Bonus Episode: Divorce-Proof Your Marriage – Why Obsessing over Business Success Will Always Destroy What Truly Matters!

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[00:00:30] That was truly cracking at the foundation of what we had discussed for several years to have this freedom and I saw our children suffering from that and also truly growing away from their father.

[00:00:52] Uh, no.

[00:00:56] Ooh, that's better, right babe?

[00:00:58] Yeah!

[00:01:00] Yeah.

[00:01:00] Yeah.

[00:01:02] She founded an architectural concrete company.

[00:01:05] He founded a hundred million dollar clothing company.

[00:01:09] She took the world by storm as a social media star.

[00:01:12] He took the world by storm as a famous serial entrepreneur.

[00:01:15] Together we started a business.

[00:01:17] And had babies.

[00:01:18] Now we're figuring out the best ways to do both.

[00:01:21] Join us as we learn from other entrepreneurs going through the same life struggles.

[00:01:25] As they share their life hacks about success, love, kids.

[00:01:30] And everything in between.

[00:01:32] Marriage is meant to be a journey together.

[00:01:35] An adventure where love is our map, trust is our compass, and our shared dreams are the destination.

[00:01:43] When marriage is good, everything is good.

[00:01:50] Welcome to the Pretty and Punk Podcast.

[00:01:52] My name is Dan Caldwell and I'm here with my beautiful wife and partner and host.

[00:02:00] Ildi Coferensi.

[00:02:03] Nice to see you guys.

[00:02:03] And we have another great podcast for you guys today.

[00:02:06] And we were just asking the question, is marriage the foundation to a successful business?

[00:02:13] And what we mean by that really is, what do we mean by that exactly?

[00:02:17] What do you mean?

[00:02:18] Well, if things are running right at home, it's going to reflect on your business.

[00:02:24] If things are breaking, at a breaking point where you really need to invest in your marriage at that time,

[00:02:31] I just feel things are, I mean, from our personal experience and from the people that we surround ourselves with,

[00:02:39] their business starts to struggle.

[00:02:41] It may not struggle right away, but eventually the wheels can even fall off.

[00:02:46] I mean, you're 100% right when we know from personal experience, unfortunately,

[00:02:52] that when our relationship is a little rocky and we're at each other's throats a little bit

[00:03:00] and we're trying to, and I go walking out the door like, okay, whatever, we'll talk later.

[00:03:06] And I get to the office, I'm not in the right frame of mind to be doing the things that I need to be doing.

[00:03:14] And vice versa.

[00:03:15] Now, and that was a while ago, but I say now, we're on this journey together.

[00:03:22] And it's great when you have a business together.

[00:03:24] And even when you don't, I truly believe that you and your spouse are on this journey together.

[00:03:32] You're on a journey together.

[00:03:33] You have dreams together.

[00:03:35] You're building something together.

[00:03:38] And that's not only a family where you have kids and you're trying to build them up

[00:03:44] and you're growing tomorrow's future leaders,

[00:03:49] but you're also, it's important to have these dreams together about what you're building.

[00:03:56] It has to be together because if you're not on the same page,

[00:04:01] how are you fighting and risking it all for that same vision, that same, you know,

[00:04:08] I think you need to discuss those goals every two, have your two-year goal,

[00:04:13] your five-year goal, your 10-year goal, your 15 and your 20.

[00:04:17] Write them all down and make sure that they're all parallel.

[00:04:20] Well, because if you have, say, for example, one of you have the vision of freedom to get up and go

[00:04:29] and you're not there, that may be a 10-year goal.

[00:04:34] And you guys aren't working towards that.

[00:04:36] If that makes sense to you.

[00:04:38] For example, if you have your office job and that's what was happening to us last year

[00:04:43] is that he had this office job that I thought he was going to be consulting.

[00:04:48] That's what I truly believed in my heart.

[00:04:51] But nobody told me he'd be there from like 5, 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. at night.

