, there's still people out there killing it. So there's people out there that are killing it. But if, you know, but that doesn't help the people that are, if you don't look at it like that, if you look at it like, why are they making it and why am I not? It's not a good energy. It's going to tear you down. Because the truth is, even the ones that have made it, they understand entrepreneurship is a battlefield.

[00:03:48] And when business struggles hit, it's hard because it doesn't just affect your bottom line. It shakes your marriage. Your kids feel the tension, whether you want them to or not. And suddenly your dream, your purpose feels like a burden. But here, this is the truth. Okay. God did not bring you this far to leave you.

[00:04:15] And today we're talking about how to keep your faith and your energy, because it's hard to have energy when you feel like it's slipping out of your fingers and you're letting everyone down. So to keep your marriage strong, because if your marriage isn't strong, I mean, you need each other. You need that connection.

[00:04:43] So whenever your business feels like something's falling apart, just remember that God didn't bring you this far to leave you. But before we jump into that... Hey guys, we hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast. And if you are and you haven't already hit that like and subscribe button, it just takes a second. It means so much to us because it really helps the podcast get out there to more listeners like you guys.

[00:05:09] And if you know anybody, it might help and you can send it to them. We really appreciate that too. We also love and appreciate your reviews. Even the babies look forward to them every day. If you share this episode on social media today, don't forget to tag us. We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business. And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero. That's worth a shout out. Together, we have a community of our personal followers as well.

[00:05:39] And we just want to put it out there. We want to show everybody that this juggle is possible. And you are our family. And we're so proud and grateful to have you a part of this family. So don't forget, all the links are below in the show notes. And thank you again. And let's get back to the show. And this episode is about why setbacks hit harder for entrepreneur parents.

[00:06:07] Because when you're single, you're feeling yourself. Or you could feel that way. Or you're learning the lesson. I really don't like the word fail. But I know when things don't go right and you have a family. And you can't do all the things that you have planned in your mind for them. I mean, that hits harder than anything. Well, also, you don't want to let them down.

[00:06:34] One, that pushes you to do amazing in business. But when things aren't going your way, like what this podcast is about, it hits so hard. Because you're failing everybody. Not just yourself. And those business setbacks, again, it just doesn't hit you. It affects the whole family. Yeah, because if that's something that... I mean, I've had failures by myself. Well, I think we were together. Remember when I...

[00:07:03] One of the companies, I was... When we first got together, I was ramping up this company called... Well, it was... I'll just say that. We don't even have to say the name. It was a... We don't even have to say the name. It's an F on the grade sheet. So, you know, it was... I thought it was an amazing company. But it didn't matter as much because we didn't have little babies. So it's okay. And it wasn't hurting us in a way where...

[00:07:34] I don't want to say life or death. Well, I mean, it hit me. I don't like failures in any way, shape, or form. But I understand, you know, sometimes what happens is you have this amazing idea. We had this great idea. Everybody we showed it to was blown away. They all loved it. We had... I hired Aaron Paul, the kid from Breaking Bad, as our representative for our digital ads

[00:08:01] and our kind of exposure to the world, our launch to the world. And we had guys like Justin Timberlake and Jason Momoa and Evander Holyfield and Fergie and everybody, everybody tweeting about it. Everybody was talking about it. We thought this is going to be the biggest thing on the planet that they're going to be talking about us on the morning news tomorrow. And then we launched it. And you got to know that when your partner...

[00:08:31] Or I had two partners. But when one of your partners ends up not showing up to the party and just disappears and ends up in rehab the next day, that you're already starting off on a bad foot. But it was supposed to be this big thing and it turned out to be this big flop. And none of what... There was no indication of that before. We thought we were going to hit a grand slam and we didn't even get a hit. We struck out.

[00:09:01] And so when you go through that, it's super hard, but nothing compared to when you're failing your family, not even on the same Richter scale. I mean, I felt like it was a failure on my part. Where did I go wrong? Where did I make these bad decisions? But I felt like it was a learning experience too. Yeah. You learn from those failures. It's so weird because... Like, I don't think I ever told you, but I just...