[00:04:58] It was just a gong show.

[00:05:00] And that was truly cracking at the foundation of what we had discussed for several years,

[00:05:07] to have this freedom.

[00:05:09] And I saw our children suffering from that

[00:05:13] and also truly growing away from their father

[00:05:17] because he wasn't able to put that, just have the communication.

[00:05:26] We were losing the emotional connection.

[00:05:27] They were sleeping in the morning when he left

[00:05:29] and they were sleeping at night when he got home.

[00:05:31] So how are you supposed to connect?

[00:05:34] Anyway, I hope nobody's going through that because it was really hard.

[00:05:38] But I'm grateful that we're able to share that.

[00:05:42] Well, unfortunately, there's other entrepreneurs going through that right now for sure.

[00:05:46] Because they're trying to get to the beast.

[00:05:47] Because I've gone through it several times.

[00:05:49] It's not the first time I've gone through that.

[00:05:51] But that's where they've gone through it several times.

[00:05:53] But before we get too far into it.

[00:05:55] Oh, gosh.

[00:05:56] Hey, guys.

[00:05:58] We hope you're enjoying today's episode of the Pretty and Punk podcast.

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[00:06:27] We want to celebrate you because we know it's not easy being a parent in business.

[00:06:32] And the way that you juggle things makes you a superhero.

[00:06:35] That's worth a shout out.

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[00:06:54] So don't forget, all the links are below in the show notes.

[00:06:59] And thank you again.

[00:07:01] And let's get back to the show.

[00:07:03] Is marriage the foundation to a successful business?

[00:07:07] And I really wanted to finish that thought.

[00:07:09] And I was talking a little bit about it last week.

[00:07:12] And sometimes it's hard for me to put things into words with the mommy brain.

[00:07:17] But what is important is that, yes, we've gone through that struggle.

[00:07:23] And I don't ever want to pray for God to just take it away and make it easy.

[00:07:28] Because I'm understanding more and more that the struggles of maybe loss or struggles in

[00:07:37] relationships or business struggles or these things that we overcome, there are only a few

[00:07:43] of us that are chosen to go through these hard times.

[00:07:46] And that's because God knows how strong we truly are.

[00:07:51] And when you have that strength as an individual or as a couple, and we get to share those things

[00:07:58] with you guys.

[00:07:59] And hopefully you're not going through it.

[00:08:01] But if you are, don't take it as, oh my gosh, just take it away.

[00:08:07] Really sit in that and learn and study the journey of how, because you will get out of it.

[00:08:13] Everything passes.

[00:08:15] The sun must shine after the rain.

[00:08:17] So take the notes on how you got out of this situation and take it as a blessing because you

[00:08:24] are someone that other people in your community, in your surroundings, in your family can truly

[00:08:29] look up to you as you share this.

[00:08:31] So I have no shame or embarrassment sharing our struggles or our rocky road little bits because

[00:08:40] it's, I know, I know there's a confirmation from emails and messages that it's a blessing

[00:08:46] to someone and it gives them the confidence to share their journey with someone else that

[00:08:52] may need it.

[00:08:53] Yeah.

[00:08:54] I mean, business is like marriage.

[00:08:57] Business is hard.

[00:08:58] Yes, it is.

[00:08:59] And marriage is hard.

[00:09:00] Yeah.

[00:09:00] And, um, and just so you know, uh, side note, if you're, if you're having hardships

[00:09:06] in your marriage right now, no, it's not supposed to be easy.

[00:09:09] That's just how it is.

[00:09:11] Marriage is not supposed to be easy.

[00:09:12] That's where I stumbled.

[00:09:13] Just like business is not supposed to be easy.

[00:09:15] That's where I stumbled.

[00:09:16] You have to accept that.

[00:09:17] Right.

[00:09:17] Just like when you go into a new business, you have to know that you're going to have

[00:09:23] struggles.

[00:09:23] You're going to have hardships because if you, if it becomes some big surprise to you,

[00:09:28] you might try to dive out.

[00:09:30] And I think too many people do that in their marriages.

[00:09:32] Well, because I, I know that this is a thing.

[00:09:36] Okay.

[00:09:37] You're supposed to, if it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel right.

[00:09:41] It doesn't feel easy.

[00:09:42] Then I think it's time for us to get a divorce or it's time for us to, to put this business

[00:09:49] to rest.

[00:09:49] Obviously, sometimes you will, you will know the signs because you're going to have mentors

[00:09:54] around you.

[00:09:55] You can reach out to people like us or, or, uh, you know, there's business coaches and

[00:10:00] you could really dissect your business and find out, is it right?

[00:10:03] Is it wrong?

[00:10:03] What can I do better?

[00:10:05] But with the relationship aspect of marriage, it, it isn't easy.

[00:10:10] And there's different things that are going to come into, everybody has different struggles,

[00:10:14] but that's not something that you can't work through.

[00:10:18] I always felt like, Oh no, if you lose that feeling, then it's over.

[00:10:26] And maybe I've pulled the plug on relationships, not knowing that I feel a lot of people don't

[00:10:34] know that.

[00:10:35] Right.

[00:10:36] They just go with the feeling and then it doesn't always feel good.

[00:10:40] It's work.

[00:10:41] And when you get into the biblical meaning of marriage and the relationship and the, it's

[00:10:47] the commitment, it's the commitment to the relationship.

[00:10:50] And it's not all, well, of course that first and foremost, but that's the commitment to

[00:10:56] God, to your marriage, to your relationship, to your spouse.

[00:11:00] And that's where the feeling is going to come in after it's definitely hard work.

[00:11:08] And let's talk about the flip side.

[00:11:09] The flip side of that is you guys in a business, um, and marriage and what we mean by the marriage

[00:11:18] being the foundation is also the support system.

[00:11:21] You know, they're your marriage is your support system or it should be for your business.

[00:11:27] And guys, we get too good at bottling things up because we need to feel like we can't talk

[00:11:34] to anybody.

[00:11:35] Well, the spouse, your spouse is the one person that you should be able to talk to.

[00:11:39] And I know, and I'm, you know, when hardships come on, I'm like, I'm not bringing this up

[00:11:43] to my wife because I, uh, don't want her to worry about this situation or that situation.

[00:11:50] It's needless because I'm going to fix it.

[00:11:52] That's my mindset.

[00:11:53] And, but I know we struggle and we carry that burden sometimes, uh, that, that photo, um,

[00:12:01] where this guy has been over and he's just got all these swords in his back because he's

[00:12:06] willing to take all the swords is so true about us men that we're willing to take this

[00:12:10] on and we bottle it up instead of having open, this open communication with our wives where

[00:12:16] we were, uh, I'm telling you, women have some sort of intuition or they have something they

[00:12:22] were blessed with that God gave to them that us men do not have as much of.

[00:12:28] And when we can have those conversations with them, sometimes they see things that, that we

[00:12:34] don't see.

[00:12:35] And we can't talk to normal people about this because we maybe don't need other people knowing

[00:12:42] our business in our business. We don't need, they don't need to know that we are struggling

[00:12:47] with, uh, finances that things are, um, you know, that cashflow is horrible and that I can't,

[00:12:54] the money coming in from this loan didn't show up and they don't, other people don't need to know

[00:12:59] that, but your wife, you can have these conversations with her to help, you know,

[00:13:04] get this stuff off of your back a little bit and have this open conversation.

[00:13:08] I feel like it's an honest convert. Oh, I know it's an honest conversation and it affects

[00:13:12] both of you.