[00:09:28] I kind of felt that it wasn't going to work out. Well, I wouldn't have listened anyways at that time. No. You could have told me, Oh, yeah, I don't think this is going to work out. I said, well... You were just excited because of all the movie stars. And I was just like, I don't... I don't know. I don't know. How did that work for this presidency? I think it was just on a... I think it was just a bad streak. You know, you had the other thing.

[00:09:54] And yeah, that one I for sure knew wasn't going to happen. But you also have to let your spouse have the experience of trying if they can afford it. Now, if they cannot afford to lose, like, you can tell by the people they're in business with if they're going to rock the bunch or not. And you just know. You know by their business history.

[00:10:24] You know by their... You have to study. You have to study that because you can't just be the strongest man on the totem pole. But in some ways, you've got to try too. You're as strong... No. You're as strong as your weakest link. So you have to be... I get that. ...in the room with the right people. So neither here nor there. But we seemingly had the right people because overall you're looking at... In that company.

[00:10:50] I mean, yeah, but you see that you got all these people on board. And that was a group effort of all of us bringing those people together. I mean, out of all the businesses that you were doing at that time, I was hoping that that one would work. Right. Because you've had a lot of successful companies in the past. That's the thing. If you're not swinging, you're not going to hit a home run. Right. And then you have this good heart, this big heart, where someone comes to you and they're in a bad position.

[00:11:18] And this isn't that company, but other people, they come to you. I need help. And then you just do something with them and you kind of know what's going to fail. But at the same time, you're trying to show them that, listen, you're not entrepreneurs. That also... Anyway, we're just in a different place, thank God.

[00:11:41] But at the same time, now the stakes are so much higher because we don't have that space to mess around. We don't have that space to fail. Because let me tell you, when you're in a family business and it slows down and stress skyrockets, it's not just the money. It's the whole identity of what you're trying to do. And time. Your security and your purpose.

[00:12:09] So if you truly feel and you've prayed about it and you feel that you're in that right place, you have to keep going and you have to try to... Maybe you have to get rid of some people that are on your team. But sometimes you don't... I'm talking about now. Yes, you do have to always take inventory. But that's not really what this show's about. No, it's not. So, I mean, here's the thing. You're going to have failures. Right.

[00:12:36] And the people who are too scared to get up to the plate and swing are never going to learn anything. I mean, what a lot of people don't know about baseball is that you don't... That everybody who... Well, here's the truth. Everybody who you know as a big... It's too long of a game. No. It's too long. Because you're a girl. I can't handle it. Every time I bring it, we'd have front row seats. I'd bring you to these games.

[00:13:03] We'd be sitting at the front, best seats in the whole place. And you'd be looking on your phone. Is it done yet? I'm like, watch the game. We're in the best seats in the house. There's Magic Johnson sitting right there. Tom Lasorda's next to us. This is too long. It's too long. Kobe Bryant's right here. And you're looking at your phone. I'm like, I cannot believe you're not watching this game right now. I thought you said it was going to be an hour or two. Okay, but that's a whole other story and a sidetrack. But what I was saying was, here's the thing. You can't buy me. When you have...

[00:13:34] That all the best baseball players in the world, all the best hitters in the world, the best home run hitters in the world, almost every single one of them, or maybe every single one of them, are actually on the strikeout list also, if you don't know that. Guys like Reggie Jackson. I remember looking at Reggie Jackson, who saved a World Series one year, who just was this dynamic hitter as a kid. I remember him being one of the guys that I always wanted his cards,

[00:14:05] his baseball cards. And I could not believe when somebody told me this, that he's on the all-time strikeout leaders list. And I was like, no way. There's no way. He's the home run hitter guy. He's the guy who saves the game. But it was everybody. Everybody who is the big home run hitters are also on the strikeout leaders list. Because if you don't get up there and try and fail,

[00:14:32] you're never going to hit those big grand slams. You're never going to hit the home runs. I was lost. I was blanking. But one thing I can relate to... Because you don't even understand what baseball is about. No. But the one thing I can relate to is if you don't try. And that is one thing that my mother would push us for. We'd come up with the craziest ideas, and she would push us to go try it because perhaps she was incorrect.

[00:15:00] So she would never push her feeling, just like with you. I wouldn't push my inner thoughts on you because I'm hoping and praying underneath that you're going to prove me wrong because I want to see you win. Because I've proved a lot of people wrong in different businesses. So that happens. Yes. And me as well. A woman in an architectural concrete company, that's not even supposed to happen.

[00:15:23] That's why the reality show people were coming knocking on my door. Queen of concrete. But anyway, this is the thing. These are the things... Listen, these are the things that nobody's going to tell you. Your kids don't need a perfect business. But they do need a present parent. So I'm just talking about little things to remember when you're going through this.

[00:15:52] Your spouse doesn't need a millionaire, but they do need a partner who doesn't shut down and stress. Because I'm telling you, if you shut down and stress, you never will become a millionaire. So these are things that you just have to remember. And God isn't testing you. Always remember this, please. God isn't testing you to break you because he is refining you to bless you.

[00:16:19] This is one thing I always remember with... Because we've been through so much, not just through business, but through health things. And you can take it personal and you can get angry at the world. Or you can take it as he's giving me this because he knows I can handle it. He knows that I trust him.

[00:16:43] He knows that I trust him so much that he will prove those doctors wrong. And he will give me the miracle so that I could be his walking and talking testimony to other people that are suffering with the C word right now and don't have anyone else to turn to. Because I remember the days when I was just searching for people that have gotten somewhat of a similar diagnosis.

[00:17:12] And I wasn't really finding anyone. They just weren't surviving. So I know what an incredibly scary moment it is in the initial stages. And then have a newborn, a newborn that needs you because they will die without you. Dang, I can't explain it. But if I wouldn't have leaned 100% onto God,

[00:17:42] then I wouldn't have... Just trust me, he's not trying to break you. He's giving you this because he knows you can do it. And you're going to be the walking, talking testimony. And you're going to give him the glory. I know God. God gives you those trials so that you can... In business and everything else. Yes. So that you can get better. Yes. I know that he puts those things in front of you so that you can become a better person. So that you can come out on the other side of that

[00:18:10] and be ready for whatever you are about to come against. Yes. Because I know that there's things that people are not ready for and they have to deal with something. They don't have... They may have never dealt with real pressure before or they may have never dealt with real failure before. So sometimes you have to go through that head first so that you can get on the other side of that

[00:18:37] so that you can understand the level that you're going to have to... The level that you're going to have to come to the party when you actually come into your purpose. Yes. Something bigger than yourself. And remember, remember, your children are watching you. They're watching how you've gotten through these things. I don't think I could have gotten through some of the things that I've been through without watching my mother. My mother buried my brother by herself. And you know, you were at work.

[00:19:05] I had to bury my mom all by myself. It was just me and the two babies. And I had to deal with so much stuff. And when I would think about that as a little girl, I knew that it would have shattered me. And I still didn't know until it happened. But I just couldn't even... I don't even know where... I mean, obviously it was God, but I didn't know that I had that kind of strength in me to deal with that on top of the healing.

[00:19:36] Well, let's not say I wasn't at work. I was with you. But you were juggling. I was juggling work. You couldn't, yeah. And I was with you. You were just had all this weight on top of you. I had to do the phone calls. I had to set everything up. You were there, but you were doing other things. I had to go meet with the funeral director. Like you weren't a part of any of that because you were so deep in your work.

[00:20:04] I had to do all that stuff alone. And let me tell you, it's not easy. It's not easy. Because I've seen people break down where they're too scared or they just can't go in by themselves. Well, I had to muster it up and I had to take these two little ones. And it was... I had no idea how much strength I had within me. Thank you, God. Praise Jesus. Because I really don't know how else I would have done it. And then to have those little eyes on me. Now, I know. I know.

[00:20:32] Because God gave me the strength and the resilience in those moments that they're going to be able to handle anything in business and life. But now I want to bring it back to something that's worked for our family and especially for me. I like to do non-negotiable family anchors. Let's call it. Let's call it a family anchor where you choose one thing. And this is when everything is going on.

[00:21:00] So you're going through this stressful thing in your business. Choose one thing. And when things are good, you can have all of them. But just choose one thing because you're feeling like a failure. You're feeling like things are slipping through your fingers. Choose a family dinner, bedtime prayers, morning hugs. No matter how crazy the business is and how crazy it gets, you need to commit to showing up to one of these things.