[00:13:13] All right. And all of our successful friends that have incredibly successful businesses,

[00:13:18] they say the same thing. My wife, I tell her everything and she guides me in the right

[00:13:25] direction because she has this intuition. I don't know if it's because what, and I feel

[00:13:32] really once you become a mother, there's the woman's intuition, but once you become a

[00:13:37] mother, it's like this whole different spidey sense. And you just know if even a business

[00:13:44] partner or people that are surrounding you, you just know I have to protect the family from

[00:13:50] this. But also you get these really good ideas that just open, open the gates to business

[00:13:58] blowing up and it may be create, maybe she's breast blessed with creativity, um, whatever else,

[00:14:06] which most of the time women are as it, right. And as in, as in business, if you don't communicate

[00:14:12] properly in business, it's going to fail. So you need to bring that communication, that skill

[00:14:19] that you use in your business. I'm saying if your wife isn't a business partner, share with her anyway.

[00:14:26] I actually bet David, um, Patrick. Yeah. He was talking about this the other day too,

[00:14:32] that he shares and gets great ideas from his wife and she has a spidey senses too. He didn't call it

[00:14:39] spidey senses. And his wife is a part of his business and she has an office at the, but it

[00:14:43] doesn't need to be that men. We so often think that our women, that our wives have to be like,

[00:14:49] if they're not business partners, like involved in our business every day, that they have,

[00:14:54] that unless they have that position, that we don't discuss, we don't discuss the business at all.

[00:15:00] But I think, and regardless women out there, if you're listening, you need to like be thinking

[00:15:07] about that. You guys are on this journey together, whether you want to be or not, you guys are going

[00:15:12] the same direction. And if you're not going the same direction, you're having a lot of problems,

[00:15:15] but if you're going, you should be going the same direction. And, and wives, if you contribute to

[00:15:21] these conversations that, you know, cause sometimes your husband needs to unload what's sitting on,

[00:15:27] you know, what he's been carrying this load that he's been carrying, he needs to unload it on

[00:15:30] somebody and, and having these conversations with you help relieve him of some of this stress,

[00:15:37] especially if you, you know, you're not like, Oh my gosh, what are we going to do if that happens?

[00:15:41] And what, and what are you going to do? Are we going to lose our house? Or, you know, it's like,

[00:15:44] you got to have these positive conversations where you guys are both on the same page and you guys are

[00:15:49] both lifting each other up and it's important. And if you guys are doing this, and this is what we try

[00:15:56] to do, um, all the time is have these conversations and not to say that one of us don't get down,

[00:16:03] you know, sometimes, but if you have these conversations, you guys are constantly lifting

[00:16:08] each other up and giving each other energy, giving each other energy to help move yourself forward and

[00:16:15] help lift that business up and your marriage. And it gives her the safety to be able to open up

[00:16:21] about the things that are bothering her. Actually, there was a couple that was just, they shared their

[00:16:27] story. There was an entrepreneur and he lost everything, everything. And he said, now I have to go home and tell my

[00:16:36] wife. And she came from a hard, a hard background where she was adopted and she really didn't have

[00:16:43] anything in her life, um, growing up. So they built this success together and he sat her down and he said,

[00:16:51] I lost everything. I lost everything. And she said, I thought I was your everything. He goes, yes, honey,

[00:16:59] but I mean like everything. And he had this weight of telling her that everything that he's worked for,

[00:17:08] it's gone. The life that they had together, it's gone. And she said, that's okay. I've been poor

[00:17:15] before and we can build it up again. So he said that that took a tremendous weight off his shoulders

[00:17:22] and also gave him, empowered him with the strength to do it all over again. And now he's successful.