[00:21:29] So for me, every morning we do our prayers with the children. Then we do our affirmations as in we are who God says we are. So it's not woo-woo. It's I am and I am resilient. I am God's child. And we just have a whole list. Sometimes we'll do 20. And sometimes minimum we'll do five each. So I'll say mine. Daniel will say his. Destiny will say his.

[00:21:59] And if you're not at work or busy, then you join us. And then we also do the gratitude. What are we grateful for? That will change your entire day. And sometimes you don't have enough time. I'm just telling you what I'm doing right now when I was in the struggle of it with my health. There was a lot of other things that we did. And my children would join me in it.

[00:22:24] Now, the very last thing that we close off with at the end of the day, we talk about what went well, what we can do better. And then we do the prayers. And then sometimes we'll just reminisce on memories, which is always really, really nice to get that in their body. Just really great memories. So we'll talk about something from the past, something that they love. I just really want them to feel special. And we're not saying this just to say this. No, we do this.

[00:22:54] We actually do this stuff. We do this. I know a lot of people. I listen to people sometimes on other podcasts, and we'll listen to other great podcasts. And sometimes I hear people, and I go, do they really do that? I want to let you guys know we really do that stuff. And we're not perfect at everything, but the one thing we try to do is no matter what we want to do, it's a non-negotiable for us. It's a family anchor. And prayer is non-negotiable for us. No, so morning and night.

[00:23:23] And then throughout the day, guys, when you're having a hard time and that stressful thing comes in your head, and I know if you're battling with something health-wise or the bills are coming and they're threatening to shut off your electricity or whatever, I don't know what you're going through, but this may be speaking to someone. Hey, we've all been there, okay? Let's be honest. We've all had these stressful moments.

[00:23:52] Just talk to God for a minute because it's not easy. There's nothing I can really say that will make it go away because the reality is these things are going to come at you, and it is hard. It is hard things. And just remember it is a season. It will pass, but while you're going through it, just take a minute. Sometimes you'll have to talk to God throughout the day, maybe every hour, whatever it is,

[00:24:21] but just something that'll keep you grounded, okay? And you'll get through it. You will get through it. You will get through this. You're going to have peaks and valleys in life, and you just have to believe that you can keep going another day and you will get through it. Yes. And there will be sunlight again. You just have to believe that because I remember when I was fired from my police job, my law enforcement job, and I didn't know.

[00:24:51] I literally had the worst thing in the world. I had to move back in with my parents. I mean, there is no worse thing that can happen to you. Well, I mean, there is, of course. But for somebody who believes that they now have a career and that they're moving on with their life and then you have to move back in with your parents, that is the worst thing in the world to happen to somebody like that. And you're just wondering, where is my life going? This is the worst thing in the world.

[00:25:20] How am I ever going to come out of this? And every day you just feel like you're getting further and further from your purpose, from changing the world, from making your effect on the world, from building a family, from going in the right direction. And you just have to realize that if you just keep putting your foot, one foot in front of the other and doing the right things, doing the right things to get yourself back on track,

[00:25:46] to get a belief in yourself again, and you will get back there. Yes, because resilience is a muscle. And entrepreneurs who survive setbacks do one thing differently. They prepare their mindset before the storm comes. And I mean, Dan and I have done... Which I didn't do that then. Not then, but together. Because you've done it so many times, because we've had so many falls on our faces.

[00:26:15] Right, and we've done masterminds where we practice this. We practiced it with Tony Robbins and just the greats, the greats of the greats. And we read great books and we have great podcasts and we listen to great... We just surround ourselves with the best people. You have all had failure, by the way. Yeah, and you can't... That's the beauty of it. They give you the blueprint on how to survive. They let you know that it's okay.

[00:26:45] Right. Hey, you're going to fail. Right. And they're preparing their mindset before the storm comes. And this is called resilience. Preparing for tough times instead of reacting in the panic. So when you're prepared and you have the tools, you're good. And also remember, there's three mind shifts that I want to hit on. That just remember that this is not a failure. Remember that. This is not a failure.

[00:27:15] It is a setup for something greater. Okay? And this is going to be one of your most valuable lessons that you can teach others. And I always remember this from my own lessons or your own failure, whatever you want to call it. I love to call them lessons. And you don't have to fix everything today. Just you need to take the next step.

[00:27:40] Even Matthew 634, worry about today, not tomorrow. Take it one step at a time. I know we want to fix everything in one shot, but just do a little something today. And then you build. My family is my why, not my excuse. This is the third little thing that I want you to think about. My family is my why, not my excuse. Yeah, because here's what will happen.

[00:28:07] As you start to fail, you'll tend... You may blame your husband, your wife, your kids. You start to blame people. Don't do that. Because you've got to take accountability. I know it's hard, and it sucks. And you may not even see what you've done yet. You may not have analyzed it to that point yet, enough to take this extreme responsibility for what you did. But just know if it failed, you have to take some of that responsibility

[00:28:37] because you were at the helm. But here's the thing. You will come home, or you will be around your family, and if you are in one of those moods, and you're dealing with that, and you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, and somebody says the wrong thing, you may tend to lash out and take that out on other people, and you've just got to find a way to not be that person, to not fall into that, because it's so easy to do, and the best of us have done it.

[00:29:06] Yeah. When you bring home those failures with you. And one other thing I was going to say, I remember this great, and this may be totally off from where you are. Sorry. It's okay. I digress for a second. But I remember Arnold Schwarzenegger in a speech of his. He was, I think I saw him in, it was in Anaheim or something. And he was giving a speech, and he was talking about how bodybuilders, or at least he as a bodybuilder, I don't know if every bodybuilder does this, but bodybuilders will,

[00:29:34] they will work their muscles on purpose to failure. That's the only way that you can build, and use it as kind of an analogy. I killed that. I wasn't. But what I mean is that he used it as an analogy. I just thought it was such a great analogy that how we build ourselves to become better people, to become better entrepreneurs, better parents, better spouses,

[00:30:04] is that you always have, that you're going to fail sometimes. If you don't try things and fail, you're never going to become a better person at that. And he said that bodybuilders, or he personally, he always worked out to failure. So in other words, when he was pushing those dumbbells, he wanted to give it everything he got, because he said it was those last few moments, when he all of a sudden, the weight would drop back down to his chest, when he couldn't do another one.

[00:30:33] But he pushed himself to that length, to failure, so that he would grow. And that's the only, that's what the best bodybuilders in the world do, is they push themselves to failure, so that their bodies can grow, and so that they can grow as human beings, they can keep growing as a person. And I just thought that was important. I remember that for some reason, all of a sudden, and thought I would just throw that out there. Yeah, maybe someone needs to hear that. And that's true. You know, you need to build that muscle,

[00:31:03] the muscle of mindset, and just don't... Well, being okay with failure. I mean, failure, we look at it as such a, you know, nobody likes to fail. I don't like that word. I always say that. I hate it. I'm just using it as for what it is. I know you don't like it, but it's, the only way I can explain it, is that it's a hard thing to swallow. It is, yeah. But it's going to happen, and you have to be okay with it, and you have to go...

[00:31:32] The best guys in the world, and I know, and I'm not the best guys in the world, but I do know that after hitting big failures over and over and over again, and different failures in my life, that you start to get to the point where you're not scared to fail anymore. It's a weird thing, but I remember being so scared to fail at the beginning when I first started. I never was. Well, because you probably had that early on. I was... I mean,

[00:32:02] you got to remember, here's the pressure. I'm not scared to fail. I was scared to let everything down. To let the world down, let my family down, let people who I told that we were building this thing, growing this thing, and I did not want to fail. I was willing to do whatever it took. If that meant staying up all night, pulling all-nighters, flying all over the world, doing whatever... I was willing to do anything I had to do

[00:32:30] so that we wouldn't fail. Yeah. And so I was... And maybe you don't see it like that. You don't see this failure. No, I do. I do. I do. I knew exactly what would happen. That's the reaction to failure. I mean, my mom had this... She was in a neighborhood with millionaires. She was a single mom. I knew exactly what would happen to us, but the one thing that she was so good at is if something broke, if something, let's call it, failed,

[00:32:59] she would always have something else to fall on. She would always create something else magnificent. When the antique shop, when the days were done of that, then she had a jewelry store. Then she started real estate. Well, she's always done real estate, but she always had a plan. Let's just put it that way. So nobody was going to be disappointed and she would never be disappointed if I would have failed at the concrete company because she would say,