[00:17:29] I love the story of, um, you know, one of my favorite movies, um, the greatest showman where

[00:17:35] that is kind of so much a part of why his success was his success is because he had that support of

[00:17:42] his wife. Right. And, and you could see, and there's, there's a perfect example and I'm sure you guys

[00:17:47] have seen the movie. If you haven't absolutely go see the greatest showman. It's like one of my favorite

[00:17:52] films. Um, it's, it shows you in that film that she's not working in his business every day. She's

[00:18:00] not there every single day doing, but although she did help here and there. Um, but, but she was so

[00:18:07] much a part of the foundation of who he was and what gave him the strength to build his business,

[00:18:12] at least in the film. And it's what we all need in our marriages and in our business to, to create

[00:18:22] success. I'm not saying you can't create success. And if you don't have that perfect environment,

[00:18:27] I'm saying people have done it, but if you want it to be fluid, if you want it to be great,

[00:18:35] if you want to enjoy the process, man, when you guys are in that Zen situation, um, it's just so

[00:18:43] much better. And, and that even covers our part or step two, which is collaboration. Just like in

[00:18:51] business, you collaborate with people to build things and get things seen and make them stronger.

[00:18:58] You have to have that collaboration in marriage and exactly what we're talking about leaning into each

[00:19:04] other. Um, by combining your strength and working towards common objectives. That's how you achieve

[00:19:12] great things, both personally and professionally. Yeah. And I think, uh, that, that brings us a lot

[00:19:19] to, and there's an overlap there. Um, communication, which is important. And we already did communications.

[00:19:26] Did we do communication? That was the whole first half. Well, can we jump on it again? Okay.

[00:19:33] Maybe we, did we not? I just felt like we, I just felt like there were some parts missing. I mean,

[00:19:39] there was, you know, because there's, I think communication is so important, not only communicating

[00:19:44] your dreams together. Um, and I know we talked about that a little bit, but communication with,

[00:19:50] which I was horrible at when we met. Um, absolutely. Because I, I kept everything to myself and guys,

[00:19:56] again, we're bad, we're not good at this because we want to internalize everything. And we kind of

[00:20:02] believe that, um, other people can read our minds. Um, but just, you know, if you're going to be late.

[00:20:09] I think women are the same that way. They, well, there's those other moments where you repeat

[00:20:16] and when you repeat and you repeat what you need, but it's almost like you time, like men are,

[00:20:22] they just don't want to hear it anymore. So they don't hear it anymore. And then she goes silent.

[00:20:27] That that's a red flag. Yeah. And that, I think that happens both ways. Exactly. But, but I, I mean

[00:20:33] communication in the way that maybe I didn't clear that up, but communication in the way that,

[00:20:38] um, if you're just communicating with your wife about what's going on in your business day and,

[00:20:45] you know, speaking about, um, you know, being, I'm coming home late today or I'm having this

[00:20:52] conversation about, um, I'm going to have to, uh, you know, I'm thinking that at some point I'm

[00:20:58] going to have to go, uh, I'm going to be flying out of town for a meeting. Um, having them advance

[00:21:04] notice. Don't just throw it on them because women's minds are thinking days ahead. So if you tell them

[00:21:11] that very day, I'm leaving tomorrow, she doesn't have bread. She just got, she's been working all

[00:21:18] day, whether you call it work or not, they consider if she's a stay at home mom that she's, she works

[00:21:25] more than someone that works in the office. So her wheels are turning. Who's, how are we, how are we

[00:21:32] going to get the bread? Because she, whatever, whatever it is, just give her some advanced

[00:21:40] notice. It will make her feel respected. And that way she can support you on your journey rather than

[00:21:47] be angry or frustrated or just, I can't believe he did this again. You don't need that kind of energy

[00:21:55] at all. Whatever it is, just give her some adequate notice. Also, yes, of course, if you're going to be

[00:22:01] late for, um, for dinner, just give her a call and let her know in advance. So she stops warming up

[00:22:11] the plate because that's hurtful and frustrating. And then when you walk through the door, she can

[00:22:18] greet you rather than be upset. And then the last thing I'll say about communication, man, if you're

[00:22:23] going through something or women, whoever's running the business, because we're in today's world where

[00:22:28] many of these businesses are being run by women, if it's the other way around, if you're going through

[00:22:33] something, tell your spouse about that because sometimes you're not going to show up the way

[00:22:39] you, you should. And because you're going through something and you're dealing with those things.