[00:33:28] hey, let's just invest in some... But that's because she probably got so resilient over time. She was so resilient. From different failures. She was never... In her life. I've never seen her scared in my entire life. But see, you got to remember too, she might have just been good at putting on that face in front of you like we were just talking about. No, I felt it in her heart. Not laying that on your family's lap because it's not okay to come home

[00:33:54] and you might have had to close your company. No. You might have had to bankrupt your company. No, because... But it's not okay to leave that in your family's lap at home. Because as a European woman, when I came to her in tears, she would slap it out of me. Not physically, but just, why are you crying? Like, she would just point out the good things in my life and if... Are you seriously crying over a boy?

[00:34:24] I don't know. She would just find the right things to say that made me feel like, yeah. Well, she was challenging you. Who is this goofball? Screw this goofball. He's not good enough for... What? What? Why would I even be sad about... Isn't that what she said about me? Yeah. She did too. Did she say that about me one time? Yeah, she did. Actually, that was... You're like, bring your mom to Vegas

[00:34:53] so I can meet her. And she's like, who is this unintelligent bum? Who is this? You fly, we fly. I got busy. I got busy. And I couldn't meet up with you guys. I was like, I pay my own way. We're in luxury all the way. Of course, I'm taking my mom shopping. We're doing all this amazing stuff. But you did invite us down there. This is way, way before he started getting some manners and becoming intelligent

[00:35:23] and knowing how to treat a real woman. I was busy. I was busy. That's not an excuse. That sounds so bad. And if our daughter ever heard that, I absolutely would advise her against it. That's rude. Sorry. That is so rude. My mom is the classiest European woman ever. It was horribly rude. That's okay. You don't even know who we were playing poker with. Okay. Whatever. It's okay.

[00:35:53] This is back. This is back, back, back in the day. It was a fail for sure. I think we didn't talk for a few months. I didn't answer. I lost your number and it was on block. What are you talking about? It was, oh, where were we? Where were we? Did you just reminisce some bad, did I just hit some nerve? No, I'm cool. I'm good. I got my, I got my mom here in spirit. Okay. Somehow I don't think I'm, I'm sleeping in the bed tonight.

[00:36:23] No, it's fine. Um, so the one thing I wanted to remind you guys when it gets heavy, set that five minute faith reset alarm. I don't know where we were, but this is just something that works for me. And I said, just bring it in through the day. And maybe I just felt called to share it with you. Cause what do you mean? Just pray through the day. This works for me. Maybe you've never done it, but you just set a five minute faith alarm. And when the stress hits,

[00:36:52] step away and pray and recenter. I remember my mom doing this so many times in my life. I remember her praying over me. Her prayers are still activated. And I know 100% that her prayers over my life is what saved me so many times in my life. So set that alarm, set it for yourself, set it for your spouse, set it for your children. Um, it's just your faith alarm.

[00:37:20] And then I wanted to talk about the business struggles in marriage and how to prevent the blowups. Because as Dan was saying, and I thought that this is a really good point, maybe we should tap on it for sure. Is that there are patterns that we see in struggling entrepreneurial marriages. So when one partner is drowning in stress, the other one is feeling disconnected. And this happens so often. We see it so often that,

[00:37:50] you know, they have these stresses and they are not communicating in a way that's intentional and has, has the weight and the love behind it. So the other one's really feeling disconnected and lonely, even though the one that's dealing with the stresses is lonely too. So if they could just connect somewhere in the middle. Now, instead of, of teamwork in that situation, the resent, resentment keeps building.

[00:38:19] And it's going to pull you guys apart. Those small fights are going to turn into humongous battles because of the real issue. And what the real issue is, just real quick, is fear and the unspoken. So you have to come together. And I'm going to, I'm going to talk about some, um, crisis proof habits that you guys can start. So what were you saying? I was just going to say, men, we, here's the, here's the thing that men and women should know is that men.

[00:38:49] Protect. Yeah. They don't want to, they're protecting their family by not saying anything. You have to realize that women, that men are protecting you because they do not want to lay this in your lap. And sometimes to their own detriment to, you know, holding this into the point where, um, they don't, they're, they're not even telling their family or updating their family on some things that might go down. That's probably not great. Right. And like the whole business is going to collapse and we're not going to have an income in about two days.

[00:39:18] You're about to go bankrupt. You're about to go bankrupt. And this is right. And we're going to lose the house by the way. Um, you know, so you don't want to tell people that because you're trying to hold that in. And sometimes it's so men, when they panic, we have to work on explaining this stuff in a way that is, you know, letting them know what's going on, but not laying it in their lap. Right. Also to women, you have to know that when men come home like this,

[00:39:46] they just need somebody to like say the right thing sometimes. Yeah. You know that they're there, they're, they got the world all, you know, all the world's weight on their shoulders and they're trying to get through this and they're dealing with so much in their head that right now they could probably, they probably come home. If you see them come home in a blank stare and they're just trying to like think through things in their head and keep it bottled up inside, ask them, you know, Hey, are you doing okay? Just say the right thing sometimes because they're not going to be perfect during that time.

[00:40:16] And they're going to be screwing up. They're not, they're going to be quiet. They're not going to answer you. They're going to be looking in their phone when, while you're trying to talk to them, they're going to be doing all the wrong things, but you have to sometimes see those telltale signs and be the person, the bigger person and try to help them out. And both sides need to work on that. Yeah. I, yeah. I was just going to say it's hard because it's both sides. There's one dealing with postpartum or they're in the trenches with the babies. So they're missing that blank stare.

[00:40:46] They're missing it. And that's when those little fights become big battles because they're feeling disconnected. But what I wanted to talk about is some habits that could perhaps help you guys. And that is number one. I just wanted to hit on stating the fear, the check-ins once a week ask, what is the one thing stressing you in business right now? And answer it without judgment and create a safe place.

[00:41:12] I know that most of the couples that we deal with are strong enough to handle these conversations. But Dan did say there's a lot of women that perhaps cannot handle this. But if they, if you just have the conversation and you, you know your wife the best, they have such a strong instinct and intuition that they can really help you with some of the

[00:41:41] problems that you're going through. And they can even help talk you through a new business idea or a different business idea. Or you can talk, you can just talk game plan together. Just talk game plan. you just have to be forthright. If you come in, you just say, look, baby, this is the situation. I need to talk to you because I'm so stressed out. Well, not just not, you don't have to say you're so stressed out. You can just say, just be honest if you are. There are some things going down and this is what it is. Yeah, there you go. And it's in it. And I got a lot of weight on my shoulders.

[00:42:10] I am sorry if I haven't been the best this week, but here's what's going on. I just want you to know that this is what's going on. And I, you know, maybe we can talk through some of this. I'd like to talk through some of this with you so we can both have an understanding of what's about to happen. And we can both get through this together and be better, come out better on the other side. Right. And if you have a business together, this is a conversation that you have to, you're going to have to have it. You're going to have to build up some tough skin. Yeah,

[00:42:38] we've had those conversations together and they're not always easy. It's not, it's not the best. I mean, you're trying to work towards, you know, like when I, when I said, Hey, um, you know, we're, we, we're going to have to do this or we're going to have to, um, I'm going to have to fly out of town for a minute, which I never do. I don't like to fly out without my family, but sometimes these things happen and you're, you're dealing with all the, all these pressures. You just have to have conversations. Yeah,

[00:43:07] it was too often and definitely plan for those things. Don't throw them on someone because that's just not going to go over well, but we're definitely not doing that this year. But last year was, it was awful. Now, non-business love moments. This is something that will really help you guys. Just plan 10 minutes of no business talk daily. Wow. This is perfect.

[00:43:35] And it's becoming our PP bat. Okay. I'll be right back. Importantly, non-business love moments. Plan 10 minutes of no business time. No business talk. Sorry. No business time. You have to do the, the business time business talk. None, none, none for 10 minutes. I know you guys are, are, are hustling, but just for 10 minutes a day,

[00:44:04] you need to stay connected as partners. Okay. Not just business owners, because once you become just business owners, you're going to become roommates, brother and sister, and that's not going to end in any way. Good. And finally, pray together, even in conflict. Yeah, brother, I'm looking at you before a hard conversation. You're talking about that one time, like one time, you'll never forget.