[00:22:47] And so you need them to know, listen, I'm not in a good place right now. I'm trying to deal with

[00:22:54] this problem. This is the problem I'm going through at the office right now. And I'm not sure what to

[00:22:59] do. And I'm sorry if I'm going to be for the next few days, I'm probably going to be out of whack a

[00:23:04] little bit. And please just bear with me, you know, uh, give me some, give me some rope here because

[00:23:10] I'm, I'm really struggling right now. And, and, and your spouse, hopefully they can step up a little bit

[00:23:18] and, and help support you in those times when you're going through that. And you guys, if you

[00:23:23] guys are working together, obviously you're supporting each other. Is there something else

[00:23:27] that you think is super important? Well, the continual investment, I think when you have a business,

[00:23:33] you're continuously investing in your business and whatever that may be for the growth and success

[00:23:42] of your business. Well, the same is really important in your marriage. Don't stop the date nights. And

[00:23:49] listen, I know, cause I've been there when I had little ones or I have little ones. Um,

[00:23:55] you can still have date night at home and I, this isn't too much to do with business, but it keeps a happy

[00:24:02] environment in your home. You can set up date night at home with the little one in the basket by the side,

[00:24:08] or you could put them on a fun little movie in a different room, but just having that moment to

[00:24:14] invest in each other and just have a conversation, especially if you are business partners to have a

[00:24:19] conversation that's not about business or to have a conversation that is about business. Whatever you

[00:24:27] feel is the best for your family, for your relationship, you light the candles, dim the lights,

[00:24:35] change the atmosphere. Cause not all of us have a community to lean into. We may not have that

[00:24:40] babysitter that we trust or, um, our parents, many of us have elderly parents that no longer have the

[00:24:48] ability to look after our children. So we have all of that strain, all of that, um, on our backs.

[00:24:57] We don't all have the freedom. Thank God. There's a lot of couples that have people to lean into,

[00:25:02] but some of us don't. So just create some kind of different environment. And there's, uh, we should

[00:25:09] put a cheat sheet up one of, one of the weeks here, we'll put a cheat sheet up of 150 different

[00:25:14] date night ideas to do at home. Um, I'll make sure I remember that.

[00:25:19] 150? Does it have to be 150?

[00:25:21] Yeah, it is.

[00:25:22] Okay. Okay. So I really believe, and I hope you agree with me.

[00:25:26] That's just one way to invest. There's, there's other ways.

[00:25:29] Of course. There's other ways.

[00:25:30] That marriage is the foundation of having a successful business. It's really, really hard

[00:25:35] to have a successful business and company and, uh, endeavor and dream come true when you're

[00:25:44] struggling at home. And if things are running at home, it just like when your marriage is good,

[00:25:49] everything is good. And when your marriage is bad, everything is bad. And I can't explain

[00:25:54] that in too many ways other than that you, that you can't get it because that's pretty,

[00:25:59] it's pretty simple. And it's pretty easy to understand that when your marriage is good,

[00:26:04] everything is good. So thank you guys for listening to this week's episode of the Pretty

[00:26:10] and Punk podcast and, uh, God bless. And we'll catch you guys next week.

[00:26:14] God bless. Thank you so much for joining us this week. It's always such a pleasure and honor to speak

[00:26:19] with you guys. Take care. If this is your first time listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast,

[00:26:26] make sure to leave a like. And if you want to see more of our videos, click the subscribe button

[00:26:32] below. Oh, and God bless. See you next week. Appreciate you listening to the Pretty and Punk podcast.

[00:26:41] God bless. See you next time.

[00:26:44] We are Teresa and Nemo. And so we are to Shopify. The platform, the we before Shopify

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[00:27:07] so that we can use the mobile device a good figure. And the illustrations on the boards come

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