[00:44:32] Pause and pray and shift the atmosphere from tension to unity. Just throw me down under the bus. No. I'm crawling out from under the wheel. He was trying to be mad at me. We were in an argument and I said, can you just pray with me right now? We got to get, get the devil out of you. What's going on? And you'll remember the one time that I just said, no, I'm like, no, I'm not doing it. But he did it. He did it because I wasn't going to let out.

[00:45:01] You're not being yourself. I don't know what's going on. I'm never, ever going to live this down. Am I? No, it's not a big deal. I'm climbing out from under the bus. The point is sometimes we're so angry and stuck in our ways that you just get stuck in your ways and you need to snap out of it. I just wanted to be mad. I just wanted to be mad. Just let me be mad right now. I just wanted to be mad. But it softened you up. And I feel like it's such a good, it's such a good thing.

[00:45:30] So definitely pray together even when you're so steaming, stinking mad. And just, I wanted to, I know we talk about this. Um, or we've, we've shared this verse before. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 412. Why do you want to share it? Because your business and marriage are stronger when who is at the center? God. Yeah.

[00:45:58] When God is at the center of your marriage and your business, you cannot fail. Yes. failure doesn't mean just because your business doesn't work out doesn't mean that you failed. No. As long as you keep going, you can never fail. And that's just a pair because you're going to have, look at any of the greats. I mean, they told Walt Disney. They've had how many different businesses? He had no, he wasn't, he, he, he wasn't, um, he, he,

[00:46:26] he couldn't draw or they don't, you know, it's like they're there. You're always going to have failures. Everybody is going to go through failures before they finally make it. And I'm sure you can look back on yourself and, and, and see the failures that you've had in your life. And what's brought you to where you are now doors are blessings in disguise because those doors were purposefully being closed because that wasn't your path because the door that was open,

[00:46:53] you couldn't see it because you were too busy looking at the ones that were shutting, but there's a very special door that's open just for you. Now let's recap real quick. I really want to talk about the comeback plan. Number one, write down your win. It could be wins or win from the last 30 days. Why? Because this is proof that you are still moving forward. So you need to write down that one win from the last 30 days.

[00:47:23] Number two, declare that this is temporary. I am being refined, not defeated. Okay. Because faith fuels resilience. Don't forget it. This is temporary. I am being refined, not defeated. Ask your spouse, how can I make you feel supported today? Turn stress into connection. Turn it into a conversation. It'll spark creativity, love, connection. It's, it's,

[00:47:51] it's so important to just turn that stress into connection. Have a very meaningful conversation. Be born from that issue that you're dealing with. Number four, find one action step, no matter how small, to move forward. A little tiny thing each day. It's, listen, it's the momentum that beats perfection. Okay. So once you're doing the momentum,

[00:48:21] just commit to one little thing every day. And in a minute, that season will be over. And you're going to be in a new part of your life. And you're going to look back and it is the most valuable thing. You have those lessons, you have the blueprint, and you can save others. And that is it. Entrepreneurship is a faith walk. Your business may go through some storms, but your marriage, your family,

[00:48:49] and your calling are unshakable when they're built on the right foundation. A hundred percent. Guys, that was a great podcast. I know if you guys are going through anything like that, trust me, just be in the right place. Listen to this podcast again. If you need to share it with somebody who needs it right now, I'm sure you might know somebody who's going through something. Maybe they need to hear this. And we thank you guys for joining us again this week for this, for the pretty punk podcast.

[00:49:15] And be sure to go to pretty punk.com backslash marriage cheat sheet to pick up, uh, your, uh, making your marriage better, uh, cheat sheet. And we will catch you guys next week. God bless. We're praying for your strength and your breakthroughs. Have an amazing week. Thank you so much for listening to the pretty punk entrepreneur parent podcast. And remember, never give up.

[00:49:46] Never, ever give up. Make sure to share this podcast with your friends, family, and kids. We love you. So much. Make sure to like, subscribe, and leave a review. It really helps us. God bless. It really helps the show get to those who really need it. Thank you for listening to the pretty and punk entrepreneur parent podcast.

[00:50:16] We love you. God bless you. It's not a failure. It's a lesson. Share this episode with someone who needs it. Be their blessing today. We love you. God bless you. Bye. Bye.